Monogamy or Polyamory?

[BellaBellucci]

Personally, I'm poly. I've been in too many relationships that offered me things that I've wanted, but still left much to be desired. Since I actually care about my partners and want whats best for the both of us, I feel that polyamory is the answer.

I mean, my parents had serious issues with one another but got married anyway because they had me and felt pressured to do so, and they resented me for it and probably still do. Neither of them has ever been fulfilled in any way by their relationship and their misery trickled down onto everyone around them. It was a fiasco for almost 18 years. I would never wish that kind of upbringing on anyone.

There's no one person or relationship that can make a person entirely happy and fulfilled, and I think it's a cop-out to say that we're all entirely responsible for our own happiness because all anybody can do is their best under the circumstances, and those circumstances are rarely chosen by an individual in question. More often than not, even when we think they are, they're still usually within our arbitrary social guidelines. I think it's time that human beings expand the consciousness to a point that happiness is actually an attainable achievement.

That's not to say that poly relationships aren't committed. Quite the contrary, they all are. Being poly isn't an excuse to cheat; it's a way for the greatest number of people to have the greatest number of opportunities for happiness. That said, the only argument for being monogamous seems to be a moot point.

What say you?

~BB~

[Tika]

Poly people strike me as greedy, selfish, immature and narcissistic. They want it all. "Me me me me me, I want to be happy all the time, pay attention to meeeee, OH GOD I CAN NEVER BE ALONE". There's a girl I know who's poly and holy fuck is she ever irritating. "My boyfriends" this, "My boyfriends" that. She bitches and moans if she's alone for five fucking seconds. It's pathetic and what's more, it's kind of creepy.

Grow up and accept that life's not perfect and neither are people. Contrary to what fairy tales have tried to teach, you can't have it all. If you're with someone and there are issues, you discuss them and either work things out or move on. People aren't Pokemon, you can't collect a bunch to fill out your stable of wants/needs.

When you set up the discussion with loaded premises like you have, what point is there in wasting time on discussion? You've already arrived at what you think is right and you're not going to change your mind based on anyone's input because you don't really want anyone's input. You just want, like all poly fans, to wave your life in other people's faces. "Oh I'm poly, you just don't get it, it's awesome, you're so narrowminded and couldn't possibly understand".

[LibertyHarkness]

i dont like to share :)

poly isnt for me ...

[doctor screw]

My dad had 2 wives,it's really not that bad having 2 mothers

[BellaBellucci]

Poly people strike me as greedy, selfish, immature and narcissistic. They want it all.

Excuse me, but many of us have just as much love to offer as we take.


Grow up and accept that life's not perfect and neither are people. Contrary to what fairy tales have tried to teach, you can't have it all.

Life is what we make it. It's cliche, but it's still true.


When you set up the discussion with loaded premises like you have, what point is there in wasting time on discussion? You've already arrived at what you think is right and you're not going to change your mind based on anyone's input because you don't really want anyone's input.

I'm not asking you to agree with me or convince me that I'm wrong. This isn't about me at all; I'd just like to have a frank discussion on the topic without personal attacks. In the latter regard, you've already failed. Thanks for that.


You just want, like all poly fans, to wave your life in other people's faces. "Oh I'm poly, you just don't get it, it's awesome, you're so narrowminded and couldn't possibly understand".

Oh... you're in my head now? You know my motives? :rolleyes:

~BB~

[danthepoetman]

I have found someone with whom it connects totally. Communion more than communication. Something like that is difficult to explain. She’s my meaning and my end; not sharing the important with her is almost like not living it at all. And it’s not that I can’t; I have. But it’s at best like comparing a Monday morning to a Friday. It hasn’t been perfect; but what terrible spots we’ve been through were all about ghosts and demons.
I can understand that not everyone finds something like this. As a matter of fact, I know it too well. You’re absolutely right, Bella, that some people make their mutual lives miserable, almost as if it was the very end of a couple to make each other unhappy. And I also completely agree that not being monogamous doesn’t mean not being able to give love and live loving relations (rather than “a relationship”) with others.
My hunch is, it’s a pure matter of circumstances and essentially blind luck.

