How do you introduce your t-girl to your traditional family?

[MurrayR]

So I love t-girls. I have recently seen that I like a T-girl more than a regular girl. I think I want a T-girl to be my mate (a pre-op Tgirl) but I don't know how I would tell my family.

[brickcitybrother]

What about something like this:

[You] Hi mom, Hi dad. Let me introduce you to my girlfriend Sam.

[Parents] Hello Sonny, hello Sam. Sonny, ummm can we talk to you in private?

[You] Sure.

Move to next room

[You] What is it mum and dad.

[Parents] Is Sam a guy?

[You] Yea, well not really. She's they way you see her all the time. She never dresses or acts like a man.

[Parents] Oh ... umm ok.

[You] You guys knew I was a little different anyway, you can't be THAT surprised.

[Parents] Well, yeah you're right. Are you and Sam hungry?

_________________________________________

Now that may not be the way it goes. But if you act like the girl is like any other girl. Then you're less likely to have major issues. Trying to hide the fact that you are having feelings and sex with a person with a penis is going to cause you more grief than anything.

[SarahG]

Why even tell the family?

Unless she can't pass I really don't get the point.

[Legend]

Just introduce her as your girlfreind.

[baileyandkc]

Would the toilet seat left up be a dead giveaway?

[Alyssa87]

I hope youre serious about this.

If you are good luck.
and i would actually say u should tell your mother about your orientation BEFORE you tell her about the girl.

Because otherwise she might think that your gf IN PARTICULAR took her son away from females.

Then if she wants to meet her, she can. and you girl doesnt have to feel akward.

Take it from me :wink:

One of the main reasons i'm single -is that first time he tells me that he
has no intention of ever 'coming out' as a trans-attracted man.
& voila! it's over before it ever had a chance to begin :shrug

[trannybanger]

Just out of curiousity, why would you explicitly choose a transwoman mate over another type?

I mean when it comes to a relationship and a mate, I would imagine what comes first is physical attraction and then chemistry, communication and interests. I am curious why someone, would add "needs to posess a cock" to that mix?

I myself am attracted to all types of women, trans and gg, and at times in varying levels, but if I was to find myself enchanted by someone in particular I can't imagine ruling them out because they lacked one thing while posessing many other great qualities. I believe that if my family loves and accepts me, that they would hopefully support and encourage my happiness.

[Dinand]

Would the toilet seat left up be a dead giveaway?
Or the fact that she actually loves to watch sports with her father in law?

[timxxx]

Tell them you're only half gay.

[Quiet Reflections]

if you really like her then introduce her the same way you would anyone else. Her acceptance will start with you. you cant take the next step without making the first

[dc_guy_75]

It's probably best if you tell them with a RuPaul song playing in the background.

Seriously, there should probably be a discussion beforehand. Really.

[Luna555]

Just out of curiousity, why would you explicitly choose a transwoman mate over another type?

I mean when it comes to a relationship and a mate, I would imagine what comes first is physical attraction and then chemistry, communication and interests. I am curious why someone, would add "needs to posess a cock" to that mix?

I myself am attracted to all types of women, trans and gg, and at times in varying levels, but if I was to find myself enchanted by someone in particular I can't imagine ruling them out because they lacked one thing while posessing many other great qualities. I believe that if my family loves and accepts me, that they would hopefully support and encourage my happiness.

Im friends with a few guys that are only attracted to ts girls. they accept it and are not ashamed of it. its just what they are attracted to, and its not some fetish thing, all of them have ben in serious relationships. I my self don't just want a guy, I want a guy with a dick. its just what I am attracted to. I don't think I could date a ts guy.

plus also I think ts girls have other thing that are different about them then just a cock or having had one, from ggs. I mean the way I was raised and the way I see the world because I am ts is different than what a gg was raised as and how she sees the world.

[peggygee]

Why even tell the family?

Unless she can't pass I really don't get the point.

