Where Do You Place On The Scale?

[BeardedOne]

So, I was having lunch with a friend today and we got to discussing 'the biz' and the market and break points in pricing, etc. Essentially, the two-martini lunch which I may yet find a way to write off my taxes.

She was telling me that there are a lot of guys who have no loyalty whatsoever to a provider and will haggle and, for lack of better reference, dick around and waste time and energy just because (In her words) they are too lazy to jack themselves off.

I pointed out that there are those that have regular clientele that are decent guys that treat them well and have a certain respect not just for them, but for what they do and what they have to go through each day.

After some thought, I explained the ladder of clientele that most guys fall into:

The Player:

These guys are the type that cruise Craigs List and nothing else, because they can't handle the expense of the higher end providers. The ones that negotiate fifteen-minute rates and could care less about who they are with so long as there is a warm, wet hole involved. They rarely, if ever, visit the same provider twice.

The Hobbyist:

'Hobbyist' isn't exactly the word I'd choose, but it seems to satisfy the general discussion here on the boards. They tend to be more polite, less confrontational guys that are as interested in who they are with as much as what they are doing with/to them. While they admire the vast menu of providers, they are more likely to attach themselves to one or two and see them regularly.

The Boyfriend:

This would be the type of guy that endears himself to a provider and who comes to visit with her often. Their business relationship migrates out of the bedroom and they tend to get on well as friends in a sort of FWB kind of relationship (Not failing to recognize that some benefits come with a price). There are lunches and dinners, walks in the park, etc. Perhaps the definition of 'girlfriend experience'.

The Husband:

A unique and nearly extinct animal, they are rarely seen in the wild. They will often climb the ladder from 'Hobbyist' though, on occasion, they land full-on out of the blue. These are the guys that get labeled 'The One' and 'My Guy'. Their arrival on the scene is frequently a sign that our gurl is about to fade into a happy sunset. Suburban home, Mercedes in the driveway, two-point-three kids, two cats in the yard, and so on.


I see myself as alternating between 'Hobbyist' and 'Boyfriend', depending on the individual involved. I try to be polite, clean, and respectful and though I do see a handful of gurls over time, I don't exactly 'whore around', as it were. I'm not aggressive or confrontational and I think of myself as a good listener (The latter, primarily, because these women have some incredible stories to tell). I'm as likely to spend my time with them just sitting at a bar for drinks or having a relaxing dinner (Though, there was that one time when the gloves and lube came out).

I don't really think of myself as 'Husband' material, and not just because I haven't met the right gurl. I'm so mentally and emotionally damaged from prior 'relationships' that I don't think I could ever bring my A game to the field. So, I play the dates as a 'Hobbyist' and try to live up to being a 'Boyfriend' and hope that everyone has a nice time.

So, here we are. I'm curious to see what others think of this, where they envision themselves, and what the women on the boards think. Any thoughts on these observations? Would you suggest any other steps along the ladder?

Discuss.

[RallyCola]

your categories are incomplete.

i see the same providers more than once when warranted, pay for girls i find worth it (not $1500 for 30 min but within reason), but see as many different escorts as possible because i like variety. i have no more respect for an escort than i do my waiter or my valet. all of these people are are providing a service and being compensated for it. i expect at least an hour of service or more and expect an attentive escort that can provide a romantic GFE.

i have no emotional attachment to any woman i pay for sex so where does that leave me.

methinks you will say player, but by your descriptions above, that i'm wealthy enough to pay for top escorts and as I don't negotiate, I'm not a player.

[Ecstatic]

What you call player may be closer to chaser. Someone can be a player at any level: into the game, but not into the person and regardless of cost of entry.

[whiteitalianchocolate36]

I used to be husband material, but after lots of women playing games I have become nothing more than a chaser, but I don't lie or cheat or not care about others feelings. I just want sex now.

I think most GGs and/or TGs would think that 100% of the guys out there are chasers with little to no evidence but whatever they create in their own minds.

[nysprod]

your categories are incomplete.

i see the same providers more than once when warranted, pay for girls i find worth it (not $1500 for 30 min but within reason), but see as many different escorts as possible because i like variety. i have no more respect for an escort than i do my waiter or my valet. all of these people are are providing a service and being compensated for it. i expect at least an hour of service or more and expect an attentive escort that can provide a romantic GFE.

i have no emotional attachment to any woman i pay for sex so where does that leave me.

methinks you will say player, but by your descriptions above, that i'm wealthy enough to pay for top escorts and as I don't negotiate, I'm not a player.

Pardon my asking, but didn't you once say you were married, an assistant professor and then were like whoopee because you were getting a few more sheckels every 2 weeks??

[dabaldone]

Wow, just wow. You make the unbelievable assumption that all trans women are escorts prostitutes. You also make the assumption that all men are nothing but tricks. Okay

[LongTom101]

hobbyist

[MacShreach]

your categories are incomplete.

