Maybe you could help please

[basellent]

Ok, so as a frequent reader of HA, I've learned many, may things on here. I don't post too often, but I'm always reading. I have a large amount of respect for the TG community, even at times struggling to know wether or not I should be one myself. It's always been a fantasy to be with a TS. I had dabbled a little in it when I was younger, and always been safe.

Now, I'm marrried and the fantasies are still there. So, a little over a month ago I went to see a local Eros TS in NYC. I figured I would live out my fantasies one more time and things would be ok. Everything went great, she was the picture in the ad, if not much more gorgeous! The sweetest woman I ever met. She topped, bottomed, oral, EVERYTHING was covered. I mean must have put 4-5 new ones on in a 45 minute period.

Anyways, I left fulfilled and happy. Now, my problem is where I need some advice. I am nervous since I left there. Guilt was the first thing I felt, then STD's, HIV. You read the internet for signs of contraction of HIV and it really could be anything. Is it coincidence I have what feels like the flu today a month later? I have been avoiding being with my wife since, god forbid. I could be getting myself worked up for nothing, I don't what to do. I even called her after and asked again if she gets checked and of course she said yea. I don't want to continue to haggle her either. I'm not sure what I should do. If it was protected you think I'm pretty safe? I don't know. What do I tell my wife?

[flabbybody]

if you continue to "haggle" her, you may really have a problem
what's keeping you from just getting tested?

[basellent]

nothing, I'm trying to wait the right amount of time where it would show up. Like I said, everything was safe, but it's bothering me so much, and you never know.

[ottorocket]

Guilt does some serious head trips on you. You likely dont have HIV, but for the decency of your wife...get tested before you double dip her.

[voy4her]

hiv may not show up for 6 months or so. i assume you and the escort wore rubbers , if not, more fool you. You could go ahead and get tested for things like gonorreah, chlamydia, syphillis, hepatitis and herpes at a local clinic, you can usually have it done same day and it shouldn't be more than $300 or so to have it all run.
Theres nothing wrong with seeing an escort, but there is a problem when you have a long term partner, its really not fair to them, physically or emotionally. Somewhere along the line you made a decision to satisfy a longterm craving and risk your relationship...and believe me if you tell her about it, or infect her,you're risking it..you'll have to decide what is worth more to you, and only you can make that decision for yourself, and ultimately your family. If you havent shagged her for a month, she is probably already suspecting somethings up.

The good news is that most of these diseases can be quite hard to catch,(which doesn't mean you shouldn't be very careful). Multiple requirements must be met to become infected, and of course your partner must be infected.
The most likely thing to have caught would be herpes or genital warts, and theres not much that can be done for those.
If you both wore rubbers, and neither of you had open cuts or sores in your mouths then you're probably ok.
Whether or not you're ethically ok is something else.

[andyuk]

try not cheating on your wife would be my advice

[brickcitybrother]

basellent:

Hard advice is coming. So either skip this response or be prepared to 'man up' as they say.


First. You are your fucking worst enemy! Period. Stop. Don't analyze. Its a simple fact. You are now in the middle of a mini-crisis because you are a Type-A person who is now saying to himself "I'm smart enough to know how stupid I've been." Yes and no. Your guilt demonstrates that you are making quick snap decisions without thinking them through. Yea, I know you're under pressure. You've been busting at the seems, yada yada yada. No one every got anything from a porno and some lube. Grow up. If you were grown, you'd not have this problem to begin with.

Second. You used condoms (at least that's what you say). Hey genuis, they work. But of course, you know you went beyond the manufacturer's specifications - didn't you. Either a lil taste here, or a uncovered touch there. Whatever it was, you did it and you know it. Otherwise you are too intelligent to think you came away with something (if you went in like it was a level 5 bio-hazard). But we who know, know better. You're worried because you have reason to worry. Nonetheless, HIV? - not likely you need a good exposure and a opportunistic entryway. As far as other diseases, from Herpes to Trichomonas you got a good shot if you weren't completely careful. By now you would know if you had public lice so let's move on.

Third. Decide whether you are going to Eliot Spitzer yourself or not. And by that I mean, are you going to continue to do stupid things stupidly. You want to see an escort - well then go in with full understanding of what you are exposing yourself (and your wife to) and act accordingly (which may ultimately be not acting at all). Or decide you can't handle the perssure and stop this madness now. Wake up and smell the coffee.

Fourth and finally. What the fuck is your problem with getting tested? Its been a month. A serum load study will easily work as will all of the other tests. Your neurosis is dangerous as it has you thinking you have something - but it is also keeping you from knowing the truth.

