Ecstatic
09-09-2005, 02:02 AM
Congress today announced that the office of President of the United
States of America will be outsourced to overseas interests as of
August 31st. The move is being made to save not only a significant
portion of the President's $400,000.00 yearly salary, but also a
record $521 billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead.
"We believe this is a wise move financially. The cost savings should
be significant," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-Wash.).
Reynolds, with the aid of the Government Accountability Office,has
studied outsourcing of American jobs extensively. "We cannot expect
to remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of
cash outlay,"
Reynolds noted.
Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of his termination.
Preparations for the job move have been underway for some time.
Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will be
assuming the office of President as of September 1st. Mr. Singh was
born in the United States while his Indian parents were vacationing
at Niagara Falls, thus making him eligible for the position. He
will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month but with no health
coverage or other benefits.
It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job
responsibilities without support staff. Due to the time difference
between the US and India, he will be working primarily at night,
when few offices of the US Government will be open. "Working nights
will allow me to keep my day job at the American Express call
center," stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. "I am excited
about this position. I always hoped I would be President someday."
A Congressional Spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be
fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of President,
this should not be a problem. Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree
that will enable him to respond effectively to most topics of
concern.
Using this tree, he can address common concerns without having to
understand the underlying issues at all. "We know these scripting
tools work," stated the Spokesperson. "Mr. Bush has used them
successfully for years."
Mr. Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until
his final day of employment. Following a two week waiting period, he
will be eligible for $240 dollars a week unemployment for 13 weeks.
Unfortunately he will not be eligible for Medicaid as his
unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed limit.
Mr. Bush has been provided the outplacement services of Manpower,Inc.
to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job
transition.
According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing a
new position due to limited practical work experience. One
possibility is re-enlistment in the Air National Guard. Should he
choose this option, he would likely be stationed in Iraq, a country
he has visited. "I've been there, I know all about Iraq," stated
Mr.Bush, who gained invaluable knowledge of the country in a visit
to the Baghdad Airport's terminal and gift shop.
Sources in Baghdad and Falluja say Mr. Bush would receive a warm
reception from local Iraqis. They have asked to be provided with
details of his arrival so that they might arrange an appropriate
welcome.
States of America will be outsourced to overseas interests as of
August 31st. The move is being made to save not only a significant
portion of the President's $400,000.00 yearly salary, but also a
record $521 billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead.
"We believe this is a wise move financially. The cost savings should
be significant," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-Wash.).
Reynolds, with the aid of the Government Accountability Office,has
studied outsourcing of American jobs extensively. "We cannot expect
to remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of
cash outlay,"
Reynolds noted.
Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of his termination.
Preparations for the job move have been underway for some time.
Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will be
assuming the office of President as of September 1st. Mr. Singh was
born in the United States while his Indian parents were vacationing
at Niagara Falls, thus making him eligible for the position. He
will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month but with no health
coverage or other benefits.
It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job
responsibilities without support staff. Due to the time difference
between the US and India, he will be working primarily at night,
when few offices of the US Government will be open. "Working nights
will allow me to keep my day job at the American Express call
center," stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. "I am excited
about this position. I always hoped I would be President someday."
A Congressional Spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be
fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of President,
this should not be a problem. Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree
that will enable him to respond effectively to most topics of
concern.
Using this tree, he can address common concerns without having to
understand the underlying issues at all. "We know these scripting
tools work," stated the Spokesperson. "Mr. Bush has used them
successfully for years."
Mr. Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until
his final day of employment. Following a two week waiting period, he
will be eligible for $240 dollars a week unemployment for 13 weeks.
Unfortunately he will not be eligible for Medicaid as his
unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed limit.
Mr. Bush has been provided the outplacement services of Manpower,Inc.
to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job
transition.
According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing a
new position due to limited practical work experience. One
possibility is re-enlistment in the Air National Guard. Should he
choose this option, he would likely be stationed in Iraq, a country
he has visited. "I've been there, I know all about Iraq," stated
Mr.Bush, who gained invaluable knowledge of the country in a visit
to the Baghdad Airport's terminal and gift shop.
Sources in Baghdad and Falluja say Mr. Bush would receive a warm
reception from local Iraqis. They have asked to be provided with
details of his arrival so that they might arrange an appropriate
welcome.