When should I tell my family my girlfriend is transsexual.

[MHarrigan82]

I have been dating my current girlfriend who is a transsexual for 5 months now. My girlfriend does not want to meet my family who is going to visit me for thanksgiving. I only see my folks like twice a year. I will not be going home for christmas this year due to work. I told my parents that my girlfriend is going back home for thanksgiving which is the truth. My parents are super religious and very homophobic. My Dad which I love loves to make fun of homosexual people and it does piss me off a great deal. How can you be christian and hate another group of people. Jesus loved all groups of people. I really love this girl and will have to tell them eventually. I hate that I am going to have to make a choice do person that I love or family. I feel I should not tell them unless me and Cynthia gets engaged. I would love to get you guys opinion.

[RallyCola]

when your girlfriend decides she is ready for you to tell them

[AcadiaVeneer]

I have been dating my current girlfriend who is a transsexual for 5 months now. My girlfriend does not want to meet my family who is going to visit me for thanksgiving. I only see my folks like twice a year. I will not be going home for christmas this year due to work. I told my parents that my girlfriend is going back home for thanksgiving which is the truth. My parents are super religious and very homophobic. My Dad which I love loves to make fun of homosexual people and it does piss me off a great deal. How can you be christian and hate another group of people. Jesus loved all groups of people. I really love this girl and will have to tell them eventually. I hate that I am going to have to make a choice do person that I love or family. I feel I should not tell them unless me and Cynthia gets engaged. I would love to get you guys opinion.


I meet people everyday and I don't tell them I am transsexual. Do you tell everyone you meet that your Biologically male? This should not be an issue. You should not have to tell your parents your gf is trans. Simply introducing them to her seems more appropriate. When I meet someone and they know prior to me meeting them that I am TS, they tend to view me differently then if they find out after they have gotten to know me. If it is a issue of being passable, then you have a choice to make but don't be blind to the pain she has gone through to be herself, the person you love... it's only fair you shoulder some of that and if your not strong enough to deal with the hate and discontent of your parents then you don't deserve her.

[TSMichelleAustin]

I never told my husbands family, and I spent holidays and events with them. Eventually it came out because of talking about my past but I never brought it out the minute I met them. They treat me no different.

[tsadriana]

when ur both ready.

[Donkey]

I would not tell them or make an issue of it.

[castor_troyuk]

I've been with my girl three years now and while we've told people, it's always been on an if asked basis. I don't see why people feel the need to blurt it out to everyone

[Quiet Reflections]

just wait till they ask but why doesn't your girlfriend want to meet your family? is it just because it is bad timing with the holiday or does she not want to meet them at anytime/

[GrimFusion]

You're probably going to have to make introductions at some point or another. I agree with most everybody here, though. You shouldn't introduce her as a transsexual. That would be pretty awkward if you haven't taken past GG girlfriends to your parents and introduced them the same way; "This is my girlfriend. She's a genetic female". lol.

If you're anticipating a backlash of homophobia, what difference will it make if you introduce your girlfriend to your parents this year, next year, or in the years to come? You've already dashed their opinions by dating her in the first place, so I imagine you already know who's side you're taking, right?

[TSMichelleAustin]

And most people dont even know what a transssexual is! So blurting it out sometimes is like an issue of hundred questions!

[MHarrigan82]

Sorry about my grammar on my post. I am typing this on my Samsung Galaxy S3 cell phone. I don't want to alienate my family with a person I just meet 5 months ago and she feels the same way. 5 months is not that long of a time to make a big decision like this. Say we break up a month from now not only have I lost my partner but my family. She would like to meet my parents but not now and I am not going to force her to do it.

[GrimFusion]

Sorry about my grammar on my post. I am typing this on my Samsung Galaxy S3 cell phone. I don't want to alienate my family with a person I just meet 5 months ago and she feels the same way. 5 months is not that long of a time to make a big decision like this. Say we break up a month from now not only have I lost my partner but my family. She would like to meet my parents but not now and I am not going to force her to do it.

Spot on. You shouldn't, then. Just be prepared for the same expected reaction if things get to be more serious down the road, I guess.

[TSMichelleAustin]

IF ur family loves u they will always.... im sorry I have a very republican and conservative family... it took them some time to come around but they love and support me. My father still spouts out gay comments, and jokes. I think you are over thinking this way too much! Yea it might be 5mths but thats a long time in our worlds! I met my husbands family within a month of being with him. Like i said earlier people have no clue what a TS is, they think we are drag queens on Jerry Springer. I had to educated my family for years, so I am speaking from experience ur over thinking this way too much!!!

