hope u likes this topic

[iluvshemales]

well i have a game of some sort

anybody who posts in this thread has to give us a great joke and a pic of a shemale (of course :wink: )

so as to initiate ill start...


We take you now to the Oval Office

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now what are you asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you, Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's whose name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?

[iluvshemales]

so what do guyz think

and about those two beauties...smashing eh?

well ill post one more

Tales From The Shire

Two hobbits walk into a bar where one of them picks up a barfly. They taker her to ta local motel; the first hobbit goes into the motel room while the other waits outside. Once the door closes, the hobbit on the outside hears starnge noises through the door, "I can't do it, I can't do it, I CAN'T DO IT!"
In the morning, the second hobbit askes the first, "How did it go?" The first one answers. "It was embarrassing. I simply couldn''t do it."

The second hobbit shook his head. "Manhood problems, eh?"

"No. I couldnt get on the bed!"

[iluvshemales]

here's another joke and pic of a girl named anna

Ancient Chinese Torture

A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, grey beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?"
"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man."

"Ok," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house.

Before dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young,beautiful, and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man since she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during he night, he could bear it no longer, and sneaked into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear. Near dawn he crept back to his room, exhausted, but happy.

He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest." "Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle." In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to the end. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost."

[iluvshemales]

how's this joke and gal (im sure ya'll already know her)

Bill Clinton and Senator Hillary Clinton...

Bill Clinton and Senator Hillary Clinton were at a Yankees game. Before the game began a secret service man came up to him and whispered in his ear.
Bill Clinton suddenly picked up Hillary and threw her out on the field.

The secret service man came running up to him and said, "Mr. President Sir, I think you misunderstood me; I said throw out the first pitch."

[iluvshemales]

well one more :lol:

with a pic of seara

After the Honeymoon...

A couple has returned from their honeymoon and it was obvious to everyone that they are not talking to each other. The groom's best man takes him aside and asks what's wrong.
"Well," replied the man "when we had finished making love on the first night, as I got up to go to the bathroom, I put a $50 bill on the pillow without thinking."

"Oh, you shouldn't worry about that too much," said his friend. "I'm sure your wife will get over it soon enough - she can't expect you to have been saving yourself all these years!"

The groom nodded gently and said, "I don't know if I can get over this though: She gave me $20 change!''

[iluvshemales]

this is one funny joke :lol:

Annoying Boy on Bus

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, ''If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull.''
The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ''If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.''

The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, ''What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!''

The kid smiles and says, ''I would be a bus driver!''

[iluvshemales]

well nobody seems to know any jokes

well then ill tell some more

hope u guyz and gals like it...

Dear God

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened.
Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, USA, they decided to send it to President Bush.

The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill.

President Bush thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to God, which read:

Dear God,

Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those crooks deducted $95.00

[iluvshemales]

i like this topic...well i started it so i should like :wink:

a clinton joke

Clinton's sons

Chelsea had the most exciting news. She burst into the room shouting, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news! Nick asked me to marry him. He is like the biggest hunk in Washington. We are supposed to get married next month.
Bill took Chelsea in the back and said, "Chelsea, you're mother, although an ideal administrator and public speaker, has never had much to offer in the sack, so, as you might have heard, I have been known to fool around with other ladies on occassion. Your boyfriend Nick happens to be the product of one of my love making sessions. He is my son and thusly, he is your half-brother."

Chelsea ran out of the office screaming, "Not another brother!"

She rushed to her mother's side, telling her about her all about dad's shameful behavior and how every man she dated turns out to be one of her father's illegitimate sons.

Hillary began to laugh and said, "Don't pay any attention to him. He isn't really your father anyway."

[iluvshemales]

i hope u guyz read the jokes :wink:

another clinton joke


Clinton Poll

Time magazine sent a survey to women in Arkansas, asking for their opinions on the Clinton Sex Scandal. One of the questions: Would you ever have an affair with Bill Clinton? The results were staggering!