A. Get the tested

B. If its positive tell your wife

C. Prepare for divorce (or conceivably worse years of
counseling and constant mistrust and accusations)

D. Don't repeat

Of course, if you come up negative on evreything. You now know you are not equipped for this type of behavior and stop it or prepared to have some sort of totally humilating experience, not unlike former Gov. Spitzer.



P.S. I'm actually empathic to your situation. I could tell a story of my own, but its not necessary. The moral of the situation is that you are smart enough to know you are not right for this behavior - stop it while you're only slightly behind.

[Alyssa87]

oh goodness. what did your wife do to deserve that?

[GroobySteven]

Well said BrickCityBrother! I was about to say the same.

If you are going to be guilty about something, then don't do it.
You should be ashamed on not having a test so far and waiting a month. It's very very unlikely that you will have anything but you have to get tested, if your mind is going on the rampage it is.

Don't do it. Stick to jacking off and having your fantasies if you love your wife and want to continue a relationship with her as your obviously not the right personality type to do both.

Good luck.
seanchai

[blckhaze]

Cosign what BCB and Sean said. A lil more to add.

If your wife knows of your past TS attraction, she obviously loved you enough to not hold it against you. talk it out with her and make sure any further escort interaction is done with her consent and awareness.

If shes unaware, make her aware. Noone likes information being held from them, especially if theyve sacrificed their independence to be in a committed relationship.

Chances are youll need counseling one way or another but letting that shit eat at you wil make it ALOT worse.

[basellent]

basellent:

Hard advice is coming. So either skip this response or be prepared to 'man up' as they say.


First. You are your fucking worst enemy! Period. Stop. Don't analyze. Its a simple fact. You are now in the middle of a mini-crisis because you are a Type-A person who is now saying to himself "I'm smart enough to know how stupid I've been." Yes and no. Your guilt demonstrates that you are making quick snap decisions without thinking them through. Yea, I know you're under pressure. You've been busting at the seems, yada yada yada. No one every got anything from a porno and some lube. Grow up. If you were grown, you'd not have this problem to begin with.

Second. You used condoms (at least that's what you say). Hey genuis, they work. But of course, you know you went beyond the manufacturer's specifications - didn't you. Either a lil taste here, or a uncovered touch there. Whatever it was, you did it and you know it. Otherwise you are too intelligent to think you came away with something (if you went in like it was a level 5 bio-hazard). But we who know, know better. You're worried because you have reason to worry. Nonetheless, HIV? - not likely you need a good exposure and a opportunistic entryway. As far as other diseases, from Herpes to Trichomonas you got a good shot if you weren't completely careful. By now you would know if you had public lice so let's move on.

Third. Decide whether you are going to Eliot Spitzer yourself or not. And by that I mean, are you going to continue to do stupid things stupidly. You want to see an escort - well then go in with full understanding of what you are exposing yourself (and your wife to) and act accordingly (which may ultimately be not acting at all). Or decide you can't handle the perssure and stop this madness now. Wake up and smell the coffee.

Fourth and finally. What the fuck is your problem with getting tested? Its been a month. A serum load study will easily work as will all of the other tests. Your neurosis is dangerous as it has you thinking you have something - but it is also keeping you from knowing the truth.

A. Get the tested

B. If its positive tell your wife

C. Prepare for divorce (or conceivably worse years of
counseling and constant mistrust and accusations)

D. Don't repeat

Of course, if you come up negative on evreything. You now know you are not equipped for this type of behavior and stop it or prepared to have some sort of totally humilating experience, not unlike former Gov. Spitzer.



P.S. I'm actually empathic to your situation. I could tell a story of my own, but its not necessary. The moral of the situation is that you are smart enough to know you are not right for this behavior - stop it while you're only slightly behind.

Wow brick city, that's was a very impressive. I respect and agree with everything you said, except me possibly doing something that was unsafe. i was true to my statements of what happened. everything was protected, but they say it's the .oo5% of some sort of transmission of HIV. That's what I was worried about. No other STD's were given to me.

I was filled with guilt as it was a fantasy I always thought of and drove me nuts to the point I had to do to get it out of my system. That was the only way i thought I could break free from the thoughts. I did it, it's done, and I just got tested today for HIV and I'm negative. I think god has given me a second chance, and I hope I can deal with this guilt to move on with my life and forget about it. My wife didn't deserve that, I will never do it again. I'm not a spitzer, that's not the life I want.

I still admire and respect all of the TS's on here, as beautiful as they all are, but I will keep those as fantasies. You are all so beautiful.

Thank you for advice and comments.