[amberskyi]

Sorry about my grammar on my post. I am typing this on my Samsung Galaxy S3 cell phone. I don't want to alienate my family with a person I just meet 5 months ago and she feels the same way. 5 months is not that long of a time to make a big decision like this. Say we break up a month from now not only have I lost my partner but my family. She would like to meet my parents but not now and I am not going to force her to do it.

why do you even have to tell them she is a ts? is she not passable?

[MHarrigan82]

why do you even have to tell them she is a ts? is she not passable?

Her voice is not passable. She has a heavy voice.

[amberskyi]

Her voice is not passable. She has a heavy voice.

oh...that sucks.she cant pass as a woman with a raspy or slightly masculine voice like tara reid lol

[MHarrigan82]

why do you even have to tell them she is a ts? is she not passable?


oh...that sucks.she cant pass as a woman with a raspy or slightly masculine voice like tara reid lol

That is so true..lol Is there anything she can do to make her voice more light and feminine?

[amberskyi]

That is so true..lol Is there anything she can do to make her voice more light and feminine?

not really,your voice is your voice. ive tried to change my voice forever but its whatever.i have a nasally thing going on,i sound like a cross between a valley girl and erkels cousin *shrugs*.

[GrimFusion]

That is so true..lol Is there anything she can do to make her voice more light and feminine?

Either vocal training (http://www.susans.org/Transitioning/Voice/) or helium. I have a hard time believing she hasn't heard of voice training, so if her voice isn't an issue to her you might wanna be careful bringing up that subject.


not really,your voice is your voice. ive tried to change my voice forever but its whatever.i have a nasally thing going on,i sound like a cross between a valley girl and erkels cousin *shrugs*.
"Oh my god! Did I do that? Gag me with a spoon!".
You're right, it is whatever. You can only change the things you have the power to change; screw other people for getting that twisted.

[nina_lisa]

Her voice is not passable. She has a heavy voice.

Tell your family she is a heavy cigar smoker, and whiskey drinker.

[GrimFusion]

Tell your family she is a heavy cigar smoker, and whiskey drinker.

That'll blow over well.
May as well say he had to pull her away from huffing gasoline in the garage to make it to the family gathering on time.

[amberskyi]

That'll blow over well.
May as well say you had to pull her away from huffing gasoline in the garage to make it to the family gathering on time.

lmaoooooooo

[TSMichelleAustin]

That is so true..lol Is there anything she can do to make her voice more light and feminine?

Katheline Turner has a mascline voice.... people are still clueless with voices! If she looks like a woman she passes as one!

Calpernia Addams has a dvd series on voice training, I know many girls have used it and cant tell difference. Also there are surgeries but I feel they dont work, I met a girl who had it and she sounded like she been smoking since she was born and she was only 19.

[danthepoetman]

MHarrigan, I think you’re right (and everybody else) in not wanting to introduce your girlfriend to your folks. And maybe even to never say a thing about it to them, whether you do introduce her or not. But maybe you could start trying to discuss such subjects as homosexuality and transgenderism with them, starting maybe with the most open of them. If you stay with Cynthia (that’s her name I think, have I read right?), you might have to talk about it eventually anyways, and if you don’t, you’ll have lost nothing. Try to open them up slowly. People make a lot of jokes, but they’re sometimes surprisingly more open than we think. Hey! I have gay friends and we make gay jokes sometimes…
Be subtle, be delicate. A few well placed comments here and there at first. This being said, you’re the best judge of what they can take or not, and you should respect your gut feeling.

[GrimFusion]

Katheline Turner has a mascline voice.... people are still clueless with voices! If she looks like a woman she passes as one!

Not always true. If any of you girls had my voice; holy shit. I have to speak in a falsetto just to sound "normal". I wouldn't give it up, though. It's way too fun scaring the hell out of people.

[Quiet Reflections]

Katheline Turner has a mascline voice.... people are still clueless with voices! If she looks like a woman she passes as one!

Calpernia Addams has a dvd series on voice training, I know many girls have used it and cant tell difference. Also there are surgeries but I feel they dont work, I met a girl who had it and she sounded like she been smoking since she was born and she was only 19.
I have to agree. There are GG's out there with deep voices, facial hair, muscular bodies, etc and being GG's one would have to say that they "pass" even though they may be considered ugly. If GG's can naturally have these traits who is to say what is truly passable. Sure sometimes it is a bit obvious but most of the time isn't it all just guessing or somebody trying to be an asshole.

