MdR Dave
12-26-2010, 02:03 PM
I'd appreciate your honest opinions, that's part of why I signed up and why I'm posting this now. First an explanation by way of introduction. (This is gonna be long and, most likely, a bit self-indulgent. Forgive me, I'm trying to work through something here and need a sounding board.)
I have always been promiscuous- what guy isn't?- and my sexual preferences have always been a bit wild. My first (non-solo) experience was a girl blowing me at a Van Halen concert, sitting next to our friends.
In Jr. High/ HS I preferred sex on top of parking garages or behind convenience stores to parking at the end of a deserted road or banging it out in an empty house. I've let friends watch me in flagrante delicto, solo or in congress.
I love sex, but lately it doesn't have the impact I desire. Maybe it's like anhedonia- too much of everything and now it takes dynamite to get me up. (In case you recognize the fragments in that last sentence I might as well admit to following the Dead for awhile, too, with all the excess that implies, though that was a lifetime ago, when I thought there might be a shortcut to where I wanted to be. I'm an adrenaline junkie, absolutely, but that is the only junk I'm on.)
I am also a firm believer in being true to one's self. Not sure what I think about a capital g god, but if there is a creator then we must have the spark of the divine- it may express itself differently in each of us but it would have to in order to encompass the whole of creation. You have to love people who are willing to nourish that spark to whatever flame it becomes. Some burn brightly.
I love the wonder of others. Though one could argue that anyone who isn't you is "The Other", I seek out the ones who seem strongest in their "Otherness" because they seem most like me. Not that I am doing or have done anything as significant as the girls here, but in my way and within my realm I'm pretty out there.
You girls are driving me crazy right now, and I can't tell without acting on it if it's more thrill seeking behavior or a deep appreciation for who you are, as well as recognition and validation of self.
I've gone to a couple of the clubs and been knocked out. It's more fun to watch you dance than the ladies at strip clubs, but it isn't just the girls on stage. Maybe the self-confidence you need to take the steps you've taken leads to the brazen way you move through the rest of us. So focused, so detailed in the way you present yourselves, but graceful instead of forced. Soooo feminine and sexy. It's the femininity that stirs my beast- I have always been with women and can't imagine glitter on some guy's hairy chest or believe any guy could tuck his hair behind his ear to the same effect that Amy achieves. (Just an example- though I do think she is specifically awesome!)
I'm thinking partly about how we identify ourselves, and the more I consider it for myself the hazier my understanding becomes. Gorgeous is gorgeous, sexy is sexy, love is love. It's as much emotional and psychological as it is physical. You make a connection with someone and labels fall by the wayside, pushed away by the breadth of the relationship.
I'm willing to bet there's nothing new here to you, but I don't have an answer. Frankly, reading this over for errors and falsities, I'm not even sure if these are the right questions: do you think it's curiosity, boredom, appreciation, anything or nothing at all? Could there be something to it, or should I try to fit myself into the "normal" mold? Am I wasting time and bandwidth?
Thanks for listening.
I have always been promiscuous- what guy isn't?- and my sexual preferences have always been a bit wild. My first (non-solo) experience was a girl blowing me at a Van Halen concert, sitting next to our friends.
In Jr. High/ HS I preferred sex on top of parking garages or behind convenience stores to parking at the end of a deserted road or banging it out in an empty house. I've let friends watch me in flagrante delicto, solo or in congress.
I love sex, but lately it doesn't have the impact I desire. Maybe it's like anhedonia- too much of everything and now it takes dynamite to get me up. (In case you recognize the fragments in that last sentence I might as well admit to following the Dead for awhile, too, with all the excess that implies, though that was a lifetime ago, when I thought there might be a shortcut to where I wanted to be. I'm an adrenaline junkie, absolutely, but that is the only junk I'm on.)
I am also a firm believer in being true to one's self. Not sure what I think about a capital g god, but if there is a creator then we must have the spark of the divine- it may express itself differently in each of us but it would have to in order to encompass the whole of creation. You have to love people who are willing to nourish that spark to whatever flame it becomes. Some burn brightly.
I love the wonder of others. Though one could argue that anyone who isn't you is "The Other", I seek out the ones who seem strongest in their "Otherness" because they seem most like me. Not that I am doing or have done anything as significant as the girls here, but in my way and within my realm I'm pretty out there.
You girls are driving me crazy right now, and I can't tell without acting on it if it's more thrill seeking behavior or a deep appreciation for who you are, as well as recognition and validation of self.
I've gone to a couple of the clubs and been knocked out. It's more fun to watch you dance than the ladies at strip clubs, but it isn't just the girls on stage. Maybe the self-confidence you need to take the steps you've taken leads to the brazen way you move through the rest of us. So focused, so detailed in the way you present yourselves, but graceful instead of forced. Soooo feminine and sexy. It's the femininity that stirs my beast- I have always been with women and can't imagine glitter on some guy's hairy chest or believe any guy could tuck his hair behind his ear to the same effect that Amy achieves. (Just an example- though I do think she is specifically awesome!)
I'm thinking partly about how we identify ourselves, and the more I consider it for myself the hazier my understanding becomes. Gorgeous is gorgeous, sexy is sexy, love is love. It's as much emotional and psychological as it is physical. You make a connection with someone and labels fall by the wayside, pushed away by the breadth of the relationship.
I'm willing to bet there's nothing new here to you, but I don't have an answer. Frankly, reading this over for errors and falsities, I'm not even sure if these are the right questions: do you think it's curiosity, boredom, appreciation, anything or nothing at all? Could there be something to it, or should I try to fit myself into the "normal" mold? Am I wasting time and bandwidth?
Thanks for listening.