…and oops! she’s home now. So since she always comes first for me, I’ll talk to you guys later…

[BellaBellucci]

I have found someone with whom it connects totally. Communion more than communication. Something like that is difficult to explain. She’s my meaning and my end; not sharing the important with her is almost like not living it at all. And it’s not that I can’t; I have. But it’s at best like comparing a Monday morning to a Friday. It hasn’t been perfect; but what terrible spots we’ve been through were all about ghosts and demons.
I can understand that not everyone finds something like this. As a matter of fact, I know it too well. You’re absolutely right, Bella, that some people make their mutual lives miserable, almost as if it was the very end of a couple to make each other unhappy. And I also completely agree that not being monogamous doesn’t mean not being able to give love and live loving relations (rather than “a relationship”) with others.
My hunch is, it’s a pure matter of circumstances and essentially blind luck.

…and oops! she’s home now. So since she always comes first for me, I’ll talk to you guys later…

Yeah, I actually agree with this. If I was to come into a relationship with someone with whom I'd like a monogamous relationship, and I was single at the time, then I'd probably try it again.

... but that person would have to be almost impossibly exceptional.

~BB~

[Jericho]

Guess I'm just a selfish greedy bastard! :shrug

[CaliBoy951]

To each there own but in regards to a serious relationship poly isn't for me.

[RallyCola]

unfortunately, i tend to agree that an actual discussion cannot occur because there is nothing to debate. as a supporter of monogamy, in terms of a peer-bonded relationship, devoid of the cultural cultivation of marriage and family, there is nothing that i can say that a poly person would agree with or even see value in. for many, its a way to glorify swinging and for others, you may in fact believe that you have more love to spread around but I would submit that applying Malthus is essential...that a poly person would argue they have greater capacity for love just shows how self-absorbed they are.

suffice it to say that for reasons you can't understand, the feeling of love, belonging and concern i have for one person make me a better person and such feelings remain so strong that i need not seek to supplement them with anyone else.

[TSMichelleAustin]

I have a poly relationship and have had it for over 4yrs. It works for us! Plus its not like were greedy, a lot of times its just us, but we have the option for others!

[RallyCola]

I have a poly relationship and have had it for over 4yrs. It works for us! Plus its not like were greedy, a lot of times its just us, but we have the option for others!

wouldn't that then just be an open relationship? there is a bit of a wedge separation between the 2

[BellaBellucci]

unfortunately, i tend to agree that an actual discussion cannot occur because there is nothing to debate. as a supporter of monogamy, in terms of a peer-bonded relationship, devoid of the cultural cultivation of marriage and family, there is nothing that i can say that a poly person would agree with or even see value in. for many, its a way to glorify swinging and for others, you may in fact believe that you have more love to spread around but I would submit that applying Malthus is essential...that a poly person would argue they have greater capacity for love just shows how self-absorbed they are.

suffice it to say that for reasons you can't understand, the feeling of love, belonging and concern i have for one person make me a better person and such feelings remain so strong that i need not seek to supplement them with anyone else.

It's interesting that it's been only those who are monogamous who allege that there 'is nothing to debate.' So far, the poly among this thread are quite content with our decisions and don't seem to feel the need to attempt to entirely invalidate the opposition position. Instead, we are simply arguing that our position is better, based on its merits. The only argument that you put forth is that you, personally, only need one person. That's subjective (and arguable).

Will someone please point out an objective advantage to monogamy, please, instead of just calling the rest of us names?

... things that make you go, 'hmm.' :geek:

~BB~

[BellaBellucci]

wouldn't that then just be an open relationship? there is a bit of a wedge separation between the 2

Yeah, that sounds like an open relationship to me, too. The difference is that polyamory is having multiple committed relationships whereas an open relationship is one that is monogamous in terms of mutually exclusive commitment, but is still open sexually.

