this is probably bad to say....

[MrsKellyPierce]

But its being real. Since my surgeries last October I have not felt sexual or really the need for sex. I've had sex after my surgeries, but really didn't enjoy it. I was wondering if any other girls after having surgeries felt this way.

Also I notice I get tired easily now, and before I had a lot of energy. I go through spats of depression too, where I think god why don't I have more energy. I've taken vitamins and been to the doctor and he says everything is fine medically.

I also talked to my moms friend who is a psychologist and he said that after major cosmetic surgeries sometimes in our head we we make ourselves feel tired subconsciously and/or not sexually attracted to our lovers. Which I am very attracted to my boyfriend I love him very much. But I can't get in that mind frame with him for some reason since surgery. And I know this annoys him, but he is very patient, and says he loves me no matter what.

But for porn and doing stuff on webcam I am fine. Is that weird?????? Or acting sexual on stage during shows. Because I see that as acting. I see myself as a different person in these instants. I think its much harder to be intimate when its real and real emotion.

I don't know I was just thinking maybe I am not alone in this or maybe I am. I don't even know if I am making sense.

[andyuk]

the mind is a powerful tool.
maybe your tired of being treated as a sex object?
or maybe you built up what was going to happen after surgery and it did not materialise?

[MrsKellyPierce]

the mind is a powerful tool.
maybe your tired of being treated as a sex object?
or maybe you built up what was going to happen after surgery and it did not materialise?yeah I think thats what it is, I think I expected a lot more from my surgeries and I don't see a lot of difference even though people in my life tell me I do look a lot different and/or people on the internet.

I mean don't get me wrong I am very happy with how the surgeries went I guess I just had a more built up image in my head.

And I don't think the sex object is the issue like I said I do fine still webcam modeling and/or porn but being intimate with my bf is 'trying' which is horrible to say.

[andyuk]

you will get there.
don't put pressure on yourself.
i"m sure he will understand.
work on loving yourself more,that way you will be able to give your b/f the love that you want too
take care

[hondarobot]

You're a person, you're a girl. That's about it.

Good night.

[MrsKellyPierce]

You're a person, you're a girl. That's about it.

Good night. :lol:

[bat1]

Maybe you been in porn too long. time to feel human again...not a sex object!..

it's time to slow life down and smell the flowers
your getting older you can't stay in the fast lane forever!

[MrsKellyPierce]

Maybe you been in porn too long. time to feel human again...not a sex object!..

it's time to slow life down and smell the flowers
your getting older you can't stay in the fast lane forever! lol porn too long? omg getting older you jerk I am 26 lol

[Gmanfromthechi]

Perhaps you could have Mono? DId they do a mono spot when u went to the dr? Many times its easily overlooked

[MrsKellyPierce]

Perhaps you could have Mono? DId they do a mono spot when u went to the dr? Many times its easily overlooked yeah he said I was perfectly healthy.

[justatransgirl]

....

[MacShreach]

Kelly, I gotta say, you are genuinely one of the people who make this place worth dropping by. I'm sorry you're experiencing this but I think Jamie has given a most intelligent response, which I would agree with.

A sense of anti-climax associated with depression is widely reported after cosmetic surgery, and as we all know, depression is a very effective suppressant of libido. The fact that you are able to perform in a sexual manner and enjoy it when in role I would take as an indicator that a degree of depression is indeed involved.

The technique of being "in character" when performing sex is extremely widely used by natal women in the sex business and I just can't see any reason why that would not be the case for you too. Remember that you are on a significant hormone replacement regime so your reactions are very likely to be much more consistent with the reactions of a natal woman than of a man. In fact, although some people here miss this point, you are a woman and should be expected to react like one.

I think that as a transsexual woman becomes more female as a result of the measures she takes as part of her transition, she will more and more experience emotions as a woman, which may take a long while to get used to. Agreed that a range is always visible in any sample, but in general, women are far less sexually motivated than men. This is not to say that they are less enthusiastic or enjoy it less, but they do tend to prioritise sex much less than men.

Sex work is widely known to be very corrosive of personal relationships amongst natal women, because as a number have said to me "Why should I go home and fuck for free when I already had all the sex I can handle for money?" This is a commonly reported response in studies of natally female sex workers.

I would also point out that you are clearly a very intelligent, insightful woman, and you may be experiencing a sense of negative self-worth as a result of being involved in the sex business; again this is very commonly reported by natal women in this business. You know you have the intellectual capacity to do other things and part of you rebels against the fact that you are working in the sex trade. This may be causing you to have mixed feelings about the non-commercial sex you are having and yet again, this phenomenon has been reported in just about every serious study of natal women in the sex trade that I have ever seen, as well as being confirmed by many women in person.


I would also point out that while there are some of us who take a different view, there are many (probably most) men here whose interest in transsexual women is simply to satisfy a deep-rooted, predatory homosexual fetish which allows them to deny their own sexuality while still receiving gay sex. A number of others are clearly gay men who routinely indulge in extreme misogyny and who scarcely attempt to disguise their contempt of women.

