depression

[Chica]

well here i am, on the verge of just mentally breaking down, so close to actually start transition, always being knocked back in some way, but i was just wondering what advice would people give me towards this?

i dont really have a lot to say, other than feel like im cracking up and for too many years trying to break the person within me free... im sure others have felt the same, and probably successfully came through it, ive been a tough egg to crack, but 5 mins ago, i just broke, tears flowing, heart racing.. im going to see the doc about it tomorrow find out what can be done, and i just hope the anti-depressant tablets wont be issued

what ive probably just said is a load of mumbo jumbo anyway... i just feel confused right now... if your feeling you wanna give someone a big online hug, im right here needing 1

[Quinn]

*Gives Chica a big online hug*

I'll leave the advice part of things to some of the girls on here who have actually experienced what you are going through. Best of luck.

-Quinn

[YasminLee]

U GOT A BIG HUG FROM ME SWEETIE...SADLY ENOUGH U'RE NOT ALONE...AS A TS I FEEL MOST OF US ARE VERY DEPRESS AND IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH LOOK, CONTRARY TO MOST BELEIVE.. WE'RE JUST VERY LONELY PEOPLE..WE LIVE A VERY ISOLATE LIFESTYLE...U GOTTA REMEMBER THAT WE ARE THE STRONGEST YET MOST FRAGILE HUMAN...IT'S HARD, BUT WE'RE SURVIVING AND WILL CONT'. IT'S GOOD THAT U ARE SEEING A SPECIALIST...IT'S NICE TO JUST TALK AND LET IT OUT...MUCH LOVE...YASMIN

[stillies77]

if you ever need anyone to talk to or anyone for support...drop me an instant message i will be here to talk to you whenever you need anything.

[Samantha]

*hugs*

I'm depressed too. I think it's a big part of transition.

Sorry to ramble on about my own issues, but here I am - on the verge of finishing transition (I have a relative willing to pay for my BAS and SRS, and both myself and my girlfriend have had FFS done) and I can't get more than a rewarding but extremely low hour (15 hours a week at most) part time job. Even after being out of college for almost four years that's all I've got. Apparently, that four year degree isn't enough for even a secretary type job. Now I'm trying to apply in retail and seeing where it will take me. Maybe with the shit economy right now, I won't even get a job there. Also, without work I don't know how my girlfriend and I are going to afford her BAS and SRS.

Like I said, sorry to bring up my own issues (I know they aren't what you want to hear) - but I just wanted to point out in spite of all the shit I've gone through, I would never go back. Liberating myself has been worth the hell I've gone through and then some.

[Chica]

~*hugz to the lot of ya*~

thx

jocy, yeah i took a few deep breaths and i feel fine now, my best friend always has wondered how i just get on by with what ive done in my life so far (and doesnt know of the TS thing yet!) but i guess even the toughest eggs break sometime

yasmin, what u say is true, but its just not right, we get grief because of being different, but being different makes us happy. normally id have some more to say about it, but right now i just feel like i have nothing to say

unisex, SSRi's? i have no idea what they are... anti depressants or something?

[Chica]

samantha, no we're all in this together... besides i dont like hogging the limelight

how cant you get a job? surely that breaks all the rules there... i know that in the UK loads of people are suing the companies for not being fair towards all employees, but then im not really a know-it-all about laws and things... just feel free to shre the threat as much as i do

[ian]

Thats it.

Just take a few steps back and relax.

Perhaps all you need is someone to talk to about it all.

Anyway we're all letting you know that we are thinking of you.

[Samantha]

samantha, no we're all in this together... besides i dont like hogging the limelight

how cant you get a job? surely that breaks all the rules there... i know that in the UK loads of people are suing the companies for not being fair towards all employees, but then im not really a know-it-all about laws and things... just feel free to shre the threat as much as i do

I don't think it's related to being a transsexual. Right now I work mostly with 10-18 year olds and they treat me as 100% female. They're usually worse about reading/clocking you than adults are. Plus the adults I work with treat me as 100% female as well. I think the job market is just total crap right now. Every place I walk into, every resume I email or mail out, and every temp/staffing agency I call tells me "we aren't hiring".

[Chica]

yeah ive heard all different crazy things from anti depressents, and i just dont want to touch them... the way im feeling now, where i just dont feel im getting anywhere with the transsition, i just feel that maybe having some hormones or something just to subconsciosly make me think im getting somewhere will help me

[Ecstatic]

[ H U G ]

Hope you feel better, Chica. Know that there's a lot of us pulling for you!

