Girl meeting parents/family first time

[my my my!]

Hello,

I come to you HA members, boys and girls, for advice.

Situation: A friend of mine is dating a ts girl. This girl is really easy on the eyes, but there are some things that do give away her trans status (in my opinion and friend's opinion: voice, and couple of other things)

My friend's family is Catholic and have expressed anti homosexual sentiments. And my friend tells me that they might put her and him in the "homosexual relationship" category.

The pressure is on him , to take her to meet his family, she has suggested this and so has his family. He has been very happy and now the family want to meet his girlfriend , and she already introduced him to her family and wants to meet his siblings.

now the questions.

Should he, start telling his family BEFORE they meet her, of her actual trans status, to start to get a feel for their reaction or what the outcome may be?

He has a really good relationship with his family, and they respect and love him. I feel this would kind of ease the situation, and avoid the awkward confrontations and make her feel bad during a family dinner.

Should he, take her to meet his family, and not mention her trans status , even if the family might notice right away. possibly causing a big fallout and scene? (and therefore in the eyes of the family, become "gay" for liking a trans woman)?

I feel this is risky, but is the best in terms of protecting her feelings.

What would you all suggest for him?

[nysprod]

The question really is to him, which is, is he truly ready to tell his family his gf is trans.

If the answer really is yes I think it's practical to tell them before the actual introduction, if only to avoid a potentially uncomfortable scene for her.

[Jericho]

Your friend, eh?

Yeah, probably best to warn the parents first, saves having any embarrassing/awkward silences. :shrug

[Amber Littlefeather]

:iagree: with the guys hun! ....For me in past I have asked my partner to let there family know before I meet them it has made it much easyer on everyone in my case :-)

[bluesoul]

Should he, start telling his family BEFORE they meet her, of her actual trans status, to start to get a feel for their reaction or what the outcome may be?

He has a really good relationship with his family, and they respect and love him. I feel this would kind of ease the situation, and avoid the awkward confrontations and make her feel bad during a family dinner.

Should he, take her to meet his family, and not mention her trans status , even if the family might notice right away. possibly causing a big fallout and scene? (and therefore in the eyes of the family, become "gay" for liking a trans woman)?

What would you all suggest for him?

he knows his parents better than we do. i'd ask him what he thinks is the best course of action

[maddygirl]

If she doesn't look/sound completely like a GG,unfortunately,his parents may judge her...BEFORE letting them meet her, I think he should drop subtle hints. Maybe ask his family about a show he saw on tv about transsexuals? Just to get some insight as to how they would react. If they have a bad/negative reaction, maybe it's best not to let them meet her, as it wouldn't exactly be a pleasant situation.

[amberskyi]

They might not catch it..I've been introduced to a few friends and family.some didn't know (or at least ask) and some suspected.regardless of how it went down its never been unpleasant.awkward maybe but never a scene.
Its best to just introduce her so they don't already have preconceived notions about her just because she is trans.

[fordly66]

Does she want the family to know she is transgender? Maybe , maybe not. Either way, I wouldn't say anything unless she was OK with it. And if she doesn't want them to know, they may have suspicions, most likely they won't say anything to her. Well, unless they are drunk rednecks! LOL

[VictoriaVeil]

Its her story to tell. Not His. What the parents beliefs are is a side-issue.

'nuff sed.


Hello,

I come to you HA members, boys and girls, for advice.

Situation: A friend of mine is dating a ts girl. This girl is really easy on the eyes, but there are some things that do give away her trans status (in my opinion and friend's opinion: voice, and couple of other things)

My friend's family is Catholic and have expressed anti homosexual sentiments. And my friend tells me that they might put her and him in the "homosexual relationship" category.

The pressure is on him , to take her to meet his family, she has suggested this and so has his family. He has been very happy and now the family want to meet his girlfriend , and she already introduced him to her family and wants to meet his siblings.

now the questions.

Should he, start telling his family BEFORE they meet her, of her actual trans status, to start to get a feel for their reaction or what the outcome may be?

