LAGent4ts
12-10-2007, 08:45 AM
Sometimes it takes some humor to make it through the holidays. Post your Holiday stories, jokes whatever.
A romanitc Christmas gesture gone bad
The 12 days of Christmas
December 15th
Dear Bill,
Today the postman brought you very sweet gift. Just imagine, Two Turtle Doves. I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift.
They are just adorable.
All my Love, Nikki
December 16th
Dear Bill,
Oh! Aren't you the extravegnt one! Now I really
must protest. I don't deserve such generosity.
Three French Hens. They are just darling,
but I must insist, you've been too kind.
Love, Nikki
December 17th
Dear Bill,
Today the postman delivered Four Calling Birds.
Now really, they are beautiful, but don't you think
enough is enough. You're being too romantic.
Affectionately, Nikki
December 18th
Dearest Bill,
What a surprise! Today the postman delivered
Five Golden Rings, one for every finger!!! You're
just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, all those
birds squacking were beginning to get on my nerves.
All my love, Nikki
December 19th
Dear Bill,
When I opened the door there were actually Six
Geese A Laying on my front step. So, you're
back to the birds again--Huh?? Those geese are
huge. Where will I ever keep them?? The neighbors
are complaining and I can't sleep through the racket.
PLEASE STOP!!!!!
Cordially, Nikki
December 20th
Bill,
What's with you and those fucking birds? Seven
Swans A Swimming!! What kind of god damn joke
is this? There's bird shit all over the house and
they never stop with the racket. I can't sleep at
night and I'm a nervous wreck! It's not funny, so
stop with those fucking birds.
Sincerely, Nikki
December 21st.
OK Buster!
I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I
going to do with Eight Maids A Milking ! ! ? ?
It's not enough with all the birds and Eight
Maids A Milking, but they had to bring their
god damn cows ! There is shit all over the
lawn and I can't move in my own house. Just
lay off me SMARTASS ! ! ! ! !
Nikki
PS, The wedding is OFF!
December 22nd
Hey Shithead,
What are you ? Some kind of sadist ? Now there's
Nine Pipers Playing, and christ do they play ! !
They've never stopped chasing those milk maids since
they got here yesterday morning. The cows are
getting upset because they have not been milked
and they're stepping all over those screeching birds. What am I going to do ? The neighbors have started a petition to evict me.
You'll get yours, Nikki
December 23rd
You Rotten Prick:
Now there's Ten Ladies Dancing ! ! I don't know
why I call those sluts ladies. They've been
balling those Pipers all night long. Now the
cows can't sleep and they've got diarrhea.
My living room is a river of shit ! The Director of
Building Safety for the City has subpoenaed me to give
cause why my house shouldn't be condemned.
I'm siccing the police on you ! !
One who means it, Nikki
December 24th
LISTEN FUCKHEAD:
What's with the Eleven Lords Leaping? ? They'e not stopped
leaping on the maids and ladies. Some of these broads
will never walk again. Those pipers ran through
the maids and ladies and have been committing
sodomy with the cows. All 23 of the birds are dead.
They were trampled to death in the orgy.
I hope you're satisfied you rotten son of a bitch ! ! !
Your sworn enemy, Nikki
Law offices of
Bender, Banger & Flockum
December 25th
Dear Sir:
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of Twelve Fiddlers Fiddling, which you have seen fit to inflict on our client Nikki. The destruction
of course was total. All correspondence should come to our attention. If you should attempt to reach Nikki at the Braewood Sanitarium, the attendants have instructions to shoot you on sight. With this letter
please find attached a warrant for your arrest.
Cordially,
Bender, Banger & Flockum
cc: Nikki
A romanitc Christmas gesture gone bad
The 12 days of Christmas
December 15th
Dear Bill,
Today the postman brought you very sweet gift. Just imagine, Two Turtle Doves. I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift.
They are just adorable.
All my Love, Nikki
December 16th
Dear Bill,
Oh! Aren't you the extravegnt one! Now I really
must protest. I don't deserve such generosity.
Three French Hens. They are just darling,
but I must insist, you've been too kind.
Love, Nikki
December 17th
Dear Bill,
Today the postman delivered Four Calling Birds.
Now really, they are beautiful, but don't you think
enough is enough. You're being too romantic.
Affectionately, Nikki
December 18th
Dearest Bill,
What a surprise! Today the postman delivered
Five Golden Rings, one for every finger!!! You're
just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, all those
birds squacking were beginning to get on my nerves.
All my love, Nikki
December 19th
Dear Bill,
When I opened the door there were actually Six
Geese A Laying on my front step. So, you're
back to the birds again--Huh?? Those geese are
huge. Where will I ever keep them?? The neighbors
are complaining and I can't sleep through the racket.
PLEASE STOP!!!!!
Cordially, Nikki
December 20th
Bill,
What's with you and those fucking birds? Seven
Swans A Swimming!! What kind of god damn joke
is this? There's bird shit all over the house and
they never stop with the racket. I can't sleep at
night and I'm a nervous wreck! It's not funny, so
stop with those fucking birds.
Sincerely, Nikki
December 21st.
OK Buster!
I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I
going to do with Eight Maids A Milking ! ! ? ?
It's not enough with all the birds and Eight
Maids A Milking, but they had to bring their
god damn cows ! There is shit all over the
lawn and I can't move in my own house. Just
lay off me SMARTASS ! ! ! ! !
Nikki
PS, The wedding is OFF!
December 22nd
Hey Shithead,
What are you ? Some kind of sadist ? Now there's
Nine Pipers Playing, and christ do they play ! !
They've never stopped chasing those milk maids since
they got here yesterday morning. The cows are
getting upset because they have not been milked
and they're stepping all over those screeching birds. What am I going to do ? The neighbors have started a petition to evict me.
You'll get yours, Nikki
December 23rd
You Rotten Prick:
Now there's Ten Ladies Dancing ! ! I don't know
why I call those sluts ladies. They've been
balling those Pipers all night long. Now the
cows can't sleep and they've got diarrhea.
My living room is a river of shit ! The Director of
Building Safety for the City has subpoenaed me to give
cause why my house shouldn't be condemned.
I'm siccing the police on you ! !
One who means it, Nikki
December 24th
LISTEN FUCKHEAD:
What's with the Eleven Lords Leaping? ? They'e not stopped
leaping on the maids and ladies. Some of these broads
will never walk again. Those pipers ran through
the maids and ladies and have been committing
sodomy with the cows. All 23 of the birds are dead.
They were trampled to death in the orgy.
I hope you're satisfied you rotten son of a bitch ! ! !
Your sworn enemy, Nikki
Law offices of
Bender, Banger & Flockum
December 25th
Dear Sir:
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of Twelve Fiddlers Fiddling, which you have seen fit to inflict on our client Nikki. The destruction
of course was total. All correspondence should come to our attention. If you should attempt to reach Nikki at the Braewood Sanitarium, the attendants have instructions to shoot you on sight. With this letter
please find attached a warrant for your arrest.
Cordially,
Bender, Banger & Flockum
cc: Nikki