[Vicki Richter]

So it's like this. Transitioning is the hardest thing you'll ever do but once you do it, everything gets better. First thing you will likely need to do is cut ties with most of your old friends. They will always see the boy in you. Even the ones who love you. You might have a few that you'll keep, but it's better to just move on and get new friends.

Your family may or may not accept you. Mine were great. I think my mistake was telling them about the adult industry stuff. I guess honesty isn't always the best policy. However, some of them have been supportive even through that.

But... you are just cheating yourself by waiting. You are losing time you could be spending developing yourself into what you will become. However, part of me says in your case that you should consider saving for some surgery first. The last thing you want is to go out there with no job trying to save money to transition yourself further. The more you do with surgery, laser, hormones, etc the better off you will be and the more accepted you will be treated by others. Are you in school now or are you still hacking in online gaming? ;-)

One thing I would recommend is doing things pre-transition that nobody will totally notice. Laser is an easy one. Hormones are another that you would want to start ASAP. You've already done the hair. You've started picking up cloths. Your eyebrows really drive me crazy and I don't know why you don't take care of that. I would pluck those now, even gradually, and see if anyone even says anything. You can also grow your nails - I noticed in one of your pix they are really really short. Wear some jewelry. You basically have to get into the mindset of "who gives a fuck" as you morph yourself. If you "feminize" yourself preemptively, it will be a lot less shocking to people when you fully transition.

[Chica]

well now ive had a sleep over it, ill explain a few things

my family
I was gonna tell my mum when i was 15, but she then got cancer and died 6 months later, just before my GCSEs (school leaving exams in UK)

My dad is just some money grabbing bastard who just doesnt care about anyone but himself and his new bunny boiler, i told him, but i got no sympathy what so ever

My brother is racist, against old people, gays, you name it, yet ive never seen him with a girlfriend in my life...

my friends are quite limited, most i don't get into much contact with (due to the bad way college students are funded) i don't get out much to sit and have a talk with them, as walking around the streets gets more and more dangerous here... but i do think my best friend will understand, its just i don't really like to upset people and i think this might happen...

i have had an offer to move to london and do stuff within the adult industry, and the guy knows a lot of people to push me nearer to the front of the queue, but then again, i just wish i could do a normal job at the end of the day but life just seems to get better and better for me.. great

[Caleigh]

Chica, for me one of the most important things
was coming out to my friends. They are the people
you count on for support and if they don't know you
and don't know what your dealing with then they
can't be there for you.

Some of them will abandon you, but they were
never good friends to begin with. The ones that
stick with you are gold.

My parents didn't live near me but I flew out to see
them and break the news to them before I started
going out in public because I wanted them to hear
it from me before they heard it through the family
grapevine.

Stay focused on the day to day realities. Try not to
be too paranoid about being read. Big deal, so you
are sometimes. You have nothing to be ashamed
about.

Best of luck *HUG*

[blahblahblah]

So it's like this. Transitioning is the hardest thing you'll ever do but once you do it, everything gets better. First thing you will likely need to do is cut ties with most of your old friends. They will always see the boy in you. Even the ones who love you. You might have a few that you'll keep, but it's better to just move on and get new friends.



Why that? Do NOT abandon ANYONE who truly loves you. That's VERY important.

[Vicki Richter]

Trust me, it's really for the best. I am not talking about family. However, friends are expendable. Seriously, how ever much surgery someone has, no matter how convincing they look, the ones who were part of the first part of your life will always see the other side of you. It's much better to cut ties and move on.

[blahblahblah]

Trust me, it's really for the best. I am not talking about family. However, friends are expendable. Seriously, how ever much surgery someone has, no matter how convincing they look, the ones who were part of the first part of your life will always see the other side of you. It's much better to cut ties and move on.

Forget about the surgery, forget about your look. Im talking about the love among human beings, don't you get it, for godness sake!! Sorry for those strong words, i'm your Friend.

[rvince]

*BIG HUG*
(to you and all the people who provided nice advises :-))

[blackrob]

Good luck and hope that things work out for you.

[castabyss]

Depression is a tricky thing......I've been a therapist for a while (as well as a sufferer of depression myself) and a lot of doctors don't make the distinction between SITUATIONAL and CHEMICAL depression. Anyone going through a process as serious as some of you have gone through are understandably depressed by the situation. That's not chemical, but it's easier for doctors to prescribe a pill than have a conversation, so a lot of people who could benefit from talking through something end up on drugs they may not need.