Cosign

[blckhaze]

Family, this is Girl, shes a ts who I choose to luv

girl this is family. They are jerks, but i have to luv them.

[francisfkudrow]

Well, the discussion beforehand is probably the best, but you could always introduce her as if she were just a regular genetic girl, and act shocked and appalled if anyone suggests she isn't.

[DJ_Asia]

I can tell you the method I used and it worked perfectly.
I was dating a post-op girl,quite stunning but her head,literally was WAY too big to pass as a GG.Not wanting to throw her to the wolves,I called my family together and showed them pictures of some of my past and present TS g/f's.They were all quite impressed with their beauty,and after everyone had taken a look I simply said

"They were all born as boys"

Fielded about 50 of the most obvious Q's that one would expect from middle aged married types and after I had answered them all I had no further issues with introducing girls,GG or TS to my family.

Hope this helps..Good luck.

[trannybanger]

Just out of curiousity, why would you explicitly choose a transwoman mate over another type?

I mean when it comes to a relationship and a mate, I would imagine what comes first is physical attraction and then chemistry, communication and interests. I am curious why someone, would add "needs to posess a cock" to that mix?

I myself am attracted to all types of women, trans and gg, and at times in varying levels, but if I was to find myself enchanted by someone in particular I can't imagine ruling them out because they lacked one thing while posessing many other great qualities. I believe that if my family loves and accepts me, that they would hopefully support and encourage my happiness.

Im friends with a few guys that are only attracted to ts girls. they accept it and are not ashamed of it. its just what they are attracted to, and its not some fetish thing, all of them have ben in serious relationships. I my self don't just want a guy, I want a guy with a dick. its just what I am attracted to. I don't think I could date a ts guy.

plus also I think ts girls have other thing that are different about them then just a cock or having had one, from ggs. I mean the way I was raised and the way I see the world because I am ts is different than what a gg was raised as and how she sees the world.

Let me clarify a little better.... I meant based on attraction, you are physically attracted to what you are attracted to and that is before you know what is between someones' legs. My point is exactly that... what things are important in a relationship are usually the same for everyone and not based on a fetish, but yet clear values.

Everyone was raised differently and sees the world in their own different viewpoint, what experiences you have as well a mine, as well as a gg may all be very similar or very different in many aspects. I think that is a given understanding of all humankind.

Overall, I was just curious to someone deciding exclusively what they like for a "mate" before meeting them. I find this to be that same as a guy saying "I think I am going to marry a Swedish blond model with big tits", and find it to be a somewhat close minded and contradictive to the idea of acceptance as transsexuals as would anyone else.

[Luna555]

I never said that they were not attracted to others women. I might be attracted to a guy and say that he is hot as hell but if he is a ts I wouldnt date him. Sure he might be cute, and I am not denying im attracted to him nor that he is attractive, but because he is a ts and has a vagina I wouldnt date him, because I wouldnt see a future with him.

I know what your saying about everyone being raise differently, but thats not the way I mean it. Ultimitely I think guys are raised one way and girls are raised another way, plain and simple. Because I was raised as a guy makes me different, and being a ts and how society sees me, and me transitioning and having to put up with obstacles that are there for me are not the same things a gg would have experienced.

I really cant put it any simpler than that.

Im open to the idea of me falling in love with a ts guy but i am also realistic and because I am not attracted to a guy with a vagina, it would be a very low chance of me falling in love with a ts guy, but if I do, ill accept it.

Also some guys might not want to date a ts girl because they like the softness, the taste, the wetness that a ggs has. Were talking about pre-op ts girls. And honestly every time you walk out the door and you see a person with a short hair cut, a business suit, and male mannerism you expect them to have a penis, the same goes for a female, what I am trying to get at is that you said that you didnt get how anyone would exclusively date only ts girls before meeting the person, well straight guys do that all the time, when they are out in public and see a hot chick they are also might be saying or making the assumption that the girl has a vagina, if they thought the girls had a penis well they might be attracted to her but they might not date her, unless ofcourse they are open to it.