5% — No
3% — Yes
92% — Never Again

[iluvshemales]

Osama and Saddam are walking through a ...

Osama and Saddam are walking through a desert when they come across a fence where a goat has his head stuck.
Saddam looks at Osama, Osama looks at Saddam and Osama smiles, drops his pants, and starts goin to town with this goat, just tearin' his ass up. After Osama is done, he says, "Alright, Saddam, your turn."

And Saddam drops his draws, grabs his ankles, and sticks his head in the fence.

[iluvshemales]

here a really nice one :lol:

it's quite long but worth it

Penis Requests a Raise

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor
I work at great depths
I plunge head first into everything I do
I do not get weekends off or public holidays
I work in a damp environment
I don't get paid overtime
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
I work in high temperatures
My work exposes me to contagious diseases


Dear Penis,

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight
You fall asleep on the job after brief work period
You do not always follow the orders of the management team
You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing
You'll retire well before reaching 65
You're unable to work double shifts
You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day's work. And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the workplace carrying 2 suspicious looking bags.

Sincerely,
The Management

[d]

hey, dude the jokes are corny, but the pictures are GRRRRRREAT

[iluvshemales]

u don't like the jokes...? and i thought they were hyterical :cry:

well at least u like the pics...thats what we are for anyway :wink:

since the jokes rnt funny cant somebody else give us a few good ones...?

[iluvshemales]

well im back woyh another batch

i hope u like these jokes d :)


Alimony

"Mr. Quinn, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife $775 a week."

"That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."

[iluvshemales]

so...

that raquel is beathtaking aint she?

here's another pic of her with a joke of course

There Is No Fish There

One cold Winter day, a blonde decides she wants to take up ice fishing. When she gets to the pond, she begins to cut a hole in the ice. As she does, she hears a voice. "There's no fish there...".
Puzzled, the blonde picks up her stuff and cuts another hole a few feet away. Again, she hears the voice. "There's no fish there..."
The blonde is confused, but still determined. About 10 feet away, she begins to cut another ice hole. "There's no fish there...", she hears.
She immediately turns her head to the sky and says, "Is that you, God?"

"NO! IT'S THE MANAGER OF THE ICE-SKATING RINK! THERE'S NO FISH THERE!

[iluvshemales]

here i go again :wink:

A Definite Definition

A teacher decides that she is going to teach her second grade class a new word today. She tells them that the word is "definitely" and its meaning is "absolute, positive, without a doubt."
She asks the class if anyone can think of a sentence with the word in it. She calls on little Susan who is in the back raising her hand, quite sure of herself.
Susan stands up and says, "The sky is definitely blue."
The teacher replies to her, "Well, that's a good sentence but sometimes the sky is gray, and sometimes its cloudy, and sometimes its red and pink so the sky is not definitely blue. Anyone else?"
Tom's hand flies up and she calls on him.
Tom answers, "The water is definitely clear."
"Well, Tom that's a good sentence but sometimes the water is muddy, and sometimes it's green, and sometimes it's full of seaweed so it's not definitely clear. Anyone else?"
Finally, in the far corner, little Robert slowly raises his hand.
"Yes, Robert?" asks the teacher.
"Can I ask a question, teacher?" Robert replies.
"Yes."
"Do farts have lumps?"
"No. Why do you ask."
"Well, then I've definitely pooped in my pants

[iluvshemales]

beautiful girl janira. just beautiful

now its the adorable jennifer

Little problem


Biff gets a call from his blonde girlfriend, Buffy. "I've got a problem," says Buffy.
"What's the matter?" asks Biff.
"Well, I've bought this jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard. None of the pieces fit together and I can't find any edges."
"What's the picture of?" asks Biff.
"It's of a big Rooster," replies Buffy.
"All right," says Biff, "I'll come over and have a look."

So he goes over to Buffy's house and Buffy greets him saying, "Thanks for coming over."
Buffy leads Biff into her kitchen and shows him the jigsaw on the kitchen table.
Biff looks at the jigsaw and then turns to Buffy and says, "For Pete's sake - put the Cornflakes back in the Box."