~BB~

[RallyCola]

It's interesting that it's been only those who are monogamous who allege that there 'is nothing to debate.' So far, the poly among this thread are quite content with our decisions and don't seem to feel the need to attempt to entirely invalidate the opposition position. Instead, we are simply arguing that our position is better, based on its merits. The only argument that you put forth is that you, personally, only need one person. That's subjective (and arguable).

Will someone please point out an objective advantage to monogamy, please, instead of just calling the rest of us names?

... things that make you go, 'hmm.' :geek:

~BB~

of course you are quite content with your decisions because you set up the thread that way. you started the thread giving your opinion as to why you are poly and happy. so what is there to debate? you actually only argued why your position is better for you personally which is equally subjective and arguable. if you can't see that, it sorta proves the point of the inability for this to evolve into a coherent discussion on the benefits or perils of either.

the debate is pointless because it is predicated on what makes YOU happy and the baggage you carry from your parent's shitty relationship.

i hope you can see that i am NOT debating poly vs. mono...i am simply debating your ability to OBJECTIVELY even listen to another POV because of the way in which you constructed your OP irrevocably making any rebuttal moot.

i say...do whatever makes you happy as long as you realize the reasons you prefer it are deeply personal and therefore never objective

[Dino Velvet]

Monogamy works for me. Keeps things neat and simple. I even see the same hookers over and over.

[GrimFusion]

*shakes fist at Bella*

Firstly, I can absolutely understand how your upbringing may have shaped your opinion on the matter. Admittedly, if I were raised in the middle of a bitter marriage, I'd suspect I'd be agreeing with you right now.

I believe that society shifts to support a polygamous or monogamous view based on the local and perceived male to female population ratio. Not to say everybody follows the expectations of our collective society, but it seems that when population is low or there are more men than women around, polygamy is no longer taboo.

I'd say remaining monogamous in a relationship depends on character traits like willpower and dedication, so what happens in a polygamous or polyamorous relationship that doesn't require either? For the record, that's not a loaded question. I'm well aware that polygamists can both showcase willpower and dedication; what I'm getting at is if it isn't required, how often are your relationship issues associated with a lack of dedication and/or willpower?

I know you're not the jealous type and most poly peeps proclaim they aren't either, but I'd imagine that any kind of poly relationship has the capacity to create more jealousy than any monogamous relationship. As a monogamist, I'm content in knowing that I'm number one until I'm told otherwise. Isn't it a tad heart-wrenching knowing that you may move from being the favorite girlfriend to being #2 or #3 in line or knowing that when he's off "having fun", he might be having a much better time with somebody else than he would be with you; or do you just fault yourself and accept that you're not entertaining enough to keep his attention, then move on? Surely falling down the totem pole isn't enough of a concern to end a poly relationship otherwise none of them would work. I just don't understand why anyone would be content in coping with that. Coping anyway only goes to show that you're far more dedicated to them than they are to you, so how does that work without bottling up a good deal of anguish?

[BellaBellucci]

*shakes fist at Bella*

Firstly, I can absolutely understand how your upbringing may have shaped your opinion on the matter. Admittedly, if I were raised in the middle of a bitter marriage, I'd suspect I'd be agreeing with you right now.

My upbringing was only a personal example. I've seen many others.


I believe that society shifts to support a polygamous or monogamous view...

Polygamy refers to multiple declared marriages, not multiple committed relationship. I know it's a slight distinction, but it's there because legal marriage does not recognize polygamy.


I know you're not the jealous type and most poly peeps proclaim they aren't either, but I'd imagine that any kind of poly relationship has the capacity to create more jealousy than any monogamous relationship. As a monogamist, I'm content in knowing that I'm number one until I'm told otherwise. Isn't it a tad heart-wrenching knowing that you may move from being the favorite girlfriend to being #2 or #3 in line or knowing that when he's off "having fun", he might be having a much better time with somebody else than he would be with you; or do you just fault yourself and accept that you're not entertaining enough to keep his attention, then move on? Surely falling down the totem pole isn't enough of a concern to end a poly relationship otherwise none of them would work. I just don't understand why anyone would be content in coping with that. Coping anyway only goes to show that you're far more dedicated to them than they are to you, so how does that work without bottling up a good deal of anguish?