[trannybanger]

I never said that they were not attracted to others women. I might be attracted to a guy and say that he is hot as hell but if he is a ts I wouldnt date him. Sure he might be cute, and I am not denying im attracted to him nor that he is attractive, but because he is a ts and has a vagina I wouldnt date him, because I wouldnt see a future with him.

I know what your saying about everyone being raise differently, but thats not the way I mean it. Ultimitely I think guys are raised one way and girls are raised another way, plain and simple. Because I was raised as a guy makes me different, and being a ts and how society sees me, and me transitioning and having to put up with obstacles that are there for me are not the same things a gg would have experienced.

I really cant put it any simpler than that.

Im open to the idea of me falling in love with a ts guy but i am also realistic and because I am not attracted to a guy with a vagina, it would be a very low chance of me falling in love with a ts guy, but if I do, ill accept it.

Also some guys might not want to date a ts girl because they like the softness, the taste, the wetness that a ggs has. Were talking about pre-op ts girls. And honestly every time you walk out the door and you see a person with a short hair cut, a business suit, and male mannerism you expect them to have a penis, the same goes for a female, what I am trying to get at is that you said that you didnt get how anyone would exclusively date only ts girls before meeting the person, well straight guys do that all the time, when they are out in public and see a hot chick they are also might be saying or making the assumption that the girl has a vagina, if they thought the girls had a penis well they might be attracted to her but they might not date her, unless ofcourse they are open to it.

I think in a roundabout way, we are agreeing here. Both of us are interested in certain things for a mate first and foremost, and if they happen to have a cock or a vagina, that will be dealt with as it comes (puin intended). This guy is not presenting himself that way.

With that being said...Making preconceived ideas pass for factual information just continues to perpetuate stereotypes and discrimination for everyone not just transgender people. And because "straight guys" do it all the time, and this guy is doing the opposite it doesn't justify it nor make it any different in reality. My point is, if someone truly views people as equals and accepts them and ceases to judge based on gender specific ideas, and date people based on my aformentioned qualities that level of sincerity would be clear to everyone, including family. If someone decides that they want to date someone in particular that is a small minority of the population even before they have met that person, that to me would be viewed as some type of novelty.

Just curious as to why someone (o.p.) would think that way in general. I think that family introductions are natural, sincere and easy, when the relationship is as well. But thanks for the discussion Luna. :)

[Justawannabe]

Actually trannybanger it seems your not saying the same thing...

Short aside first... Alyssa and Luna both... dead on!

Luna seems to be saying there is nothing wrong with wanting someone who can fulfill your desires rather than falling in love with some other aspect of a person and dealing with the pain of never finding fulfillment.

That's not prejudice, or stereotypes, its not setting yourself up for failure.

If you value physical fitness as a major aspect of you life and you want to share that with someone you love, dating someone who won't walk to the mailbox is not your best bet for finding happiness.

* I do think that Luna is right in another aspect. I do think that you cannot divorce yourself from you experiences. Men and women have a lot of different things in their lives growing up. Expectations for success and activities, prejudices applied (men being deemed dangerous as teens specifically here), etc... These mold and shape us in different ways, and that will have an effect on how you interact with people and the world

You can't just deny these, even if you knew from day one you were destined to be the other gender. And there is at least some affinity to be found for some folks in those shared experiences.

Sean

[Skwisgarr Skwigelf]

Just out of curiousity, why would you explicitly choose a transwoman mate over another type?

I mean when it comes to a relationship and a mate, I would imagine what comes first is physical attraction and then chemistry, communication and interests. I am curious why someone, would add "needs to posess a cock" to that mix?

I myself am attracted to all types of women, trans and gg, and at times in varying levels, but if I was to find myself enchanted by someone in particular I can't imagine ruling them out because they lacked one thing while posessing many other great qualities. I believe that if my family loves and accepts me, that they would hopefully support and encourage my happiness.