I, on the other hand, take anti-depressants (and have for 15 years) because my brain doesn't function properly without them, i.e. doesn't produce enough serotonin and neurepinepherin (not a good speller, sorry). And whoever mentioned the side effects is absolutely right, they can be annoying as hell. My favorite is "inhibited ejaculation" where you basically have to beat your dick with a rolling pin to get off. It's better than feeling like I want to put a gun in my mouth, but buyer beware.

[blahblahblah]

You must understand that your transition does not affect only you as a human being, but it affects even the people around you, the people who care about you and love you. That thing is almost as tough for them to go through as it is for you. And i'm not talikng only about the family members here. I'm talking about the feeling of losing someone that you love unconditionally and you don't know what to do in order to stop it. Someone you love is simply shading away and is becoming somebody else. Many mistakes (like those that you mentioned in your posts) happen simply because people don't know how to handle such things. They are confused. Think about that. You cannot buy a true friend, you can not pick him/her up easily on the street. Do not simply throw away something that invaluable. Make any effort possible to keep them.

[Felicia Katt]

Chica, you have gotten a lot of good advice already in this thread, and I don't mean to repeat or undercut any of it, but in my experience, depression can stem from the feeling of being overwhelmed by your problems, leading to a sensation of helplessness. Some things are truly beyond your control, but try to find things, even simple ones, that you can control, and focus on them. Work where you can to improve things. Doing something is better than doing nothing. If nothing else, it takes your mind off things, and you never know when a small step in one direction or another may lead you to a path past your problems.

FK

[Danielle Foxxx]

Listen to whatever Felicia says - I know it first hand - TRUST ME! lol

[Samantha]

You must understand that your transition does not affect only you as a human being, but it affects even the people around you, the people who care about you and love you. That thing is almost as tough for them to go through as it is for you. And i'm not talikng only about the family members here. I'm talking about the feeling of losing someone that you love unconditionally and you don't know what to do in order to stop it. Someone you love is simply shading away and is becoming somebody else. Many mistakes (like those that you mentioned in your posts) happen simply because people don't know how to handle such things. They are confused. Think about that. You cannot buy a true friend, you can not pick him/her up easily on the street. Do not simply throw away something that invaluable. Make any effort possible to keep them.

I can't speak all that well from experience. I gave up my friends before I started transition (I guess because I thought they would never accept me). I really regret that decision now - it would have just been nice to know one way or another.

I have seen myself and others being treated as male though, despite transition, by those who knew us before. I can tolerate an awkward phase to a point but not indefinetly. I just wish someone who wasn't transitioning could take our word on how it feels for us.


I'm talking about the feeling of losing someone that you love unconditionally and you don't know what to do in order to stop it.

This is an interesting quote - why the need to "stop it"? Why not just accept what your friend is going through (after a point, of course)?

[rajivalan]

Think of life as a game your soul is playing through your body -

And now just know this that you are playing this game at the expert level - that is why its tougher for you than the others - the others are just rookies - they are playing a beginner level of the game - but thats cause you are a stronger soul.

So keep playing this game and at the end you will win - cause trust me if anyone can win it - it is you

Play Hard

[blahblahblah]

This is an interesting quote - why the need to "stop it"? Why not just accept what your friend is going through (after a point, of course)?

Samantha, people's default mental reaction would be to try to stop your transition. They don't know or are emotionally not able to choose any other option. That's why they will try to stop it. Very few percentage of people are 100% ready to accept your decisions emidiately, without serious dialog with you. Unfortunately.

[maverick]

chica - for what diff it makes - i think you look senstaional and i admire your courage - go girl!!

[maverick]

and we're both geordies - so it must count for something

[Rocket88]

It would be very easy for me, not being one of the girls, to say "don't let the bastards grind ya down", some of us have an inkling of your struggles (feeling like an alien in your home town, that sort of thing), but could never know what kind of courage it takes to go through the transition you face. that you have begun the process speaks volumes about yourself, if you stop and think about it. as to the anti-depressants...avoid if at all possible! unlike sedatives, they are cumulative in their effects, and they WILL kill your libido, and leave you drooling...trust me...like the other poster, I've tried em all...

[tsfarrah]

hi Chica from one U.K girl to another

I totally understand how your feeling and I also agree with Vicki

that you shoulden't wait about your transition and you will feel much better about yourself


I had bad depression before I transitioned,I still do get down days but I guess thats part of being a TS but I still would rather be me like this than doing nothing about who I really was inside

I wish you all the luck hunni

xx