Be warned!

[martin48]

www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=28646

What is fun is that thread goes on and on with lots of pics of these friends of satan :)

[BeardedOne]

"One last point I should make: Now, I know some people may call me a "hypocrite" for decrying shemales as hellbound sinners given my past, but let me clear this up for my dissenters. It is true, that back in 1988, there were photographs of me engaging in sodomy with a transsexual prostitute in Bangkok. This, however, was at a time when I was led astray by Satan and not being a good Christian. I was embezzling money from my church and ministry to pay for flights, hotels, food, drink, massage services, and various shemale prostitutes in Bangkok and Rio. As we all know, these pictures surfaced and I was suddenly ostracized by the televangelist community. Less than six months later I was on trial for my financial crimes and was later thrown in a federal prison for 15 years."

[BeardedOne]

"Turn or Burn: Accept Christ or Go to Hell with Rev. Jim Osborne."

So, they're saying we should go to hell with this buttmunch?

If he's so into ladyboys, why the hell not??? ;)

[runround04]

You know half those guys are on here beatin it everynight, then cryin themselves to sleep for thier sins.... hahaha

[AmyDaly]

anyone else feel like trolling these guys?

[charmant]

ok..so the insanity on that bible beating forum was just too...comedic...

I'm confused. Is it real? or some insanely elaborate parody?

[sunairco]

Get real! This has been one of the net's oldest parodies.

[AmyDaly]

The Landover Baptist Church is a fictional[1] Baptist church based in the fictional town of Freehold, Iowa. The Landover Baptist web site and its associated Landoverbaptist.net Forum are a satire of fundamentalist Christianity and the Religious Right in the United States.

[nbtch101]

The Landover Baptist Church is a fictional[1] Baptist church based in the fictional town of Freehold, Iowa. The Landover Baptist web site and its associated Landoverbaptist.net Forum are a satire of fundamentalist Christianity and the Religious Right in the United States.

Really? I thougt it was real. :oops:

[renoned]

HA HA That site is to funny.

Teriyaki is ungodly. It comes from Chinaland, where they worship devils and budah and similarsuch nonsense. Every time you eat food from Chinaland, you let demons into your body. To stay on God's good side, eat good, wholesome AMERICAN food, like pepperoni pizza.

[bulldog]

I feel like fucking with those people so badly, but I doubt they would understand half of what I have to say to them, so I will allow them to live in peace while the world around them changes, and hopefully about 10 years or so down the line, when they come out of their fuckin caves, they all have heart attacks and anurisms and see the light they have been craving as they get hit by trains and cars ;)

[nbtch101]

I think I'm going to print business cards with this text.

"SHEMALE: Satan's Tranny Trap to Lure Men to Homosexuality!"

[martin48]

Quite right - we don't want any of those "Back Door Christians"
Is it for real? Or is it a piss take? From some one well outside USA, your right-wing Christians seem frighteningly real to me. God help us, is all that I can say!!

[natina]

LOL LOL lol lol lol

http://www.transladyboy.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/09/bianca-freire-live-webcam.jpg

Take a good, long look at these beautiful ladies...



http://www.transladyboy.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/09/bianca-freire-live-webcam.jpg

http://www.facebook.com/profile/pic.php?uid=AAAAAQAQMHOnuVkoxumIbqj0hzIXLgAAAAohJP eTsH4tWM7MtmVRm4eC

http://www.shemalesvideoking.com/shemale-movies/planet_gisele_2.jpg

Surely, you would be proud to have one of these dolls on your arm, wouldn't you? Wouldn't you be beaming with pride showing them off at church to your pastors and friends? You would feel like a million bucks being able to secure a gorgeous woman like that....right?

WRONG! Because these aren't women! Believe it or not they are actually men, complete with fully-functioning male genitalia. They are what is known as SHEMALES.

Godly heterosexual men everywhere have to be careful not to be lured into their lairs. While on the surface they appear to be beautiful women, they are actually disgusting queers packing tallywhackers hellbent on sending your soul straight to HELL! It's very easy for a True Christian™ man to fall for their devices, but one must keep the Bible in mind when dealing with their ilk.

Leviticus 18:22 (http://biblia.com/bible/kjv1900/Leviticus%2018.22) Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.

Indeed, sexual relations with these shemales classifies as "mankind", not "womankind". It doesn't matter how much they look like women, they have XY chromosomes and a penis between the legs. In God's eyes this is clear-cut homosexuality.