[iluvshemales]

once more a blonde joke

and a pic of the amazing Allanah Starr

Shopping


A blonde walks into an electronics store and says, "I'd like to buy that tv please." The salesperson replies, "I'm sorry. We don't sell to blondes here."

The blonde goes home and dyes her hair brown, and a few days later returns to the store, again asking to buy the tv. "I told you, we don't sell to blondes, miss. Please go home!" the salesperson tells her.

The blonde goes home, shaves her head and puts on a baseball cap.

In a few days she asks once again to buy the tv. "We just don't sell to blondes here! Please, give up! Go home!" the salesperson exclaims. "I dyed my hair, you still knew I was blonde. I shaved my head and wore a hat, you still knew I was blonde! How do you know?" she cries, exasperated. The salesperson points to the item she wants. "Well, first of all, that's a microwave..."

[iluvshemales]

ok last one for today...

with one more allanah pic

Dishonest Lawyer


Murphy, a dishonest lawyer, bribed one of his client's jurors to hold out for a charge of manslaughter, fearing the murder charge being brought by the state. The jury was out for days before returning with the verdict:

manslaughter!

Later, as Murphy paid off the corrupt juror, he asked him if he had a hard time convincing the other jurors to see things his way.

"Boy, did I!" said the juror. "They kept voting to acquit!"

[iluvshemales]

hey dont anybody got a good joke to share...? or u juat dont like this topic :cry: is so the title i chose for this topic was clearly worng then
:P

well anyway i like it :wink: so ill go again and a pic of alexra...u will be whacking ur thing for sometime after seeing this girl. awesome cock!

Doctor Demented

A British doctor, a German doctor and an American doctor were chatting.
The British doctor said, "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man put it in another and have him looking for work in six weeks."

Then the German doctor bragged, "That''s nothing, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another and have him looking for work in four weeks."

The American doctor, not to be outdone, says, "You guys are way behind. We took a man with no brain out of Texas, put him in the White House, and almost immediately afterwards half the country was looking for work."

[iluvshemales]

another :roll:

and again the cutie alexra

but the joke first

E-vil

A woman arrives at the Pearly Gates and finds St. Peter is not there, but a computer terminal is sitting next to the arch.
She walks up to it and sees, "Welcome to www.Heaven.com. Please enter your User ID and Password to continue."

She doesn't have either, but underneath the fields is a small line reading:

"Forgot your ID or Password? Click Here." So she does.

Up pops a screen that reads, "Please enter at least two of the following, and your pasword and ID will be e-mailed to you." The fields included "Name," "Date of birth," "Date of death," and "Favorite Food."

The woman enters her name and date of birth, and clicks "Submit."

Up pops another screen that reads, "We are sorry, we did not find a match in our database. Would you like to register?" So the woman clicks the button marked "Yes."

A long and detailed form appears on the screen, and the man spends some time filling it out. Then she clicks the "Submit" button.

Now she is faced with a screen reading, "We are sorry, this service is temporarily unavailable; please try again later."

There is a button marked "Back." She clicks it.

A new page appears.

It reads, "Welcome to www.Purgatory.com. Please enter your User ID and Password to continue..."

[iluvshemales]

here i go again :wink:

this time i give u the beautiful Lissa. she's so beautiful...she's so fine and pure...btw i wrote that song :P

Wedding Hells

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. “But officer,” the man began, “I can explain.”
“Quiet!” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you spend the night in jail until the chief gets back.”

“But, officer, I just wanted to say,”

“And I said be quiet! You’re going to jail!”

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, “Lucky for you, the chief’s at his daughter’s wedding so he’ll be in a good mood when he gets back.”

“Don’t count on it,” answered the guy in the cell. “I’m the groom.”

[iluvshemales]

luvly aint she?

so another pic of her...actually two...i like her a lot :)

but the joke...this one damn funny

Wedding Hells

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. “But officer,” the man began, “I can explain.”
“Quiet!” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you spend the night in jail until the chief gets back.”