[danthepoetman]

I have to agree. There are GG's out there with deep voices, facial hair, muscular bodies, etc and being GG's one would have to say that they "pass" even though they may be considered ugly. If GG's can naturally have these traits who is to say what is truly passable. Sure sometimes it is a bit obvious but most of the time isn't it all just guessing or somebody trying to be an asshole.
Remember cute, petite Linda Fiorentino? Is that her name? The girl who was in Men in Black? Delicate woman with quite a deep voice...

[Quiet Reflections]

Remember cute, petite Linda Fiorentino? Is that her name? The girl who was in Men in Black? Delicate woman with quite a deep voice...
Exactly. If someone were to judge he just by her voice they may just say some terrible things about her.

[nycguy1]

kirstie alley (however you spell her name) has a masculine body and face. her upper body is as big as a football lineman. same with sandra bullocks face. the features are not soft on her. hard masculine jawline with an aggressive brow bone.

[RallyCola]

lost in this is a simple sentiment....

how can you really say you love a person if you are embarrassed or so worry about how everyone else will treat you for loving them?

as i said 2 pages ago...you should talk to your GF and find out when she is ready and what your concerns are. as a couple, you determine the course of action if one is needed. short of that, you are being selfish just considering what will happen to you and your family. being selfish is fine...but to me, a truly loving and mutually beneficial relationship is one there you are more attentive to your lover than your own needs and vice versa

[Quiet Reflections]

lost in this is a simple sentiment....

how can you really say you love a person if you are embarrassed or so worry about how everyone else will treat you for loving them?

as i said 2 pages ago...you should talk to your GF and find out when she is ready and what your concerns are. as a couple, you determine the course of action if one is needed. short of that, you are being selfish just considering what will happen to you and your family. being selfish is fine...but to me, a truly loving and mutually beneficial relationship is one there you are more attentive to your lover than your own needs and vice versa
well said

[GrimFusion]

lost in this is a simple sentiment....

how can you really say you love a person if you are embarrassed or so worry about how everyone else will treat you for loving them?

as i said 2 pages ago...you should talk to your GF and find out when she is ready and what your concerns are. as a couple, you determine the course of action if one is needed. short of that, you are being selfish just considering what will happen to you and your family. being selfish is fine...but to me, a truly loving and mutually beneficial relationship is one there you are more attentive to your lover than your own needs and vice versa

A bit of the ol' "Do as I say and not as I do" routine, eh Rally?
The message sounds a-ok, but it's coming from the wrong person.

[RallyCola]

A bit of the ol' "Do as I say and not as I do" routine, eh Rally?
The message sounds a-ok, but it's coming from the wrong person.


while i'd love to explore why you think i'm saying "do as i say, not as i do" and why i am the wrong person so say it...this thread isn't about me.

[GrimFusion]

while i'd love to explore why you think i'm saying "do as i say, not as i do" and why i am the wrong person so say it...this thread isn't about me.

At least you're trying to help. :wiggle:

[RallyCola]

At least you're trying to help. :wiggle:
you don't make any sense sometimes man...lay off the weed for a day or 2. :dancing:

[Fancy fancy]

yes elocution lessons



That is so true..lol Is there anything she can do to make her voice more light and feminine?

[qwerty94]

I would say wait a bit for you and your girlfriend to figure things out a bit more. I will say this... My dad would make homophobic remarks prior to me coming out as gay(way back when)- he would ask why I dance around like a fairy, and say it's an abomination, but after I came out he was much better about it- I realize that he still doesn't believe in same sex marriage, but he isn't vocal about it.

now that I came out as transexual, he was like, "ok, this doesnt mean that you're going to be lesbian now, does it?" i was like... wtf? lol.... "um, no dad... i am still very much attracted to men" and now he eventually wants to see me get married and have kids, etc

parents are special individuals who are capable of incredible things- including change. i think people say things when they don't think those issues affect them, but when they realize they actually do- it makes them have to face it head on and think.

whatever your decision, i hope it goes well for you and your gf.

[Jericho]

Before your dad hits on her...Saves all kinds of awkwardness! :shrug

[Prospero]

I would tend to go with those who say if she is "passable' then why make life difficult for you, her and your intolerant family.

You mentioned the voice - but in my experience there are plenty of very ordinary genetic girls who have husky voices. It is unlikely your family will leap to the conclusion that she is transgendred.

But you and she have many questions to address and think about before you do anything you or she will regret.

Do your family need to know? Why - if you see them so seldom? Does she want them to know? Is their attitude really so conservative that if they got to know and like her they would become rejective later on if the truth emerged?