Not only do these shemales mock God by engaging in homosexuality, they dare turn themselves into women, which goes against God's Laws...

Deuteronomy 22:5 (http://biblia.com/bible/kjv1900/Deuteronomy%2022.5) The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God.

It is an abomination to cross-dress. For these shemales to skimp around in bikinis and dress up in French maid outfits and wear revealing lingerie may cause the homosexual inside of you to flare up, but it won't ever compare to the HELLFIRE that awaits these shemales and the perverted men that lust after them!

Jude 1:7 (http://biblia.com/bible/kjv1900/Jude%201.7) Even as Sodom and Gomorrha, and the cities about them in like manner, giving themselves over to fornication, and going after strange flesh, are set forth for an example, suffering the vengeance of eternal fire.

God punishes those who go after "strange flesh" and this indeed qualifies as strange flesh. For they are men trying to be women, mocking God's natural plans for humankind. Because, as we all know, God intended there to be two sexes only - man and woman, with nothing in between!

Matthew 19:4 (http://biblia.com/bible/kjv1900/Matthew%2019.4) And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,

These seductive shemales are just going amok breaking all sorts of Biblical laws! This is why it is so imperative for every True Christian™ man to know about these vile beings and why they should stay away from them. It is easy to see by looking at their pictures why a normal hetereosexual True Christian™ man might be enticed by them...but what these shemales are doing is bringing men into the homosexual deathstyle.

One last point I should make: Now, I know some people may call me a "hypocrite" for decrying shemales as hellbound sinners given my past, but let me clear this up for my dissenters. It is true, that back in 1988, there were photographs of me engaging in sodomy with a transsexual prostitute in Bangkok. This, however, was at a time when I was led astray by Satan and not being a good Christian. I was embezzling money from my church and ministry to pay for flights, hotels, food, drink, massage services, and various shemale prostitutes in Bangkok and Rio. As we all know, these pictures surfaced and I was suddenly ostracized by the televangelist community. Less than six months later I was on trial for my financial crimes and was later thrown in a federal prison for 15 years.

While incarcerated, I repented of my sins and asked Jesus for forgiveness. I made a promise to Him that I would never backslide again and I would help spread the Word of God® to everyone. All my sins have now been forgiven and I walk with the Good Lord. So, I am not a hypocrite by any means, but rather I speak from experience and I am using my own personal tragedy as an example of a life not to lead.

Yours in Christ,

Rev. Jim Osborne
__________________

http://i47.tinypic.com/s4yhsp.jpg
Watch the #1 Televangelist Gospel Hour in the World! "Turn or Burn: Accept Christ or Go to Hell with Rev. Jim Osborne." Check your local cable listings.


(http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?p=599633)
Saving Whores in Vegas: My Evangelical Mission (http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?p=599633)

Fight Porn! Join G.A.P.E. today! (http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?p=584754)
Ghost Hunters Spread Witchcraft and Devil Worship! (http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=48322)

My Personal Story (http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=23637)
Are you a Woman 18-24? Read this NOW! (http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=27676)

[JoePitt]

Quite right - we don't want any of those "Back Door Christians"
Is it for real? Or is it a piss take? From some one well outside USA, your right-wing Christians seem frighteningly real to me. God help us, is all that I can say!!

Yes, it's completely real and the only religious zealots in the world are in the USA. We've also had a decades long guerilla war between Catholics & Protestants too. Oh wait, no we don't. Maybe I'm thinking of someone else ...

[martin48]

Point taken! But in Ireland, we don't have anything as nasty as a guerilla war, we have "The Troubles".

[Ryz]

anyone else feel like trolling these guys?

This isn't 4chan

[JoePitt]

This isn't 4chan

Damn, that was some funny shit. I'd have a sig bigger than yours if I put in all the comedy gold from that one thread. Trolling them wouldn't work, it'd just make it funnier.

At LBC, we will cure your perversion of choice (even if we have to stone you).