“But, officer, I just wanted to say,”

“And I said be quiet! You’re going to jail!”

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, “Lucky for you, the chief’s at his daughter’s wedding so he’ll be in a good mood when he gets back.”

“Don’t count on it,” answered the guy in the cell. “I’m the groom.”

[iluvshemales]

Hot Enough For You?

After dying a grisly death in an Afghan cave, Osama made his way to the pearly gates.
There, he was greeted by George Washington.

"How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!" yelled Washington, slapping Osama in the face.

Patrick Henry came up from behind. "You wanted to end America's liberty, so they gave you death!" Henry punched Osama in the nose.

James Madison came next, and said, "This is why I allowed the government provide for the common defense!" He took a sledge hammer and whacked Osama's knees.

Osama was subjected to similar beatings from John Randolph, James Monroe, and 65 other people who had the same love for liberty and America. As he writhed on the ground, Thomas Jefferson hurled him back toward the gate where he was to be judged.

As Osama awaited his journey to his final very hot destination, he screamed, "This is not what I was promised!"

An angel replied, "I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you. What did you think I said?"

[iluvshemales]

that was vo at her job :wink:

heres two great pics...hope u uyz like them

Stupid Grandpa. Don't You Get It?

A grandpa walks into a grandson's apartment and sees a condom on the table. 'What's this!?' demands the grandfather.
'It's a condom," replies the grandson sheepishly.

"What do you use it for?' asks Gramps.

The grandson is surprised that his grandpa really doesn't know what a condom is, and replies, 'I use it to keep my cigarettes dry when I smoke in the rain."

To his surprise his grandpa says, "That's a great idea," and goes off to the drug store. He asks the pharmacist for a condom.

"What size would you like?" asks the pharmacist.

"Oh, big enough to fit a camel."

[iluvshemales]

this is a fantastic joke

and here r two latin beauties for ur viewing pleasure :)

Mad Cows

Two cows were talking in the field. One cow says, "Have you heard about the Mad Cow disease that's going around?"

The other cow answers, "Yeah, makes you glad you're a penguin, doesn't it?"

[iluvshemales]

that was anna paula and cassy

heres two more pics with another joke

Roy the Rooster

This farmer has 500 hens but no rooster so he goes to his neighbor and asks him if he could buy a rooster for $100.
The neighbor says, "You can have this rooster. His name's Roy. He'll get all your hens pregnant. He's a real stud."

So the farmer takes him home and says, "It's your first day so take it slow, okay?"

The farmer puts Roy in the hen house and then hears all the hens crying and yelling. Roy nailed every one of those hens and then nailed a duck and a goose at a pond.

The next morning the farmer finds Roy lying dead with his legs sticking in the air and buzzards circling overhead.

The farmer says, "Roy, did you have to die?"

Roy says, "Quiet! They're about to land!"

[iluvshemales]

one more

and two more latin beauties

A Real Watch Dog

A blind man walked into a bank with his seeing-eye dog that guided him everywhere. He walked into the center of the bank floor, took the dog by the chain, and started swinging him around his head.
Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared. The other customers were taken aback and some were very upset at the way the animal was being treated. One of the tellers ran up to the blind man and asked, "Sir, what are you doing!?!"

The man turned toward the teller and said, "Oh, nothing - just looking around."

[iluvshemales]

sorry about the slip :oops:

heres the pic

[iluvshemales]

ok last for today with two pics once more :D

B-Day Sex

Adam was talking to his friend at the bar, and he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday - she has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stuck."
His friend said, "I have an idea! Why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled." Adam decided to to his friend's advice.

The next day at the bar his friend said, "Well? Did you take my suggestion?"

"Yes, I did," Adam replied.

"Did she like it?"

"Oh yes! she jumped up , thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door, yelling "I'll be back in an hour!!"

[69]

:lol: My god I love long hair !