do relationships with tgs work?

[SmashysmashY]

I think that there is an inherent incompatibility between the transgendered person and the admirer of the transgendered person that springs from the fact that each holds a peculiar belief about their self identity and their actions that while allowing them to become easily acquainted generally preclude meaningful long term relationships. Transgendered individuals do not consider themselves to be homosexual they view themselves as heterosexual members of the opposite gender into which they were born. Accepting this paradigm the admirers do not consider themselves to be homosexual either (this is generally true but not always for men that have sex with transsexuals but do not engage in sexual activity with what they consider to be other “men”).

Whether or not the views of the individuals involved are reflective of the reality of the situation from the perspective of a third party or society at large is completely irrelevant. The point is that the belief of one person and the acceptance of that belief by the other allow them to “hook up”.

The problem arises when in the transgendered person’s assessment of the admirer’s actions they will necessarily come to the conclusion that the admirer is homosexual. This is because the admirer will tend to have an interest in (or in some cases an obsession with) the male genitalia.

A crisis now arises because the self identity of both individuals has been challenged. Because the admirer’s sexual identity in the relationship was to a degree determined by their acceptance of the transgendered person’s belief that they are the opposite gender, the challenge to the admirer’s sexuality by the transgendered person is that much more demoralizing. Of course for the transgendered person the crisis is far more serious because they are forced to face the possibility of either rejecting their view that they are the opposite gender, accepting less than ideal relationships in which they view themselves as heterosexual women forced by lack of options to date homosexual men, or being alone.

Conclusion:
I believe that there are very few men that are appropriately adjusted (for lack of a better term) to have long term relationships with the transgendered. This is because men that have no interest in the male genitalia tend not to seek out the transgendered and most consider such relationships to be outside of their normal sexual preference. Men who have been to prison and penetrated other men come to mind (i am not joking) because they have sex with other men but do not consider themselves gay, and they usually have no interest in fellating, touching the penis of, or being penetrated by their partners.

any comments are appreciated even if it is just to say that this is total bullshit.

[MrsKellyPierce]

I've had 3 long term relationships and they were like any other relationship with a man and woman. 6 years being the longest.

[SmashysmashY]

i didn't say it was impossible i said it was inappropriate for most people. and i've had shoes longer than 6 years

[MrsKellyPierce]

i didn't say it was impossible i said it was inappropriate for most people. and i've had shoes longer than 6 years most marriages in the 'straight' community don't even last year. So don't demean me and my relationships.

[SmashysmashY]

it's not uncommon to see straight couples that have been together for a decade or more but in the transgendered community it is rare.

[MrsKellyPierce]

it's not uncommon to see straight couples that have been together for a decade or more but in the transgendered community it is rare.Is it? Cause I can name many couples? It's just rare because you aren't around it.

[JamesHunt]

Sex, gender is irrelavent, it's the character that counts, the person.

[MrsKellyPierce]

Sex, gender is irrelavent, it's the character that counts, the person. thank you

[lust4ts]

People are people and if two of them love each other, get on well, respect each other and can both understand that they will always have differences, and that is OK. Then it makes no difference whether one of those persons is TG or not. Long relationships are based on love, compatibility and chemistry. So yes "gender IS irrelevant"!

[SmashysmashY]

i can only go by what i read and my personal experience. most of what i read (this forum included) paints a very different picture from what you say, as does my person experience so maybe you are correct but at this point i'm doubtful.

[MrsKellyPierce]

i can only go by what i read and my personal experience. most of what i read (this forum included) paints a very different picture from what you say, as does my person experience so maybe you are correct but at this point i'm doubtful. It's a porn forum my god it's not real life.

[SmashysmashY]

that is why i am not relying solely on this forum to draw my conclusion.

[dan_drade]

I think that there is an inherent incompatibility between the transgendered person and the admirer of the transgendered person that springs from the fact that each holds a peculiar belief about their self identity and their actions that while allowing them to become easily acquainted generally preclude meaningful long term relationships. Transgendered individuals do not consider themselves to be homosexual they view themselves as heterosexual members of the opposite gender into which they were born. Accepting this paradigm the admirers do not consider themselves to be homosexual either (this is generally true but not always for men that have sex with transsexuals but do not engage in sexual activity with what they consider to be other “men”).

Whether or not the views of the individuals involved are reflective of the reality of the situation from the perspective of a third party or society at large is completely irrelevant. The point is that the belief of one person and the acceptance of that belief by the other allow them to “hook up”.

The problem arises when in the transgendered person’s assessment of the admirer’s actions they will necessarily come to the conclusion that the admirer is homosexual. This is because the admirer will tend to have an interest in (or in some cases an obsession with) the male genitalia.

A crisis now arises because the self identity of both individuals has been challenged. Because the admirer’s sexual identity in the relationship was to a degree determined by their acceptance of the transgendered person’s belief that they are the opposite gender, the challenge to the admirer’s sexuality by the transgendered person is that much more demoralizing. Of course for the transgendered person the crisis is far more serious because they are forced to face the possibility of either rejecting their view that they are the opposite gender, accepting less than ideal relationships in which they view themselves as heterosexual women forced by lack of options to date homosexual men, or being alone.

