Is it really so bad to live your entire life alone?

[BellaBellucci]

I'm starting to think not. It seems to cut down on life's complications quite a bit. I mean I've spent my whole life trying to just be myself, and as it turns out, I'm not really compatible with really anyone for any purpose other than casual friendships. To be fair, this is the price I've always suspected I'd pay for being strong and staying true to myself. Maybe it's time for me to just give up and start collecting cats.

I don't know. It's something I'm mulling over.

~BB~

[NatashaLover]

Never Give Up Bella, Life has many many people out there looking for a special someone that they click with, You know my story, and I didnt think I was going to find my special someone.

[Ineeda SM]

Come on Bella. Ya gotta share a little of your life with someone. Even if it doesn't last that long. Then you find someone else to share with...and so on. Life alone is less complicated indeed, but after a while, it gets lonely.

Even the cat lady needs love.:):dancing:

[SXFX]

Oh girl :-( hugz babe!
I know it's shit coming from me but....hugz gorgeous!

[runningdownthatdream]

I'm starting to think not. It seems to cut down on life's complications quite a bit. I mean I've spent my whole life trying to just be myself, and as it turns out, I'm not really compatible with really anyone for any purpose other than casual friendships. To be fair, this is the price I've always suspected I'd pay for being strong and staying true to myself. Maybe it's time for me to just give up and start collecting cats.

I don't know. It's something I'm mulling over.

~BB~

I feel you.................have been in a similar place for a while now. The emotional investment needed for relationships - platonic and otherwise - just doesn't seem to warrant what you get in return. I've done a pretty good job too of keeping people on the outside so as time goes on I'm getting more and more used to being solitaire. I'm finding that I'm more interested in people's ideas but not necessarily people!

[BellaBellucci]

Come on Bella. Ya gotta share a little of your life with someone. Even if it doesn't last that long. Then you find someone else to share with...and so on. Life alone is less complicated indeed, but after a while, it gets lonely.

Even the cat lady needs love.:):dancing:

Sharing is generally something that comes back to haunt me. It's never worth it. I try to not say anything that can and will be used against me. :lol:


Oh girl :-( hugz babe!
I know it's shit coming from me but....hugz gorgeous!

Thanks. It's the thought that counts. :)

~BB~

[BellaBellucci]

I feel you.................have been in a similar place for a while now. The emotional investment needed for relationships - platonic and otherwise - just doesn't seem to warrant what you get in return. I've done a pretty good job too of keeping people on the outside so as time goes on I'm getting more and more used to being solitaire. I'm finding that I'm more interested in people's ideas but not necessarily people!

Yeah, me too. I think it's a cultural thing now. I blame the combination of websites that allow you to share details of your life with thousands, as opposed to with just one, and of course the economy. It's a passive-aggressive 'every man for himself' world these days. It makes me feel old because I clearly remember a time when it wasn't like this, but even back then, society still had its ills. It was just better at hiding them. :geek:

~BB~

[bighicknyc]

Sharing is generally something that comes back to haunt me. It's never worth it. I try to not say anything that can and will be used against me. :lol:



Thanks. It's the thought that counts. :)

~BB~

Miss B
Your a highly intelligent woman with your own opinion on life along with the fact that everytime you show us a new photo of yourself it keeps one getting more beautiful all the time. The final thing is that you have a kid that loves you so screw everything else

[BellaBellucci]

Miss B
Your a highly intelligent woman with your own opinion on life along with the fact that everytime you show us a new photo of yourself it keeps one getting more beautiful all the time. The final thing is that you have a kid that loves you so screw everything else

Thanks. I'm working very hard to get my shit together. This economy makes everything take ten times longer, too. :lol:

As far as my son, I love him too, to the point where I've pretty much put my entire life on hold (I did not transition to do porn), but it's a love based in responsibility and I only get him 50% of the time anyway. It would be nice for someone to take care of Mom, consistently and in a way that only an adult can offer, ya know?

~BB~

[runningdownthatdream]

Yeah, me too. I think it's a cultural thing now. I blame the combination of websites that allow you to share details of your life with thousands, as opposed to with the one, and of course the economy. It's a passive-aggressive 'every man for himself' world these days. It makes me feel old because I clearly remember a time when it wasn't like this, but even back then, society still had its ills. It was just better at hiding them. :geek:

~BB~

I've come to similar conclusion about the culture - I still don't understand why people feel the need to share so much of themselves for the whole world to see and hear. Every damn person - fool or otherwise - wants to trumpet every thought however meaningless and trite. And doing it using the worst teenage vernacular possible too - from what I see online 40 seems to be the new 13!

[BellaBellucci]

from what I see online 40 seems to be the new 13!

Cool. That makes me jailbait. :D

~BB~

[bighicknyc]

Thanks. I'm working very hard to get my shit together. This economy makes everything take ten times longer, too. :lol:

As far as my son, I love him too, to the point where I've pretty much put my entire life on hold (I did not transition to do porn), but it's a love based in responsibility and I only get him 50% of the time. It would be nice for someone to take care of Mom once in a while, ya know?

~BB~

Hell until we all find one who can put up with our crap we feel a bit lonely. You have a heck of alot going on for you then you realize so be a bit patience

[loveboof]

Sharing is generally something that comes back to haunt me. It's never worth it. I try to not say anything that can and will be used against me. :lol:


It's a good thing to be independent, but you mentioned your strength, and imo it takes a strong person to let go of their previous issues and let yourself be 'vulnerable' again. I don't mean weak - but open.

In a way, by closing yourself off emotionally you are really playing it safe - which is usually the easy option!

[BellaBellucci]

Hell until we all find one who can put up with our crap we feel a bit lonely. You have a heck of alot going on for you then you realize so be a bit patience

I'm also obsessive/compulsive, stubborn as an ox, and one of the most patience-trying human beings that has ever lived. It comes from my background and it's not something I have the luxury of being able to change right now. Part of the reason for my feelings of isolation is that I don't want to hurt anybody that I don't have to either.

Trust me on this one: don't give me too much credit. :lol:

~BB~

[runningdownthatdream]

Cool. That makes me jailbait. :D

~BB~

I haven't noticed your posts being consistently blanketed by 'LOL/LMAO/LMAO dude/ROFL' etc............so you're not jailbait yet!

[BellaBellucci]

In a way, by closing yourself off emotionally you are really playing it safe - which is usually the easy option!

Hi. Have you met some of the people who are involved with this community?! There's no way you can trust any of them! :lol:

~BB~

[Ineeda SM]

Sharing is generally something that comes back to haunt me. It's never worth it. I try to not say anything that can and will be used against me. :lol:

Oh I've played that tune before, so I know the story. But you don't have to be with the same person forever, you can take breaks. And keep your mouth shut. LOL

I would hate to see this happen to you baby.

[0utrageousss]

I'm starting to think not. It seems to cut down on life's complications quite a bit. I mean I've spent my whole life trying to just be myself, and as it turns out, I'm not really compatible with really anyone for any purpose other than casual friendships. To be fair, this is the price I've always suspected I'd pay for being strong and staying true to myself. Maybe it's time for me to just give up and start collecting cats.

I don't know. It's something I'm mulling over.

~BB~

Aww I feel the same way! It's alright though, life goes on ;)

[loveboof]

Hi. Have you met some of the people who are involved with this community?! There's no way you can trust any of them! :lol:

~BB~

No I haven't met anyone from HA, but I meant in general. I don't trust most people here lol (or in real life), but when you meet someone you want to get close to - it takes strength and courage to open yourself up.

[BellaBellucci]

Oh I've played that tune before, so I know the story. But you don't have to be with the same person forever, you can take breaks. And keep your mouth shut. LOL

I honestly have no interest in any long-term relationship in which I have to keep secrets. If i don't think I can share with you or trust you, I won't even bother trying to hook up, let alone angle for something more.

I honestly believe there have been and continue to be people in my life who are only interested in me because they want to be nosy and 'break the wall,' so to speak. All I can say to those people is: good luck with that. I don't trust any of you motherfuckers, and you know who you are. :lol:

~BB~

[Silcc69]

Bella you should hookup with Steven. :)

[runningdownthatdream]

No I haven't met anyone from HA, but I meant in general. I don't trust most people here lol (or in real life), but when you meet someone you want to get close to - it takes strength and courage to open yourself up.

.....and that's because love is a battlefield?! sounds like a tremendous cliche and one no doubt well loved by the poets but if you think about it reasonably it's really just another of those stupid things we say to add mysticism to something basic and natural like human inter-relations.

[BellaBellucci]

Aww I feel the same way! It's alright though, life goes on ;)

I know you do, kiddo. You deserve love too tho. And while I empathize with you, you're not a 33-year old transsexual single mother. You have plenty of time and less working against you. :yingyang:


No I haven't met anyone from HA, but I meant in general. I don't trust most people here lol (or in real life), but when you meet someone you want to get close to - it takes strength and courage to open yourself up.

