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FREEFALLL666
02-22-2008, 02:52 AM
Life in the Australian Army...


Text of a letter from a kid from Eromanga to Mum and Dad. (For Those of you not in the know, Eromanga is a small town, west of Quilpie in the far south west of Queensland.)

Dear Mum & Dad,

I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin' on the farm - tell them to get in bloody quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don't hafta get outta bed until 6am. But I like sleeping in now, cuz all ya gotta do before brekky is make ya bed and shine ya boots and clean ya uniform. No bloody cows to milk, no calves to feed, no feed to stack - nothin'!! Ya haz gotta shower though, but its not so bad, coz there's lotsa hot water and even a light to see what ya doing!

At brekky ya get cereal, fruit and eggs but there's no kangaroo steaks or possum stew like wot Mum makes. You don't get fed again until noon and by that time all the city boys are buggered because we've been on a 'route march' - geez its only just like walking to the windmill in the back paddock!!

This one will kill me brothers Doug and Phil with laughter. I keep getting medals for shootin' - dunno why. The bullseye is as big as a bloody possum's bum and it don't move and it's not firing back at ya like the Johnsons did when our big scrubber bull got into their prize cows before the Ekka last year! All ya gotta do is make yourself comfortable and hit the target - it's a piece of piss!! You don't even load your own cartridges, they comes in little boxes, and ya don't have to steady yourself against the rollbar of the roo shooting truck when you reload!

Sometimes ya gotta wrestle with the city boys and I gotta be real careful coz they break easy - it's not like fighting with Doug and Phil and Jack and Boori and Steve and Muzza all at once like we do at home after the muster. Turns out I'm not a bad boxer either and it looks like I'm the best the platoon's got, and I've only been beaten by this one bloke from the Engineers - he's 6 foot 5 and 15 stone and three pick handles across the shoulders and as ya know I'm only 5 foot 7 and eight stone wringin' wet, but I fought him till the other blokes carried me off to the boozer.

I can't complain about the Army – tell the boys to get in quick before word gets around how bloody good it is.


Your loving daughter,
Sheila

justatransgirl
02-22-2008, 09:53 AM
Thank you honey - I read it to Jessica and we both pissed a spit!

Especially the signature.

Giggle,
TS Jamie :-)

alpha2117
02-22-2008, 10:24 AM
Life in the Australian Army...


Text of a letter from a kid from Eromanga to Mum and Dad. (For Those of you not in the know, Eromanga is a small town, west of Quilpie in the far south west of Queensland.)

Dear Mum & Dad,

I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin' on the farm - tell them to get in bloody quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don't hafta get outta bed until 6am. But I like sleeping in now, cuz all ya gotta do before brekky is make ya bed and shine ya boots and clean ya uniform. No bloody cows to milk, no calves to feed, no feed to stack - nothin'!! Ya haz gotta shower though, but its not so bad, coz there's lotsa hot water and even a light to see what ya doing!

At brekky ya get cereal, fruit and eggs but there's no kangaroo steaks or possum stew like wot Mum makes. You don't get fed again until noon and by that time all the city boys are buggered because we've been on a 'route march' - geez its only just like walking to the windmill in the back paddock!!

This one will kill me brothers Doug and Phil with laughter. I keep getting medals for shootin' - dunno why. The bullseye is as big as a bloody possum's bum and it don't move and it's not firing back at ya like the Johnsons did when our big scrubber bull got into their prize cows before the Ekka last year! All ya gotta do is make yourself comfortable and hit the target - it's a piece of piss!! You don't even load your own cartridges, they comes in little boxes, and ya don't have to steady yourself against the rollbar of the roo shooting truck when you reload!

Sometimes ya gotta wrestle with the city boys and I gotta be real careful coz they break easy - it's not like fighting with Doug and Phil and Jack and Boori and Steve and Muzza all at once like we do at home after the muster. Turns out I'm not a bad boxer either and it looks like I'm the best the platoon's got, and I've only been beaten by this one bloke from the Engineers - he's 6 foot 5 and 15 stone and three pick handles across the shoulders and as ya know I'm only 5 foot 7 and eight stone wringin' wet, but I fought him till the other blokes carried me off to the boozer.

I can't complain about the Army – tell the boys to get in quick before word gets around how bloody good it is.


Your loving daughter,
Sheila

As an Australian all Ill say is that its clearly written by a foreigner but it's not too bad ... nobody eats possums by the way , largely because they are protected and also they taste like shit by all accounts.

Wombat
02-22-2008, 05:11 PM
[quote="alpha2117
As an Australian all Ill say is that its clearly written by a foreigner but it's not too bad ... nobody eats possums by the way , largely because they are protected and also they taste like shit by all accounts.[/quote]

The piece of paper that protects them is easily pierced by a bullet. Put them in a curry and they taste just fine... :wink:

iloveshemales77
04-22-2008, 02:17 PM
A friend of mine applied to emigrate to Australia. He was interviewed as to his qualifications (he's an accountant) and his financial position etc.. When asked if he had any previous convictions he replied: "No, sorry, I didn't think that was still necessary"
True story. (He now lives in Melbourne)

alan_partridge
04-22-2008, 03:31 PM
A friend of mine applied to emigrate to Australia. He was interviewed as to his qualifications (he's an accountant) and his financial position etc.. When asked if he had any previous convictions he replied: "No, sorry, I didn't think that was still necessary"
True story. (He now lives in Melbourne)

I think I first heard that gag in about '85 and the guy who related the story - a Brit - thought he was the greatest wit since Oscar Wilde.

iloveshemales77
04-23-2008, 12:50 AM
sorry. mate:-( a lame joke I'll admit)- Respect to you for assuming the name of one of the foremost current brit comedians.
I kinda had the feeling that some one would take umbrage to those remarks

iloveshemales77
04-23-2008, 01:23 AM
deleted