Online Support for Crossdressers and their Wives

[the commander]

Greetings,

Can anyone recommend some good online resources for Crossdressers and the Wives of Crossdressers? My wife is having a hard time getting her head around the whole concept of crossdressing, and I would like to find some professional, knowledgeable websites that will help explain the phenomena to her. The best I have found so far is:

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/sexandrelationships/transvesticism.htm

However, it is not very extensive. Is there a forum where she can talk to other wives?

I haven't dressed in almost 10 years, and want to start again, but the wife is VERY uncomfortable with it. I'm hoping more information about crossdressing might alleviate her fears.

Thank you in advance!

The Commander
DIA

PS: This is me about 10 years ago.

https://fbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/1009747_1379301422287826_1341427306_n.jpg

https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/1044570_1379303422287626_917061330_n.jpg

And this is from about 15 years ago.

https://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/945609_1379303448954290_533183242_n.jpg

https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/1045007_1379303548954280_53624731_n.jpg

https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/1010938_1379303502287618_11503039_n.jpg

[bluesoul]

hrm... you don't look much like a commander

anyhoo- i googled around for you and found http://crossdressersociety.com/ and http://www.crossdresserswives.com/

hope that helps. doot doo

[danthepoetman]

Commander, you looked outstanding as a woman.
What's difficult about this is that there's a category of crossdressers who are almost all completely heterosexual. In fact, they crossdress not because they're homosexuals, but because in a way, they are too hetero! It's a kind of extreme appreciation for femininity, such an appreciation that it falls into impression and imitation. Maybe should you also try to search (and I will for you if I have the opportunity) in psychology books or encyclopedia; usually, you see crossdressing often described in such terms, which might make it more acceptable to a woman.
One more thing that could help, would be to present to your wife statistics on the extreme variety of sexual expressions in society. People have very diversified sex lives. It might be a good argument to present her with.

I would also suggest to you to try to explore with her, if you haven't done it, the world of role play. Invite her to open up. Listen to what might come out of her in such discussions. If she has some fantasies, it could be a good starting point to build on. For instance, starting to crossdress toghether but in a funny way, in costumes, I don't know. In other words, rather than trying to convince her of what you do, involving her with what she might be in for...

[MacShreach]

Commander, you looked outstanding as a woman.
What's difficult about this is that there's a category of crossdressers who are almost all completely heterosexual. In fact, they crossdress not because they're homosexuals, but because in a way, they are too hetero! It's a kind of extreme appreciation for femininity, such an appreciation that it falls into impression and imitation. Maybe should you also try to search (and I will for you if I have the opportunity) in psychology books or encyclopedia; usually, you see crossdressing often described in such terms, which might make it more acceptable to a woman.
One more thing that could help, would be to present to your wife statistics on the extreme variety of sexual expressions in society. People have very diversified sex lives. It might be a good argument to present her with.

I would also suggest to you to try to explore with her, if you haven't done it, the world of role play. Invite her to open up. Listen to what might come out of her in such discussions. If she has some fantasies, it could be a good starting point to build on. For instance, starting to crossdress toghether but in a funny way, in costumes, I don't know. In other words, rather than trying to convince her of what you do, involving her with what she might be in for...

Autogynephilia, lit: attraction to oneself as a woman. Very well observed and described phenomenon and one of Blanchard's 2 putative 'causes' of transsex. I think I may have made a blog post about it8)

Seriously though, AG is not an easy thing for cis-women, especially those in an LTR where they had no prior knowledge, to deal with.

[danthepoetman]

Yes, absolutely, Mac! Thank you!
Indeed, Commander, searching MacShreach's blog on this wouldn't be a bad idea at all, and also as he's saying, going to Blanchard's description, googling it.

[Donkey]

I would have given early to mid-90's commander the BBC.

[Merkurie]

I think you may need to find a marriage counselor or gender specialist.
You are/were very accomplished at crossdressing, indicating more than just a fetish or playing dress up for kicks, and I don't see how an online resource will put her concerns at ease.

You should be concerned about using "random" wives of random crossdressers as a resource to point your wife towards.

[rodinuk]

Beaumont Society:
http://www.beaumontsociety.org.uk/Help%20&%20advice/Partners/Partners.htm

[MacShreach]

I'm going to take a wild stab at this and reckon that the Commander is just over 40. There is a rule-of-thumb that AG transsexuals present at 42-44 plus 2-3 years for every child after the first. The reasoning is that these transwomen will remain men until their children are independent. It's not scientific, and you therefore have to treat it with caution, but it certainly is backed up by the numbers, and it fits with the pics posted.

A lot depends on the level of gender dysphoric pressure that that you are feeling (I'm talking to the Commander here ). If this is ramping up quickly then you may have to take action--you may have no choice. If it is low-level and manageable, then well and good. You would have time. (AGs frequently report a 'dam-burst' scenario--they have been resisting for years and then wallop, everything changes with frightening rapidity.) You need to be ready for this possibility. That might include that in 12-18 months you could be living f/t as a woman. I know it may sound radical but you would certainly not be the first.

As you have identified, a priority for you is to get your wife and family (kids if you have them) onside. YOU WILL LOSE SOME OF THEM, at least for a while. Be ready for that. You obviously love your wife, but you must realise that she may not be able to deal with what might effectively become a lesbian relationship--even if only part-time. However, women do appear to be better at this sort of thing than men.