Mrs. Holland-Stuart
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured

YouTube - How to Approach a Homosexual (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odDyTyUYUIs)

[Richctdude]

fun if its fake

[renoned]

The fictional Landover Baptist Church is a parody of Fundamentalism - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia@@AMEPARAM@@/wiki/File:Ambox_scales.svg" class="image"><img alt="Ambox scales.svg" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/5/5c/Ambox_scales.svg/40px-Ambox_scales.svg.png"@@AMEPARAM@@commons/thumb/5/5c/Ambox_scales.svg/40px-Ambox_scales.svg.png (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fundamentalist).
The fictitious church grants all authority to its Pastor, previously Ben Ebeneezer Smith, then upon his death to his brother Deacon Fred Smith, and as of June 2010 Pastor Harry Harkwell resulting from a "coup", in accordance with its spurious interpretation of Romans 13 (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=romans%2013&version=9).
The church supposedly owns well over 1,000 acres (4,000,000 m2) in Freehold. The church claims to have twenty-eight paid Pastor - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia@@AMEPARAM@@/wiki/File:V%26A_-_Raphael,_Christ%27s_Charge_to_Peter_(1515).jpg" class="image"><img alt="" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/6/69/V%26A_-_Raphael%2C_Christ%27s_Charge_to_Peter_%281515%29. jpg/350px-V%26A_-_Raphael%2C_Christ%27s_Charge_to_Peter_%281515%29. jpg"@@AMEPARAM@@commons/thumb/6/69/V%26A_-_Raphael%2C_Christ%27s_Charge_to_Peter_%281515%29. jpg/350px-V%26A_-_Raphael%2C_Christ%27s_Charge_to_Peter_%281515%29. jpg (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pastor), 412 full time staff members, eleven fully-equipped chapels, seven sanctuaries, a 100,000 seat amphitheater, twelve television studios, two radio stations, an academy, a university, two gated communities, twenty-seven developments, three office parks, as well as a shopping mall, amusement park, golf course, retirement community, foundation, fire and police department, circus camp, resort center, retreat center, and a number of fitness centers, swimming pools, hot springs, and cemeteries.
Landover claims to have obtained a "permanent Injunction - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia@@AMEPARAM@@/wiki/File:Ambox_globe_content.svg" class="image"><img alt="Globe icon." src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/b/bd/Ambox_globe_content.svg/48px-Ambox_globe_content.svg.png"@@AMEPARAM@@commons/thumb/b/bd/Ambox_globe_content.svg/48px-Ambox_globe_content.svg.png (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Injunction)" against all "unsaved" persons, prohibiting them from being within ten miles of the Landover property as well as forbidding them to enter Landover's website.
:)

[martin48]

What a shame that it's a sham. Trouble is with religious fundamentalism, you can never know. If they weren't so hell-bent on pushing their views on others and had so much power, then the whole thing would be one big fucking farce.

[sunairco]

If you want to see the real thing and much worse, google Westborough Baptist Church or Fred Phelps. This is a serious example of life imitating art. These motherfuckers are for real and batshit crazy. They're the ones you see protesting on TV with the "God Hates Fags" signs and travel all around the country picketing.

[lisaparadise]

HA HA That site is to funny.

Teriyaki is ungodly. It comes from Chinaland, where they worship devils and budah and similarsuch nonsense. Every time you eat food from Chinaland, you let demons into your body. To stay on God's good side, eat good, wholesome AMERICAN food, like pepperoni pizza.http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?p=646053#post646053 http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?p=646054#post646054

[lisaparadise]

Wtf,2 posts and i got banned lol fuckin homos

[Yoite]

i lol'd i lost ._.b

[jedimaster]

*sigh* :ignore:

I sometimes forget people like this even exist. But then......
Just look at the banner this guy has:

http://i47.tinypic.com/s4yhsp.jpg

And WTF this guy has copyrighted the word of god itself?

"...I would help spread the Word of God® to everyone."

As a bonus look at a few of their congregation members and their own chosen self-descriptions :violin:


http://www.landoverbaptist.net/customavatars/avatar24_2.gif
Pastor Ezekiel
Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study

So it's not good enough to be a Bible Nerd you gotta be a Bible STUD too?


http://www.landoverbaptist.net/customavatars/avatar13714_4.gif
David Goldman
(not a Jew)
True Christian™

Jesus was a JEW, asshole


http://www.landoverbaptist.net/customavatars/avatar3914_4.gif
Ezekiel Bathfire
Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
Christ's Rottweiler

Diversity and TOLERANCE??????????


http://www.landoverbaptist.net/customavatars/avatar527_10.gif
Sister Mary Maria
Ladies of Landover Senior VP
One of the Truest Christians™ Ever

Didn't Jesus praise the humble and criticize the boastful and self-righteous?


http://www.landoverbaptist.net/customavatars/avatar10046_3.gif
Professor Bessemer
Professor of Creation Science at Landover University
Certified Ex-Gay Program Graduate
Darwin's Worst Nightmare

EX-GAY MY ASS..... And this is what this last guy had to say about it:

Back when I was still trapped in my own private hell of Sodomania, I can be proud of one thing: I never had relations with a transexual. While it is at best a hollow victory, I was never lured down that primrose path of debauchery.