Actually, no. My point is that with these people, it doesn't take strength, it actually takes weakness of will or outright stupidity. This scene is full of vultures. They're everywhere.


.....and that's because love is a battlefield?! sounds like a tremendous cliche and one no doubt well loved by the poets but if you think about it reasonably it's really just another of those stupid things we say to add mysticism to something basic and natural like human inter-relations.

Fucking-A right!


Bella you should hookup with Steven. :)

Well hey, what took you so long? You cost me a bundle, jackass! My money was on the under! :lol:

~BB~

[Dino Velvet]

I've reconnected with my ex by the phone. We're now back to talking a few times a week for up to 2 hours at a time. We've always had a strong bond and I've opened up to her more than anyone because she never judges me. She lives on the other side of the country so I'm not sure where the future leads us. Most of you here who know me can imagine the handful I could be in a relationship. I'm good natured but rarely care about gaining anyone's approval. I care what she thinks though.

[onmyknees]

Nothing wrong with cats...but they're pretty standoffish and independent.....not unlike lots of people. Maybe a puppy is better ! I think it's probably a little early to be pressing the panic button. More than half the relationships start with a promise of life long commitment and giving , and end with bitterness and anger. Imagine going across emotional divide in a few years time? Far be it for me to give relationship advice, but I've had a few....maybe few too many. I would say that unless you're willing to give ( sacrifice) of yourself , maybe you're better off single (but never say alone) I don't think that necessarily means you can't be "true to yourself" but a relationship is about giving, and you may have to give up some or your independence . It's about meeting in the middle, and not everybody's willing to do that to the extent necessary. It's far better to know yourself and come to terms with the reality that you may be somewhat self centered ( not meant in a negative way) than to suppress those feelings and live in an unhappy relationship having lost your identity. I know more than a few ladies who have expressed similar sentiment, and invariably they make bad relationship decisions because of some self induced ticking clock. If you're as stubborn as you say you are ( and I think you are) well.....that's not a trait easily suppressed !

[0utrageousss]

I don't think it matters, we are both strong intelligent, stubborn and opinionated woman. Fact is, men HATE intelligent woman (I laugh when they say intelligence is a turn on) When you really take a look at 90% of women who are spoken for, they aren't the sharpest knives in the drawer to say the least. On top of that, men are weak. We are strong. Water seeks it's own level...

[loveboof]

.....and that's because love is a battlefield?! sounds like a tremendous cliche and one no doubt well loved by the poets but if you think about it reasonably it's really just another of those stupid things we say to add mysticism to something basic and natural like human inter-relations.

No, you're wrong. It is obviously a hard thing to let yourself be vulnerable if you've been hurt in the past, and you have to be a strong person to stay optimistic and open.

Imo your cynicism is simply easier than having to face up to your emotional inhibitions and insecurities...

[BellaBellucci]

I don't think it matters, we are both strong intelligent, stubborn and opinionated woman. Fact is, men HATE intelligent woman (I laugh when they say intelligence is a turn on) When you really take a look at 90% of women who are spoken for, they aren't the sharpest knives in the drawer to say the least. On top of that, men are weak. We are strong. Water seeks it's own level...

Pretty much. Welcome to the irony of life: if you're a woman, the more you improve yourself, the less viable of a partner you become because most people have a million insecurities.


Imo your cynicism is simply easier than having to face up to your emotional inhibitions and insecurities...

More often than not people have these issues because their trust has been betrayed, and sometimes, people go through life being betrayed by nearly everyone, i.e. a good many transwomen (which is why you guys need to lighten up on them). How can you trust under those circumstances, and a better question is why should you? Is it really worth the cost of admission?

~BB~

[Dino Velvet]

I think it's more the overly-opinionated than intelligence that us fellas shy away from. Nothing wrong with a smart gal but someone who makes a Federal Case out of the most trivial things is a pain in the butt. You probably don't like guys that are drama queens either.

[runningdownthatdream]

I don't think it matters, we are both strong intelligent, stubborn and opinionated woman. Fact is, men HATE intelligent woman (I laugh when they say intelligence is a turn on) When you really take a look at 90% of women who are spoken for, they aren't the sharpest knives in the drawer to say the least. On top of that, men are weak. We are strong. Water seeks it's own level...

You're making yet another generalization - while I can't speak for all men I can definitively say that intelligent women turn me on (although a great ass and killer eyes are occasional substitutes :) ). In my experience, though, women dumb themselves down to the level they THINK men want them to be at. Men will happily oblige fulfilling the caveman role because it's damn easy to do.

I think we need to challenge the traditional roles of men and women and the value of those roles within society. We've honed relationships down to power struggles where both parties know what the other party expects and so most people have just become emotional automatons......but then again maybe I think that way because I'm spending too much time alone!

[BellaBellucci]

I think it's more the overly-opinionated than intelligence that us fellas shy away from. Nothing wrong with a smart gal but someone who makes a Federal Case out of the most trivial things is a pain in the butt. You probably don't like guys that are drama queens either.

That's an interesting statement. Care to elaborate? It's OK for a woman to be smart, but it's not OK for her to show it? I don't think that's what you're saying, but that's what it sounds like.

~BB~

[0utrageousss]

Pretty much. Welcome to the irony of life: if you're a woman, the more you improve yourself, the less viable of a partner you become because most people have a million insecurities.



More often than not people have these issues because their trust has been betrayed, and sometimes, people go through life being betrayed by nearly everyone, i.e. a good many transwomen (which is why you guys need to lighten up on them). How can you trust under those circumstances, and a better question is why should you? Is it really worth the cost of admission?

~BB~

Girl fuck a life partner you should be throwing all resources into writing a book!! You are spot on about it all, 99.9% of people do not deserve one iota of trust.

[runningdownthatdream]

No, you're wrong. It is obviously a hard thing to let yourself be vulnerable if you've been hurt in the past, and you have to be a strong person to stay optimistic and open.

Imo your cynicism is simply easier than having to face up to your emotional inhibitions and insecurities...

nice of you to know what drives my thinking - your arrogance is astounding to say the least.

[Dino Velvet]

That's an interesting statement. Care to elaborate? It's OK for a woman to be smart, but it's not OK for her to show it? I don't think that's what you're saying, but that's what it sounds like.

~BB~

That's why I said overly opinionated and not opinionated. Moderation.

[loveboof]

More often than not people have these issues because their trust has been betrayed, and sometimes, people go through life being betrayed by nearly everyone, i.e. a good many transwomen (which is why you guys need to lighten up on them). How can you trust under those circumstances, and a better question is why should you? Is it really worth the cost of admission?

~BB~

That's what I'm saying. It is not an easy thing to do! You said you're a strong woman, and I think it takes strength of character to allow yourself to be vulnerable with another person...

[BellaBellucci]

Girl fuck a life partner you should be throwing all resources into writing a book!! You are spot on about it all, 99.9% of people do not deserve one iota of trust.

The idea of writing a book has been dancing around my head for years, but I really need to finish up my website so I have income while I concentrate on it. Some people here know a thing or two about my past, but if I ever told all of the consequential stories of my life, there wouldn't be a dry eye in the house, except maybe mine.

Damn. Does that officially make me jaded or what? :lol:

~BB~

[BellaBellucci]

That's why I said overly opinionated and not opinionated. Moderation.

Got it.


That's what I'm saying. It is not an easy thing to do! You said you're a strong woman, and I think it takes strength of character to allow yourself to be vulnerable with another person...

I don't think you're comprehending me. It's not a safe thing to do when you're transsexual, particularly one in this business. You don't seem to understand that it's a losing bet nearly 100% of the time. If you knew you were going to lose every time, would you still want to play the game? It doesn't sound like much fun to me.

~BB~

[runningdownthatdream]

The idea of writing a book has been dancing around my head for years, but I really need to finish up my website so I have income while I concentrate on it. Some people here know a thing or two about my past, but if I ever told all of the consequential stories of my life, there wouldn't be a dry eye in the house, except maybe mine.

Damn. Does that officially make me jaded or what? :lol:

~BB~

Maybe you can edit a book of stories about the transsexual experience.......Yvonne has hinted more than once at her own travails.....Kelly and ND too.

[loveboof]

nice of you to know what drives my thinking - your arrogance is astounding to say the least.

I am slightly arrogant. I won't apologise for that, but I am sorry if you took offense.

IMO = in my opinion

(of course your defensive response kinda reinforces my opinion)

[0utrageousss]

You're making yet another generalization - while I can't speak for all men I can definitively say that intelligent women turn me on (although a great ass and killer eyes are occasional substitutes :) ). In my experience, though, women dumb themselves down to the level they THINK men want them to be at. Men will happily oblige fulfilling the caveman role because it's damn easy to do.

I think we need to challenge the traditional roles of men and women and the value of those roles within society. We've honed relationships down to power struggles where both parties know what the other party expects and so most people have just become emotional automatons......but then again maybe I think that way because I'm spending too much time alone!

