How Do You Feel about "Open Relationships"?

[canihavu]

They are neither easy to control, nor easy to predict. In the majority of them, you walk the dangerous line of falling for someone other than your boyfriend or girlfriend. And unless you have some psychic powers that let you see into the future, being in an open relationship ultimately means risking your relationship. In any relationship you run the risk of getting hurt, but when you add amped up feelings of jealousy and insecurity, you're putting yourself in a an even more vulnerable position. I could never agree to an open relationship with someone I really cared about, and if I did agree to one, it would probably mean I wasn't that into the person, in which case I would rather just be single.

[Quiet Reflections]

for me its out of the question at this point in my life. 10 years ago i tried it and it ended bad for all involved. I'm not jealous or insecure but i definitely don't like to share the one i love either. I think it fosters mistrust in a relationship once trust is broken no matter what anyone says you never really earn it back. You can get close but there will always be that doubt in the back of your mind

[Alyssa87]

if i want to be with someone else, i'll just dump you.

and i prefer you do the same for me.

[baileyandkc]

Honesty is the best policy, long as its not Glenn Close!

[LuciaMiel]

Eventually two people end up favoring each other and the extras get really hurt and there's a whole fuck load of drama.. Not worth it for me. I agree, I'd rather just dump/be dumped by my partner and get another.

[Trowa]

It's rumored that Will Smith's marriage is like this. Apparantly he has permission from Jada to sleep with other women, as long as he tells her first. I'd assume she can do the same. Theres also a rumor that Jada is bi. I don't think either have strayed from each other, but if thats what works for them, then more power to them. They've been together since 97 I think.

[Floyd R]

Rumors are not fact. Please use an example that you are certain is 100% factual.


It's rumored that Will Smith's marriage is like this. Apparantly he has permission from Jada to sleep with other women, as long as he tells her first. I'd assume she can do the same. Theres also a rumor that Jada is bi. I don't think either have strayed from each other, but if thats what works for them, then more power to them. They've been together since 97 I think.

[BeardedOne]

And then there are those that are poly from the outset. I know of many relationships that are either open or extended (Such as triad marriages) and many (Though not all) work rather well.

I know of one happily married gent that has a limited ticket to relations with T-gurls and another who spends his time with who he wishes so long as he plays safe and doesn't lie about his encounters to his SO. I've known triad marriages and poly families that involved as many as a half dozen people.

It's all relative to the participants, but not all can enjoy this game without grief. It's subject to the beliefs and understanding of the participating individuals and whether or not they are being as true to themselves as they claim to be to the relationships.

[JeniferTS]

I think the concept is stupid. Just be single and see different people. To each their own.

[sucka4chix]

if i want to be with someone else, i'll just dump you.

and i prefer you do the same for me.
Exactly! What's the point? Either you're commited or you're not. There's no in between!

[jaycanuck]

I grew up in a split family..so a lot of my values come from the trouble that caused..in that I believe in loyalty and being in one relationship. Like Alyssa said...if it's not working out...or you want to try other pastures, break up first. Open relationships lead to all sorts of sticky situations (no pun intended)

[sucka4chix]

Rumors are not fact. Please use an example that you are certain is 100% factual.


It's rumored that Will Smith's marriage is like this. Apparantly he has permission from Jada to sleep with other women, as long as he tells her first. I'd assume she can do the same. Theres also a rumor that Jada is bi. I don't think either have strayed from each other, but if thats what works for them, then more power to them. They've been together since 97 I think.
I thought this was a fact. Made me lose alot of respect for Will (well, what respect I had left after he defended Scientology)

[Quiet Reflections]

Rumors are not fact. Please use an example that you are certain is 100% factual.


It's rumored that Will Smith's marriage is like this. Apparantly he has permission from Jada to sleep with other women, as long as he tells her first. I'd assume she can do the same. Theres also a rumor that Jada is bi. I don't think either have strayed from each other, but if thats what works for them, then more power to them. They've been together since 97 I think.
I thought this was a fact. Made me lose alot of respect for Will (well, what respect I had left after he defended Scientology)

I'm sure if Will Smith ever said that he was joking. just like every guy that says oh yeah id love to walk in on my girl with another woman. Hes a Hollywood action/funny man. I'm sure you would hear more about the other people involved if this were true. And being from the US we should defend Scientology since religious freedom is on of our big selling points. They may seem crazy but they are allowed to, and the other world religions are pretty crazy too sometimes. I'm also sure your aware that there were not Scientology crusades, Scientology jihads or fatwas

[kensterling]

Open relationships are for open minded people. Alot of people use that term, but it's harder to live it.

[MacShreach]

I'm also sure your aware that there were not Scientology crusades, Scientology jihads or fatwas

That is true....what was that about "damning with faint praise," though?

[LTR_Seeker]

No way there just always train wreck for everyone involved

[MDinMD]

Maybe it's possible for some people...but certainly not me.

[Ts CinthyaNY]

Work perfectly for me, not shame on that... Sometimes some people end up losing the person they truly love because they cheat on them, why not to open up to each other and have certain freedom? After all, two people being together it's to have a better life , love is sharing, personally I don see nothing wrong with being in a open relationship but that's me and my partner, others decide to me more in the monogamy side well to each their own...