Conclusion:
I believe that there are very few men that are appropriately adjusted (for lack of a better term) to have long term relationships with the transgendered. This is because men that have no interest in the male genitalia tend not to seek out the transgendered and most consider such relationships to be outside of their normal sexual preference. Men who have been to prison and penetrated other men come to mind (i am not joking) because they have sex with other men but do not consider themselves gay, and they usually have no interest in fellating, touching the penis of, or being penetrated by their partners.

any comments are appreciated even if it is just to say that this is total bullshit.

Pfffffffft, WTF dude. Why don't you just say what you mean. It sounds like what you are trying to say is that you are a tranny chaser that wants to suck on some cock and then split after you get fucked in the ass and cum.
Don't come on here and try to talk about "other men" when you really want to talk about your own sexual desires.

But no worries mate, nobody here will call you a faggot (well maybe someone will) becasue you want to suck cock. So go out and find a nice T-girl and have fun.

[MrsKellyPierce]

that is why i am not relying solely on this forum to draw my conclusion. Then dear thats retarded

[SmashysmashY]

wow, you react with such anger about things that don't apply to you. that's strange.

[Bluejay]

I'm now in the 8th year of my relationship,sex is not the most important factor....

I've yet to go to prison lol

[MrsKellyPierce]

wow, you react with such anger about things that don't apply to you. that's strange. lol thats not anger. I said dear. If it was anger I'd say hey you lame fuck. :lol:

[SmashysmashY]

that is why i am not relying solely on this forum to draw my conclusion. Then dear thats retarded

what is retarded about drawing conclusions based on more than what's written on a porno forum?

[SmashysmashY]

wow, you react with such anger about things that don't apply to you. that's strange. lol thats not anger. I said dear. If it was anger I'd say hey you lame fuck. :lol:

that was supposed to be directed at dan_drade not you.

[MrsKellyPierce]

that is why i am not relying solely on this forum to draw my conclusion. Then dear thats retarded

what is retarded about drawing conclusions based on more than what's written on a porno forum? Because half of what is said here is for shits and giggles and/or for sexual pleasure. If you want to base it on a forum go to Tgirltalk thats more of a non-sexual forum for transexuals.

[SmashysmashY]

it's nice that some of you have long term relationships but that in itself doesn't address what i said at all. the person who tried to insult me at least made an attempt to address the point.

[dan_drade]

I'm not really pissed off at all. I am just calling it as I see it. You just gotta love it when a noob comes on the board making a lame attempt at being somewhat intelligent. It is actually kind of funny that you would create such a thread. You may be questioning your own sexuality, but there is no need to base your issues on what you think "other men" do. Be your own man and make your own decisions.

But hey, it could be worse. You could have made a thread that started with "Am I gay?" LOL. Or maybe you laready did that and I missed it.

[SmashysmashY]

I'm not really pissed off at all. I am just calling it as I see it. You just gotta love it when a noob comes on the board making a lame attempt at being somewhat intelligent. It is actually kind of funny that you would create such a thread. You may be questioning your own sexuality, but there is no need to base your issues on what you think "other men" do. Be your own man and make your own decisions.

But hey, it could be worse. You could have made a thread that started with "Am I gay?" LOL. Or maybe you laready did that and I missed it.

it's nice that you can use your superior intelligence to insult people you don't know. before you can insult me you have to know something about who i am. you don't know that i consider any of those things to be insults. i don't by the way.

but you are clearly insulted. why? did something i wrote make you feel bad?

if you have a point of contention with anything i've written please bring it up. present your case and show me and everyone else why i'm wrong. otherwise if you're just going to hurl insults like a child i won't be bothered responding to you.

[justatransgirl]

it's not uncommon to see straight couples that have been together for a decade or more but in the transgendered community it is rare.Is it? Cause I can name many couples? It's just rare because you aren't around it.

I personally only know a few long term TS couples.

1) A post op and her lesbian lover who have been together about 9 years
2) A post op and her husband, who have been married I think 12 or more years
3) Two post-op TS's who have been together about a year.
4) A pre-op t-girl and her FtM boyfriend of about 9 months.
5) My ex TS GF and her TS GF who have been together slightly longer than Jessica and I - into our 3rd year.
6) An ex Eros escort and her BF who've been together over a year.

So what's the trend here? Pre-ops seem to have less longevity in my limited sphere.

Kellly, maybe you and others can think about long term TS relationships and see about pre vs post and longevity. Might be an interesting study. I wonder if we could get a grant?

Hugs,
TS Jamie :-)

[MrsKellyPierce]

it's not uncommon to see straight couples that have been together for a decade or more but in the transgendered community it is rare.Is it? Cause I can name many couples? It's just rare because you aren't around it.

I personally only know a few long term TS couples.

1) A post op and her lesbian lover who have been together about 9 years
2) A post op and her husband, who have been married I think 12 or more years
3) Two post-op TS's who have been together about a year.
4) A pre-op t-girl and her FtM boyfriend of about 9 months.
5) My ex TS GF and her TS GF who have been together slightly longer than Jessica and I - into our 3rd year.
6) An ex Eros escort and her BF who've been together over a year.