Honey I'm just going by what I see in real life with my own two eyes, the women who are spoken for generally seem less intelligent, more likely to have a severe lack of identity outside her relationship, etc... JUST SAYIN.

[Dino Velvet]

Got it.

~BB~

I'm friends with you, right? You're opinionated. You're smart so I respect your opinion. But you don't have an outburst making things seem like life and death unless they are important.

Barbara Streisand would be my prime example of an overly-opinionated pain in the ass.

[BellaBellucci]

Maybe you can edit a book of stories about the transsexual experience.......Yvonne has hinted more than once at her own travails.....Kelly and ND too.

I've considered that too. Not to brag, but I'm clearly the woman for the job. I'd compile it, edit it, and add my own story, and I'm sure Kelly's got the connections to get it published.

Let's git 'er dooooone! :lol:

~BB~

[BellaBellucci]

I'm friends with you, right? You're opinionated. You're smart so I respect your opinion. But you don't have an outburst making things seem like life and death unless they are important.

Barbara Streisand would be my prime example of an overly-opinionated pain in the ass.

If this thread wasn't moving so quickly, I'd totally post something in Steisand-Vision.

Maybe I'll come back and do it later. :lol:

Oh, and I think the word you're looking for is 'melodramatic.' Yeah. I'm definitely not that. I try to keep a cool head, except when you-know-who is involved. :lol:

~BB~

[Dino Velvet]

Be careful with the fellas, Ashley. We might not be as bad as you say but some of us are real pieces of shit. You're young and cute making some good money some make sure you get what you're after. All the best. :cheers:

[runningdownthatdream]

Honey I'm just going by what I see in real life with my own two eyes, the women who are spoken for generally seem less intelligent, more likely to have a severe lack of identity outside her relationship, etc... JUST SAYIN.

I somewhat agree with the highlighted part of your statement since I experienced it first hand. I once dated a woman who was a friend first. I really respected her intelligence - very analytical with strong views etc. But when we got into the non-platonic relationship I found she was just agreeing with me on everything, would never voice her opinions, and around friends rarely had any meaningful discussions. Pissed me off no end.......her excuse was that she believes that women should do everything to please the man they are with even at the price of sacrificing their identity! Rubbish............

[Dino Velvet]

If this thread wasn't moving so quickly, I'd totally post something in Steisand-Vision.

Maybe I'll come back and do it later. :lol:

Oh, and I think the word you're looking for is 'melodramatic.' Yeah. I'm definitely not that. I try to keep a cool head, except when you-know-who is involved. :lol:

~BB~

Melodramatic works for me. People who, whenever they open their mouths, soap opera music plays. That.

[runningdownthatdream]

I've considered that too. Not to brag, but I'm clearly the woman for the job. I'd compile it, edit it, and add my own story, and I'm sure Kelly's got the connections to get it published.

Let's git 'er dooooone! :lol:

~BB~

I think it's a great idea and I think the time is right - as transsexualism becomes more accepted by the mainstream there will be demand for these stories. In general I think people want to understand those we bring 'in from the cold' to use an old term.

[0utrageousss]

Be careful with the fellas, Ashley. We might not be as bad as you say but some of us are real pieces of shit. You're young and cute making some good money some make sure you get what you're after. All the best. :cheers:

I know, thats why I don't deal with men in real life.. why bother ;)

[loveboof]

I don't think you're comprehending me. It's not a safe thing to do when you're transsexual, particularly one in this business. You don't seem to understand that it's a losing bet nearly 100% of the time. If you knew you were going to lose every time, would you still want to play the game? It doesn't sound like much fun to me.


I don't want to argue with you - if you believe that there is no point playing 'the game' any more, then that's your call. But none of you guys have said anything to dissuade me that it is the easy option to give in.

[Dino Velvet]

I know, thats why I don't deal with men in real life.. why bother ;)

You're still young. Keep an open mind. You'll meet someone to your approval eventually and will be happy to admit you were wrong.

[Stavros]

Living alone is not the same as living in isolation; being alone is not the same as being lonely. Some people are not suited to marriage or relationships, certainly not conventional ones; all you need to do -all anyone needs to do- is be honest with yourself about what constitutes your optimum level of satisfaction. Some people can't survive without someone at home and in their lives, if you can, it is still possible to have friends and be convivial, and you can completely control your own home and not get angry because someone is playing music that drives you mad, or is in the bathroom at the wrong time, or brings home someone you don't like, and so on. Ultimately, its about who you are as a person; when you know you have made the right choice, that is what it will be. I don't understand this mania for marriage and relationships that people have, when they are so obviously no good at any of it. You only have the one life, make it your own. One benefit of living alone is that you can watch any film you want anytime, or spend the whole morning or afternoon writing, or spend the whole day listening to Wagner -and there is noone there to interrupt you and demand your attention, except maybe the phone, but you can turn that off, and should.

[runningdownthatdream]

I am slightly arrogant. I won't apologise for that, but I am sorry if you took offense.

IMO = in my opinion

(of course your defensive response kinda reinforces my opinion)

well understandable that you would look to have your own opinion reinforced although personally I try to look beyond my own opinions - it's how I learn.

I wasn't being defensive merely pointing out that I find your assessment arrogant. After all you can only come to the conclusion you did based on your own experiences and in this case you're incorrect - your opinion would likely change if you knew my experiences.

[jerseyboy72]

It's always nice to have that special someone in your life. But I'm still searching too.

[runningdownthatdream]

Living alone is not the same as living in isolation; being alone is not the same as being lonely. Some people are not suited to marriage or relationships, certainly not conventional ones; all you need to do -all anyone needs to do- is be honest with yourself about what constitutes your optimum level of satisfaction. Some people can't survive without someone at home and in their lives, if you can, it is still possible to have friends and be convivial, and you can completely control your own home and not get angry because someone is playing music that drives you mad, or is in the bathroom at the wrong time, or brings home someone you don't like, and so on. Ultimately, its about who you are as a person; when you know you have made the right choice, that is what it will be. I don't understand this mania for marriage and relationships that people have, when they are so obviously no good at any of it. You only have the one life, make it your own. One benefit of living alone is that you can watch any film you want anytime, or spend the whole morning or afternoon writing, or spend the whole day listening to Wagner -and there is noone there to interrupt you and demand your attention, except maybe the phone, but you can turn that off, and should.

I'm not sure how this happened.............but we have convergence!

[BellaBellucci]

your opinion would likely change if you knew my experiences.

That pretty much sums up everybody, doesn't it? :geek:

~BB~

[runningdownthatdream]

That pretty much sums up everybody, doesn't it? :geek:

~BB~

Yes - which is why I try really hard to state my opinions are based on my experience. When we become convinced that our opinion is the only opinion or that it reflects the opinion of the majority then we succumb to dogma..........

[loveboof]

well understandable that you would look to have your own opinion reinforced although personally I try to look beyond my own opinions - it's how I learn.

I wasn't being defensive merely pointing out that I find your assessment arrogant. After all you can only come to the conclusion you did based on your own experiences and in this case you're incorrect - your opinion would likely change if you knew my experiences.

Any intelligent person looks for reinforcement with their opinions - it adds validity to their beliefs.

And apparently you are not prepared to look beyond your own opinion in this instance; perhaps I struck gold with my one-line assessment of your psyche? lol

I don't really care either way, because you're defending your own cynicism.

[runningdownthatdream]

Any intelligent person looks for reinforcement with their opinions - it adds validity to their beliefs.

And apparently you are not prepared to look beyond your own opinion in this instance; perhaps I struck gold with my one-line assessment of your psyche? lol

I don't really care either way, because you're defending your own cynicism.

What are your 'belief's based upon? And why do you seek to reinforce your 'beliefs' rather than continually look beyond them? I don't care to be rooted in belief systems as it leads to stagnation - like a tree being fixed to the ground. You seem obsessed with needed to be right and with validating your beliefs. You're welcome to them.

[BellaBellucci]

Any intelligent person looks for reinforcement with their opinions - it adds validity to their beliefs.

Yes, but any balanced person considers the possibility that such reinforcement is false, either because it could be that they're being patronized or purposely dissuaded, or because the popular opinion is wrong.

Fascism, for instance, relies upon the warping of universally perceived truths in order to control the masses, generally using propaganda to force a change in public opinion. Just look at Heinrich Himmler or Karl Rove or any evangelical leader.

Moral of the story? Don't look for reinforcement. Instead, question everything, even yourself when necessary!

~BB~

[runningdownthatdream]

Yes, but any balanced person considers the possibility that such reinforcement is false, either because it could be that they're being patronized or purposely dissuaded, or because the popular opinion is wrong.

Fascism, for instance, relies upon the warping of universally perceived truths in order to control the masses, generally using propaganda to force a change in public opinion.

