I'm not telling my gender status - one ladies response

[peggygee]

I'm not telling my gender status

I agree with the majority of the ladies 'that it t'aint nobody's business if I do, as Billie Holiday would say.

There's no way in hell that I'm going to tell every guy that hits on me, my gender status. You
approached me, you're trying to get my attention. If I end up talking with you, it's to see you're worthy
of getting to know better, if you aren't then one of us will get to stepping.

Telling people all over the place, that your trans is more dangerous than not. Next thing your whole
town or city knows, or people at your workplace or school. And you really don't want to bring that up
in a crowded club, where it can spread like wildfire.

The reality of this issue is that men don't have a clue what our lives' are like. They think cause you
chat with them on a forum, or they have been in a pay for play situation that they know what makes us
tick.

Hell most of them have never even met a transwoman.

I've been full time over 34 years, going on to the 13th year as a post op. I have been in many, many
relationships with men. I have dated many, many men. I have been sexually intimate with many men.
In none of those years have I had violent or verbal altercations with men about my gender status.

Why?

Well the men will say that I've just been lucky, and that I'm skating on thin ice, and that one day the
ice will break.

As I stated as a post op I don't confide my gender status if it's just a casual encounter. And when I
say casual encounters I don't mean having sex with someone I just met on the train, in a social setting,
etc. We've talked about various things, conversated on a variety of topics, and I now find you
somewhat interesting. You're smart, funny, engaging, so we might date for a while, but you're not quite
a 'keeper'.

Now if in the course of getting to talk with and know you,what type of person are you, your
temperment, and you're starting to look like a 'person of interest', somebody that I might like to be in
a relationship with, then I will pick a safe time, place, and method to tell you my herstory.

But no I don't meet someone in a bar, bring him home, we're both drunk, we start to make out, and he
might feel something that shouldn't be there.

For me those aren't issues cause I don't drink, and all my parts are the correct ones, but I trust you get
the point.

In my life I have known many, many transwomen, and for the most part they too are aware of how to
protect themselves from hazardous situations like the ones I just outlined.

I won't say that guys going off on girls because of finding out their 'T' is an urban myth or legend, but
from my time as a working girl 'on the game', I've known more girls to get into situations for dipping into
a clients' pocket for money, or that he doesn't want to pay after he has played.

And that "we should go to gay and tranny bars, where the men who love us are".

Sorry that dog won't hunt. http://i92.photobucket.com/albums/l2/magi43/Rover.gif

I'm not sitting through lip-synching drag shows, with men all up on the walls looking for dick.

I don't have a dick, so you don't have any use for me, and I don't have any interest in you.

So no gay or tranny bars, I'm mildly bi, but I'm not gay, I'm not a tranny, I'm not on the game, I don't
drink, so why would I go to a gay or tranny bar.

Finally, I feel that men are blaming the victim or condemning us each time a violent incident is reported
in the media.

I also feel that they want to keep us in a tranny ghetto, all to themselves.

On the stealth issue, I didn't transition to be a transsexual, I transitioned to be the woman I am. I am all
for helping the cause, but all I've ever wanted was a normal, hetero, mainstream, 9 -5 life, which is
what I have.

So guys, when you have walked in our Payless or Ferragamo shoes then you can speak on this issue, till
then I must say that you know not whereof you speak.

[Tomfurbs]

Yeah!

Stupid men giving their stupid opinions on a public message board! The nerve!

[peggygee]

Yeah!

Stupid men giving their stupid opinions on a public message board! The nerve!

I actually appreciate the concern for our well-being. And Ithink that many
mens' heart are in the right place on this.

But I still don't get the sense that they fully understand what our lives are
like, and how we conduct ourselves, other than what they read.

Most men only know the women from these forums, or for a half hour
every 6 months when they pony up their 300 roses.

We as women live this 24/7/365.

[TsVanessa69]

Even though I choose not to go post-op, I must say Peggy has hit the nail on the head.
I've done what Ive done in this life to survive, fit in, etc but you make a very valid point.
We don't transition to become transexuals, we transition to become woman.
And honestly speaking I want that normal mainstream life, and yea, real talk, a 9-2-5 and enjoy being a woman.

[peggygee]

Even though I choose not to go post-op, I must say Peggy has hit the nail on the head.
I've done what Ive done in this life to survive, fit in, etc but you make a very valid point.
We don't transition to become transexuals, we transition to become woman.
And honestly speaking I want that normal mainstream life, and yea, real talk, a 9-2-5 and enjoy being a woman.