So what's the trend here? Pre-ops seem to have less longevity in my limited sphere.

Kellly, maybe you and others can think about long term TS relationships and see about pre vs post and longevity. Might be an interesting study. I wonder if we could get a grant?

Hugs,
TS Jamie :-) I know more than that, when I did activist work. I went to many transexual meets and greets and functions. There are more girls out there than just the working girls. They are just "stealth" and by stealth I mean not in ADS or ONLINE chatting or advertising.

[bezane]

Unfortunately, when here on this forum we think of transgendered girls as all the knockout foxy babes like Kelly and Danielle and a bunch of other superstar girls who've had the opportunity to enter and flourish in the porn business. And in turn most of the guys "can't handle it" and if the girls quit their jobs, continued to look beautiful many guys would stay with them forever. But the fact is that anyone that has to change for a significant other dooms that relationship in most cases.

The average transsexual that is available to the average joe often borders on the "man with a wig" syndrome and guys don't want to be with them, at least in public and definitely not long term.

The other non-industry girls that are pretty things are hard if not impossible to find. They have chosen a different path and they are probably taken.

So in all that I agree with Kelly that relationships are all the same. And because guys read here the drama attached to landing a superstar they may conclude TS RELATIONSHIPS ARE IMPOSSIBLE.

I say no. I've been on again off again with a girl that doesn't post here but her pictures are shown all the time. We've gone out over four years. Would settle down with her tomorrow but her International escort lifestyle has worn me out. So we fade and fade. I never wanted her to change for me but I also need more than every other month. So I have interest in others now just because they touched my heart.

But the problem lies with the guy that started the thread. Are you willing to unconditionally love a TGirl? Go for it. But if you can't score a genetic girl like Jenna Jameson for example, what makes you think you shoot for Gia Darling? They are the same animal. No?

Generalizing about anything walks a slippery slope. But I do find TS girls a bit more cynical. Why shouldn't they be. Look at the loony fetish freaks that profess their love and then act like stalker psycho jackasses that aren't comfortable with their sexuality and they put it on the girl.

I also hear about the drug scene with TS girls. Well what about the drug scene with GG's? Get involved with a heroin addict or meth addict and I assure you there will be problems. Same goes for an escort. Don't talk the talk unless you can walk it. Your girls will be doing things in private that she may not even do with you. You think it's easy to swallow that? It ain't. I feel like I mastered it and it still bothers me. "Meet me after work" has a whole new meaning.

So in projecting that you surmise a TS relationship might be problematic, what are you actually talking about? The girls that sit here most days and chat with everyone are absolute dolls. Look at their posts. But there are so few of them. And they heard it all. These girls don't want to be a dirty little secret. So you can't project all of your own hang ups and industry quirks and say the girls are impossible.

Just my two cents.

[justatransgirl]

Kellly, maybe you and others can think about long term TS relationships and see about pre vs post and longevity. Might be an interesting study. I wonder if we could get a grant?

Hugs,
TS Jamie :-) I know more than that, when I did activist work. I went to many transexual meets and greets and functions. There are more girls out there than just the working girls. They are just "stealth" and by stealth I mean not in ADS or ONLINE chatting or advertising.[/quote]

Yes, I agree, and with only one exception (the Eros girl) none of those I mentioned were in sex work. And most were higher income earners. I wonder how that plays into it.

Though I do think that girls in sex work have a harder time in a LTR for a variety of reasons. Jessica and I are the longest running couple I personally know who do sex work.

And yes, I guess we'll probably never know about all the stealth girls in relationships.

Hugs,
TS Jamie :-)

[Bee]

Sex, gender is irrelavent, it's the character that counts, the person.

So Agree! :claps

[Jericho]

Granted, there are are more outside pressures, but, it's like any other relationship, if you want it to last, you've got to work at it.


btw
I have been to prison [but only as a visitor!]

[GIA LOVES RON]

Gender has nothing to do with real relationships. If someone fits you like a glove whatever he/she may be then it doesn't matter LOVE is LOVE. Nothing more, nothing less! Personally, I have been in my first real relationship for 2 years and going strong. So there ya go this answers your questions that you can have a real relationship with a ts!

[trannybanger]

relationships are not easy in general, and the amount of hurdles added to the mix make them more difficult. capability to endure depends solely on the the desire and tenacity of those involved.

[SmashysmashY]

I don’t believe in post-sexuality. There is a biological basis for the concept of gender. Sexual orientation is just a description of your actions and in my view there is no morality attached to it. If you’re offended by my use of the term homosexual it’s because you have attached something negative to it, you think that your own actions are questionable and you want to distance yourself from the implications.

Giving your personal testimony of your relationships and your friend’s relationships doesn’t really do much to prove that relationships with transgendered people work out as often as others. The great divide gave the statistic of 27% of m2f transsexuals having long term relationships. That is less than a third and out of that 27% probably half of them were dating women.

You can list a myriad of reason why relationships with transgendered people tend not to work out as one poster has already done. That doesn’t mean that what i’ve said in my original post is not true.