I told my mother about Jennifer --

[dreamer]

yup --after eight months of hiding the truth ---I told my mom that Jennifer was born a male ----I dunno --I have mixed feelings on this major decision --

I just don't know -----Jennifer was upset the last time the subject came up ---and I dunno ---I finally did it ---

I guess my mother's reaction was/is as expected (then again --ANY reaction could be expected)

but I even said to my mom "you seem different toward me now"

she flat out said back "Lee --you ARE different now"

I dunno ---she isn't exactly being supportive ---in fact she said she is flat out embarassed --hurt --disgusted --and ashamed ----

I feel strange ---but I did it ---can't take it back ---

[Dinand]

Maybe she needs more time to get use to the whole idea. I know if I would tell my mom something like that she also would have to take a lot of them and I admit even then I'm not sure she could accept it. I mean old mothers are old fashion when it comes to the girl you bring home I guess.

[LilWyte]

why would u tell ur mom about your girlfriend genetalia dude born female or male lol ur jus askin for it

[SarahG]

yup --after eight months of hiding the truth ---I told my mom that Jennifer was born a male ----I dunno --I have mixed feelings on this major decision --

I just don't know -----Jennifer was upset the last time the subject came up ---and I dunno ---I finally did it ---

I guess my mother's reaction was/is as expected (then again --ANY reaction could be expected)

but I even said to my mom "you seem different toward me now"

she flat out said back "Lee --you ARE different now"

I dunno ---she isn't exactly being supportive ---in fact she said she is flat out embarassed --hurt --disgusted --and ashamed ----

I feel strange ---but I did it ---can't take it back ---

Does she know that you outted her to your mom?

I'd be pissed...

[Dinand]

why would u tell ur mom about your girlfriend genetalia dude born female or male lol ur jus askin for it
Because he doesn't want his mom to have her own Crying Game moment?

[dan_drade]

Hmmm, I wonder if that was even a good idea. Lots of girls that I know would be really pissed off if you out them, especially to your mother. If your gf is cool with the fact that you told you mother, then everything will be cool. If she is not cool with the fact that you told you mother, then you have a whole other problem that you will have to deal with. Hope it all works out for you.

[Arc-Angel]

I think you did the right thing. you cant change who you love . I think you will find your relationship will become stronger and much happier now that that is out of the way.

[tsntx]

um... didnt yall have a huge blow out breakup that train wrecked all over this forum like 2 or so months ago?

lame

[BabyFirefly42481]

Thought I should let everyone know i do did know about him tellin his mother. I honestly thought it would go better then it really did. She has seen pictures of me and has been wanting me to go out to dinner with her and go to her house for holidays. now that she knows ...she thinks i brain washed and tricked her little boy.

[Legend]

I'm with jen, is that the same girl(BabyFirefly4248) whom you recently broke up with because she was chating with "naked dudes".You are just now telling your mom, why would you tell her now when you broke up her that doesn't make sense.

[yx]

she thinks i brain washed and tricked her little boy.

How does that make you different from any other woman?

[LilWyte]

i still cant believe someone would talk to their mom about that lmao some people are just destined to lose

[LTR_Seeker]

if it wasntneeded to be discussed if it was all running smooth & noting needed to be said then he obviosuly was right with it

[BabyFirefly42481]

if it wasntneeded to be discussed if it was all running smooth & noting needed to be said then he obviosuly was right with it




I think you are getting the wrong idea. It wasent running all that smoothly. His mother and I have not met yet. She has only seen a picture of me. We have been dating 8 months and he has met all my family and friends. I understand he has less people in his life to come out to,and he has told one friend. His mother was the one who wanted to meet me so bad. Then when confronted with the truth, She snaps to judgement. I wasent told much about his mother , but what I was told I guess I made my own judgement myself. Every one gets their own judgment of someone when meeting or being talked about. the difference is I guess I think their really is good in everyone and the ability to learn and move foward. Well I think I need to stop now, been drinking at Sibus with Lee. We had a real good time. Shout out to Monica and Miss Coco. Kisses N hugs all.

