In love with a married man

[Erika1487]

I am friends with a man who is 10 yrs my jr, and married with three children under the age of five. We where strictly friends until he started to chat me up on facebook and we met at his house while his wife & kids where out of town. I now find myself feeling guilty for sleeping with him, but genuinely in love with man and the feeling is mutual. Should I trust my heart and continue to meet with him in hopes of finding love or trust my mind that says this isn’t right?

[youngblood61]

I am friends with a man who is 10 yrs my jr, and married with three children under the age of five. We where strictly friends until he started to chat me up on facebook and we met at his house while his wife & kids where out of town. I now find myself feeling guilty for sleeping with him, but genuinely in love with man and the feeling is mutual. Should I trust my heart and continue to meet with him in hopes of finding love or trust my mind that says this isn’t right?Be careful Erika little ones are involved.

[Bobdutch59]

Hi Erika, I can imagine that you would feel guilty since young ones are involved. But I gather this guy's marriage will explode sooner or later. Being trapped in a marriage myself, since staying is "the right thing to do" I think sooner will be better for all concerned. He can go on with his life and she with hers. I think the kids are better off with divorced happy parents, than unhappy parents that stay together, because they feel they should. Just my two cents worth.

[Jericho]

I am friends with a man who is 10 yrs my jr, and married with three children under the age of five.

Not that I'm cynical or anything, but.... I'm thinking Charles Manson has a brighter future than this relationship. :shrug

[trish]

Not a family values republican are you?

[Kevin Dong]

Not that I'm cynical or anything, but.... I'm thinking Charles Manson has a brighter future than this relationship. :shrug

this

[Quiet Reflections]

Be careful Erika little ones are involved.
:iagree:

[Erika1487]

Hi Erika, I can imagine that you would feel guilty since young ones are involved. But I gather this guy's marriage will explode sooner or later. Being trapped in a marriage myself, since staying is "the right thing to do" I think sooner will be better for all concerned. He can go on with his life and she with hers. I think the kids are better off with divorced happy parents, than unhappy parents that stay together, because they feel they should. Just my two cents worth.

Hi Bob, his marriage is on the rocks and he feels lonely that is why he reached out to me. I feel bad for him and feel bad for the kids, their mom has problems with prescriptions drugs and doesn't look after the kids like she should. In way I feel bad for her, but I don't want to be the reason they divorce.

[Erika1487]

Not a family values republican are you?

No I am an Independent now, but thanks for asking

[Sulka_bewitched_me]

Yea, I can say I got together with a girl freshly divorced and it ended badly because she wasn't looking for anything except adult companionship whereas I was looking for more. This is kinda along the same lines.......he's lonely and looking for adult companionship as well because getting away from the kids and getting some "me" time is important (not to mention his train wreck wife). Sorry to say, this can't and probably won't end well. I think (JMHO) that you should get out now before feelings get stronger and once that happens it hurts a lot more when it all comes crashing down.

[youngblood61]

He and his wife need to sort this out. You may have to take a step back jmo.

[Bruce Wayne]

I would not pursue a relationship with him while he is married. If he gets a divorce than I say pursue a relationship. The guy is dealing with alot and his mind is confused and stressed.

[tsadriana]

I am friends with a man who is 10 yrs my jr, and married with three children under the age of five. We where strictly friends until he started to chat me up on facebook and we met at his house while his wife & kids where out of town. I now find myself feeling guilty for sleeping with him, but genuinely in love with man and the feeling is mutual. Should I trust my heart and continue to meet with him in hopes of finding love or trust my mind that says this isn’t right?
hUN BEEN THERE ,DONE THAT AND TRUST ME YOU WILL HAVE ONLY TO SUFFER...hE WILL NEVER LEAVES HIS WIFE AND KIDS .and the only one who will suffer its u not him.....the begining always looks good but the end its so painful...u will be hurt...its better to get out of this relantionship soon as you can and better keep him as a friend.Most married guys confuse love with lust ..If he is really genuine with his felleng ,then first step its to sort his life out first and after if he really feels for you to be in a relantionship with you.

[Rusty Eldora]

tsadriana is pretty much on track for the majority of cases, but there are other situations.

I have a mistress for 10 years (now live with her) that is also still married. Her husband has lived across the country the whole time, mine moved 3 years ago. There are real reasons we are both still married, but basically our marriages are gone, except we haven't had the lawyers feed on us. All kids are long gone grown up. It is working here.