I didn't say being poly was easy. It's a matter of realizing with all honesty in your heart that people in monogamous relationships cheat on one another often, and usually get away with it if the relationship provides enough else to the betrayed partner to make it worthy of keeping (i.e. it's a tacit approval of polyamory after the fact). The only difference between monogamy and polyamory is that poly people can admit this to themselves and each other and deal with it accordingly. Monogamous people just learn over time how to sneakily sweep their affairs under the rug or improve their damage control skills.

~BB~

[trish]

If say five people are involved in a polyamorous relationship there are thirty non-trivial subgroups that can scheme, lie, gossip and nurture jealousies about each other. On the other hand there are one and twenty permutations available for tantric exploration. Hmmmm. It's a difficult decision.

[BellaBellucci]

of course you are quite content with your decisions because you set up the thread that way. you started the thread giving your opinion as to why you are poly and happy. so what is there to debate? you actually only argued why your position is better for you personally which is equally subjective and arguable. if you can't see that, it sorta proves the point of the inability for this to evolve into a coherent discussion on the benefits or perils of either.

I've pointed out logical, objective reasons for polyamory - conclusions that I've come to after a period of self-discovery that was consequential to my upbringing, but I in no way alluded that people should be poly SIMPLY because I had a rough life.

You're attempting to not only distract from my criticism of your lack of logical argument, but hang a red herring around my neck by saying that my argument is based on that which you need it to be based in order to have an argument at all - a subjective catalyst for a process that led me to draw certain conclusions about how relationships work... or don't. Put simply: my background did nothing more than provide a thesis.

So go ahead and make one of your own; I'm still waiting. So far you've offered no intellectual support to your argument. It's not a good look.


If say five people are involved in a polyamorous relationship there are thirty non-trivial subgroups that can scheme, lie, gossip and nurture jealousies about each other. On the other hand there are one and twenty permutations available for tantric exploration. Hmmmm. It's a difficult decision.

No risk, no reward. The irony here is that my point that monogamous relationships rarely ever are is entirely lost on this thread it seems.

~BB~

[TSMichelleAustin]

Yeah, that sounds like an open relationship to me, too. The difference is that polyamory is having multiple committed relationships whereas an open relationship is one that is monogamous in terms of mutually exclusive commitment, but is still open sexually.

~BB~

We have had other partners in past, he had a genetic girl gf for a long time and I have dated a few guys but of course nothing good has come along and of course finding people that understand it! Yea as of right now its open but we dont mind poly if the right peep come along! I should of elaborated on my earlier post!

[BellaBellucci]

We have had other partners in past, he had a genetic girl gf for a long time and I have dated a few guys but of course nothing good has come along and of course finding people that understand it! Yea as of right now its open but we dont mind poly if the right peep come along! I should of elaborated on my earlier post!

I wasn't judging. I just wanted to clarify. Of course I wish you the best of luck in all of our relationships.

~BB~

[onmyknees]

I've always thought Polyamory as you describe it was just a stopping point on the way to monogamy. That is to say, I've had difficulty finding everything I needed from just one partner, ( I don't suggest that's thier fault, but probably mine) so the logical course was to have several. It's a difficult balancing act, and takes as much if not more work at times than one committed relationship....but it was always undertaken with the ultimate goal of monogamy, but that search continues.

[RallyCola]

I've pointed out logical, objective reasons for polyamory - conclusions that I've come to after a period of self-discovery that was consequential to my upbringing, but I in no way alluded that people should be poly SIMPLY because I had a rough life.

You're attempting to not only distract from my criticism of your lack of logical argument, but hang a red herring around my neck by saying that my argument is based on that which you need it to be based in order to have an argument at all - a subjective catalyst for a process that led me to draw certain conclusions about how relationships work... or don't. Put simply: my background did nothing more than provide a thesis.