He has a really good relationship with his family, and they respect and love him. I feel this would kind of ease the situation, and avoid the awkward confrontations and make her feel bad during a family dinner.

Should he, take her to meet his family, and not mention her trans status , even if the family might notice right away. possibly causing a big fallout and scene? (and therefore in the eyes of the family, become "gay" for liking a trans woman)?

I feel this is risky, but is the best in terms of protecting her feelings.

What would you all suggest for him?

[nysprod]

Its her story to tell. Not His. What the parents beliefs are is a side-issue.

'nuff sed.

I don't disagree Victoria but in this instance, she's already said she wants to be introduced (I assume that meant openly).

So how would you proceed?

[Jericho]

Its her story to tell. Not His. What the parents beliefs are is a side-issue.

I disagree.

If he's taking her to meet his parents, then their beliefs are the number one issue.

If they're going to be cunts about it, it's not going to be a very pleasant visit for her, is it?

And if they're cool, it's a bit of a shitty thing to do to ambush them with it.

IMO :shrug

[Jericho]

And before some smartarse asks, But what if she's totally passable?

(And I know I'm pulling statistics out of my arse here but), I'm willing to bet that there are less than 5% of the girls on the plant who could pass the withering inspection of a future Mother-in-Law and not get clocked! :shrug

[my my my!]

I disagree.

If he's taking her to meet his parents, then their beliefs are the number one issue.

If they're going to be cunts about it, it's not going to be a very pleasant visit for her, is it?

And if they're cool, it's a bit of a shitty thing to do to ambush them with it.

IMO :shrug

yea, agree wholeheartedly, personally, I think there's no foolproof plan of doing it.

If the parents are cunts, then the girl feels bad, unappreciated

If the guy ambushes the parents, then the parents feel bad and it's alot of news to be taken quickly.

The subtle hints are the best way IMO but I do respect what Victoria said too.:(

[VictoriaVeil]

I disagree.

If he's taking her to meet his parents, then their beliefs are the number one issue.

If they're going to be cunts about it, it's not going to be a very pleasant visit for her, is it?

And if they're cool, it's a bit of a shitty thing to do to ambush them with it.

IMO :shrug


Its ok, you have the right to be wrong. ;)

Her parents have zero business knowing what or who is between her legs. You wouldn't share the sexual history of a partner when having them meet your parents would you?

Apparently more needed to be said.

Sigh.

[VictoriaVeil]

I don't disagree Victoria but in this instance, she's already said she wants to be introduced (I assume that meant openly).

So how would you proceed?


Great Question. I'd let them know I'm an open book. But before they ask me any question that the should be prepared for any answer.

But hey, thats me.

[Jericho]

Its ok, you have the right to be wrong. ;)



Thanks...If that ever happens, I'll let you know! :whistle:

[VictoriaVeil]

Thanks...If that ever happens, I'll let you know! :whistle:

hahaha!!!!!!

[Rusty Eldora]

I did a trip with a Tgirl to a family resort. She was quite noticeable because she is tall. OK I see some things that give a clue, but I don't think anyone at the resort clocked her. This includes several extended talks between my friend and a housewife / mommy that was very much girl talk.

Man, where does one learn that, lots of fact and phrase traps.

I would think I would go with it without any warning.

[MacShreach]

Its ok, you have the right to be wrong. ;)

Her parents have zero business knowing what or who is between her legs. You wouldn't share the sexual history of a partner when having them meet your parents would you?

Apparently more needed to be said.

Sigh.

You are right.

The OP knows his parents, but I would expect any normal parents to behave politely and hospitably and if they had any concerns, to bring those up with the OP later, when the girl was out there to be embarrassed.

Frankly, if you don't trust your parents to manage this basic level of common courtesy, I would reconsider letting them meet the GF in the first place. :wiggle:

[MacShreach]

sorry, that should have read 'not there to be embarrassed'.

[MacShreach]

I did a trip with a Tgirl to a family resort. She was quite noticeable because she is tall. OK I see some things that give a clue, but I don't think anyone at the resort clocked her. This includes several extended talks between my friend and a housewife / mommy that was very much girl talk.

