i would like some opinions

[marissaazts]

in advance pardon my spelling

long story short my mothers passing is immenint she is in hospice care at home 24/7 and the dr's say she wont last the week

my mother has accepted me totally since my transition 4yrs ago but not all of her friends know of my change as i havent run into them my uncle who is helping w/the arrangements and such has demanded i go to the funeral as a boy ........ not to mention he continues to call me by my boy name and HE ... while i deal w/it as i know i wont have any contact after one year after this ordeal(he is the trustee of my trust for one year , my mom did this so i wouldent have to deal w/the legal stuff, i know he wont cheat me but i also know he is vindictive and think he would try to get even in this area ), i would like opionions of some of you all on this personaly i feel offended as hell, my uncle say he doesnt want everyone talking about me instead of my mom her friends who dont know and the far off relitives

what would you do ... im inclined to skip the funeral i would love any advice

[TomSelis]

Honestly, if you're mother is ok with it, why would you care what other people who you haven't seen, probably won't see again after that think?

I say go as you are and fuck 'em. It's not out of disrespect that you're doing this, it's actually out of respect for both your mother and yourself.

I wouldn't worry about the trust, if he can't touch it and neither can you for a year. I would check with a lawyer to see if there are any loopholes or something.

Go as you are. It sounds like HE doesn't want to be embarrased, it has nothing to do with your mother.

[chefmike]

Go to the funeral and hold your head up high. If you don't, and you regret it later, there's nothing you can ever do about it.

You are there to honor your mother, don't give your uncle and his opinions a second thought.

I'm sorry about your Mom.

[kennbo]

How about a compromise solution. In other words, why not do something that's gender neutral? A black pants suit, no heels maybe loafers, hair up, and go easy on any makeup, dark glasses always work at a funeral. Don't flaunt your femininity, but don't go in an uncomfortable/unreal male image either. Keeping it subtle shouldn't draw alot of attention to you and away from the purpose of the rituals. Anyone who is going to notice a subtle feminine aura from you isn't really mourning your mother and can go screw themselves. Anyone who is seriously bereaved will be too emotional to notice. Your uncle is another issue. As your next of kin/administrator of your trust he really should be brought into a counseling scenario of some kind so that he can better understand and eventually accept your gender issues. Maybe you could subtly trick him by making him think the counseling is to help you, or you could see a gender counselor first, and get suggestions as to how to win him over. Consulting your own attorney is wise, especially if your uncle doesn't come around, but don't wait til it's too late. Good luck....and my condolences.

[ezed]

Be true to yourself girl! If your mother loves and accepts you as you are, I feel she would be proud. Just because we transition, that doesn't mean we must send a memo to inform the world. People find out in their own place and time. Your uncle just doesn't want to be embarassed. It's his ego and his issues which are being brought out. Be you because that's the only person you can be.

Peace and blessing to you and yours
Mystique

Mystique is right. If the majority of people who know your mom, do not know about your transition. This is not the time or place. Has nothing to do with your uncle's wishes. The wake and funeral is about her and her life and what they remember about her not anyone else in the family. This is her final tribute, not anyone elses including the kids. If it's not out to the masses....let it be for these days. If your transition, is not what they generally know, let it go, let them remember what they know about her and not what they find out about you.

If most already know, then go with what your heart tells you. We cannot assume to know, or suggest, unless we've walked in your shoes.

Sorry luv, it's your call. Just know life goes on and she's in a far far better place than we are.

Peace and Love,
ezed

[thmack]

dont let your uncle stop you

fuck him

he doesnt care about your feelings he cares about his image

[RangeHova]

Usually I would be all for being out proud and who you are but in this case since you said that he is vindictive it changes things.

This man has a power over your money and face it, as a trasitioning young girl (as i assume you are) money is something that you need, will need, and don't want someone's vindictive nature to interfere with that.

The thought of someone messing with what my parents left for me is a huge fear of mine. That is a pretty serious thing that touches at the core.

Also, you don't need the added mess from others at a time like this. It's only a short period of time and it's about saying your goodbyes.

[Wykydengel]

first, you have my condolences on your loss. understand that you are going to pay respect to your mother's memory. many people will be too wrapped up in their own grief, while your uncle seems one only out for his self. while it is not the time nor place for confrontation, honor the woman you came to honor, say your farewells, and leave knowing that as her daughter, you di what you had to do...

[Toro]

I am sorry to hear about your mom.

There will be downtime at the funeral and people will be coming up to you to express their condolences, etc. You should definitely attend, but this is about you being comfortable there. I think – given the circumstances – you will be more comfortable going as a boy. You will give people less to talk about, less reason to stare and whisper, and it will satisfy your mean uncle – all of which will make it an easier situation for you. It’s just one day, and it’s a small price to pay to make the occasion more bearable. Remember – this is going to be a tough day as it is, and you don’t need to give people reason to make it harder for you, if you can help it. That’s my opinion, at least. Good luck…I really hope it works out ok for you.

[marissaazts]

i forgot to mention i dont look to much like a boy anylonger and im a "d" cup now

i decided to go and i'll be dressed down some but and this is funny my uncle "aproved " of the outfit ... its prob. more feminine that the dress i was going to wear ...

[latrix67]

I have'nt spoken to my Step-Mother or her 2 son's since 1990 when my Dear Father passed away. We had got on OK while Dad was alive but when he passed,she went against my Dad's known wishes (to be buried with my Mother in Birmingham) & had him cremated,then scattering the ashes without telling us & lyng over any memorial.
Anyway,My Uncle passed away earlier this month so I was'nt looking forward to the funeral as they'd be there.
Thankfully,It went well,they kept their distance & I kept mine.She even came & asked me if I was doing OK.
In these situations,99% of the time people with dislike's & greviences towards other's will hid them as it's not the time & the place to air them.If your relative does start,politly point that out to him & ask him to respect the deceased & the family.If you have a supportive relative/friend,stick with them as you'll find that they will ward off any untoward comments.
L67