[tsntx]

she thinks i brain washed and tricked her little boy.

How does that make you different from any other woman?

nice lol

[yodajazz]

yup --after eight months of hiding the truth ---I told my mom that Jennifer was born a male ----I dunno --I have mixed feelings on this major decision --

I just don't know -----Jennifer was upset the last time the subject came up ---and I dunno ---I finally did it ---

I guess my mother's reaction was/is as expected (then again --ANY reaction could be expected)

but I even said to my mom "you seem different toward me now"

she flat out said back "Lee --you ARE different now"

I dunno ---she isn't exactly being supportive ---in fact she said she is flat out embarassed --hurt --disgusted --and ashamed ----

I feel strange ---but I did it ---can't take it back ---

Well, you did a brave thing by telling your mother. It will probably work out for the best in the long run, but expect it to take time for her to process it and accept it. She will have to go through something called, “the five stages of grief”. It was coined by a psychologist named Elizabeth Kubler-Ross many years ago. It original applied just to someone dying, but people began to to it as applying to all kinds of traumatic events. Look it up on the net and see if you can apply to your mother’s reactions. She has a lot of things to think about, such as not having grandchildren. The first step is denial. She will blame the girlfriend and not see as a mutual situation. I think the third step is bargaining. Don’t be surprised if she offers you a rent free opportunity to move back home, (by yourself), or other enticements. The last step is acceptance. Each step varies according to the person. It could only take a few hours, to a few years. And some people never get past certain steps. Make sure you are open to answer any questions that she might have at any time as she works through her steps. Emphasize the positive by letting her know that you still love and respect her, and that is why you told her early. She probably will think that you should have told her even sooner, but don’t fall for that line of reasoning, as you could have possibly waited much longer.

You have taken a big step, and often the hardest things bring about the biggest rewards. Feel free to ask others for advice. You can contact me privately if you feel that I can be of any further assistance to you. I want to thank you for sharing, and I want you to realize that were all rooting for your relationship to work out.

[dreamer]

]



and I wanna thank you --yodajazz ---so many people around here are quick to be negative ----

yeah --my poor mother ---I mean --just how is she supposed to react? ------I've heard of the 5 stages ----I dunno though ---not only do I feel the difference in my mom toward me ---I feel a difference in me toward her -----kinda like I lost her ----lost her respect ----I dunno ---

I told my mom that she isn't the first mother to ever hear this kinda stuff --she didn't care ----I mean --no ---she didn't yell ---but she is definitely hurt --"a knife in her chest" -----it's just like ---my whole life --my mom has been 100% on my side --I dunno --

and now I wonder if I shoulkd have told her ---I even said to her "maybe I shouldn't have told you" ---and she was VERY quick to agree ------but what? --am I supposed to just keep on talking about Jennifer --and the things we do --the time we spend --the places we go ---and have them never meet? ----my mom WAS excited that I was excited about Jenn ---but now it's just gone --her excitement has instantly deflated --

I guess I kinda grew up in a strict roman catholic kinda family --like --kinda been afraid if my parents opinions and disappointment my whole life ----but even with this fear --it's never stopped me from doing what I do ----but this is different somehow ----or is it?

my mom said that my perception of reality has been altered ---she doesn't think I'll ever be with a genetic girl again --because I "fucked myself all up" ---maybe sh'e right ----

I mean --it's tough being with a tgirl ---all the inner turmoil --"should I be --shouldn't I be --but it's wrong" ---internal battles -----but the truth is --I love being with Jenn ---I hae shared things with her -that I never thoughtt I'd share with anyone ---I look at her and just melt ---I dunno ---and now my mom is all negative --and disgusted -----but's not keeping me away ---I've been over Jenn's house every night since I told her ----I like my place next to her -

I mean --how could I continue on with her --and keep her hidden --to me --THAT is unfair --and kinda selfish --to everyone --

[yodajazz]

She probably should have met her first. Sometimes people’s perceptions of someone are distorted until they actually meet them. Your mother could be concerned with other people’s opinions, but if Jenn passes to some others, than maybe some of her other fears will be eased. I say the emphasis should be on the fact that Jenn is a woman. Also emphasize the friendship aspect. Consider the fact that if you love Jenn, then if you two broke up, you would still want to be friends. So she could still be in your life. Could your mother except you having friends of every persausion? Parts of religion tell us not to judge other people. Many people do judge trans people as being against the will of God, but no one is really perfect, so that no one is much better than anyone else. For example parents, who are alcoholics or workaholics, and neglect their children.

