Abusive relationships - Are they common in the transsexual community?

[www.tglovers.com]

After reading this story about a transsexual who stabbed her man to death (http://cerebraldiva.blogspot.com/2010/10/transgender-murder-suspect-waives.html)

It got me to thinking about how many of my friends were in physically abusive relationships. I've never been with a man that put his hands on me but I have certainly encountered abusers of the emotional variety.

Seems like Transsexuals are almost primed for abusers based on OUR history.
YouTube - I'M IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u7G9kpFizLg)

YouTube - Oakland Transsexual charged with Murder/ Victoria Kolakowski wins! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SLxGQR5mPWk)

[phobun]

It got me to thinking about how many of my friends were in physically abusive relationships. I've never been with a man that put his hands on me but I have certainly encountered abusers of the emotional variety.

Unfortunately abusers appear in all races, religions, genders and sexual orientations.

[bte]

Transsexuals get abused. Women get abused. Even men get abused. Abuse is not just dominant in one category. Some spouses/partners are just abusive and it doesn't matter their gender or sexual orientation.

[www.tglovers.com]

Transsexuals get abused. Women get abused. Even men get abused. Abuse is not just dominant in one category. Some spouses/partners are just abusive and it doesn't matter their gender or sexual orientation.
Of course....but that point I'm trying to get at is: Whether or not transsexual as a result of their rearing (no pun intended) have been conditioned to the abuse.

As we see in the media recently many TG and gay kids are killing themselves to escape the abuse and intolerance. So for those of us who continue to live do we live with a degree of acceptance as far as abuse goes?

[amberskyi]

my first relationship was a very emotionally abusive one.i stayed with him for two years because i thought as a ts i couldnt find anything better..

[FreddieGomez]

my first relationship was a very emotionally abusive one.i stayed with him for two years because i thought as a ts i couldnt find anything better..

it seems alot of trannies have low self esteem, but i've seen some chicks who claim to get off on bein abused. now that's truely fucked up.

[youshouldtrythislol]

I never saw the point of anyone staying in an abusive relationship, physical or emotional. Anyone who thinks they can not get someone better is wrong.

[tsparisangelline]

I dated a puerto rican who could not fully accept my gender and whenever he saw my male organ he would go into a fit and beat the daylights out of me.

I stayed with him because he was my first real relationship, and I FELT like he actually cared.

HE probably did though, who knows.

BUT THAT IS WHY I WILL NEVER DATE A LATIN KING AGAIN!!!!!!

[www.tglovers.com]

I dated a puerto rican who could not fully accept my gender and whenever he saw my male organ he would go into a fit and beat the daylights out of me.

I stayed with him because he was my first real relationship, and I FELT like he actually cared.

HE probably did though, who knows.

BUT THAT IS WHY I WILL NEVER DATE A LATIN KING AGAIN!!!!!!

Girl....he sounds like he sad some serious issues! I'm glad you were smart enough to get out of it.

I've never dated a Latin man but I know African American Man and Latin men have some serious issues when it some to sexuality. That being said, I still date them.

[tsparisangelline]

Girl....he sounds like he sad some serious issues! I'm glad you were smart enough to get out of it.

I've never dated a Latin man but I know African American Man and Latin men have some serious issues when it some to sexuality. That being said, I still date them.

I no longer date Latin's at all anymore, lol.

[christinafoxx]

Unfortunately you are correct.


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Be Bold, Be Proud, Be Yourself.
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[substanceD]

I dated a puerto rican who could not fully accept my gender and whenever he saw my male organ he would go into a fit and beat the daylights out of me.

I stayed with him because he was my first real relationship, and I FELT like he actually cared.

HE probably did though, who knows.

BUT THAT IS WHY I WILL NEVER DATE A LATIN KING AGAIN!!!!!!
Holy Crap you dated a Latin King? As in the Gang Latin Kings? Those guys are fucking psycho. Did his set know? I can't imagine they'd be very understanding..

[tsparisangelline]

Holy Crap you dated a Latin King? As in the Gang Latin Kings? Those guys are fucking psycho. Did his set know? I can't imagine they'd be very understanding..

I used to chill with them, lol.

Until a Latin Queen found my ad (that is when him and I broke up)

[jimbobw2]

I dated a puerto rican who could not fully accept my gender and whenever he saw my male organ he would go into a fit and beat the daylights out of me.

I stayed with him because he was my first real relationship, and I FELT like he actually cared.

HE probably did though, who knows.

BUT THAT IS WHY I WILL NEVER DATE A LATIN KING AGAIN!!!!!!

Why you did not hit him over the head with a frying pan is beyond my wildest thoughts

[Beaner]

I dated a puerto rican who could not fully accept my gender and whenever he saw my male organ he would go into a fit and beat the daylights out of me.

