I've been away...

[melissacarter]

Some may have been pleasantly surprised to notice my absence this summer from the HA boards. It's been an excellent but incredibly difficult summer. Here's what happened:

I've been escorting more than six months now and can honestly say this is the best job I ever had. It's great to be your own boss, great to decide your hours and although some may not believe this, I've met mostly great and kind people. I even had sex with a few genetic women and loved it. A few couples in the mix, too. Best money I ever made.

On September 19 I will legally be Melissa as a pending motion for legal name change will be heard in NJ Superior Court. Shortly thereafter I will officially be designated female on my driver's license.

On November 24, I'm getting breast implant surgery. 250-cc silicon implants inserted under the pectoral muscles. That will make me a C-cup. I like my boobs now but I want them to be fuller and more cleavage, and that's the reason for the surgery.

Ok thats the good news now the bad news. In the course of escorting I would be exposed often to drugs and booze and I eventually developed a substance abuse problem. I tried going to meetings but just wasn't ready I guess and had a series of relapses before finally begging the county to authorize rehab. I have no insurance so I needed their approval. I showed up for intake assesment high as a kite. They approved me. I was admitted shortly thereafter, got into a big fight with the staff and was asked to leave, banned in fact the next day. Came home (they paid for a driver and cab to send me home, they wanted nothing to do with me) and re-applied to another rehab, where I was denied for gender reasons. Seems they didn't feel their facility could accomodate a TS with pre-op anatomy.

Since then I've simply surrendered and decided to grow the fuck up. I'm doing fine now, starting to run again and make art. Been going to the nude beach in New Jersey and have a new biker boyfriend.

Life is getting good again and I thank God for somehow putting some sense into my brain. Luckily I was only caught up in this for a few months so there have been no dire consequences. I still have all my teeth, my skin didn't get nasty and my face didn't turn into too much of a roadmap. I disassociated myself from all people involved in the drug scene.

I'm writing a book on my journey, it's called "Plan Z". I’m not really sure what Plan A was but it probably had something to do with being an artist and living in New York City. That plan died a miserable death due to loneliness and poverty. The plans seemed to come and go after that, sometimes changing by the month. Plan Z means no more plans. This is it. Tranny. Whore. Painter. Writer. Recovering addict.

I'm hoping to have a presentable manuscript before year's end. Thanks for reading my story.

[Odelay]

Nice pics, Melissa. Good for you on the name change, rehab, etc.

As a runner myself, it would be fun in more than 1 way to be your partner.

Holding up quite well in your 40's, I might add. 8)

(or maybe it's 30's... can't remember what you've previously related. geeze alzheimers setting in on me)

[melissacarter]

Nice pics, Melissa. Good for you on the name change, rehab, etc.

As a runner myself, it would be fun in more than 1 way to be your partner.

Holding up quite well in your 40's, I might add. 8)

Let's set the record straight I'm 40, and think of myself in my late 30's :)

[flabbybody]

welcome back Melissa, and thx for sharing your story

quick question: I didn't know NJ would designate your dl female without proof of SRS. Thats amazing progress and I'm embarassed for not knowing this.
what docs do they require, and is it a similar process in NY? thx

[melissacarter]

I've been escorting more than six months now and can honestly say this is the best job I ever had. Best money I ever made.

I guess and had a series of relapses before finally begging the county to authorize rehab. I have no insurance so I needed their approval.

Good to hear you are doing ok.

Just one question, you say escorting was the best money you ever made, but then you say you had no insurance. How is that? Did you not use some of the escort money to buy insurance for yourself?

You seem like a nice person Melissa, but you might want to consider that asking other NJ taxpayers to pay for your health insurance when you could have paid it from your earnings is kinda messed up.

With all due respect I humbly disagree. I owe $34,000 in credit cards from years of enhancements not to mention financial calamity that occured every time I got fired from a job. All my money goes to debt payment and upcoming surgery. In any case, I did not go to the rehab facility so NJ taxpayers can rest easy knowing their money is going into state assemblymen's pockets and not paying for tranny ho's to get sober.

[CORVETTEDUDE]

Lissa, I very glad to hear things are turning around for you. I think you're gonna be just fine. I look forward to the book. Hang in there, kid...PM me some time. Love Ya!

[melissacarter]

welcome back Melissa, and thx for sharing your story

quick question: I didn't know NJ would designate your dl female without proof of SRS. Thats amazing progress and I'm embarassed for not knowing this.
what docs do they require, and is it a similar process in NY? thx

Good question and here's the answer: Motor Vehicle authorities cannot distinguish between "feminzation surgery" and "sexual reassignment surgery". My doctor knows this. Therefore she was able to, in good conscience, write a letter certifying that I had feminization surgery and that for all intents and purposes should be viewed and addressed as a female. It works.