I was on the phone with my Mom, talking about some transrelated issues.

She's very wise, my best friend, and has been supportive of and been
with me through every step of my transition.

She understands alot of my experience, and my emotions, but just like
the guys, she doesn't get it all.

I think only another tranwoman can fully understand us.

[TsVanessa69]

Even though I choose not to go post-op, I must say Peggy has hit the nail on the head.
I've done what Ive done in this life to survive, fit in, etc but you make a very valid point.
We don't transition to become transexuals, we transition to become woman.
And honestly speaking I want that normal mainstream life, and yea, real talk, a 9-2-5 and enjoy being a woman.

I was on the phone with my Mom, talking about some transrelated issues.

She's very wise, my best friend, and has been supportive of and been
with me through every step of my transition.

She understands alot of my experience, and my emotions, but just like
the guys, she doesn't get it all.

I think only another tranwoman can fully understand us.
Very true. But you are lucky to still have your mom and the fact that she accepts you is wonderful. In my case, my mom passed and when she was alive, it took so many years for her to understand what was going on with me. Count your blessings sis :) :)

[SexxxyJade]

I think guys get caught up in the fantasy of it all and dont realize that some of us have a real life. Like your example about being in a bar and bringing guys home and telling them our secret. This is how most people see it, they think its all about sex and fantasy, and dont see past the one night stand, mainly because they dont deal with Trans issues in their real lives so its very hard for them to relate and to even see it as being real life. Whats happens after the one night stand? After the sex? we still have to go on everyday, we dont just go to the next club and do it all over again.
You only see a transexual when you go out late at night to a bar or club, or when you log online not in your everyday lives. When men start to see that we wake up and go to sleep the same way they do, then maybe they will start to understand us better.
Me personally, i dont tell guys anything anytime. I say fuck em and just pretend they already know, sometimes they do, most times they dont, but i feel like if we are vibing and like each other nothing else matters at the time. Of course when its time for sex then all cards are on the table, but im not about to walk around with a TS stamp on my 4 head. Besides, I dont approach men ever, so when you approach me its already assumed that you see something you like ( man woman or dog) you like what you see and u stepped to me, you have to deal with the consequences of that.
I would love to only deal with TS loving men, but realistically thats not the case and im often times in situations where i meet str8 men that approach me and I like them. Why must i suffer and not be able to get to know them? Because im a TS? thats unfair.
Like she said, its much safer to not tell your "t" than to tell it sometimes, who wants to be singled out and pointed at. We have the right to enjoy ourselves and enjoy life just as anyone else does. Its not our fault we're so pleasing to he eyes...wink

[peggygee]

Even though I choose not to go post-op, I must say Peggy has hit the nail on the head.
I've done what Ive done in this life to survive, fit in, etc but you make a very valid point.
We don't transition to become transexuals, we transition to become woman.
And honestly speaking I want that normal mainstream life, and yea, real talk, a 9-2-5 and enjoy being a woman.

I was on the phone with my Mom, talking about some transrelated issues.

She's very wise, my best friend, and has been supportive of and been
with me through every step of my transition.

She understands alot of my experience, and my emotions, but just like
the guys, she doesn't get it all.

I think only another tranwoman can fully understand us.
Very true. But you are lucky to still have your mom and the fact that she accepts you is wonderful. In my case, my mom passed and when she was alive, it took so many years for her to understand what was going on with me. Count your blessings sis :) :)

I am blessed and highly favored. She and I talk about just about
everything and anything. We are truly Mother and daughter, and she is
my best friend.

I thank God several times a day that he has kept her in my life.

[peggygee]

I think guys get caught up in the fantasy of it all and dont realize that some of us have a real life. Like your example about being in a bar and bringing guys home and telling them our secret. This is how most people see it, they think its all about sex and fantasy, and dont see past the one night stand, mainly because they dont deal with Trans issues in their real lives so its very hard for them to relate and to even see it as being real life. Whats happens after the one night stand? After the sex? we still have to go on everyday, we dont just go to the next club and do it all over again.

You only see a transexual when you go out late at night to a bar or club, or when you log online not in your everyday lives. When men start to see that we wake up and go to sleep the same way they do, then maybe they will start to understand us better.

Me personally, i dont tell guys anything anytime. I say fuck em and just pretend they already know, sometimes they do, most times they dont, but i feel like if we are vibing and like each other nothing else matters at the time. Of course when its time for sex then all cards are on the table, but im not about to walk around with a TS stamp on my 4 head. Besides, I dont approach men ever, so when you approach me its already assumed that you see something you like ( man woman or dog) you like what you see and u stepped to me, you have to deal with the consequences of that.