Consider the kids, him, yourself, and yes his wife with each step in your relationship with him. You need to be able to look back and feel that you have made your best choices and have no regrets for yourself. He may be just using you for lust, or there may be love.

Being a bit back from it as more a friend verses exclusive lover would be highly recommended. That will let things evolve without you being strung up in the 3rd act. It is also quite likely that "Mr Right" hasn't made his entrance into your life, be sure you don't block those chances.

[tsadriana]

tsadriana is pretty much on track for the majority of cases, but there are other situations.

I have a mistress for 10 years (now live with her) that is also still married. Her husband has lived across the country the whole time, mine moved 3 years ago. There are real reasons we are both still married, but basically our marriages are gone, except we haven't had the lawyers feed on us. All kids are long gone grown up. It is working here.

Consider the kids, him, yourself, and yes his wife with each step in your relationship with him. You need to be able to look back and feel that you have made your best choices and have no regrets for yourself. He may be just using you for lust, or there may be love.

Being a bit back from it as more a friend verses exclusive lover would be highly recommended. That will let things evolve without you being strung up in the 3rd act. It is also quite likely that "Mr Right" hasn't made his entrance into your life, be sure you don't block those chances.
Trust me i wont block the chances lik you said Mister Right soon or later will come so im patient im not rushing it.

[youngblood61]

hUN BEEN THERE ,DONE THAT AND TRUST ME YOU WILL HAVE ONLY TO SUFFER...hE WILL NEVER LEAVES HIS WIFE AND KIDS .and the only one who will suffer its u not him.....the begining always looks good but the end its so painful...u will be hurt...its better to get out of this relantionship soon as you can and better keep him as a friend.Most married guys confuse love with lust ..If he is really genuine with his felleng ,then first step its to sort his life out first and after if he really feels for you to be in a relantionship with you.:iagree:

[Prospero]

I think Adriana talks a lot of sense

[danthepoetman]

I am friends with a man who is 10 yrs my jr, and married with three children under the age of five. We where strictly friends until he started to chat me up on facebook and we met at his house while his wife & kids where out of town. I now find myself feeling guilty for sleeping with him, but genuinely in love with man and the feeling is mutual. Should I trust my heart and continue to meet with him in hopes of finding love or trust my mind that says this isn’t right?
Good advices from Adriana (as always) and from everbody else. But what worries me, Erika, is that the last time you shared with us something like this, the last time you seemed to be really in love, you suffered a whole lot when it broke down. I'm very worried for you this time, considering the situation. Please, Erika, you have to take a step back, here. Now. Don't get too involved emotionally unless you know the guys is reorganizing his life to be with you. You need to take an emotional step back from this one, Erika, not get too emotionally involved! Make sure that things are "physically" possible before letting yourself fall madly for him; I mean make sure he will change his life to be with you first.
I'm especially affraid of this guilt, you're feeling now. I suspect you are being manipulated a little, here. Please also don't take on your own shoulders the whole responsability of what's happening, here. This guy probably knows exactly what he's doing. On the other hand, you, Erika, you are irrisistibly attracted to him. So don't feel guilt now, and prepare yourself not to feel guilt after: just take an emotional step back and think the whole thing thru. And especially, TALK ABOUT IT OPEN HEARTEDLY WITH HIM AND DEMAND THAT HE REORGANIZE HIS LIFE. Then you'll know what's comming.
To me, my friend, it's exactly the kind of things you should avoid. You're still fragile, I'm sure. Don't risk your well being, Erika, please! Learn from the past!
You are someone precious and a good friend. I really hope you find a way to be happy, but I'm affraid this is not it...

[youngblood61]

Hope things work out Erika.

[Erika1487]

Thank you all for your advice. I am seriously taking a look at the situation and realizing that I am in a little over my head on this one. I talked to him yesterday and told him I needed some time to think about things and to give me space.
I might be love struck with him but, I am no fool. I did a background check on him and found out that he has been arrested three times in the last two years. The most serious crime was a DOMESTIC VIOLENCE charge which he was found guilty of and served jail time for. From the court documents, he had an argument and he struck his then pregnant wife.
Maybe this should be a red flag, but he tells me that he is a changed man and feels regret over what he had done.
Right now I just need a break to think things through.