Heinrich Himmler - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heinrich_Himmler)

Moral of the story? Question everything, even yourself!

~BB~

I love you Bella!

[loveboof]

What are your 'belief's based upon? And why do you seek to reinforce your 'beliefs' rather than continually look beyond them? I don't care to be rooted in belief systems as it leads to stagnation - like a tree being fixed to the ground. You seem obsessed with needed to be right and with validating your beliefs. You're welcome to them.
A stagnating, rooted belief system is not the result of opinions which require validation. An empirical approach to one's beliefs is simply logical.

It is also pretty much the same as what you claim as 'continually looking beyond them' - you're just enjoying the argument too much to concede...

My original statement was fairly general; it didn't really require much debate. I think cynicism is often a defense mechanism to emotionally protect yourself.

The fact I had the audacity to suggest it could take more strength to see past this easy option has clearly clashed with your own self image as a 'strong person'. These are your issues, please don't project them onto me. I am just offering my opinion to Bella.

[loveboof]

Yes, but any balanced person considers the possibility that such reinforcement is false

Moral of the story? Don't look for reinforcement. Instead, question everything, even yourself when necessary!


I agree. Any opinion should be backed up by something, otherwise it is completely irrational.

And what backs it up is the thing that needs to be analysed, not the fact there is something there at all... *smh

[runningdownthatdream]

A stagnating, rooted belief system is not the result of opinions which require any kind of validation. An empirical approach to one's beliefs is simply logical.

It is also pretty much the same as what you claim as 'continually looking beyond them' - you're just enjoying the argument too much to concede...

My original statement was fairly general; it didn't really require much debate. I think cynicism is often a defense mechanism to emotionally protect yourself.

The fact I had the audacity to suggest it could take more strength to see past this easy option has clearly clashed with your own self image as a 'strong person'. These are your issues, please don't project them onto me. I am just offering my opinion to Bella.

I won't respond to you after this as I don't want to derail Bella's thread. Suffice to say, you sound like like a narcissist (you think you were audacious!?) in addition to being arrogant but perhaps the two aren't mutually exclusive. Kudos for being the genius to have figured out that cynicism is a defense mechanism - you sound like me about 15 years ago.

Good night.

[BellaBellucci]

I think cynicism is often a defense mechanism to emotionally protect yourself.

Actually, I'm a self-admitted cynic (obviously!) and I'll tell you, it's more about the wisdom of skepticism and not getting played like a fool when you can anticipate betrayal than it is specifically about emotional defense. If you lie to me, and I pretty much know you're lying because my life experience tells me so, why should I trust you?

Just because someone would like to trust others, it doesn't mean that they can or should. By your logic, you should give me your credit card numbers and I'll promise you that I won't use them.

Now of course I wouldn't, but that's beside the point. I haven't earned your trust, and you really have no reason to do such a thing.

While we're at it, why don't we give Iran help with their nuclear program? You know... because they'd never build a bomb with it.


I won't respond to you after this as I don't want to derail Bella's thread.

Are you kidding? You should know by now that the gods of chaos smile upon my threads. Knock yourself out. :dancing:

~BB~

[loveboof]

I won't respond to you after this as I don't want to derail Bella's thread. Suffice to say, you sound like like a narcissist (you think you were audacious!?) in addition to being arrogant but perhaps the two aren't mutually exclusive. Kudos for being the genius to have figured out that cynicism is a defense mechanism - you sound like me about 15 years ago.

Good night.

Again, +1 to the sarcasm fails involving Americans. lol

I was being precisely the opposite of audacious when I suggested the "fairly general" idea about cynicism. I said those exact words... Sounds like you were a much smarter guy 15 years ago tbh ;)


(edit: And am I to take it that by your ironic use of the word 'genius', you now agree with my original assessment of your cynicism?)

[loveboof]

Actually, I'm a self-admitted cynic (obviously!) and I'll tell you, it's more about the wisdom of skepticism and not getting played like a fool when you can anticipate betrayal than it is specifically about emotional defense. If you lie to me, and I pretty much know you're lying because my life experience tells me so, why should I trust you?

Just because someone would like to trust others, it doesn't mean that they can or should. By your logic, you should give me your credit card numbers and I'll promise you that I won't use them.

Now of course I wouldn't, but that's beside the point. I haven't earned your trust, and you really have no reason to do such a thing.

While we're at it, why don't we give Iran help with their nuclear program? You know... because they'd never build a bomb with it.

Scepticism and cynicism are not the same thing. And I am not talking about trusting random people - I'm saying with someone you want to be close with.

And I never said it's easy; it is not.

[BellaBellucci]

Scepticism and cynicism are not the same things. And I am not talking about trusting random people - I'm saying with someone you want to be close with.

And I never said it's easy; it is not.

Skepticism and cynicism aren't exactly the same, but they're certainly in the same immediate family.

And I think you have it backwards. You should trust someone before you get close to them, not get close to them and then hope you can trust them.

~BB~

[loveboof]

Skepticism and cynicism aren't exactly the same, but they're certainly in the same immediate family.

And I think you have it backwards. You should trust someone before you get close to them, not get close to them and then hope you can trust them.


That's your cynicism talking lol. It is a risk and it is a hard thing to do, but I don't think you can truly get close to someone without trust. If you refuse to trust them, then you won't ever be close enough to get hurt anyway.

[runningdownthatdream]

I think you have it backwards. You should trust someone before you get close to them, not get close to them and then hope you can trust them.

~BB~

Wise words and ones which may only be understood by those who have had major betrayals. I'm most suspicious of those who try to convince us to be open and to show courage by being vulnerable - which is contrary to reason and to nature.

[Ineeda SM]

Skepticism and cynicism aren't exactly the same, but they're certainly in the same immediate family.

And I think you have it backwards. You should trust someone before you get close to them, not get close to them and then hope you can trust them.

~BB~

Amen sister. A "Nail on the head" statement.

[BellaBellucci]

That's your cynicism talking lol. It is a risk and it is a hard thing to do, but I don't think you can truly get close to someone without trust. If you refuse to trust them, then you won't ever be close enough to get hurt anyway.

Wanna buy a bridge in Brooklyn? :?


Wise words and ones which may only be understood by those who have had major betrayals. I'm most suspicious of those who try to convince us to be open and to show courage by being vulnerable - which is contrary to reason and to nature.

I can honestly say that I have been betrayed by every single human being that I've ever trusted in any serious manner, and abused and neglected by those closest to me without exception. No matter what I did: straight-A's, music awards, being published in multiple newspapers before high school, offered editorships from two separate high school papers, while the whole time I held a job, etc, I just couldn't seem to convince people that I was worthy of their love, so I stopped trying to prove it and started doing things for me. I was an overachiever who trusted everyone and would do anything for a friend and people just carelessly took me for granted. Even my ex only got with me simply because I was well on my way to making $100k a year, and eventually did. Well no more.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

~BB~

[loveboof]

I feel sorry for all you jaded people. Life really has ground you down hasn't it? :/

[BellaBellucci]

I feel sorry for all you jaded people. Life really has ground you down hasn't it? :/

We are all the sum of our experiences. :geek:

~BB~

[loveboof]

I was an overachiever who trusted everyone and would do anything for a friend and people just carelessly took me for granted. Well no more.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.


And you've let those arseholes have some power over you? You've let them fucking win?!

Maybe you're not as stubborn as you think you are...

(If the people involved change then it isn't the same, and you can keep your sanity :) )

[runningdownthatdream]

Wanna buy a bridge in Brooklyn? :?



I can honestly say that I have been betrayed by every single human being that I've ever trusted in any serious manner, and abused and neglected by those closest to me without exception. No matter what I did: straight-A's, music awards, being published in multiple newspapers before high school, offered editorships from two separate high school papers, while the whole time I held a job, etc, I just couldn't seem to convince people that I was worthy of their love, so I stopped trying to prove it and started doing things for me. I was an overachiever who trusted everyone and would do anything for a friend and people just carelessly took me for granted. Even my ex was only with me simply because I was well on my way to making $100k a year. Well no more.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

~BB~

I feel your pain.......can't say my experiences have been as extreme though although without question the times I have been screwed over it was by people I had trusted as friends.

Related but unrelated: get any of Andrew Vachss early work - you'll really like his world. Flood, Strega, Blue Belle, Hard Candy, Blossom.........

[BellaBellucci]

And you've let those arseholes have some power over you? You've let them fucking win?!

Maybe you're not as stubborn as you think you are...

(If the people involved change then it isn't the same, and you can keep your sanity :) )

I'm just not giving the hangman a rope is all. On that I am mostly certainly and proudly stubborn. Inappropriately allowing yourself to be vulnerable to people you'd like to trust is self-destructive in my opinion and goes against human nature, and rightly so.

I too am suspicious of people who inappropriately ask me to do so. They're usually just trying to psych me into letting down my walls. Sorry. It's not that simple. I need proof that I can trust you just as much as I would need proof of God to believe in him. Why should I so easily believe in anyone else?