Man, where does one learn that, lots of fact and phrase traps.

I would think I would go with it without any warning.

I agree.:iagree:

[wjcdiver]

As an adult, i.e. after high school, you do not introduce your girlfriend to your parents unless the relationship is somewhat serious. The great likelihood is that if you both spend any time, like an afternoon or a full evening, with the parents they will identify her gender.

I would not ambush either the parents or the girlfriend. Tell them the situation before the meeting. Be ready to take the heat, if there is any, yourself. I am assuming you are revealing something about yourself for the first time. Let them deal with that before you have them push their feelings on someone you care about.

This is as much about revealing something new about yourself as it is about your girlfriend.

Just my opinion.

[wjcdiver]

I agree.:iagree:
I have been on numerous trips, including a high end cruise where there were couples or families with a trans-girl. On one trip, even though the girl was absolutely gorgeous, trust me she got "made". By many people. But everyone was polite, because it is not their business and I know of no one saying anything. That does not mean no one knew.

[amberskyi]

I have been on numerous trips, including a high end cruise where there were couples or families with a trans-girl. On one trip, even though the girl was absolutely gorgeous, trust me she got "made". By many people. But everyone was polite, because it is not their business and I know of no one saying anything. That does not mean no one knew.

If no one said anything than how did you know she was "made"

[bluesoul]

If no one said anything than how did you know she was "made"

i can answer that: people can tell. just because they don't make a big deal about it or announce it doesn't mean they don't notice. most of the times, they'll notice and just whisper or casually remark to one another but out of respect they're not going to make it obvious. also, a lot of people really don't care.

[Bruce Wayne]

Most people do not care. Especially if you are in NY, LA, Bay Area, Chicago, Philadelphia, any major east coast or west coast city. Now if you live in Tennessee, Alabama, Arkansas, that is another story. Those places don't even like interracial marriage.

[amberskyi]

Most people do not care. Especially if you are in NY, LA, Bay Area, Chicago, Philadelphia, any major east coast or west coast city. Now if you live in Tennessee, Alabama, Arkansas, that is another story. Those places don't even like interracial marriage.

I live in southern Virginia and go to Nashville regularly.I've never had any problems at all.sometimes you guys have a tendency to dramatize the social stigma you think we girls face.
I'm sure not everyone is ts friendly but I've never had a slur thrown at me or been disrespected.i just hear about how tall i am all the damn time.that's the most annoying thing about my life lol

[amberskyi]

i can answer that: people can tell. just because they don't make a big deal about it or announce it doesn't mean they don't notice. most of the times, they'll notice and just whisper or casually remark to one another but out of respect they're not going to make it obvious. also, a lot of people really don't care.

I'm sure some people know (cause i occasionally get asked) but i also know that there are people who don't know (like the nurse who asks if I'm pregnant or when my last menstrual cycle was).
Woman come in so many different shapes, sizes, body builds that I've meet more passable ts woman than not

[bluesoul]

again- someone doesn't need to throw a slur at you or give you problems to clock you. in the western world, this usually works against someone. so it's usually in someone's best interest not to let you know that they know.

also for a lot of people who aren't familiar with transsexuals- they aren't thinking about that (especially in public). so they may notice something about someone that would clock them- but they're not even thinking in those terms and don't have the term "cloak" in their vocabulary.

[bluesoul]

I'm sure some people know (cause i occasionally get asked) but i also know that there are people who don't know (like the nurse who asks if I'm pregnant or when my last menstrual cycle was).
Woman come in so many different shapes, sizes, body builds that I've meet more passable ts woman than not

there are some people who do that out of respect for the other person. people do that one this very website.

also- things that "clock" transsexuals can be different depending on the person noticing. most of the time it's something that will set off suspicion- the size of someone's hands, how someone speaks, how they behave.

[amberskyi]

there are some people who do that out of respect for the other person. people do that one this very website.

also- things that "clock" transsexuals can be different depending on the person noticing. most of the time it's something that will set off suspicion- the size of someone's hands, how someone speaks, how they behave.