[tsadriana]

Thank you all for your advice. I am seriously taking a look at the situation and realizing that I am in a little over my head on this one. I talked to him yesterday and told him I needed some time to think about things and to give me space.
I might be love struck with him but, I am no fool. I did a background check on him and found out that he has been arrested three times in the last two years. The most serious crime was a DOMESTIC VIOLENCE charge which he was found guilty of and served jail time for. From the court documents, he had an argument and he struck his then pregnant wife.
Maybe this should be a red flag, but he tells me that he is a changed man and feels regret over what he had done.
Right now I just need a break to think things through.
Maybe he has changed or maybe is just a player.....Trust me i loved this married guy because all his storys was so dramatic that actualy i thought he is a vitctim of this world and i thought supporting him and giveng him lots of afections and love will make him see this life on a good bright side but it turned out me to be the one who had to suffer after...My mind always was aware the he will never leave his wife but my heart was the one who wanted him to do so...Now im happy that he dint it,because he has kids and he is happy,mind you that i try to understand that actualy every marriage has ups and downs but in the end it prooves that everything could be ok ..I am happy that i dint brooke a marriage ...Kids always needs their father good or bad no matter how kids always needs to both parents.

[innocentbychoice]

Chances are really high that everyone involved (you specially) is going to get hurt...I can't see a situation like this turning out ok, plus the married man usually never changes the wife for the affair.

[combat_man]

I'd say he's using you. Also think with your head and not your heart.

[nysprod]

Kids always needs their father good or bad no matter how kids always needs to both parents.



I respect your good intentions Adriana, but if a man is that abusive it's usually better for the kids (to say nothing for the wife) if he's gone.

[tsadriana]

I respect your good intentions Adriana, but if a man is that abusive it's usually better for the kids (to say nothing for the wife) if he's gone.
Agreed with you 100% :iagree:

[Rusty Eldora]

Trust me i wont block the chances lik you said Mister Right soon or later will come so im patient im not rushing it.

Adrina-I was thinking of Erika when I wrote this, you seem to have a very good head on your shoulders. Yes, Mister Right will come your way.


Erika - I would stay far away from someone that has 3 arrests with the situation you described. Jealousy will flow

[betts]

he has been arrested three times in the last two years. The most serious crime was a DOMESTIC VIOLENCE charge which he was found guilty of and served jail time for. From the court documents, he had an argument and he struck his then pregnant wife.


http://images.andyouknowthis.net/tumblr_lvq2enRpBq1qc67tzo1_.gif

[youngblood61]

Thank you all for your advice. I am seriously taking a look at the situation and realizing that I am in a little over my head on this one. I talked to him yesterday and told him I needed some time to think about things and to give me space.
I might be love struck with him but, I am no fool. I did a background check on him and found out that he has been arrested three times in the last two years. The most serious crime was a DOMESTIC VIOLENCE charge which he was found guilty of and served jail time for. From the court documents, he had an argument and he struck his then pregnant wife.
Maybe this should be a red flag, but he tells me that he is a changed man and feels regret over what he had done.
Right now I just need a break to think things through.It's good to think, but if this guy is abusive be careful.

[Tim&Erin]

DV is very serious and it is highly unlikely that this is a one time sort of thing. I deal with this type of behavior in my job and if this is something you have found in regards to an actual conviction and jail time, my advice to you would be to steer clear. These types of individuals tend to be manipulative.

[GroobySteven]

What's the smell? Kinda like the country?

[TSMichelleAustin]

Girl if he is married and cheating he wont leave them for u... and if he does down road will do same thing to u! So id say step back... he wants sex make him pay!

[danthepoetman]

Thank you all for your advice. I am seriously taking a look at the situation and realizing that I am in a little over my head on this one. I talked to him yesterday and told him I needed some time to think about things and to give me space.
I might be love struck with him but, I am no fool. I did a background check on him and found out that he has been arrested three times in the last two years. The most serious crime was a DOMESTIC VIOLENCE charge which he was found guilty of and served jail time for. From the court documents, he had an argument and he struck his then pregnant wife.
Maybe this should be a red flag, but he tells me that he is a changed man and feels regret over what he had done.
Right now I just need a break to think things through.
Great thinking and great moves, Erika!! You show the bright lady that you are!
And Erika, no guilt on yourself for this, now. Don't put this on yourself. You're a woman: you are not the first woman to be sweet talked by a guy. Don't put the blame of the situation on you.
I'm impressed with you, Erika. It takes tremendous character to be able to take such a step back when you enamoured. For anyone! You are just great, lady!