SHOW ME THE MONEY!!! :dancing:

~BB~

[pantybulge69]

oh, yes, you bet it is (being alone your entire life)
true, there is a difference between being alone and being lonely.
But in very tough times and tributions, you need a support group
and the closer the trust the more you can share and confide, the better.
The greater the bad times,the more you will need your suport group.
And there's friends support, (a strong friendship can just as equal or stronger than a true family member) there's family support, and there's a special companion love. If you have yet to experience love, a really
feel-good companion ( soulmate) then you will never have any idea how it can build, nuture, and grow you so much into a much better,stronger person, make life feel so much more tolerable and stronger in facing it. Make you enjoy life to it's fulliest on an everyday basis. When you find that right soulmate, you can't get enough of her ( or him in your case)
and that's also your personal counselor and motivator when things get you down, get rough, make angry, depressed, scared or upset. .....and you will get very spoiled and maybe even dependent on that person if it's been
such a very long relationship. That soulmate will bring out the very best in you and should make you feel equally appreciative of your companion and
you will compelled to make your companion just as happy.
And needless to say, you will absolutely never want this feeling, this relationship with your soulmate to end. Right by your side for rest of your life..

[BellaBellucci]

oh, yes, you bet it is (being alone your entire life)
true, there is a difference between being alone and being lonely.
But in very tough times and tributions, you need a support group
and the closer the trust the more you can share and confide, the better.
The greater the bad times,the more you will need your suport group.
And there's friends support, (a strong friendship can just as equal or stronger than a true family member) there's family support, and there's a special companion love. If you have yet to experience love, a really
feel-good companion ( soulmate) then you will never have any idea how it can build, nuture, and grow you so much into a much better,stronger person, make life feel so much more tolerable and stronger in facing it. Make you enjoy life to it's fulliest on an everyday basis. When you find that right soulmate, you can't get enough of her ( or him in your case)
and that's also your personal counselor and motivator when things get you down, get rough, make angry, depressed, scared or upset. .....and you will get very spoiled and maybe even dependent on that person if it's been
such a very long relationship. That soulmate will bring out the very best in you and should make you feel equally appreciative of your companion and
you will compelled to make your companion just as happy.
And needless to say, you will absolutely never want this feeling, this relationship with your soulmate to end. Right by your side for rest of your life..

Get a shrink. You should be able to talk to your partner, but they're not responsible for your mental health, even if they think they are. :geek:

~BB~

[loveboof]

Well the way I see it Bella, is that you wouldn't have made this thread unless some part of you still wanted to be hopeful. Misery loves company, so all the other jaded and exhausted people have flocked to offer you their words of negativity on this subject.

But know this... they are just using you like all those other people. They are using you to confirm what they have decided for themselves.

I may be a dick sometimes and I may be arrogant, but I am an honest man. I have offered you an alternative, and I want you to think it over - because a strong person doesn't give up. It is too easy to be cynical.

[BellaBellucci]

Related but unrelated: get any of Andrew Vachss early work - you'll really like his world. Flood, Strega, Blue Belle, Hard Candy, Blossom.........

He's a child protection consultant, huh? Where was he when I needed him between 1983 and 1997? :lol:

~BB~

[runningdownthatdream]

He's a child protection consultant, huh? Where was he when I needed him between 1983 and 1997? :lol:

~BB~
He had a fleeting moment of national fame when he wrote a letter to Oprah asking her to stop telling victims of molestation to forgive their abusers and instead to find ways to avenge themselves (through legal means of course ;) ) She then invited her on her show where they argued about the merits of forgiveness versus good old revenge........

[BellaBellucci]

Well the way I see it Bella, is that you wouldn't have made this thread unless some part of you still wanted to be hopeful.

I made this thread because I figured I would allow myself to be semi-vulnerable by exploring this topic. That's why the title of the thread is in the form of a question.


Misery loves company, so all the other jaded and exhausted people have flocked to offer you their words of negativity on this subject.

But know this... they are just using you like all those other people. They are using you to confirm what they have decided for themselves.

You're reaching now. You reeeally want to 'win' this argument, don't you? :lol:

You don't win.. - YouTube (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=liRioOpF5sw)


I may be a dick sometimes and I may be arrogant, but I am an honest man. I have offered you an alternative, and I want you to think it over - because a strong person doesn't give up. It is too easy to be cynical.

I don't think you're a dick. I also don't think it's easy in the slightest to be cynical. Actually, it's very hard to know that those closest to you represent the most looming threats in your life.

~BB~

[runningdownthatdream]

I made this thread because I figured I would allow myself to be semi-vulnerable by exploring this topic. That's why the title of the thread is in the form of a question.



You're reaching now. You reeeally want to 'win' this argument, don't you? :lol:

You don't win.. - YouTube (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=liRioOpF5sw)



I don't think you're a dick. I also don't think it's easy in the slightest to be cynical. Actually, it's very hard to know that those closest to you represent the most looking threats in your life.

~BB~

Maybe not a dick and I take back arrogant based on the last comment - downgraded to pompous....

[BellaBellucci]

He had a fleeting moment of national fame when he wrote a letter to Oprah asking her to stop telling victims of molestation to forgive their abusers and instead to find ways to avenge themselves (through legal means of course ;) ) She then invited her on her show where they argued about the merits of forgiveness versus good old revenge........

As an aside, why is sexual abuse the first thing people think about when they think of child abuse anyway? My parents never touched me in a sexual way, but they abused me in every other possible way conceivable, even financially (I touched on this in an early interview when I discussed my having to take legal action against my father which caused me to come into the money with which I built my business).

It's like molestation victims have a monopoly on child abuse sympathy or something. I mean, I feel bad for them too, but it's still really frustrating.

~BB~

[Ineeda SM]

.....so all the other jaded and exhausted people have flocked to offer you their words of negativity on this subject.

But know this... they are just using you like all those other people. They are using you to confirm what they have decided for themselves.

Loveboof, what the fuck are you talking about? How in the fuck are we jaded and exhausted people using Bella? This is an internet forum. How the hell can you use someone in a forum. We are not all trying to fuck her over. "Words of negativity?" Us jaded and exhausted people have done nothing but try to show concern and give Bella support. Yeah all of us are wrong but you are right because you say so. Wake the hell up. Did you even pay attention to her talk about some of the hell she has been through? She deserves to get a little down sometimes. But she is stronger than you may think she is. Many others who have gone through her kind of hell would be in a straight jacket by now. Bella is going to be just fine because she WON'T give up.

[Yeah]

I am getting to the point in my life that i am ok with being alone (not in a relationship). I have dated and had relatioships which led to me getting taken for granted or disrespected by what turned out to be inconsiderate people. I have learned alot from these situations after getting hurt and moved on. It just seems girls like being friends with me, and don't want more. That use to be ok with me, but now it gets old. Being alone, i don't have to deal with all the drama being around them. I like being myself and not going to change just to be in a relationship where I will most likely get slammed. I am not saying i don't want a relationship, but I am not going to bend ovet backwards or change myself for that person. Been there done that, it doesn't work. Its best not to take shit from people. I have a good life right now. I have a house, two vehicles, good job, travel, do things my way, have family and friends. So being by myself is not the end of the world. Hey, if i run into someone on the way, thats cool, if not oh well. As my quote states, "It is what it is".

[Quiet Reflections]

Being surrounded by people but still dying alone is the worst thing I can Imagine.

[runningdownthatdream]

Loveboof, what the fuck are you talking about? How in the fuck are we jaded and exhausted people using Bella? This is an internet forum. How the hell can you use someone in a forum. We are not all trying to fuck her over. "Words of negativity?" Us jaded and exhausted people have done nothing but try to show concern and give Bella support. Yeah all of us are wrong but you are right because you say so. Wake the hell up. Did you even pay attention to her talk about some of the hell she has been through? She deserves to get a little down sometimes. But she is stronger than you may think she is. Many others who have gone through her kind of hell would be in a straight jacket by now. Bella is going to be just fine because she WON'T give up.

:) :)

[TsVanessa69]

Being surrounded by people but still dying alone is the worst thing I can Imagine.
I saw that happen, its horrible to live or witness

[runningdownthatdream]

As an aside, why is sexual abuse the first thing people think about when they think of child abuse anyway? My parents never touched me in a sexual way, but they abused me in every other possible way conceivable, even financially (I touched on this in an early interview when I discussed my having to take legal action against my father which caused me to come into the money with which I built my business).

It's like molestation victims have a monopoly on child abuse sympathy or something. I mean, I feel bad for them too, but it's still really frustrating.

~BB~

Maybe it's because physical and emotional abuse directed at kids was an everyday occurrence and wasn't really viewed as abuse until maybe the 70s/80s? Before that I'm guessing child abuse would more often have meant sexual abuse......

[BellaBellucci]

Many others who have gone through her kind of hell would be in a straight jacket by now.