[SarahG]

welcome back Melissa, and thx for sharing your story

quick question: I didn't know NJ would designate your dl female without proof of SRS. Thats amazing progress and I'm embarassed for not knowing this.
what docs do they require, and is it a similar process in NY? thx

Outside of NYC, NYS requires proof of SRS to change your DL. NYC was trying to allow for preops to change the DL sex marker BUT idk if that is still going on or if it has been abandoned. Texas and California are the only other states that I know of, which will allow a preop to legitimately change their DL marker through existing protocols... and in the case of CA their rules and laws on the subject aren't that clear or consistent last I read, thus allowing some to be (to the state of CA) legally female while preop/nonop. BUT that won't mean shit to the feds, good luck trying that argument on the SSA or when getting a passport, but like with getting DLs in certain states- sometimes you can get lucky and have people think it is a clerical error.

These other states where it technically isn't kosher? For a LOT of states girls have gotten around it by merely passing well and walking into the dmv saying "i just got my new dl and there is some kind of mistake!" (and if that doesn't work, repeat in different dmvs until one lets it fly).

NJ vitals and the SSA have both told me that when dealing with their documents (I am talking about NJ vitals, not NJ dmv- I've never had a NJ DL) they require the actual surgical notes/records, WHICH IS MORE THAN JUST A SURGEON'S LETTER. This differs from some states where you can get by with a carefully worded surgeon's letter after an orchi.

[SarahG]

Just one question, you say escorting was the best money you ever made, but then you say you had no insurance. How is that? Did you not use some of the escort money to buy insurance for yourself?

You seem like a nice person Melissa, but you might want to consider that asking other NJ taxpayers to pay for your health insurance when you could have paid it from your earnings is kinda messed up.

Do you know what it costs to buy private health insurance (i.e. Cobra)? Its not cheap at all for individuals, if she can find a decent policy for $500 a month I'd be surprised.

It also won't cover medical costs resulting from stuff that occurred while the insurance coverage had lapsed (if she steps on a rusty nail today, and gets insurance next week they won't pay for her titnus shot), and most likely if she already has a GID diagnosis they will refuse to cover HRT under the argument of it being a "pre-existing condition"

[flabbybody]

welcome back Melissa, and thx for sharing your story

quick question: I didn't know NJ would designate your dl female without proof of SRS. Thats amazing progress and I'm embarassed for not knowing this.
what docs do they require, and is it a similar process in NY? thx

Good question and here's the answer: Motor Vehicle authorities cannot distinguish between "feminzation surgery" and "sexual reassignment surgery". My doctor knows this. Therefore she was able to, in good conscience, write a letter certifying that I had feminization surgery and that for all intents and purposes should be viewed and addressed as a female. It works.

thank goodness for the blunder heads at Motor Vehicle

[Richctdude]

great pics

[SarahG]

Do you know what it costs to buy private health insurance (i.e. Cobra)? Its not cheap at all for individuals, if she can find a decent policy for $500 a month I'd be surprised.

Yes I do. From 2001 to 2002, after I left a full-time job, I paid for COBRA. Back then it was around $350 for me. Not cheap, but I did it, as do millions of others.

Melissa said escorting was the best money she ever made. No idea how much she charges her customers, but it might be worth seeing 3 or 4 more customers a month (3 or 4 hours) and use that money to pay for insurance.

How much do we all pay for internet and or cable access each month?

Sure millions of others do it, but many millions more have no way in hell of paying for it.

The lil things like cable, isps etc add up but, individually they're really not much. If I had no roommates splitting bills it would only cost me $30 a month for my adsl connection, but if I had no roommates I also wouldn't have stuff they use (that I don't use) like cable tv.

I have no idea what her situation is like, but if she's stretched so far thin via credit card debt that the constable is stopping by to take her in to either a) make a payment or b ) go to jail, then she's probably not going to be able to cut enough out of her monthly costs to pull off cobra...without first tackling the big burdens (like carpayments, creditcard debt etc) and for her that might require bankruptcy.

And even then, if that bankruptcy means having garnished wages, assuming she declares what she earns, she still might not have enough left over for it.

But again I am just playing devils advocate I have no idea what her month to month economics are.

[flabbybody]

braverman:
unless you work for a company that offers a group plan via salary deductions, health insurance is not a viable option under the current system. that's why 45 million Americans are without coverage. Many earn decent livings but have to prioritze their spending on things like food and shelter. Does your shitty comment to Melissa also apply to all the people who take their uninsured sick kids to hospital emergency rooms? They are the real burdens on your precious taxpayers.

You have just made the case for universal affordable coverage for every person in the USA.

[melissacarter]

Do you know what it costs to buy private health insurance (i.e. Cobra)? Its not cheap at all for individuals, if she can find a decent policy for $500 a month I'd be surprised.

Yes I do. From 2001 to 2002, after I left a full-time job, I paid for COBRA. Back then it was around $350 for me. Not cheap, but I did it, as do millions of others.