I would love to only deal with TS loving men, but realistically thats not the case and im often times in situations where i meet str8 men that approach me and I like them. Why must i suffer and not be able to get to know them? Because im a TS? thats unfair.

Like she said, its much safer to not tell your "t" than to tell it sometimes, who wants to be singled out and pointed at. We have the right to enjoy ourselves and enjoy life just as anyone else does. Its not our fault we're so pleasing to he eyes...wink

Yeah that's what really has my panties in a wad, the guys who only know
transwomen from the Net, from a pay for play.

If you've dated us, been in relationships, then I may listen. You're talking
the talk, and walking the walk.

But most of these guys wouldn't known a TS if she sat on his face. :shock:

You're right they think we go to bars, pick up drunken guys to fool, bring
home and have sex.

If you're gonna get the drawers from me, we're going to dinner, a movie,
play, we're going to talk, get to know each other a bit, then after a while
we might kick it.

The only thing many of these guys on the forums know is the fantasy and
not the reality of our lives'.

[BrendaQG]

Amen. Evidence for that is the poll recently taken. Where 2/3 of the men here would take a beautiful CD'er over even an average looking full timer. They voted so they can't deny it. They can't deny that most are attracted to "it" and not to us as whole people.

[yx]

Amen. Evidence for that is the poll recently taken. Where 2/3 of the men here would take a beautiful CD'er over even an average looking full timer. They voted so they can't deny it. They can't deny that most are attracted to "it" and not to us as whole people.

I think it's obvious.

All the threads about muscular women. All the threads about cock.

big muscles + cock = man
(or a bodybuilding transsexual girl, but I don't think there are many of those ;) )

Maybe I'm reaching here, but... I mean they'd go for someone who doesn't even live as a woman full time. That says a lot.

It did a lot of good for Mr. Garrison when he finally admitted to himself and everyone around him that he likes men.

Okay, I'm just bored... but who knows, maybe there is some truth behind my often twisted logic logic.

[thx1138]

Looks like Michelle Obama is not the only "angry black woman" around. :>) If I dated a woman and found she "had something that wasn't supposed to be there" I wouldn't get angry. I'd be delighted. :>)

[yodajazz]

PeggyGee, you have earned the right to do whatever you want.

[yodajazz]

PeggyGee, you have earned the right to do whatever you want. I don't have the time now to write, how wonderful you are. But even if you are not really all the great things I think you are, you are a mature person, and I think that you can judge a man's character. I don't know Jade that well, but having seen her around, I would think that she has enough life experience to be a decent judge of character. The recent contoversy was about an 18 year old trans woman, who had oral sex with a guy, she met over the internet, and was murdered. She did not tell him and also left him alone in her apartment, when she went out.

I think very few men here would say that a trans woman has to tell when she meets a man in a supermarket. But to me it changes when you are a pre op and about to get physically intimate. It also makes difference it you plan on seeing the person again or not. I would say that a post op is different, than a pre op, because in some case the man might not ever know. She can go to straight bar, where a man is looking to hook up with a girl with a pussy, and that's ok. It is even ok for a pre op, but she knows that she is taking a risk. And that's the point, it's risky behavior.

I don't think many people would tell a 18-19 year it engage in risky behavior and not think about the possible consequences. I have read a lot of things written by trans women and most say that they would like to help younger girls. Not one male said that Angie deserved to die. Not one male said they would beat up a trans woman for fooling them. But I think most males felt that perhaps she might still be alive had she made some different choices.

And it is not even completely about transgender women. Many young women are raped and murdered, especially after getting into situations where they are not prepared to give a man what he is looking for at that time. So we try to teach them to avoid certain situations. Of course being trans adds level of complexity to the situation, but it still comes down to risky behaviors which are often fun, vs safety. People that you like, you want to be safe, in order be be sure that they stay around.

But as for the original poster, PeggyGee, you are smart and experienced enough to have fun. You have worked hard and deserve to best of everything. I just wish that I was in the position to give it to you, but fi not I can be happy knowing that you are in 'the pursuit of happiness'.

[peggygee]

PeggyGee, you have earned the right to do whatever you want. I don't have the time now to write, how wonderful you are. But even if you are not really all the great things I think you are, you are a mature person, and I think that you can judge a man's character. I don't know Jade that well, but having seen her around, I would think that she has enough life experience to be a decent judge of character. The recent contoversy was about an 18 year old trans woman, who had oral sex with a guy, she met over the internet, and was murdered. She did not tell him and also left him alone in her apartment, when she went out.