So go ahead and make one of your own; I'm still waiting. So far you've offered no intellectual support to your argument. It's not a good look.

~BB~


so we are inagreement that you feel the way you do because of your experiences...so what are we arguing about?

i stand by what i say that i need not give any logical reason as to why i feel monogamy is better for me because again, to use your words they are conclusions that I've come to after a period of self-discovery that was consequential to my upbringing. in that, our viewpoints cannot be juxtaposed so what's the point.

in fact, i'll prove to you how idiotic you are being about this.



Personally, I'm poly MONO. I've been in too many relationships that offered me things that I've wanted, but still left much to be desired. Since I actually care about my partners and want whats best for the both of us, I feel that monogamy polyamory is the answer.

I mean, my parents DIDN'T HAVE had serious issues with one another and but got married anyway because they had me and felt pressured to do so, and they loved me resented me for it and probably still do. They have Neither of them has ever been fulfilled in any way by their relationship and their love misery trickled down onto everyone around them. It was a blessing all my life fiasco for almost 18 years. I would never wish that kind of upbringing on anyone.

There's no one person or relationship that can make a person entirely happy and fulfilled, and I think it's a cop-out to say that we're not all entirely responsible for our own happiness because all anybody can do is their best under the circumstances, though and those circumstances are rarely chosen by an individual in question. More often than not, even when we think they are, they're still usually within our arbitrary social guidelines. I think it's time that human beings expand the consciousness to a point that happiness is actually an attainable achievement.

That's not to say that mono poly relationships aren't without issue committed. Quite the contrary, they all are. Being poly isn't an excuse to cheat; it's a way for the greatest number of people to have the greatest number of opportunities for happiness while demonstrating the ability to make the most basic of choices. That said, the only argument for being polyamorus monogamous seems to be a moot point.

What say you?


you even say it's a moot point to be monogamous in your post so again, that is the point of any debate when you've decided you don't want to hear it in your own words.

really, you need to learn how to be consistent in your point and formulate an argument rather than just splooge on your keyboard and think you are intellectually sparring rather than just falling victim to that which you accuse those that don't agree with you of. the problem is not that you don't find value in what i am saying...it is that you don't and probably can't realize that the framework of your argument renders this whole thread moot. though i have used your EXACT argument changing the positive connotation towards that of monogamy, you can't see it because you are exactly what tika posted

[trish]

Well I think I would dispute that monogamous relationships are rarely rewarding.

One important factor in any relationship, monogamous or polyamorous is knowing when it has reached the point of no returns. Often relationships never reach that point. Some pods or pairs have a creative chemistry that increases with time. Others not so much. It is often difficult to admit when a relationship reaches that point where its more chore than thrill. Children make it even more difficult.

In Kim Stanley Robinson's new novel 2312 the Titans practice a sort of polyamory. The group of committed "lovers" (for lack of a better word) is called a creche. Even though the parents are exceptionally attached to their children and partake in their upbringing and education, the creche also takes responsibility in raising the children, providing emotional, financial and other support. Sometimes members leave and sometimes they return. I can only think Thanksgiving must be hell on Titan. But it all sounds quite reasonable to me. There's are lots of fruitful ways to live and we shouldn't let primitive social norms stifle our happiness.

[BellaBellucci]

so we are inagreement that you feel the way you do because of your experiences

I'm not normally one for name calling, but you sir, are a stubborn, obtuse, self-absorbed asshole who will say anything to avoid looking like you might be wrong, and you're still attempting to distract me from my argument.

Grow the fuck up. I just said repeatedly that my upbringing was only the impetus for a path of discovery that led me to objectively learn more about how relationships work and draw logical conclusions. You just continue to ignore the statements because, again, you have no argument for monogamy, only one against polyamory.

Seriously. Don't even respond. Until we're having the same conversation, I'm no longer interested in what you have to say.

http://frankierants.files.wordpress.com/2009/11/broken-record-765056.jpg

~BB~

[fred41]

No risk, no reward. The irony here is that my point that monogamous relationships rarely ever are is entirely lost on this thread it seems.