I've been on the edge at least 3 times in my life that I can remember. My parents were a nightmare, my mother a scared little girl who married to get away from her own abusive father and my father as insecure and violent as the day is long. I've since selectively blocked out the memories of a lot of my childhood and early transition, the latter of which contained a portion of time in which my best friend, another transwoman, was spying on me for ex-wife in an effort to strip me of custody of my son, as was my own brother. After she left me, my ex re-married a man I'm convinced she also doesn't love (as I honestly don't think she's capable), and my friend de-transitioned just as I predicted she would. In my ex's case, I believe she too was a victim of child abuse but to this day she refuses to talk about it, so in her mind, my openness about my own struggle was viewed as weakness, as was the struggle itself.

So there's a reason I'm always crying about so-called 'conspiracies' against me. In all of my years, whenever people have wanted to take me on, very few have ever done it directly or alone, and that obviously includes you-know-who.

That being said, I don't think my life would have driven most other people crazy. I think it would have killed them. I hope people remember that when they think that my toughness comes off too harsh. I'm not trying to hurt people, it's just that sometimes I don't know how not to without compromising my objectives, one of which is to help transwomen develop a thicker skin or a sense of humor about their predicament. But I still don't think that makes me cynical. Since all of this has actually been my reality, by definition, it makes me realistic.

And I'm certainly not looking for sympathy from anyone here as I know lots of other girls had it rough too... but some understanding would be terrific. :geek:

~BB~

[BellaBellucci]

Maybe it's because physical and emotional abuse directed at kids was an everyday occurrence and wasn't really viewed as abuse until maybe the 70s/80s? Before that I'm guessing child abuse would more often have meant sexual abuse......

Yeah, I actually suspect that's why too. And I'm living proof that even into the 80's and 90's, parents were still getting away with a lot more than they should have due to the manpower restraints of social services.

Oh, and don't get me started on social services! They locked me up for three months when I was 15 because some friends who were checking up on me reported my social worker for putting me in a foster home with 2 bedrooms and 11 people, 7 of us who were foster kids and one who was a grown-up former foster kid, and they needed to protect their dirty little secret. After I was released from that program (at a cost of over $100k), it was recommended that I be placed in an independent living program. Unfortunately, the state decided instead to place me in a 'specialized' foster home, which meant that there were no other foster kids aside from me, but it also meant that my foster parents were laser-focused on me doing exactly what they told me and conforming to their family unit as if I had been born into it, and they proceeded to psychologically and emotionally abuse me in much the same way my own parents did. They later adopted a teenaged special-needs child, at which point I realized that my foster mother just needed toys to play with, not children to raise. She needed them to be needy, and that certainly wasn't me.

And through all of that, not one professional on my case thought I might be trans even though I was femininely sensitive, but not gay. My suspicion is that they just didn't want to deal with it. Gotta love the 'experts.'

~BB~

[dderek123]

I'm starting to think not. It seems to cut down on life's complications quite a bit. I mean I've spent my whole life trying to just be myself, and as it turns out, I'm not really compatible with really anyone for any purpose other than casual friendships. To be fair, this is the price I've always suspected I'd pay for being strong and staying true to myself. Maybe it's time for me to just give up and start collecting cats.

I don't know. It's something I'm mulling over.

~BB~

Living as a hermit would be a horrible way to live life. IMHO humans need to feel love and feel like they belong.

"Keeping it real" to the point that you feel distanced from others isn't that bad. As long as you have sincere casual friendships.

[Yvonne183]

I didn't read all the posts on this thread but I kinds think I get the gist of the topic, if I'm wrong, well it won't be the first time.

Being a loner, living a life basically all alone has been my way of life for about ten years now. I did have a recent boyfriend but he was away so much(don't know where) that I was most times all alone. For those ten years I had no friends, not one, OK, I have come to the internet but to me,, the net isn't really real. I have a difficult time in the reality of the net, to me, it seems like a video game.
About ten years ago, I just gave up on people, I tried to kill myself, I been put away for a bit of time and when I got out I wanted nothing to do with the world and for the most part I have been happy. Coming to the internet has changed me a bit. I can't find people I lost contact with and another thing, sadly, forums like this depress me so much. People seem to hate each other, I'd rather be alone than get sucked into these constant battles. Other forums on the net are not all that different, people hate each other.


So, I kinda think I know where you are coming from Bella. I have been there, I had the abuse at a young age, I have pain where I myself show harshness in my posts. It's because I am scared, I am scared of people, I want to be alone. Yet being a human, I have a deep need to belong. Inside me I want to be with people but I fail at that miserably, I am unable to cope with people for any long period of time. I am a hermit, my main activity is walking the streets alone at night. I think that's because I have an sub conscience desire to end it all, maybe someone will kill me on the streets and end it for me, cause I am to coward to do it again. Especially now around Christmas time, things get rough, so many people with their families having fun. I don't even know who my family is, and the ones I do know hate me. Christmas is a rough time of year. But one can get through it, one can live alone,, but, I have to admit, there is pain, it all depends if one can put up with the pain, sometimes the pain wins.

I'm sorry Bella for ranting about me, your thread struck a nerve with me. I am sorry you have had a rough life, I am sorry, no human should go through life with hardships and hate. I wish I had a time machine so I could change the past.

PS-I know my post contradicts itself, I'm kinda confused.

[lisaparadise]

I'm starting to think not. It seems to cut down on life's complications quite a bit. I mean I've spent my whole life trying to just be myself, and as it turns out, I'm not really compatible with really anyone for any purpose other than casual friendships. To be fair, this is the price I've always suspected I'd pay for being strong and staying true to myself. Maybe it's time for me to just give up and start collecting cats.

I don't know. It's something I'm mulling over.

~BB~maybe you have a chemical imbalance?lol your not too old to change your stripes kiddo.you need to analize your thoughts and get to the real issues right.

[rockabilly]

It did suck being alone for me , but try to make the most out of any bad situation. Listen to "I hate Christmas parties" by Reliant K and smile.

[loveboof]

Loveboof, what the fuck are you talking about? How in the fuck are we jaded and exhausted people using Bella? This is an internet forum. How the hell can you use someone in a forum. We are not all trying to fuck her over. "Words of negativity?" Us jaded and exhausted people have done nothing but try to show concern and give Bella support. Yeah all of us are wrong but you are right because you say so. Wake the hell up. Did you even pay attention to her talk about some of the hell she has been through? She deserves to get a little down sometimes. But she is stronger than you may think she is. Many others who have gone through her kind of hell would be in a straight jacket by now. Bella is going to be just fine because she WON'T give up.
You may not be Ineeda, given your original advice early in the thread. And I thought I explained it in the post you quoted...

It is sub-conscious. They simply want to justify their own cynicism with Bella as the latest example. That is how they're using her... there's no malice intended - they think they're helping.

Of course I'm right lol... I'm advising a closed off person who feels incompatible with other people to not give up. I'm saying that she should still allow the possibility of letting someone get close to her - even if she ends up being hurt again. I'm saying that it is easier to be cynical after you've been hurt a few times than it is dust yourself off and get back in the game.

In short, I want her to find happiness. The vast majority of contributers in this thread will settle for comfort (for themselves, and for her) - but I'm aiming higher.

I'm sorry that so many of you are apparently hopeless (literally), but I'm just being positive.

[trish]

In my utopia everybody lives alone. They raise a green flag over their domicile if they're accepting company and a red flag to warn people to stay the fuck away.

[runningdownthatdream]

In my utopia everybody lives alone. They raise a green flag over their domicile if they're accepting company and a red flag to warn people to stay the fuck away.

Works for me!

[runningdownthatdream]

You may not be Ineeda, given your original advice early in the thread. And I thought I explained it in the post you quoted...

It is sub-conscious. They simply want to justify their own cynicism with Bella as the latest example. That is how they're using her... there's no malice intended - they think they're helping.

Of course I'm right lol... I'm advising a closed off person who feels incompatible with other people to not give up. I'm saying that she should still allow the possibility of letting someone get close to her - even if she ends up being hurt again. I'm saying that it is easier to be cynical after you've been hurt a few times than it is dust yourself off and get back in the game.

In short, I want her to find happiness. The vast majority of contributers in this thread will settle for comfort (for themselves, and for her) - but I'm aiming higher.

I'm sorry that so many of you are apparently hopeless (literally), but I'm just being positive.

You just refuse to believe that there are alternatives to your way of thinking and that sometimes people may just share their thoughts without having someone (you) try to be Captain Courageous and 'save' them from themselves. Get over yourself already - Bella is smart enough to know what she wants and how to get what she wants in case you haven't noticed. I don't think her post was a cry for help - but let's see what she thinks. You've obviously constructed a neat little world for yourself where you reign supreme, you have all the answers, and if others don't conform to your beliefs then they need to be 'advised' into to seeing things your way. Narcissist with a superiority complex..............