If you truly love her and she loves you, then let her be your guide in the end. You two together in a good and strong relationship can overcome whatever adversity this difficult - but maybe also exhilarating time - has to offer.

[princesa]

there are ways to help her voice. I changed mine a LOT!

are you in Houston?

[MHarrigan82]

there are ways to help her voice. I changed mine a LOT!

are you in Houston?

No I live in the Dallas area. What technique did you use to change your voice?

[Rusty Eldora]

Do you look like the straight Christian boy, or more trendy? Is your relationship now with him still father - son or between adults. If she doesn't meet them this time, it might be good to just loosen up your dad a bit. An alternate is talking to your mom if she is more accepting. I mean in the general as "some of my friends are GLBT and they are actually quite good persons. I don't understand why you condemn them so."

Are your parents out just for Thanksgiving or for several days, if so a short meeting for lunch over the following weekend might be good. There is zero reason to bring up orientation, just let them see for themselves why she makes you so happy.

[princesa]

mixing my head voice into my regular voice to make it lighter.

she basically needs to just practice not talking so loudly and taking time to speak clearly and more softly. That alone makes a big difference. If she focuses on keeping her voice softer and thinks lighter, it helps too.

A good example of head voice is when you ask "hmmm?" in a question. That higher feeling, and where you place it in your voice is your head voice.

[tgirlplace]

i think it depends on a lot of things, if this is the lifestyle for you for sure, if it is, i would just come on out. if something ever happened down the road between you and the girl, she could really get revenge on you! something to think about,. if you also are into regular woman, then it might be worth the gamble not to tell them.

[MHarrigan82]

i think it depends on a lot of things, if this is the lifestyle for you for sure, if it is, i would just come on out. if something ever happened down the road between you and the girl, she could really get revenge on you! something to think about,. if you also are into regular woman, then it might be worth the gamble not to tell them.

I like all girls genetic and transgender. She is my first transgirlfriend. I will date a gg again if we break up.

[brickcitybrother]

I meet people everyday and I don't tell them I am transsexual. Do you tell everyone you meet that your Biologically male? This should not be an issue. You should not have to tell your parents your gf is trans. Simply introducing them to her seems more appropriate. When I meet someone and they know prior to me meeting them that I am TS, they tend to view me differently then if they find out after they have gotten to know me. If it is a issue of being passable, then you have a choice to make but don't be blind to the pain she has gone through to be herself, the person you love... it's only fair you shoulder some of that and if your not strong enough to deal with the hate and discontent of your parents then you don't deserve her.

I think this is the best answer and closest to what I would have given. Let them meet her. Then take it from there. There is no rush... but it does seem as if (from your op) that you're identifying as homosexual ... which you need address yourself. Good Luck

[Robert66]

I'm in the fourth year of a relationship with a transgendered girl. It was my first with a TG too. You have many obstacles to overcome in the months and years ahead. Take each one as it comes. I agree with those that say you don't have to make an issue of it. You introduce her as Cynthia. That's it. No more explanations are required. If you started dating, for example, a black girl (I'm assuming you are white), would you say "This is my girlfriend, and oh, by the way, she's black". I think not. People will either accept or not, and you don't have to lose sleep worrying about what they will say and think. You do what is right for you and your girl, and if the love is strong, the relationship will endure

[Genetic]

MHarrigan, isn't this a reworded version of the exact same question you asked 3 months ago (http://www.hungangels.com/vboard/showthread.php?t=69578)?







how can you really say you love a person if you are embarrassed or so worry about how everyone else will treat you for loving them?

It's called common sense. They've only been together for 5 months so it makes sense to not alienate himself from his family for what is, right now, a new relationship. I think MHarrigan is taking a sensible approach to this in that he knows that he loves this girl and is prepared to take the shitstorm from his family but he doesn't want it to be over nothing.

Fact is though relationships can eventually fail no matter how long, so my advice to OP is to stop worrying about it and deal with it when it happens. They won't presume that she is a man necessarily when they do meet her, so stop worrying.

[Avers]

You should keep it in secret till your death. This is your own personal business and not the business of the whole family or of the whole district.

[MHarrigan82]

You should keep it in secret till your death. This is your own personal business and not the business of the whole family or of the whole district.

I like your advise Avers.

[Los Angeles resident]

Hopefully you will never have to. If I were dating a transsexual, I would not go around telling my friends and family "oh, my girlfriend is a transsexual." Not that it's anything to be ashamed about, but I feel it's a private matter.

However, if they were to find out about it one way or another, I would confirm to them yes she is a transsexual and I love her.

[amberskyi]

I like your advise Avers.

of course you do smh