That's a good way to be

[SoCaliDude]

If she passes don't worry about it. Gotta find one to take home first.

[MurrayR]

Alyssa had a great response. justawannabe also was very helpful.

So to say why I like T-girls more than g-girls... I don't really know. Some people like chocolate more than vanilla. If you ask them they might say something like, "Chocolate has a richer more empowering flavor." or "Vanilla has a clean light sweetness to it." It does not really say why one is better than the other.

What I was looking for was mostly personal experience. I know the majority of parents would be in shock if their son dated a TG or if their son became a TG. My family is very accepting about stuff, and I don't think there would be much of a problem, except for my older family members. I was looking to see what kinds of discussions you all have had with your extended family.

I am happy that I had so many responses.

Thank you all!

Oh I forgot to add! most of the HungAngels here are like the supermodel equivelent of G-girls. I know I am not a bad looking guy, but I know I am not what Supermodels are looking for either.

[SarahG]

Alyssa had a great response. justawannabe also was very helpful.

So to say why I like T-girls more than g-girls... I don't really know. Some people like chocolate more than vanilla. If you ask them they might say something like, "Chocolate has a richer more empowering flavor." or "Vanilla has a clean light sweetness to it." It does not really say why one is better than the other.

What I was looking for was mostly personal experience. I know the majority of parents would be in shock if their son dated a TG or if their son became a TG. My family is very accepting about stuff, and I don't think there would be much of a problem, except for my older family members. I was looking to see what kinds of discussions you all have had with your extended family.

I am happy that I had so many responses.

Thank you all!

Oh I forgot to add! most of the HungAngels here are like the supermodel equivelent of G-girls. I know I am not a bad looking guy, but I know I am not what Supermodels are looking for either.

From this post I take it that you're thinking (correct me if I am incorrect here):

1- Girls you'd be able to get into relationships wouldn't be able to pass

2- Because of #1 it could pose problems with your family

Am I right?

I think you'd be surprised with #1, I know a lot of girls in stealth who aren't dating male underwear models if you get my drift. That doesn't mean you'd necessarily be able to easily get into a relationship with a girl known in adult entertainment, but as far as normal everyday passable tgirls go I think you'd be pretty surprised.

The difficult part would for you, probably be in finding a girl like that. If a girl isn't in entertainment, and is in stealth living the normal college student life (forgot if you've mentioned your age- I am using "college student life" as an example because girls who pass & in stealth are most likely to be young transistioners, there being obvious exceptions) you're not gonna run into her at trans themed events, so unless you run into a girl like that online- the odds aren't very good for you.

The easiest way of approaching it would be to keep it as much of a nonissue as possible, meaning don't "come out to your parents" unless you have strong reason to believe they won't care, and once you do find a girl who passes- don't tell your parents about her. Especially don't impulsively tell your parents about her if she is in stealth.

Slightly different scenario (may give some insight):

One of my close friends has a lot of trio-closed relationships but his family is pretty conservative. He could "come out to them" and explain "hey I usually have two gfs at once and they all know each other..." but that would get him outcast from his family (and for what?). So he just introduces them as friends, his family knows he lives with these girls, they just don't know that its a sexual thing. How has it worked? For him its been such a nonissue that there's no eyes raised to him even bringing these "friends" over to family functions (like holiday dinners, birthdays etc). Might not be an ideal situation, but it works for him, and some girls (not everyone would be cool with that kind of an arrangement, but for some its fine).

[TsVanessa69]

Would the toilet seat left up be a dead giveaway?
Or the fact that she actually loves to watch sports with her father in law?
Ummm most of my girlfriends and myself never watch sports
we like girly things
like America's Next Top Model, Glam Squad or the such

[TsVanessa69]

well my boyfriend and I are going thru that and it depends on the family menber. He is Puerto Rican and his aunt is very old school. So she knows he lives with a girlfriend, but we don't know how to tell her. But his sister is very kool with it. Its like eventually everybody is going to find out, just have to deal with each family member on a 1 on 1 basis.