The experience of the last few years watching this board and others suggests to me that you (or any other woman) can expect very little support from any of these men, as their reaction to women who achieve GRS should clearly show. I'm sure you are already in contact with TS support groups such as found at TS roadmap and Lynn Conway's site amongst others but if not, with all possible respect to Jamie and the other TS women here, I suspect you should be.

I'm away from my own computer just now but I can look up some links later or if not perhaps PeggyGee would be good enough to post a few for general info?

[melissacarter]

Kelly, you and I don't chat much but I want to offer some advice if I may:

First, it is very common after surgery to be physically and emotionally weak. Often a severe depression can follow. After my rhino in January I was way depressed. It also took me months to get back to running four miles non-stop. Second, you have put your body through major transformations in a short period of time, whether you know it or not you are still recovering. Third, not sure what your hormone regimen is but that definitely changes the way we think of and experience sex. In my case while I still enjoy sex tremendously I don't feel overwhelemed by sexual desire like I did a few years ago. I can go quite a while without the urge and I suspect its like that for you too.

Lastly, I see your planning more surgery for October. Is it wise to proceed with the way you're feeling right now? You are young, there is no rush, if you wait till next year for the glutes it won't matter in the big picture. In the end it's your body and your decision, these are just a few words of wisdom from an old lady...

[AdaraLove]

Hi kelly, I haven't really experience exactly the same after my surgeries but I have gone through periods of low energy and feeling total asexual and it was due to the hormone regime. Also have a blood count test done, having a low red cell count or larger then usual white cell count can make you extremely tired.

I hope you get better soon..!

[AdaraLove]

Hi kelly, I haven't really experience exactly the same after my surgeries but I have gone through periods of low energy and feeling total asexual and it was due to the hormone regime. Also have a blood count test done, having a low red cell count or larger then usual white cell count can make you extremely tired.

I hope you get better soon..!

[MrsKellyPierce]

Thank you Jamie, Macshreach, Mellisa, and adara. I do remember Dr. Cardenas telling me it will take up to a year for the swelling to go down, but I didn't realize anastesia had such a lasting effect.

And what Macshreach said is totally plausable, wanting to do more, but at this time trying to make fast money for my transition.

As far as hormones I am now on del estrogren, and I have noticed a big difference in my nipples and breast. Kira said it may be from this, because before I was just taking pills 200 mgs of spiro and 6 mgs of estradiol. I am thinking about switching back, since my nipples have grown a lot. Which is why I wanted to get on them, in the first place. After seeing Kira's results.

And I think it's definitely depression. Unless I am doing a show at a club, hanging with co/workers from the club, doing a webcam show, and/or in public I sit at home thinking how tired I am, How lazy I have been these past few months. How I've treated my bf like a slave, because he is there and he'll do it with out question. I get in that mood of wow am I taking advantage of him? And I think I'm really acting like the wicked witch and he still does it for me and loves me. So I can't get why I don't want to be near him, and thats the only thing I can come up with is depression. Before surgeries I definitely didn't feel this way.

I think Melissa I am ready to do more surgeries, because I had this picture in my head when I went down there. I didn't get the full picture, because I chickened out and didn't do my jawline. It has made me so very unhappy since I've been back, it's like I obsess about it if I am looking in the mirror or see a picture of me. I think if I fix it, this obsession will go away. I like the rest of my face since surgery, just not my jawline.

The gluts I am really not too concerned about. I just want them for a more shapely figure, it's not something I need. It's something I want. With the jawline surgery I feel I need it, to look as believable as I can. I don't want to be 'passable' or even a 'supermodel' I want to be believable. I think after Dr. Cardenas shaves my mandables and the pointiness of my jawline it will definitely feminize my face 50 times more.

But I do thank all of you for your nice and well thought out responses!

And again Jamie I will have my blood checked!

[TJT]

Ditto on the effects of general anethesia. That stuff takes forever to get out of your system.

I had a car wreck late last fall and had go through a couple of reconstructive surgeries,one on my face. I look virtually the same but I know I don't look "right" anymore. It's taken months for me to want to leave the house. Before the surgery I wanted to fuck everything,after I wasn't interested in sex of any kind. Now I can be talked into it.

Any surgery that alters your appearance can mess with your head. If this stuff your going through continues,you might want to talk to therapist.

[TS DANIELLE FOXXX]

I have alot to say about this but its too much to type Kelly, maybe we can talk on IM sometime.

[MacShreach]

And what Macshreach said is totally plausable, wanting to do more, but at this time trying to make fast money for my transition.
<snip>

But I do thank all of you for your nice and well thought out responses!



Kelly the thing to remember is that you have goals you want to achieve and that a great deal of life is what happens on the way there, and the sacrifices we have to make. Sometimes the "what happens on the way" hides the "where I'm really going." The trick is not to lose sight of the destination.

I've known you on-line for over two years now, and I can say with total confidence that you're a really lovely person. Be true to yourself and you'll be fine.

[MrsKellyPierce]

Awe thank you Machshreach!

Danielle that would be nice!