Most of some people I know cheat to their spouses in so many ways and with so many people, I seen some relationships and marriages broken because of that, I asked to some of them what it hurts more, if the fact of their partners seeing other people or what... Many told me that what it hurts the most it is the lie and that this person acting behind their partner back...

To me its been working for more than a half of the time in my relationship and it seems will work for longer since we love each other and understand our needs, but that's me .

Love...
Cinthya.

[Justawannabe]

It's not for me.

I've known a number of people who have tried it, and I haven't seen any of them make it five years. Even with being very honest and understanding, sooner or later someone comes along who grabs more attention than someone else in the mix can handle and it all breaks down.

I've dated multiple people a couple times in my life with everyone in the know. The relationships ended up feeling unfair to everyone, as no one could be number one to anyone, and that just seems to be bad for peoples self esteem.

[Bobzz]

Perhaps the people who don't get or understand the notion of an "open marriage" or "open relationship" confuse the issue of physical fidelity and emotional fidelity. Physical fidelity a/k/a/ "monogomy" is widely accepted in many scientific communities as being an un-natural state from biological and evolutionary point of view; on the other hand, emotional fidelity a/k/a "love" is one of the deepest and most personal of all emotions and is the glue that literally binds people together. The presence of numerous long-term married couples (15 to 30+ years) in the so-called swinging lifestyle is proof of the fact that you can have emotional fidelity with one person yet have physical relationships with others ... so long as it's mutually agreed upon and is done with the intent of preserving or maintaining emotional fidelity and the relationship. It's tempting to capsulize it by saying, "it's just sex and it's fun for both parties, it's OK". Personally speaking, I think that all good relationships develop and evolve over time and if you and your spouse, significant other, main squeeze, etc. have a strong committment to each other and to the relationship and if you're honest about the motivation to have a open relationship, it can and does work. The key is that "open" doesn't mean a free for all with sneaking around behind your mates back. It means being honest (including acknowledging an attraction to transsexual women). And, if truth be known, in order to make the relationship work sometimes you have to close it back down, whether for good or even if only temporarily. These are very individual and personal choices that work for some people, for some relationships and for different times in the evolution of the relationship. It works for us but it does take some work too! Of course, your mileage may vary.

[MacShreach]

I think they can work. It needs a lot of openness and at the same time commitment, as well as understanding.

The killer is jealousy; as soon as that happens the game's a bogey.

Funnily perhaps, I think women, if they can accept the idea at all, are better at it than men. I suspect this has an evolutionary cause.

[TomSelis]

Nah, it's not for me. Usually, someone ends up wanting more out of it, which leads to it not working out. It has to be an equal thing.

[scroller]

Work perfectly for me, not shame on that... Sometimes some people end up losing the person they truly love because they cheat on them, why not to open up to each other and have certain freedom? After all, two people being together it's to have a better life , love is sharing, personally I don see nothing wrong with being in a open relationship but that's me and my partner, others decide to me more in the monogamy side well to each their own...

Good for you. Honesty is the only way.

[tsmandy]

Just saw this topic.

I've been in open relationships for the past 8 years, and I've been in an open relationship with my girlfriend for the last 5. Honesty and trust are very important, without them its just a world of pain, but so is monogamy.

My girlfriend doesn't worry that I'm going to cheat on her, she knows I'm going to sleep with other people, but at the end of the day nobody in the world is going to keep me from snuggling up to her and getting older with her. Nobody.

Love and fidelity are not synonymous to me. I just can't get all my needs met from one person, and I think if more people admitted that there would be a whole lot less heartbreak (not that poly circles don't have their fair share of heartbreak and pain)

[Herkyalert]

Why be in a relationship if it's open? Isn't that the point of playing the field? It maybe works for some, but it isn't my style.

[Solitary Brother]

"Open Relationships" are for whores plain and simple.
Anytime you hear someone talk about being in one OR thinking about being in one or asking you what you think.....run because they are a whore.

Plain and simple.
Out here in San Fran the idea is popular because the city is full of whores of all types.
There are some VERY artificial and superficial people out here.

[tsmandy]

"Open Relationships" are for whores plain and simple.
Anytime you hear someone talk about being in one OR thinking about being in one or asking you what you think.....run because they are a whore.

Plain and simple.
Out here in San Fran the idea is popular because the city is full of whores of all types.
There are some VERY artificial and superficial people out here.

Hey douchebag, have fun with your hand remember to use lots of lube to prevent tearing.

With all those whores around practicing non-monogamy it is too bad you lack the social skills to get any play out of it. :oops: , guess that means its time for you to pick a fight with someone new.

Meanwhile us whores are going to fuck on your doorstep and leave the used gloves and ejaculate all over your stoop.

[tsmandy]

Why be in a relationship if it's open? Isn't that the point of playing the field? It maybe works for some, but it isn't my style.

Well for me, I really love my partner and get alot out of sharing my life with her. But I don't believe in asking one person to meet all of my physical and emotional needs. Having been with the same person for most of my adult life I enjoy hooking up with other people from time to time, especially if my gf is busy at work or not feeling like messing around.

Sex is just as sweet when its slutty, trust me.