I think very few men here would say that a trans woman has to tell when she meets a man in a supermarket. But to me it changes when you are a pre op and about to get physically intimate. It also makes difference it you plan on seeing the person again or not. I would say that a post op is different, than a pre op, because in some case the man might not ever know. She can go to straight bar, where a man is looking to hook up with a girl with a pussy, and that's ok. It is even ok for a pre op, but she knows that she is taking a risk. And that's the point, it's risky behavior.

I don't think many people would tell a 18-19 year it engage in risky behavior and not think about the possible consequences. I have read a lot of things written by trans women and most say that they would like to help younger girls. Not one male said that Angie deserved to die. Not one male said they would beat up a trans woman for fooling them. But I think most males felt that perhaps she might still be alive had she made some different choices.

And it is not even completely about transgender women. Many young women are raped and murdered, especially after getting into situations where they are not prepared to give a man what he is looking for at that time. So we try to teach them to avoid certain situations. Of course being trans adds level of complexity to the situation, but it still comes down to risky behaviors which are often fun, vs safety. People that you like, you want to be safe, in order be be sure that they stay around.

But as for the original poster, PeggyGee, you are smart and experienced enough to have fun. You have worked hard and deserve to best of everything. I just wish that I was in the position to give it to you, but fi not I can be happy knowing that you are in 'the pursuit of happiness'.

On the issue of not telling your gender status, I have to say for me as a
woman life isn't at all about solely sex and or pursueing or being pursued
by men.

I have a career that keeps me extremely busy. I have aged parents that
are concerns for me. And many other things that supersede chasing dick.

I am going to share something, when I first started transitioning and was
coming out, the quantity of men that I could bed down, that expressed
interest in me validated me as a woman, it was about notches on a
bedpost.

As I progressed, continued on HRT my sex drive and needs changed.
When I had an orchiechtomy it changed yet again. As I got older and had
GRS it evolved yet again.

By no means am I promiscuous.

I have very little casual sex.

What turns me on, what truly gets me aroused is being in a stable, loving
relationship with someone that I trust, that's what really turns me on.

So for me as a woman, my life doesn't center around meaningless casual
encounters, I don't do friends with benifts, I don't have fuck buddies, I
don't do booty calls.

No I don't to gay or tranny clubs, there's nothing there for me as I stated
upthread, but I don't feel that I am better than any woman, trans or natal.

I go to work, I go to church, I live a very normal, mainstream life.

It is somewhat different btween pre and post, if the encounter or
relationship is heading to anything physical or heavy emotionally as
you have stated, then at some point that pre op is going to be nude with
the man.

Then, Lucy, "you got some s'plaining to do". :oops:


http://i92.photobucket.com/albums/l2/magi43/lucy.jpg

[peggygee]

Looks like Michelle Obama is not the only "angry black woman" around. :>)

Don't you know all Black women are angry?

http://i92.photobucket.com/albums/l2/magi43/madblackwoman.jpg

It's written in our diaries.

:P

[DaLonelyGuyNJ]

I can't agree more with the ladies. Peggy and Vanessa have brought up some great points. It is sad that we live in a society where all we care about are the superficialities of life. We need to learn to accept all on the basis of their character and not anything else.

Ladies, you are the best and you always have my respect and honor.

[blckhaze]

Valid points

I just see girls getting beaten and killed for tricking guys. I guess you have to go case by case. Judge his character and go for that. but overall, be honest if you expect it in return.

[peggygee]

Valid points

I just see girls getting beaten and killed for tricking guys. I guess you have to go case by case. Judge his character and go for that. but overall, be honest if you expect it in return.

To reiterate; "Now if in the course of getting to talk with and know
you, what type of person are you, your temperment, and you're starting
to look like a 'person of interest', somebody that I might like to be in
a relationship with, then I will pick a safe time, place, and method to tell
you my herstory".

[Jericho]

hmmmm, good advice, if you've got the experience that comes with going around the block a few times (and i mean that with the absolute *greatest* of respect).
Really bad read for a young girl...My two cents. :shrug

I'm curious...but obviously, you don't have to answer.
Of your casual experiences as a post-op where you didn't disclose, did any guys find out afterwards...what was their reaction?

[Moon_Lover]

Well said Sis.

I guess I am one of the lucky ones, many of us are persicuted for who we are, it is not our fault we are in the wrong bodies. I know many are not as lucky as me to find someone who loves me for who I am not what I am.