<snip>

i have no emotional attachment to any woman i pay for sex
<snip>



Absolutely. A business relationship is just that. I'm not doing it any more but when I was, there was no way I'd have seen the same girl again and again; in fact my rule was, 'never more than twice'. It totally defeats the point, which is to sample as much variety in as short a time as possible with no emotional attachments and least risk of wasting money and effort.

If for some unfortunate reason I am ever back in the p4p market then it will be the same.

FWIW I never negotiated, was always super polite and considerate, tried to ensure the girl enjoyed herself and tipped well for good efforts. I was probably a hobbyist. I would never under any circumstances become attached to a working 'provider', although someone who had previously been one and retired, fine; I have no issue with sex work, I just don't confuse it with romance or commitment.

[MacShreach]

:iagree:
Wow, just wow. You make the unbelievable assumption that all trans women are escorts prostitutes. You also make the assumption that all men are nothing but tricks. Okay:iagree:


Possibly ought to add to my previous: I am in a relationship with a transwoman who is not a sex worker, and I did not meet her through that. It's no harder to have a meaningful relationship with a transwoman than any other kind of woman. You just have to have needs that are compatible.

[dderek123]

Isn't it possible that an escort could manipulate you into feeling that you belong in a certain category? Furthermore, the category they pick for you could be based on how profitable it would be for her to keep seeing you once the fantasy relationship is established.

Not saying all escorts are like that. Its never happened to me. My last two girlfriends are TS and I was really happy with them for the most part.

[MacShreach]

Isn't it possible that an escort could manipulate you into feeling that you belong in a certain category? Furthermore, the category they pick for you could be based on how profitable it would be for her to keep seeing you once the fantasy relationship is established.

Not saying all escorts are like that. Its never happened to me. My last two girlfriends are TS and I was really happy with them for the most part.


That is one of the reasons I wouldn't have a relationship with an escort, other than friendship or business. I am certain not all escorts would manipulate like that, there's good and bad everywhere, and I draw no distinction between cis-women and transwomen here.

At a very minimum, in the hypothetical case that I was so blown away by a girl I really wanted to take it further, I would insist she gave up sex work first. Commitment works both ways.

And yes I have met girls in p4p I really really liked, but self-discipline was my rod and staff!

[dderek123]

That is one of the reasons I wouldn't have a relationship with an escort, other than friendship or business. I am certain not all escorts would manipulate like that, there's good and bad everywhere, and I draw no distinction between cis-women and transwomen here.

At a very minimum, in the hypothetical case that I was so blown away by a girl I really wanted to take it further, I would insist she gave up sex work first. Commitment works both ways.

And yes I have met girls in p4p I really really liked, but self-discipline was my rod and staff!

lol rod and staff
http://i.imgur.com/J8K3L.jpg

Usually those things get me in more trouble.

[OHighOMan92]

I don't think any women on here has a view on me or even cares I'm here haha

[BeardedOne]

Wow, just wow. You make the unbelievable assumption that all trans women are escorts prostitutes. You also make the assumption that all men are nothing but tricks. Okay

I'm assuming that this comment was directed at me (Please correct me if I am wrong).

I may have been unclear in my original post, but the conversation that started this line of thinking was specifically related to people/women we know in the sex industry (Though not limited to trans women) and the clients they encounter.

Speaking for myself, I take no offense at being considered a 'trick', but I have a personal history that has led to that station as being preferable/optimal to the alternatives. Your mileage may vary.

I'm catching up here at a rather late (For me) hour and will respond further after some rest and review. I'm really rather pleased that there's been some decent response to this thread and I'd like to give some reasonable thought in return.

[dabaldone]

I meant no disrespect brother. It's just the post seemed a bit...more from the view of someone who only say transwomen one way. If I'm incorrect, my apologies. I will admit that my initial contact with transwomen was with sex workers. I have since expanded my horizons much to my delight.

[RallyCola]

Pardon my asking, but didn't you once say you were married, an assistant professor and then were like whoopee because you were getting a few more sheckels every 2 weeks??

yes, i am married and i am an assistant professor of neurology and neuroscience in ny. in july, my salary nearly doubled as a fellow makes a decent salary but as an attending with teaching responsibilities that is now tenure-track, i'm quite pleased with my new salary.

my wife knew about my tranny obsessions before we were married and i am allowed to visit escorts when we are apart. she is a research associate in neuroscience (hopefully soon to be assistant professor as well) and when either of us are away at a conference, it is my chance to play. for example, sfn is in 2 months. this year, i won't have a poster there but she is giving a mini-symposium. she will be in san diego so i will be able to stay home and employ the services of a lovely lady. i turned 35 last weekend and decided that i'm not going to go for CL ladies anymore but rather only verified and well reviewed escorts from now on. my goal is to, in the next year, to have sex with at least 2 of my most favored models. thinking ahead to the conference schedule and a visit she has to make to dallas without me, i will have at least 5 opportunities before I turn 36 to realize this goal. between sept 12 and 13, i only had 3 chances to play and 2 (with CL girls in queens, ny) were less than stellar experiences. so, just thinking ahead to the next year of my life...at the very least, hopefully from a "banging tgirls" aspect, it will be better because at least i should be able to bang 2 more.