[loveboof]

You just refuse to believe that there are alternatives to your way of thinking and that sometimes people may just share their thoughts without having someone (you) try to be Captain Courageous and 'save' them from themselves. Get over yourself already - Bella is smart enough to know what she wants and how to get what she wants in case you haven't noticed. I don't think her post was a cry for help - but let's see what she thinks. You've obviously constructed a neat little world for yourself where you reign supreme, you have all the answers, and if others don't conform to your beliefs then they need to be 'advised' into to seeing things your way. Narcissist with a superiority complex..............

Why are you such a hypocrite? You haven't given the slightest inch in regard to your position, and you think I'm the arrogant one?!

I hope that anyone impartial reading this thread can see how negative people cannot stand even a tiny hint of positivity in their dreary little world...

I'm not a narcissist, I simply refuse to conform to your bullshit hopeless view of life.

And I gave advice to someone who asked for it - I'm not inflicting my views on anyone. If you want Bella to just accept being alone, then you're not really helping her at all. This is my opinion... it seems to be you who cannot accept that, not me.

[BellaBellucci]

I'm sorry Bella for ranting about me, your thread struck a nerve with me. I am sorry you have had a rough life, I am sorry, no human should go through life with hardships and hate. I wish I had a time machine so I could change the past.

PS-I know my post contradicts itself, I'm kinda confused.

Yvonne, it's perfectly OK to internalize this as it's an issue most of us share. Loneliness is a common problem people face, especially those of us who live outside the mainstream (even if some of us still have one foot in - sometimes it even makes it worse).

And it's good to be confused about it, because that means your emotions still work. Last nite, I asked another girl from here on the board, in private, if she still cries when she get sad. Her answer was the same and mine and not the slightest bit unexpected. It was 'no' of course. Many of us can still cry in frustration and things of that sort, but there comes a point where you get used to the melancholy and it becomes more difficult to release it.

As has been said repeatedly by both me and a few others, this was more of an exploratory topic and me venting than one intended to make anyone feel depressed. It's just that time of year. :geek:


In my utopia everybody lives alone. They raise a green flag over their domicile if they're accepting company and a red flag to warn people to stay the fuck away.

I'm a pretty moody bitch. I think I for one do that pretty well in a figurative, subconscious way. If people communicated better, more of them would do this, too. It's only fair to the people around them.


Get over yourself already - Bella is smart enough to know what she wants and how to get what she wants in case you haven't noticed. I don't think her post was a cry for help

You got it. Sometimes you just need to bitch. That doesn't mean you necessarily expect results.

But the reason for my post was two-fold. One was that one and the other was that I really wanted to put some ideas out there to discuss on this topic as sensitive threads aren't generally handled well by the members of this community. And yes, I'm aware that I've been guilty of it too, but in my case, at least everyone now knows why.

Call it a holiday gift to myself. :lol:



I hope that anyone impartial reading this thread can see how negative people cannot stand even a tiny hint of positivity in their dreary little world...

That's not it at all. It's that you're trying to put blame on me for feeling negative when negativity has been the sum of my experiences. If that wasn't the case for you, congratulations, but that doesn't make your view right, it only makes it right for you based on your experiences.

So the issue isn't 'a tiny hint of positivity.' It's the way you're insisting on a wholly optimistic outlook when everyone here may not be capable of sharing it. You belittle the experiences and feelings of those of us who have had it rougher than you, whether you realize it or not.

I'm happy for you if you were lucky enough to have a life in which trust was taken for granted in a good way, but we don't all live in your world and protection from that which would hurt us requires discretion, not random, thoughtless, and possibly dangerous openness to people after so many have betrayed our trust.

This isn't about opening up emotionally, it's about whether or not it's safe to trust people with information that they could use to make your life worse. To hell with a broken heart; I've suffered plenty of those, but it's hard to trust people when they go out of their way to use private information that you've given them to make your whole life hell (i.e. outing secrets, using insider information to manipulate or destroy)... and they do so all the time. Government and trade secrets, copyrights and patents, they all exist for a reason. If that weren't the case, then why do we have an FTC and the CIA? Because people have proven that they can be trusted? :?

And yes, I'm aware that that last statement sounds weird coming from a freedom-loving, Libertarian capitalist, but at the same time, there have to be some kind of rules to keep people honest (like Glass-Steagall... ugh). Freedom doesn't mean you can go around killing people or robbing banks (although the latter might be considered revenge these days). :lol:

~BB~

[0utrageousss]

You are the sum of your experiences. Couldn't sum everything up any better.

[loveboof]

You got it. Sometimes you just need to bitch. That doesn't mean you necessarily expect results.

But the reason for my post was two-fold. One was that one and the other was that I really wanted to put some ideas out there to discuss on this topic as sensitive threads aren't generally handled well by the members of this community.

That's not it at all. It's that you're trying to put blame on me for feeling negative when negativity has been the sum of my experiences. If that wasn't the case for you, congratulations, but that doesn't make your view right, it only makes it right for you based on your experiences.

So the issue isn't 'a tiny hint of positivity.' It's the way you're insisting on a wholly optimistic outlook when everyone here may not be capable of sharing it. You belittle the experiences and feelings of those of us who have had it rougher than you, whether you realize it or not.

I'm happy for you if you were lucky enough to have a life in which trust was taken for granted in a good way, but we don't all live in your world and protection from that which would hurt us requires discretion, not random, thoughtless, and possibly dangerous openness to people after so many have betrayed our trust.

This isn't about opening up emotionally, it's about whether or not it's safe to trust people with information that they could use to make your life worse. To hell with a broken heart; I've suffered plenty of those, but it's hard to trust people when they go out of their way to use private information that you've given them to make your whole life hell (i.e. outing secrets, using insider information to manipulate or destroy)... and they do so all the time. Government and trade secrets, copyrights and patents, they all exist for a reason. If that weren't the case, then why do we have an FTC and the CIA? Because people have proven that they can be trusted? :?

And yes, I'm aware that that last statement sounds weird coming from a freedom-loving, Libertarian capitalist, but at the same time, there have to be some kind of rules to keep people honest (like Glass-Steagall... ugh). Freedom doesn't mean you can go around killing people or robbing banks (although the latter might be considered revenge these days). :lol:

~BB~

I never said this thread was a cry for help, that was runningoveryourdreams fail interpretation of what I said.

I said you wouldn't have made it unless some part of you still wanted to be hopeful. I still believe this.

Also, I have not belittled anyone's experiences at all - and I resent the implication. We all have our own shit to deal with, and you have no way of knowing how 'easy' I've had it...

You want to ignore my advice?.. fine. But don't fool yourself into thinking you don't have any options - that's just a load of cack. And don't fool yourself into thinking you're taking the hard route (because you're so strong) - also bollocks.

[Dino Velvet]

I actually like people but hate when they try to get too close. I hardly let anyone in my inner circle. My ex, who I've known 12 years and still love, knows more about me than anyone but still knows nothing and she's a Psychologist.

[BellaBellucci]

Also, I have not belittled anyone's experiences at all - and I resent the implication. We all have our own shit to deal with, and you have no way of knowing how 'easy' I've had it...

Excuse me, but if you're arguing that people can be trusted on the basis of your positive experiences, then by doing so, you are saying that you've have had positive experiences, so yes, I'd say that means you've had it easier than the rest of us who don't have the luxury of being able to grant such easy trust. How do you not understand that? :?

And I'm not ignoring your advice. I've considered it, and I don't agree with your assessment.

~BB~

[loveboof]

Excuse me, but if you're arguing that people can be trusted on the basis of your positive experiences, then by doing so, you are saying that you've have had positive experiences, so yes, I'd say that means you've had it easier than the rest of us who don't have the luxury of being able to grant such easy trust. How do you not understand that? :?


Where have I argued that people should be trusted based on my positive experiences? Where have I said that it is easy?

If you'd just like to quote the posts, I'm sure we can clear this up...

[BellaBellucci]

Where have I argued that people should be trusted based on my positive experiences?

You didn't. So that means either you did have it easier and you're just being coy, or you're a glutton for punishment, because if you had really gone through misery, you would know better than to trust so easily. That's kinda my whole point.

I think you're arguing just to argue now. Nobody ever says, 'I was abused by the people closest to me my entire life, but hey, do you want to hear my deepest, darkest secrets?' :?

~BB~

[loveboof]

You didn't. So that means either you did have it easier and you're just being coy, or you're a glutton for punishment, because if you had really gone through misery, you would know better than to trust so easily. That's kinda my whole point.


Well my whole point has been wilfully avoided by you and others, as you fling obstacles in my path lol. But I'm not so easily distracted or deflected..

My point has consistently been that it is not easy to trust people when you've been hurt in the past. And that is why it takes strength.

My life hasn't been 'misery', but it hasn't always been easy either. If that helps you qualify my opinion (or disregard it), then fine. But please don't misconstrue my words simply because you disagree with them.