I stayed with him because he was my first real relationship, and I FELT like he actually cared.

HE probably did though, who knows.

BUT THAT IS WHY I WILL NEVER DATE A LATIN KING AGAIN!!!!!!

You should have never been dealing with a gang member to start

[RubyTS]

the last man to put his hands on me wound up on a respirator with 4 holes in him and a punctured lung. I've been in abusive relationships and i pity the fool who dares to play games with my heart or my mind again.

truth be told, those relationships are very tricky, because when theyre good theyre SO good! but when theyre bad.... smh. you never know what its like until you've experienced it. Its slow painful torture to have your mind and heart at war with each other, knowing something is no good for you but not being able to do anythng about it. I thank my friendsfor supporting me thru my struggles, i know i wasnt an easy person to deal with and im forever changed because of it.

a perfect song for it - YouTube - Christina Aguilera - "Walk Away" - Live @ The David Letterma (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uFZN7Cvvu0Y)

[TSMichelleAustin]

I was in an abusive relationship at the start of my transition for two years. And like Ruby said they can be really good but then they can be really bad! He would make me so happy but then he would flip a script and I was scared. I left a few times and went back because I didn't know myself and all I knew was that I wanted him to love me. And in a way I know he did. He had issues with drinking and meds that didnt mix well. He abused me mentally and physically along with cheated on me a lot. I was young and thought I could fix him and I think thats why a lot of people stay in those situations. The final straw was when we were out at a club where we were well known and he threw me up on a brick wall and make my back black and blue, thats when I left. I thank god every day I had friends who took me out and cared for me. Because honestly that nite was first time they had seen him abuse me. I left that relationship basically with the clothes on my back, I never got anything back from him. Thats why now I am the way I am and I dont look at life with materialistic objects... I dont need any of that to be happy!

A lot of people think girls do escorting for the quick buck or cuz they are lazy. I am neither of those. I work hard to pay my bills and live a decent life. I dont just do escorting I produce a few sites, take care of my dogs, work on my art and music. So I think leaving that bad situation made me find myself and grow up as a woman. I would never take it back but I know I will never let it happen again!

[JoePitt]

One reason not mentioned yet is the attraction to "bad boys" that some transgendered women have. I don't know if that's more prevalent with GGs or TGs though. But it does stand to reason that if you go out with a thug, addict or hustler, then, odds are, you're going to get hurt.

[RubyTS]

its heartwrenching =( im so sorry for anyone who has gone through this! Relationships like that can cause u to go to such extremes you never imagined and can bring out both the best and the worst in you. Its such a shame.

People often say that a person who genuinely loves u will never want to hurt u. i think in some cases, the abuser loves TOO deeply, and thats one of the reasons why the abused stays. Personally speaking, i dont want to be involved with someone who walks away or turns their back on every argument or disagreement. It's comforting to be with someone who cares enough to show emotion, who loves you enough to get angry or jealous, who will tell u str8 to ur face what they feel and why they're angry, instead of wondering what they're thinking or plotting. The downside to this is that u can't ask for emotion and pick and choose which ones they can show you.

Some people just genuinely have issues dealing with their anger. These abusers lash out and then after they've snapped out of it, they cry and plead for forgiveness realizing what they've done. I've seen this over and over again as well as hearing similar stories. The feelings of regret from hurting the one they love is undeniable. And then they kiss mega ass to get back in good standing and try to make up for what they did, but unfortunately it will happen again unless they seek psychological help.

The back and forth he loves me, he loves me not, causes the abused to internalize and question themselves. thats leads to the insecurities, the doubt, and feeling of worthlessness. Some people like me, see it as a project, and we try to fix our partner, to help them get better! It almost seems like a really bad drug or alcohol habit. Its so hard for some because you will see so much improvement and so much effort on their part and then one day, something else happens and you're walking on eggshells again.

Aside from that you have society constantly telling you that people like this will never change, your friends and family eventually pull back because they cant take the back and forth drama, they just dont want to hear it or involve themselves anymore because no matter what they say or do, you will always love him, u will always go back to him until he kills you. It feels like the whole world is against you, and you have so much faith in this 1 person and you'd give up anything and everything you own just to have him love you the way you feel you deserve to be loved. And knowing that your life would be better off without him, you just cant seem to pull away, because u just want him to love u like u love him. Its so lonely, its so sad =(

[www.tglovers.com]

its heartwrenching =( im so sorry for anyone who has gone through this! Relationships like that can cause u to go to such extremes you never imagined and can bring out both the best and the worst in you. Its such a shame.