I hope you all find true love.

God Bless

Kisses

Jen

[peggygee]

hmmmm, good advice, if you've got the experience that comes with going around the block a few times (and i mean that with the absolute *greatest* of respect).
Really bad read for a young girl...My two cents. :shrug

I'm curious...but obviously, you don't have to answer.
Of your casual experiences as a post-op where you didn't disclose, did any guys find out afterwards...what was their reaction?


Well said Sis.

I guess I am one of the lucky ones, many of us are persicuted for who we are, it is not our fault we are in the wrong bodies. I know many are not as lucky as me to find someone who loves me for who I am not what I am.

I hope you all find true love.

God Bless

Kisses

Jen

Thank you both for your responses.

I am running late for work, but will edit this, and respond.

[Paladin]

Amen. Evidence for that is the poll recently taken. Where 2/3 of the men here would take a beautiful CD'er over even an average looking full timer. They voted so they can't deny it. They can't deny that most are attracted to "it" and not to us as whole people.

That was just the cockhounds Brenda, but for better or worse, there are a LOT of cockhounds on this forum...

[Justawannabe]

I have a lot of sympathy for how hard the girls have it transitioning, and I understand that you transition to be a woman in what amounts to mainstream society. I just worry about the girls doing it with the young guys especially when they don't have the experience to really know what to look for in a bad guy.

I also find it a little painful around here as a guy who has openly dated a number of trans ladies. The hate level directed at the males is hard to paddle through, but I understand it's earned by some.

Sorry if I'm not staying on topic... still sick... and I'm exhausted...

Sean

[peggygee]

Well said Sis.

I guess I am one of the lucky ones, many of us are persicuted for who we are, it is not our fault we are in the wrong bodies. I know many are not as lucky as me to find someone who loves me for who I am not what I am.

I hope you all find true love.

God Bless

Kisses

Jen

Jen, I'm so happy that you have found someone to love and
cherish you.

I wish you continued joy.

http://i92.photobucket.com/albums/l2/magi43/heart-1.jpg

[Carissa00031]

Peggy,
Excellent topic & you hit on many points on what I was thinking about many things related to this recently.
I'm in transition & started late in life to most of the ladies here, I'm going to be 44 years old soon.
Hopefully I will be able to meet someone who would accept me as who I am one day. I know transitioning is not easy, but glad I'm doing it because I'm happy who I am now.
Once again, thanks for making up the topic & educating our forum members here. It's deeply appreciated here. :)

[Alyssa87]

What a great post! I'm shocked ;p

Once i look real enough, got the work i want out of the way, and have the coins...
Its time to get that legendary cambio de sexo!

Then i (and any other girl like me) can forget about all the dick lovers that sort of make us a lil queezy.lol

I know body Gizel and Jessica could give 2shits about what the type of men you described- think of them.

Its a very different life for them than for a shemale like me, and i cant wait to live it.

[mimiplastique]

pass first

[peggygee]

hmmmm, good advice, if you've got the experience that comes with going around the block a few times (and i mean that with the absolute *greatest* of respect).
Really bad read for a young girl...My two cents. :shrug

I'm curious...but obviously, you don't have to answer.
Of your casual experiences as a post-op where you didn't disclose, did any guys find out afterwards...what was their reaction?

I agree with you about the follies of youth.

When I was young, I would let my sex drive, or being high on drugs or
alcohol, or clocking dollars, get me into precarious situations.

It's by the grace of God that I didn't end up in a dumpster, the river or
the back of a milk carton.

As to the casual experiences, no the pussy didn't get clocked. :oops:

Though there have been a few guys that I got a bit sprung over after
the fact.

Then we would have one on those "I have to tell you something
conversations", which most guys feel like you're going to tell them
you're pregnant or ........

When I tell them my herstory, some will say "why didn't you tell me
before". Some are fine with it, and it's a non-issue. For others it has
been a deal breaker.

Though as I stated upthread, I haven't experienced any violent or
argumentative reactions from anyone.




To reiterate; "Now if in the course of getting to talk with and know
you, what type of person are you, your temperment, and you're starting
to look like a 'person of interest', somebody that I might like to be in
a relationship with, then I will pick a safe time, place, and method to tell
you my herstory".

[drock]

Looks like Michelle Obama is not the only "angry black woman" around. :>)

Don't you know all Black women are angry?

http://i92.photobucket.com/albums/l2/magi43/madblackwoman.jpg

It's written in our diaries.

:P

LOL