do i wish i could indulge more often....yeah, when i hear that someone like Aubrey Kate is in NYC for a tranny strip party, i do wish i could play anytime i want, but i can't.

do i wish i wasn't married and could date a tgirl....absolutely not. i love my wife and would not leave her for any woman, no matter what she has between her legs. i said it before, i make no emotional attachment to any escort. i also don't confuse sexual attraction to porn with what a girl may be like off camera because i don't know any of these models personally to know if we could mesh in terms of personality.

i have never once said that i am anything more than i am. i employ the services of escorts to fulfill sexual desires. i do not want to date an escort, i cannot fall in love with an escort. my wife has outright asked me that if she passed away, would i date a transwoman and the answer i gave her is the one she expected. if i were back on the dating scene, i would seek to date any woman i found physically and emotionally attractive, regardless of what was between her legs.

so, after all of that, i don't know which of the OPs words best describe me so i'll just go with i'm a chaser and i'm quite happy to be one.

[MacShreach]

yes, i am married....snip

rOFLMFaO legendary put-down.

[fred41]

do i wish i could indulge more often....yeah, when i hear that someone like Aubrey Kate is in NYC for a tranny strip party, i do wish i could play anytime i want, but i can't.


Did happen to see her there Rally...she looked good.

[RallyCola]

Did happen to see her there Rally...she looked good.

lucky fuck :mad:

[BeardedOne]

I meant no disrespect brother. It's just the post seemed a bit...more from the view of someone who only say transwomen one way. If I'm incorrect, my apologies. I will admit that my initial contact with transwomen was with sex workers. I have since expanded my horizons much to my delight.

Oh, no worries. You also have to remember where we are. Though I do know a fair number of transwomen in more 'traditional' occupations (Electrician, IT specialist, programmer, etc.), I know more that are in the oldest profession primarily from my time spent reading and posting in adult entertainment forums. It's from the latter perspective that I was expressing my views, particularly as relates to my own intimate experiences with these women.


your categories are incomplete.

i see the same providers more than once when warranted, pay for girls i find worth it (not $1500 for 30 min but within reason), but see as many different escorts as possible because i like variety. i have no more respect for an escort than i do my waiter or my valet. all of these people are are providing a service and being compensated for it. i expect at least an hour of service or more and expect an attentive escort that can provide a romantic GFE.

i have no emotional attachment to any woman i pay for sex so where does that leave me.

methinks you will say player, but by your descriptions above, that i'm wealthy enough to pay for top escorts and as I don't negotiate, I'm not a player.

As Ecstatic said above, my reference of 'Player' really isn't accurate (Or, as likely, would allow for another category of 'Chaser'). I didn't think of adding that level, probably because of my dislike of the term 'Chaser', which has similar negative connotations in tow as does the word 'shemale'. That said, there's certainly space between those first two references for what you've described.


Isn't it possible that an escort could manipulate you into feeling that you belong in a certain category? Furthermore, the category they pick for you could be based on how profitable it would be for her to keep seeing you once the fantasy relationship is established.

Not saying all escorts are like that. Its never happened to me. My last two girlfriends are TS and I was really happy with them for the most part.

What you describe is exactly what I'd expect from a sharp and talented escort/courtesan. It is, of course, in their best financial interests to present you with what is commonly referred to as the GFE/Girlfriend Experience, the fantasy or temporary 'reality' that you are a true couple. I've never been so naive as to believe that I was the love of their life or their BFF after a single hour of boot-knocking, but there have been a couple with whom I've had an ongoing conversation/correspondence outside of our commercial contact time. It would be unrealistic of me to think I was the 'Boyfriend', but in light of further study I might be thought of as 'Chaser 2.0'.


My own reasoning for dating commercially, aside from the obvious adventure of spending intimate time with an exotic transwoman, is a prickly combination of bad relationship history, a general discomfort around people (Call it 'shyness' to simplify the concept), and a desire to streamline the dating game to its very basic construct of dinner, drinks, and spectacular, slippery sex acts. Add in my poly mindset and the fact that I have typically been involved in multiple/concurrent relationships and the variety aspect satisfies as well.

I try to present myself not so much as 'Boyfriend' as I try not to be 'that client' that the gurls come to rant about from time to time. Treating them more as a human being than as a slab of meat and having a little bit more of a verbal discourse with them beyond "How much?" and "Time's up!". When I encounter one with whom I have a nice, comfortable time, both in and out of bed, I am likely to visit them again as well as have a bit more of a sort of 'friendship lite' with them. The latter being primarily on their terms and having somewhat of a comparison to how a celebrity might interact with a fan club member (One that isn't too much of a stalker).