I don't know where you are but my gut says you're English and living in England. If that's the case then you have access to a free care service, so you should discuss this with your GP and request a referral to a gender specialist, who can also talk to your wife. I know some GP's are a bit stuck in the mud but push. You may find talking to him/her challenging but this is a good thing. Plan in advance what you want to say. Just talking with someone distanced from the family unit will help get your situation in perspective.

If you just needed to dress, I'd say just do so, but it actually sounds like you're further aloing than that. You not only want to dress, but to have your family accept your transgender persona. That's actually a very big step. You've also, clearly, discussed this with your wife with a view to her accepting it--most low-level dysphoric AG crossdressers never get that far, they keep it a secret.

Both of these things suggest to me that you are in need of support and may (possibly) be moving towards transition. I will look through my notes--I did have links to relevant support networks and will see if I can find them for you. In the meantime you should write down, for yourself, not for any of us, a simple outline of where you see yourself being in five years, and in ten-fifteen years. Be honest and don't pull any punches (no point, the only person gonna see it is you) but don't go fantasy break-time either, be practical. Make these sketches broad--cover marriage, family, career. This will hlp you to focus your thoughts and if you are entering a 'dam-burst' phase you'll need all that.

You were able to be a very passable and attractive woman when you were younger. Be positive about the future. The likelihood is that you can manage this on a part-time basis, so don't get too concerned.

[natina]

TRIESS

http://www.tri-ess.org/docs/Wives_CDs_BofR.html

http://www.tri-ess.org/


http://www.crossdressers.com/


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_transgender-rights_organizations

THE MARRIED CROSSDRESSER
http://www.cdspub.com/cope02.html


My Husband Wears My Clothes
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-1c5LPilzA

television presented Secret Lives of Women Married to Crossdressers. This is the story of Melanie, a married, heterosexual crossdresser and wife.


Greetings,

Can anyone recommend some good online resources for Crossdressers and the Wives of Crossdressers? My wife is having a hard time getting her head around the whole concept of crossdressing, and I would like to find some professional, knowledgeable websites that will help explain the phenomena to her. The best I have found so far is:

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/sexandrelationships/transvesticism.htm

However, it is not very extensive. Is there a forum where she can talk to other wives?

I haven't dressed in almost 10 years, and want to start again, but the wife is VERY uncomfortable with it. I'm hoping more information about crossdressing might alleviate her fears.

Thank you in advance!

The Commander
DIA

PS: This is me about 10 years ago.

https://fbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/1009747_1379301422287826_1341427306_n.jpg

https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/1044570_1379303422287626_917061330_n.jpg

And this is from about 15 years ago.

https://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/945609_1379303448954290_533183242_n.jpg

https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/1045007_1379303548954280_53624731_n.jpg

https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/1010938_1379303502287618_11503039_n.jpg

[natina]

this is not the best place to get advice on CDing or being a TV or DQ.

the TS here will belittle you for being a CD and say you are sick.

they do not beleive they are gay or part of the LGBT OR LGBTQ COMMUNITY

USE THE RESOURCES I gave you

TRIESS

http://www.tri-ess.org/docs/Wives_CDs_BofR.html (http://www.tri-ess.org/docs/Wives_CDs_BofR.html)

http://www.tri-ess.org/ (http://www.tri-ess.org/)


http://www.crossdressers.com/ (http://www.crossdressers.com/)


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of..._organizations (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_transgender-rights_organizations)

THE MARRIED CROSSDRESSER
http://www.cdspub.com/cope02.html (http://www.cdspub.com/cope02.html)


My Husband Wears My Clothes
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-1c5LPilzA (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-1c5LPilzA)

television presented Secret Lives of Women Married to Crossdressers. This is the story of Melanie, a married, heterosexual crossdresser and wife.

[the commander]

Greetings,

Thank you all for the suggestions. The Beaumont Society and the Crossdresserswives pages seem to be the most professional. I want her to see a clinical, objective, and well done source of information.

A little background for perspective might help. I am 40, married 7 years, one 3 yo daughter. I have crossdressed off and on since my early teens. I was honest with my wife about this when we met, and explained that while I was not feeling a particular need to dress at that time, I might in the future. I think she expected it to never come up again. Now that it has, it is really scary and confusing for her. I want her to see, from an objective source, that it is not dangerous, disgusting or immoral.

I was molested by my grandfather from ages 12 to 17. She blames my bisexuality, my crossdressing, and all my other sexual interests on that experience. I am seeing a counselor, who has encouraged me to explore this urge to dress again, but has offered little advice in how to help my wife understand. So...I turn to my favorite website and online community here at Hungangels.

Thank you again. My wife has agreed to let me get a makeover from a friend of ours. I am about 15 to 20 lbs heavier than my other pics, and older as well, but if the pics turn out ok, I will share them here.

The Commander
DIA

[Jericho]

Blog belongs to a wife living with a crossdresser, might be of some use.

http://livingwiththeotherwoman.blogspot.co.uk/

Plus, tvchix has a Partners forum.

[danthepoetman]

We are with you in hearts and souls, Commander! Hope everything turns out all right!