[Ineeda SM]

I've been on the edge at least 3 times in my life that I can remember. My parents were a nightmare, my mother a scared little girl who married to get away from her own abusive father and my father as insecure and violent as the day is long. I've since selectively blocked out the memories of a lot of my childhood and early transition, the latter of which contained a portion of time in which my best friend, another transwoman, was spying on me for ex-wife in an effort to strip me of custody of my son, as was my own brother. After she left me, my ex re-married a man I'm convinced she also doesn't love (as I honestly don't think she's capable), and my friend de-transitioned just as I predicted she would. In my ex's case, I believe she too was a victim of child abuse but to this day she refuses to talk about it, so in her mind, my openness about my own struggle was viewed as weakness, as was the struggle itself.

So there's a reason I'm always crying about so-called 'conspiracies' against me. In all of my years, whenever people have wanted to take me on, very few have ever done it directly or alone, and that obviously includes you-know-who.

That being said, I don't think my life would have driven most other people crazy. I think it would have killed them. I hope people remember that when they think that my toughness comes off too harsh. I'm not trying to hurt people, it's just that sometimes I don't know how not to without compromising my objectives, one of which is to help transwomen develop a thicker skin or a sense of humor about their predicament. But I still don't think that makes me cynical. Since all of this has actually been my reality, by definition, it makes me realistic.

And I'm certainly not looking for sympathy from anyone here as I know lots of other girls had it rough too... but some understanding would be terrific. :geek:

~BB~

That was a powerful posting. I believe I just gained a whole new understanding into who you are, or at least who you portray yourself to us. And I believe they are one in the same. That was a lot for you to tell in public. In my original post, I wanted to say that many others who have gone through your kind of hell would have put a bullit through their heads by now. But it seemed a bit too strong for the moment.

I want to give you a hug and tell you every thing will be all right. But that is not what you are looking for. I may not be in your shoes, but we have all had hardships to bare. So as I may not have gone through your hell, I can at least understand how life has hurt you, and only wish the best for you.

I know we did not get off on the right foot in the past, but I am glad we left it in the past where it belongs. You're OK Bella.

[BellaBellucci]

My point has consistently been that it is not easy to trust people when you've been hurt in the past. And that is why it takes strength.

And my point has consistently been that takes strength and/or stupidity, depending on the circumstances, and stupidity is weakness. I'm not avoiding anything you've said. You just like to argue even more than I do. :lol:

~BB~

[onmyknees]

I'm not avoiding anything you've said. You just like to argue even more than I do. :lol:

~BB~

no way...you're #1.

[loveboof]

And my point has consistently been that takes strength and/or stupidity, depending on the circumstances, and stupidity is weakness. I'm not avoiding anything you've said. You just like to argue even more than I do. :lol:

~BB~

lol. You don't have to trust everyone, just be open to the possibility if you meet someone you want to trust.

That's all I'm really saying... Just don't give in.

[fred41]

Living alone is not the same as living in isolation; being alone is not the same as being lonely. Some people are not suited to marriage or relationships, certainly not conventional ones; all you need to do -all anyone needs to do- is be honest with yourself about what constitutes your optimum level of satisfaction. Some people can't survive without someone at home and in their lives, if you can, it is still possible to have friends and be convivial, and you can completely control your own home and not get angry because someone is playing music that drives you mad, or is in the bathroom at the wrong time, or brings home someone you don't like, and so on. Ultimately, its about who you are as a person; when you know you have made the right choice, that is what it will be. I don't understand this mania for marriage and relationships that people have, when they are so obviously no good at any of it. You only have the one life, make it your own. One benefit of living alone is that you can watch any film you want anytime, or spend the whole morning or afternoon writing, or spend the whole day listening to Wagner -and there is noone there to interrupt you and demand your attention, except maybe the phone, but you can turn that off, and should.

Was going to post my opinion on this but Stavros seemed to sum it up pretty well above. This thread must have struck a chord with some (especially with the upcoming Christmas / New Year Holiday) because it got a lot of replies relatively quickly (even if you subtract the bickering posts). Was going to give you my reply including personal life experience.... but that would just go on forever (especially since I've been drinking..lol)
Like me...you will learn in time what you really want (though at 49...I'm still learning...but also being more honest with myself) That doesn't help you in the meantime or the years to come, I know....but life really sucks and that's the way it is.
...except when it's awesome...which it also sometimes is.

BTW, you gave some very good advice to Ashley early on.

Note to Yvonne (...and Bella too):..Some people, either through personal experience or chemical imbalance or where they landed at random on the planet when they were born...really got the shit end of the stick. You are probably one of those people. Seems like not too much light in your darkness. This being a TS oriented site: probably less light in a lot of people's darkness.
..but it's there. even if it's just a pixel of light. It's there. Look for it in the little things...things you enjoy even just a little bit...and there's always music...and art...these are wonderful things.
Also look for it in other people that have similar experiences. Talk to other people with the same problems and maybe even help a younger person that you recognize yourself in and throw them a lifeline.
...wish I had more.
Chin up.(now I'm gonna smoke a dube and watch a stupid movie really loud cause there's no one here to nag me and tell me I can't...love living alone...muahh.)

[runningdownthatdream]

lol. You don't have to trust everyone, just be open to the possibility if you meet someone you want to trust.

That's all I'm really saying... Just don't give in.

That I most certainly agree with - we should remain open to possibilities but that means not opening the door first but rather finding out who or what is on the other side of the door first.

If your negative life experiences outweigh the positive (even if you just perceive life that way) then the natural thing to do is allow your experiences to guide you. Likewise if the positive outweighs the negative then let that guide you. I do know people who have had terrible things happen them but yet they consciously try to project positive actions and thoughts - it works for them or at least they say it works for them. Nothing wrong with that - for all I know they could be crying themselves to sleep every night but feel they must be 'courageous' and show the world a good face. That doesn't work for me as I don't lie to myself.

[loveboof]

..but it's there. even if it's just a pixel of light. It's there. Look for it in the little things...things you enjoy even just a little bit...and there's always music...and art...these are wonderful things.
Also look for it in other people that have similar experiences. Talk to other people with the same problems and maybe even help a younger person that you recognize yourself in and throw them a lifeline.
...wish I had more.
Chin up.
Well said Fred. (a bit like Right Said Fred, but less gay... lol)


That I most certainly agree with - we should remain open to possibilities
Nice compromise... I'll take it. :cheers:

[pantybulge69]

Get a shrink. You should be able to talk to your partner, but they're not responsible for your mental health, even if they think they are. :geek:

~BB~

never said they were. That special mate already brings you a relentless joy and happiness but the added element combined with your own strength is their support,compassion is that much more of stronger support group for what you face in life. And this goes Both ways to Both mates. sorry that you apparently haven't discovered this but you still have a full road ahead of you. Hopes to you.

[BellaBellucci]

Happy Happy Joy Joy Song - YouTube (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cXSOD1N5lR4)

~BB~

[justafreak]

not bad at all, I actually preferred it

[rasta]

GOOD QUESTION> >I FEEL SIMILAR! im too weird and awesome and i like quiet and thinking.. and when someone is always in my life 24/7 i cannot think about what i want! its ruff

[todd1971]

I've over 40 now and I can say to live your life alone is a curse and I would not wish it on anyone :(

[dderek123]

Sorry to hear that todd. But you never know. You may find a good partner someday soon!

[nonnonnon]

I do feel like I need to decide soon if I want to settle down
Alice.Deejay.-.[Better.Off.Alone] - YouTube (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dBu5X3TvNw)

[Nivek]

It's not bad, it's peaceful, no one changes my channels, no one moves my stuff around, my car seat and mirrors are just like I left them, there's only my laundry to do, and I get to see every movie I want to see when I'm home at least Lol. Being alone for me is therapeutic.

[LibertyHarkness]

i want to have a partner eventually again .. i have been single for 4years ...but then i only had 1 partner for 10years :)

i like having someone to worry about lol or to pick on :) or do stuff with .. problem is i have oddball hobbies/interests so its v v hard to find people :)

[tvkim]

Nothing bad about living life alone.

But for me the thought of not having somone to love at this time of year would make me very sad.

[Ben]

The depressive British pop singer Morrissey... and one of his upbeat songs -- ha ha! :)
He was actually asked about being alone.
The interviewer said, "... if I were your therapist, I might say that, at some point, it might be advisable for you to break that cycle [of being alone] for your own peace of mind."
And he said, "It's only life."
The interviewer said, "But it's the only one you've got."
Morrissey (the morose Englishman) responded, "Well, it'll end. And all of this will seem so frivolous."
Sadly, he has a point... that it's all seemingly pointless -- ha ha!

Morrissey - Will Never Marry - Live In Dallas - YouTube (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PCcL9MCqQRA)

Henry Rollins on Morrissey - YouTube (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O8EXFS7ruU4&feature=related)