~BB~

I'm sure there are plenty of monogamous relationships that remain exclusive...just not always sexually exclusive...just as I would imagine a few members in a polyamorous relationship would not be sexually exclusive (or lie about it).

[Chaos]

Monogamy for me. I can't even begin to imagine the effort it would take to keep multiple people happy and committed to me. I trust so very few people to begin with....So much so,that I'd need to get tested every time I slept with one of them.. If I had 5 committed people and even ONE of them cheated....I'd be inclined to think it wasn't just one....At least with one person the risks are minimal across the board. Again, this only applies to ME. if Poly works for you then that's awesome,not my thing though....I don't share well either...lol

[BellaBellucci]

I'm sure there are plenty of monogamous relationships that remain exclusive...just not always sexually exclusive...just as I would imagine a few members in a polyamorous relationship would not be sexually exclusive (or lie about it).

No, of course, as was said, those are called 'open relationships,' but in monogamous relationships you always have to wonder if you've limited yourself or made the right choice in committing to one person. I'm all about choices, not regrets, so long as one doesn't intend to use them to hurt others.

On the flip side, most poly relationships are sexually open, but it takes a lot more to bring a person into the fold beyond that.

~BB~

[BellaBellucci]

Monogamy for me. I can't even begin to imagine the effort it would take to keep multiple people happy and committed to me. I trust so very few people to begin with....So much so,that I'd need to get tested every time I slept with one of them.. If I had 5 committed people and even ONE of them cheated....I'd be inclined to think it wasn't just one....At least with one person the risks are minimal across the board. Again, this only applies to ME. if Poly works for you then that's awesome,not my thing though....I don't share well either...lol

You're confusing social commitment with sexual monogamy. The two are far from mutually exclusive. Otherwise, I see your point, but again, if you were in a relationship with just one person and you broke up with them for cheating, then you would be alone. In poly relationships, the numbers don't work out like that and the only way one can 'cheat' on you is to not disclose their outside relationship, which yes, people may still fail to do irrespective of their relationship status.

~BB~

[BellaBellucci]

I've always thought Polyamory as you describe it was just a stopping point on the way to monogamy. That is to say, I've had difficulty finding everything I needed from just one partner, ( I don't suggest that's thier fault, but probably mine) so the logical course was to have several. It's a difficult balancing act, and takes as much if not more work at times than one committed relationship....but it was always undertaken with the ultimate goal of monogamy, but that search continues.

LOL! That's called 'dating,' not polyamory. ;)

~BB~

[fred41]

No, of course, as was said, those are called 'open relationships,' but in monogamous relationships you always have to wonder if you've limited yourself or made the right choice in committing to one person. I'm all about choices, not regrets, so long as one doesn't intend to use them to hurt others.~BB~
One may always wonder...and when it doesn't work for a million and one reasons...it ends. Monogamy often only lasts for a certain period of time but that doesn't mean another monogamous relationship can't be started thereafter...For many,if not most - monogamy actually means: one at a time.


On the flip side, most poly relationships are sexually open, but it takes a lot more to bring a person into the fold beyond that.~BB~

A sexually open poly relationship sounds like the relationship ties are much weaker than a monogamous relationship. I realize people have different ideas about the meaning of love...and due to chemical and emotional differences in human beings,probably experience love differently...but in my opinion - a monogamous bond would be stronger than a poly amorous bond.

~BB~[/QUOTE]

[GrimFusion]

Sexual variety is an abstract concept. It's possible for a monogamous couple to experience sexual variety to a greater extent than a polyamorous couple. What is actually meant is that “a person needs to have sex with multiple partners, perhaps simultaneously, in order to experience sexual variety”—which is not a logical assessment.

Intimate relationships are intense opportunities for personal and spiritual growth, but they aren't necessary. A person can grow from virtually any experience or relationship, depending on their own commitment to growth. Growth is a personal choice that comes from within; it is not created by an external event or another person. Furthermore, intimacy with more than one partner does not ensure “greater” or “deeper” intimacy, and may be used as a codependent excuse to avoid intimacy with a primary partner.