Melissa said escorting was the best money she ever made. No idea how much she charges her customers, but it might be worth seeing 3 or 4 more customers a month (3 or 4 hours) and use that money to pay for insurance.

How much do we all pay for internet and or cable access each month?

Sure millions of others do it, but many millions more have no way in hell of paying for it.

The lil things like cable, isps etc add up but, individually they're really not much. If I had no roommates splitting bills it would only cost me $30 a month for my adsl connection, but if I had no roommates I also wouldn't have stuff they use (that I don't use) like cable tv.

I have no idea what her situation is like, but if she's stretched so far thin via credit card debt that the constable is stopping by to take her in to either a) make a payment or b ) go to jail, then she's probably not going to be able to cut enough out of her monthly costs to pull off cobra...without first tackling the big burdens (like carpayments, creditcard debt etc) and for her that might require bankruptcy.

And even then, if that bankruptcy means having garnished wages, assuming she declares what she earns, she still might not have enough left over for it.

But again I am just playing devils advocate I have no idea what her month to month economics are.

Sarah and braveman are both correct. Yes, I should be putting money aside for insurance but it is quite costly and no, they still do not cover the major expenses of HRT, augmentation, bloodwork, etc...I've received a quote of $600/month for a good Blue Cross plan. I've lived without insurance, as many of us have, for years straight. Right now I don't have the money but that may change. First and foremost I'm trying to save my credit rating and pay off these cards. And for my upcoming implant surgery.

And Sarah is also correct about NJ motor vehicle requirements for female designation. However, the doctor's letters work and it is more a statement on the lack of thoroughness on the part of DMV staff. They simply cannot differentiate the terms feminization surgeries and sex reassignment surgery. I'm only taking advantage of government incompetency, technically I do not have the necessary documentation to have the gender changed. But why should that stop me?

[SarahG]

Do you know what it costs to buy private health insurance (i.e. Cobra)? Its not cheap at all for individuals, if she can find a decent policy for $500 a month I'd be surprised.

Yes I do. From 2001 to 2002, after I left a full-time job, I paid for COBRA. Back then it was around $350 for me. Not cheap, but I did it, as do millions of others.

Melissa said escorting was the best money she ever made. No idea how much she charges her customers, but it might be worth seeing 3 or 4 more customers a month (3 or 4 hours) and use that money to pay for insurance.

How much do we all pay for internet and or cable access each month?

Sure millions of others do it, but many millions more have no way in hell of paying for it.

The lil things like cable, isps etc add up but, individually they're really not much. If I had no roommates splitting bills it would only cost me $30 a month for my adsl connection, but if I had no roommates I also wouldn't have stuff they use (that I don't use) like cable tv.

I have no idea what her situation is like, but if she's stretched so far thin via credit card debt that the constable is stopping by to take her in to either a) make a payment or b ) go to jail, then she's probably not going to be able to cut enough out of her monthly costs to pull off cobra...without first tackling the big burdens (like carpayments, creditcard debt etc) and for her that might require bankruptcy.

And even then, if that bankruptcy means having garnished wages, assuming she declares what she earns, she still might not have enough left over for it.

But again I am just playing devils advocate I have no idea what her month to month economics are.

Sarah and braveman are both correct. Yes, I should be putting money aside for insurance but it is quite costly and no, they still do not cover the major expenses of HRT, augmentation, bloodwork, etc...I've received a quote of $600/month for a good Blue Cross plan. I've lived without insurance, as many of us have, for years straight. Right now I don't have the money but that may change. First and foremost I'm trying to save my credit rating and pay off these cards. And for my upcoming implant surgery.

And Sarah is also correct about NJ motor vehicle requirements for female designation. However, the doctor's letters work and it is more a statement on the lack of thoroughness on the part of DMV staff. They simply cannot differentiate the terms feminization surgeries and sex reassignment surgery. I'm only taking advantage of government incompetency, technically I do not have the necessary documentation to have the gender changed. But why should that stop me?

bcbs wouldn't cover hrt or bloodwork? That is very, very odd. I know a lot of girls where BCBS's hmos and ppos have no problem at all covering it.



I don't either Sarah. I'm just going by what she wrote. She's making good money, she's her own boss, sets her own hours. Don't know if Melissa owns a car or not, but that can't be cheap, but she still manages to pay for it from her earnings. What I'm saying is, health insurance, if you are working and making the "best money" you've ever made, should be your responsibility. Just a thought.

For some people "best money you've ever made" isn't enough for health insurance, hence why so many millions in our country don't have it.

Suppose she manages to get health insurance from the state under some kind of social welfare program... it isn't hard at all to argue that it is cheaper in the long run.

The way this works is that people who have no health care, or really really bad health care, don't get preventative care (physicals and the like) and thus put off going to see someone until its a major problem. But when that happens, it is more likely to lead to avoidable emergency procedures which end up costing far more.

And I say this as someone who is adamantly opposed to universal health care in the United States.