:(

[loren]

I'm thinking about signing up so I can post (for a few minutes) on their sick forum, but I doubt it's worth my time.



Praise Jesus all of our Ladies here at Landover are 100% Not Gay, Not Trans, Heterosexural full-bloodied women.
There are no "surprises" waiting for our Men.

Ya, I bet all those BITCHES don't ecen suck or swallow and the only position they know is missionarry!

[rockabilly]

....................

[jedimaster]

There's this member GEMIRA who seems to be the only one with a inkling of, let's call it "compassion" and "proto-tolerance" to transsexuals. But mostly ends up just saying whatever seems correct by their book.

http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showpost.php?p=453675&postcount=63

Also, showing people those, um... beauties is not really the best way to go about warning people about transsexuals. In fact, showing they can look like normal people goes a long way toward humanizing them in people's eyes.


AND:

http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showpost.php?p=459613&postcount=70

Please don't call them shemales. Not only is it insulting to transsexuals (which I know you don't care about), but it's a term pretty much exclusively used by the smut industry. You wouldn't want people weak in their faith and self-control to become curious, would you?


Still...... so very sad that the final intention here is portraying TS as sinners and hell bait and whatnot, just fucking sad is all

:(

[GroobySteven]

This is brilliant. I got it as a parody halfway through reading and then saw "back-door Christians" - fucking awesome.

"The information presented here is Biblically accurate. Opinions concerning the technical difficulties, fitness requirements, safety, and ratings of self-crucifixion, flagellation, stoning, destroying enemies of GOD utterly, without mercy, and other activities inherent in Christianity are subjective and may differ from yours or others' opinions; therefore be warned that you must exercise your own judgment as to the difficulty and your ability to safely protect yourself from the inherent risks and dangers. Do not use the information provided on this site unless you are a True Christian ™ who understands and accepts the risks of participating in these activities. Landover Baptist Church makes reasonable efforts to include accurate and up to date information on this website, errors or omissions sometimes occur, therefore the information contained on here is provided "as is" and without warranties of any kind either expressed or implied. Viewing, reading, or any other use of the information contained within this web site is purely the voluntary will of the viewer or user. You, 'the viewer' or 'user' shall not hold the publisher, owner, authors or other contributors of The Jesus Experience responsible for any incidents related directly or indirectly to the Experience. Landover Baptist Church, et. al., assumes no liability or responsibility for your actions."

[loren]

One last point I should make: Now, I know some people may call me a "hypocrite" for ... It is true, .. in 1988, there were photographs of me engaging in sodomy with a transsexual prostitute in Bangkok. I was embezzling money from my church and ministry to pay for flights, hotels, food, drink, massage services, and various shemale prostitutes in Bangkok and Rio. Less than six months later I was on trial for my financial crimes and was later thrown in a federal prison for 15 years.

He andmits that he's a hypocrite.:claps Extortion (gee I didn't see that one coming:rolleyes:), engaging prostitutes, sodomy:hide-1:. Wow, 15 years in the federal pen. I wonder how many cocks he sucked and how many he took up his tight stuck-up ass.

[martin48]

I'm getting lost as to what/who is a spoof and who are just Jesus's army of haters. But we are not so clean in England
Reported hate crime rises by 12.5 per cent

by PinkNews.co.uk Staff Writer (http://www.pinknews.co.uk/author/freefeatures/)
30 November 2010, 2:51pm

http://www.pinknews.co.uk/images/policetape.jpgPolice say the figures show an increase in incidents

There were 50,000 reported hate crimes across England, Wales and Northern Ireland last year, new figures show.

The vast majority concerned racism but almost 5,000 were motivated by homophobia and more than 300 related to transphobia.

In 2009, there were 43,426 race-related hate crimes, 4,805 motivated by sexual orientation, 2,083 crimes by religion or faith, 1,402 by disability and 312 which were transgender-related.
The previous year, there were 46,300 total hate crimes, which included 39,300 race-related crimes, 4,300 motivated by sexual orientation, 1,700 by religion or faith, 800 by disability and 300 related to transgenderism.

[rockabilly]

Maybe I should create a persona and join ... I'd be .... Deacon T. Chaser of Butte Montana , I represent the Butte Sects.


(^_^)