My nurse is asking if i have a menstrual cycle out of respect ? Lol okay dude your right.I'm sure all ts woman are apparent to everyone.we all just look like men.
I have no reason to lie to you.I'm not pretending to be the most passable girl, I've admitted i get clocked but i also been in many situations where people didn't know.

[amberskyi]

again- someone doesn't need to throw a slur at you or give you problems to clock you. in the western world, this usually works against someone. so it's usually in someone's best interest not to let you know that they know.

also for a lot of people who aren't familiar with transsexuals- they aren't thinking about that (especially in public). so they may notice something about someone that would clock them- but they're not even thinking in those terms and don't have the term "cloak" in their vocabulary.

That comment had nothing to do with getting clocked.i was responding to another person post about how socially intolerant he thought certain states were

[Rusty Eldora]

Originally Posted by Bruce Wayne
Most people do not care. Especially if you are in NY, LA, Bay Area, Chicago, Philadelphia, any major east coast or west coast city. Now if you live in Tennessee, Alabama, Arkansas, that is another story. Those places don't even like interracial marriage.I live in southern Virginia and go to Nashville regularly. I've never had any problems at all.sometimes you guys have a tendency to dramatize the social stigma you think we girls face.
I'm sure not everyone is ts friendly but I've never had a slur thrown at me or been disrespected.i just hear about how tall i am all the damn time.that's the most annoying thing about my life lol

I'm from a Navy town, a lot like Norfolk, but no race relation issues to speak of here. I watch people a lot, OK I assume when I see two ladies together I often think Lez but without judgement. I can't think of one time here where I've thought "She's a Tgirl", either they are not here or they blend in. A year ago the concept was quite foreign as I had not met a Tgirl. I had seen and noted when travelling Drag Queens, but they were dressing to stand out.

I think acceptance comes a lot from whether they see a person dressing to be attractive, normal, or neutral verses slutty or pornstar. If one is not putting their agenda in their faces, they are generally pretty accepting. If you want to be seen as the person you are, as in personality, goals, and qualities chances are the parents will be positive. If you present a Label, it might not go well.

As Amber noted, I often have found that rural america is very hospitable as long as you are not campaigning to change their lives. She is noticed for how tall she is, and how attractive. But they bring up the tall. I suspect when she is out and about she dresses mainstream woman, not slutty.

[amberskyi]

I'm from a Navy town, a lot like Norfolk, but no race relation issues to speak of here. I watch people a lot, OK I assume when I see two ladies together I often think Lez but without judgement. I can't think of one time here where I've thought "She's a Tgirl", either they are not here or they blend in. A year ago the concept was quite foreign as I had not met a Tgirl. I had seen and noted when travelling Drag Queens, but they were dressing to stand out.

I think acceptance comes a lot from whether they see a person dressing to be attractive, normal, or neutral verses slutty or pornstar. If one is not putting their agenda in their faces, they are generally pretty accepting. If you want to be seen as the person you are, as in personality, goals, and qualities chances are the parents will be positive. If you present a Label, it might not go well.

As Amber noted, I often have found that rural america is very hospitable as long as you are not campaigning to change their lives. She is noticed for how tall she is, and how attractive. But they bring up the tall. I suspect when she is out and about she dresses mainstream woman, not slutty.

Yea, I'm a jeans and t shirt kinda gal...the occasional summer/spring dress.

[Rusty Eldora]

I seem to recall another thread where TS girls "trick" guys out on the town that after an hour or two of talking at close range and possibly kissing the guy has no clue.

But the casual observer at 50 feet in 2 seconds clocks the same Tgirl.

[bluesoul]

My nurse is asking if i have a menstrual cycle out of respect ? Lol okay dude your right.I'm sure all ts woman are apparent to everyone.we all just look like men.

i didn't say that's for sure the reason why she asked you whether you have a menstrual cycle. she may not even have cared and asked the question on default. she may have had a long day- worked all night. or she may genuinely not been able to clock you.

people ask questions indirectly all the time especially on subjects they consider are sensitive like age.