People often say that a person who genuinely loves u will never want to hurt u. i think in some cases, the abuser loves TOO deeply, and thats one of the reasons why the abused stays. Personally speaking, i dont want to be involved with someone who walks away or turns their back on every argument or disagreement. It's comforting to be with someone who cares enough to show emotion, who loves you enough to get angry or jealous, who will tell u str8 to ur face what they feel and why they're angry, instead of wondering what they're thinking or plotting. The downside to this is that u can't ask for emotion and pick and choose which ones they can show you.

Some people just genuinely have issues dealing with their anger. These abusers lash out and then after they've snapped out of it, they cry and plead for forgiveness realizing what they've done. I've seen this over and over again as well as hearing similar stories. The feelings of regret from hurting the one they love is undeniable. And then they kiss mega ass to get back in good standing and try to make up for what they did, but unfortunately it will happen again unless they seek psychological help.

The back and forth he loves me, he loves me not, causes the abused to internalize and question themselves. thats leads to the insecurities, the doubt, and feeling of worthlessness. Some people like me, see it as a project, and we try to fix our partner, to help them get better! It almost seems like a really bad drug or alcohol habit. Its so hard for some because you will see so much improvement and so much effort on their part and then one day, something else happens and you're walking on eggshells again.

Aside from that you have society constantly telling you that people like this will never change, your friends and family eventually pull back because they cant take the back and forth drama, they just dont want to hear it or involve themselves anymore because no matter what they say or do, you will always love him, u will always go back to him until he kills you. It feels like the whole world is against you, and you have so much faith in this 1 person and you'd give up anything and everything you own just to have him love you the way you feel you deserve to be loved. And knowing that your life would be better off without him, you just cant seem to pull away, because u just want him to love u like u love him. Its so lonely, its so sad =(

This is why its so important to get out while you can:

YouTube - Oakland Transsexual charged with Murder/ Victoria Kolakowski wins! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SLxGQR5mPWk)

[SXFX]

I don't know....not saying any thing about any ones past experience but I can only speak from my own as a guy.

I was married for a good 8 years. I worked hard to make enough money to provide the best life I could for my wife, it's what a man does. And when I made enough and was promoted I encouraged her to go to university at night. Which I paid for. While she was in class I cooked and cleaned and made sure she came home to a warm meals and clean clothes. I loved the girl, it's what you do when you love someone.
And what did I get in return? Well she put me on a sex diet for about two year. Nothing like getting it once every two weeks.....talk about fun!

But I'm a guy, and so not very smart, and kept doing what I was doing hoping like some sort of moron that things would get better. All I know is one week we were planning a trip to New Orleans for a few days to relax and the next thing you know I get a text that she wants a divorce.......i end up paying all the legal fees and now every other post on her face book is about being abused.
If abuse is someone paying for my education, cleaning the house and cooking me dinner every night and folding and putting my clothes away and encouraging me to not shop at Wallmart and instead shop at nicer places.......sign me up.

Does that count as physical abuse? I don't know, I guess we guys have very little rights when it comes to this kind of thing.

But such is life right? Some scars are there for everyone to see while others are deep with in our minds.

[bte]

my first relationship was a very emotionally abusive one.i stayed with him for two years because i thought as a ts i couldnt find anything better..

I have seen that happen a lot. Some of my friends stayed with their guy because they thought they couldn't find someone else who could "love" them like their current boyfriend. Fortunately, the analogy of "there's plenty of fish in the sea" rings true.

[alyssaluxor]

my bf before used to FUCKED me so HARD day and night!!! is that abusive? i like it though lol ;)

[BellaBellucci]

My last ex wasn't abusive, but he WAS a mess and blamed everything on me. His prior relationships included an obese alcoholic, a woman with severe bi-polar, and a blind girl. The logical conclusion? He likes charity cases.

Once he realized I wasn't one, he dumped all of his problems (and his material possessions) into my life in what now seems like it could have been an attempt to bring me down to his level of loserness with him, but I think everyone here knows I would never put up with that shit, so out the door he went, Napolean complex and all, despite the fact that it took him three weeks to get his things and he had even called the police to come to my place at least once with threats of more. How he figured his life wasn't an absolute mess is completely beyond me.

He prided himself on his ability to admit that he likes transsexuals (even started the process of ordering the license plate I(heart)TGIRLS. I told him he may as well paint a bullseye on his car. Of course another friend has the plate TS-KING, which I thought was pretty funny, but that's a whole other story! The fact of the matter is that anyone crying that loudly about his 'security' probably has none and it's really easy to project onto or blame a trans partner for your own issues. Apparently, we make great scapegoats.

~BB~

[loren]

I've had my fare share of abusive relationships.