I wonder if your mother knows how beautiful some of the trans women of today are? I mean there are many that pass completely. Does she know that trans women are in all fields including Doctors and lawyers. Look at that website that shows successful trans women. They can een be good parents. And I also say, don’t think of yourself as ‘ruined’ for gg’s, think of yourself as expanding your options of who you love.

[CheyanneDoll]

sooner or later people are going to have to start accepting TS girls.

[MonsieurValentine]

she thinks i brain washed and tricked her little boy.

How does that make you different from any other woman?

nice lol

Holy Avatar. God bless Victoria.

[SarahG]

I wonder if your mother knows how beautiful some of the trans women of today are? I mean there are many that pass completely. Does she know that trans women are in all fields including Doctors and lawyers..

That is actually a very good point. It was initially very hard on my mom, and after digging she opened up to me that the reason for it was that all the tgirls she'd ever seen or known of or met in her life, in person or on tv- looked like 50 yr old 300lb ex-athletes putting on dresses with no other changes to their body (beards, leg hair and all).

It took her to realize that this wasn't an accurate stereotype on her part, it took a couple years for her to finally get past that point alone. But it was not the only problem like that, luckily for me I am not an only child so she didn't really care or push the hope for me having kids (I was sterile before hrt and that wasn't an issue for her), to be frank she at first openly wished that I was a gay or a cd because to her, then I'd at least have better odds at "looking normal" and having a "normal life"

We were always really close and continued to be so after I moved away, after not seeing her much for a few years (not because of any bad feelings) I started visiting her more regularly and it was an instant "well, this isn't so bad" and the issue pretty much just dried up & died right then & there.

The reason why I am so confused by this thread is because I don't see what the need was for coming out to her. Unless she's going to be seeing your gf naked it doesn't impact her life any. If your gf is nonop it might be an issue if your mom has grand plans of you getting married, with gay marriage laws being a problem. But other than those points I don't see why the disclosure.

I would advise against bombarding her with the issue, it is going to take time both to talk to her and to get her to subjectively listen to what you have to say.

In addition to what has already been said, if she brings up not being able to have kids you can always remind her how many GGs there are who can never have kids because of medical problems, like endometrosis (one example of many). Endo is beyond a doubt a very uncomfortable, painful, dehabilitating condition for some ggs in its own right without bringing various cancers into the picture. I know a couple ggs who have had it, and for severe cases the only hope at ending the pain is to have their reproductive systems cut out, not an easy operation like bilateral orchis are by any stretch of the imagination. Worse yet, most doctors are arrogant pigs who will refuse to consider removing the ovaries or uterus of straight girls until they're into menopause because it will end their chances at having kids.

My best friend had endo since puberty started for her. She's straight, married, no kids, neither her nor her husband want to have any kids, at all, by any means. Yet she was unable to find a doctor who would remove her reproductive system to end the pain until she was in her late 30s. Every doctor kept downplaying it or worse; disbelieving her pain stories (endo isn't easy to detect without surgery, and this rogue uterus lining tissue can spring up on all kinds of internal organs even far away from the reproductive system). She had three major surgeries over a 15 year period to remove this rogue tissue, and one of her ovaries after it got out of control in that location, (as a result can't wear bikinis without showing all the midriff area scaring from it) all of which would have been avoided had they merely agreed to cut everything out as she requested 20 years before that when she was in her teens.

Sorry for the offtopic rant, I just want to make it clear that I totally understand the pain that some of these medical conditions can cause and do not want to imply that such examples are "good for getting your point on trans issues across, so yay for us" in arguments without knowing the whole story. Anyone who cannot have kids for reasons like these has my sympathy.