[dan_drade]

That is a very tough one if you are serious. I have dated girls that I would never introduce to my family. I know that sounds really fucked up, but that is the way it was. The girl I am dating now is 100% passable and I have introduced her to a few people that I know and a few family members including my son with no problem.

I have never mentioned the fact that she is a transsexual girl and nobody has ever asked me. I do have an aunt that has not met her yet, and I have a feeling that my aunt may clock my gf. The reason I say that is because the last time I visited my aunt, we saw some show on tv that had a transsexual girl in it. My aunt (who is from Hawaii, and so is my gf by the way) was telling me how there are TS girls in Hawaii that she knows and she went on to tell me that they are virtually undetectable except for very small tell tale signs. Like, since most of them are at least part Asian, they have big hands for Asian girls (which my gf has) and lower voices (which my gf has) and bigger feet, so on and so on. She also told me that most of the girls have homone induced breasts that are perfect even on the older girls. My gf is well into her thirties and she does have the most perfect breasts I have ever seen on a girl. When she told me that, I was like ohhhhhh shit, she will clock my gf in no time.

My aunt is schelduled to move here to cali in a few months and she will eventually meet my gf. I will not say anything about my gf being a TS, but if my aunt asks me to tell her the truth, I will probably tell her that her suspicions were correct.

I will have to ask my gf if she is cool with me comming out to my aunt before I say anything. But if my gf wants me to fess up, I will. In my mind I have convinced myself that comming out will be a very liberating feeling, but I won't do it without my gf supporting me 100%. I would never want to "out" my gf, not in a million years.

So, I suppose if you are inclined to come out of the closet, you can tell your parents that you girl is a TS. If you dont want to come out, just make sure you can find a girl that is 100% passable.

[dan_drade]

One more thing. Don't forget that if your gf is totally passable and undetectable, chances are that she is more fearful of being outed than you are. These girls work very hard to become feminine and once they are totally passable, the love living life as a woman and never being questioned about it is something that might make her hate you if you tell someone.

[canihavu]

I hope youre serious about this.

If you are good luck.
and i would actually say u should tell your mother about your orientation BEFORE you tell her about the girl.

Because otherwise she might think that your gf IN PARTICULAR took her son away from females.

Then if she wants to meet her, she can. and you girl doesnt have to feel akward.

Take it from me :wink:

One of the main reasons i'm single -is that first time he tells me that he
has no intention of ever 'coming out' as a trans-attracted man.
& voila! it's over before it ever had a chance to begin :shrug


Interesting...

[tgirlzoe]

I recently met my boyfriend's grandmother and great-aunt. The hardest part was getting him to help clean up the house before they arrived... Seriously, it wasn't an issue.

I think the worst thing is that his grandma really liked his ex-fiancee (GG) and was frustrated that she left him. I'm sure there was no discussion of my being trans beforehand. Why would he do that to his grandma?

I heard that my ex-fiance didn't tell his parents that his new girl was trans as well (they very much knew about me, I was just starting out when we were together). But it came out after over a year of them being together. That's probably worse. They have been together for 3.5 years now and are engaged. Unfortunately, their relationship with his mother is not good anymore (ironically, she is on good terms with her mother).

I'm far from "supermodel" quality, though I'd like to think that I pass decently. I go after the whole "ideal" of a lot of tgirls -- just go after normal guys as though you were a normal girl and find a way to make it work. No offense to the guys on this board but I've never even met a "chaser"/"admirer" in real life and am relatively far removed from any sort of real life trans "community".

There are a lot of issues to deal with in dating tgirls. I suppose the first is that they're crazy, even more so than other women! ^_^ Seriously though, we do have a lot of sensitive issues about our bodies, families and identities. I am a strong advocate of social integration ("stealth") and my position is that if its possible to go without telling your parents, then do it. Just introduce them like any other girlfriend.