A person is free to make their own choice about how many partners they want to be involved with, but respecting your partner’s choice to pursue other relationships is a separate issue from respecting your own core needs and choices—which may be monogamous. You can respect a partner’s needs without disrespecting your own needs in the process.

That said, it's obvious that this debate can't boil down to more than simple personal decision. Neither monogamy or polyamory are more appropriate globally. The only thing that is natural is for you to be honest with your feelings, and acknowledge your needs and your limitations when it comes to romantic relationships. In other words, I may not support your view, but the reason I don't like arguing with you about the topic is that I can respect your view.

[BellaBellucci]

^ Two excellent, well-considered, logical responses. Thank you. :)

I understand the mono point of view as well. I just want it honestly explained to me why people share it.

~BB~

[Chaos]

For me, losing a relationship is a big deal. Yes,I'd be single again.....but that's how I need it to be. If i were Poly and lost one relationship there would be a strain on the others. I'm the kind of person that if I break it off with someone I NEED alone time....whether to sort out what went wrong on my part or to avoid the mistake of dating the same kind of person again. Like I said, I DO have trust issues....so if one person was cheating on me then I'd automatically assume that it wasn't just one....That's just how I am,and why Monogamy is better for me....
It is not a pleasant prospect at all to me to find that someone I care about needs other relationships of similar status to be happy....It makes me feel deficient as a person...
And what happens when you have this group of people and you still feel like you're missing something? Does the group just keep getting bigger? And what if you find one person with everything you want? You're hurting at least a few other people.....Just questions....Not an argument. You know I luv ya Bella :D

[BellaBellucci]

And what happens when you have this group of people and you still feel like you're missing something? Does the group just keep getting bigger? And what if you find one person with everything you want? You're hurting at least a few other people.....Just questions....Not an argument. You know I luv ya Bella :D

What happens in a monogamous relationship when someone wants to stray? The same thing: what ever happens. It depends on the circumstances and the needs of the people involved. Mono, poly, makes no difference really.

~BB~

[Chaos]

I can only speak for myself but if I am unhappy and missing something, I leave. I do not cheat. Better to be alone and lacking everything than to be missing one thing and making someone miserable while looking for it. That's just how I am,But then, I've never had the situation present itself to me either...I can only go on what I know of myself so far...To reiterate,I'm not against it,but I go with what I know...

[phillyguy21]

I would certainly be open to a non-monogamous relationship. I have talked about this with my gf, but she wants to be married to each other before possibly letting anyone else in. I think most of our society would be less miserable without the stringent expectation of monogamous sex. We human beings are animals. We fuck. At least half of people in the U.S. cheat, have cheated or will cheat. I think honest communication is the key.

[Dino Velvet]

I can only speak for myself but if I am unhappy and missing something, I leave. I do not cheat.

Me too. I'm a clown when I'm single but I take relationships seriously.

[Rusty Eldora]

Our society would be much better if poly was more accepted. Many wives leave a husband that has been good to them, but has strayed. We each have specific needs spectrums and can satisfy on a different spectrum. No two in a relationship can satisfy everything. Bringing in others can provide stability.

I have a gg provider girlfriend that shares me with her friends. It works pretty well. I also accept her being a provider, I probably wouldn't if she didn't share me as we both get to experience others.

[danthepoetman]

Remember this one, Bella? Is this about polyamory? :)
Thank God for Palmer and these girls, ridicule isn’t lethal…
Robert Palmer - 'Simply Irresistible' - ORIGINAL VIDEO - stereo HQ.mp4 - YouTube (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfAraUEgDJk)

[loren]

Personally, I'm more of a monogamous (however sometimes open relationship) person. I don't really have any problem with having sexual encounters with multiple guys, butt when it comes to a relationship, I'm willing to be true to him.

[Ben]

Monogamy is Unnatural:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TN6lvMfsDeE