Relationship help...

[GrimFusion]

I know this is a little off topic, but I'm going to pile into it anyway. I just want someone else's perspective on this issue before I have the conversation with my GG girlfriend and say or do the wrong thing.

First and foremost, happy Thanksgiving everyone.
Anyway, so I'm going over to my girlfriend's families Thanksgiving party. Not a problem. I'm actually looking forward to meeting her family. Skipping past that, let's get to the issue. My girlfriend got a phone call today from her ex-boyfriend. He wants her and I to come over to a party tonight. Just me, her, him, and his wife.

That doesn't sound TOO threatening. The problem is that my girlfriend, this guy, and his wife used to have shit loads of threesomes before she and I started dating and seeing each other exclusively.

Now, I'm not the jealous type, and I may be over-reacting, but I get the feeling he's inviting us over to pull her into another room and talk about a foursome or threesome and I'm REALLY NOT COOL with that. I don't even understand why she wants to see the dude, honestly. Back when we were just friends, she'd incessantly complain that he was a fucking douche bag and would only invite her over for sex.

I don't know what I should do because I swear if I see or hear him propositioning her or flirting with her, him and I are going to have some SERIOUS FUCKING WORDS. I just feel that situation is inevitable. They haven't so much as spoken to each other in over 6 months. Why else would he be inviting her over for a party?

I just don't know how to talk to her about it without her pulling the "You're so fucking jealous! Shut up! I'm going!" card, and I don't want to go along with it, only to blow up on the guy, get into a fist fight, and end up being hauled off in a police car on Thanksgiving.

[Chuck]

I know this is a little off topic, but I'm going to pile into it anyway. I just want someone else's perspective on this issue before I have the conversation with my GG girlfriend and say or do the wrong thing.

First and foremost, happy Thanksgiving everyone.
Anyway, so I'm going over to my girlfriend's families Thanksgiving party. Not a problem. I'm actually looking forward to meeting her family. Skipping past that, let's get to the issue. My girlfriend got a phone call today from her ex-boyfriend. He wants her and I to come over to a party tonight. Just me, her, him, and his wife.

That doesn't sound TOO threatening. The problem is that my girlfriend, this guy, and his wife used to have shit loads of threesomes before she and I started dating and seeing each other exclusively.

Now, I'm not the jealous type, and I may be over-reacting, but I get the feeling he's inviting us over to pull her into another room and talk about a foursome or threesome and I'm REALLY NOT COOL with that. I don't even understand why she wants to see the dude, honestly. Back when we were just friends, she'd incessantly complain that he was a fucking douche bag and would only invite her over for sex.

I don't know what I should do because I swear if I see or hear him propositioning her or flirting with her, him and I are going to have some SERIOUS FUCKING WORDS. I just feel that situation is inevitable. They haven't so much as spoken to each other in over 6 months. Why else would he be inviting her over for a party?

I just don't know how to talk to her about it without her pulling the "You're so fucking jealous! Shut up! I'm going!" card, and I don't want to go along with it, only to blow up on the guy, get into a fist fight, and end up being hauled off in a police car on Thanksgiving.

Been there...don't do it.

[GrimFusion]

Yeah, but how do I tell her "no" without coming across as a jealous douche bag? She seriously doesn't see anything wrong with it. I'm afraid she's going to get all pissy with me and end up going by herself. In that scenario, I'd rather go, beat the hell out of the dude, and end up in jail for the night than have her there alone, being needled into a threesome by both him and his wife.

[dan_drade]

I know this is a little off topic, but I'm going to pile into it anyway. I just want someone else's perspective on this issue before I have the conversation with my GG girlfriend and say or do the wrong thing.

First and foremost, happy Thanksgiving everyone.
Anyway, so I'm going over to my girlfriend's families Thanksgiving party. Not a problem. I'm actually looking forward to meeting her family. Skipping past that, let's get to the issue. My girlfriend got a phone call today from her ex-boyfriend. He wants her and I to come over to a party tonight. Just me, her, him, and his wife.

That doesn't sound TOO threatening. The problem is that my girlfriend, this guy, and his wife used to have shit loads of threesomes before she and I started dating and seeing each other exclusively.

Now, I'm not the jealous type, and I may be over-reacting, but I get the feeling he's inviting us over to pull her into another room and talk about a foursome or threesome and I'm REALLY NOT COOL with that. I don't even understand why she wants to see the dude, honestly. Back when we were just friends, she'd incessantly complain that he was a fucking douche bag and would only invite her over for sex.

I don't know what I should do because I swear if I see or hear him propositioning her or flirting with her, him and I are going to have some SERIOUS FUCKING WORDS. I just feel that situation is inevitable. They haven't so much as spoken to each other in over 6 months. Why else would he be inviting her over for a party?

I just don't know how to talk to her about it without her pulling the "You're so fucking jealous! Shut up! I'm going!" card, and I don't want to go along with it, only to blow up on the guy, get into a fist fight, and end up being hauled off in a police car on Thanksgiving.

First of all if you can't get over the fact that there is a possibilty of all of you getting together and having a little sexual fun, then don't go.

If however you are open to the possiblity of having sex, then you should go.

I think the only thing that would piss me off is if he wanted her to come over and only have a threesome with her and his wife. But if he and his wife really want a foursome and his wife is goodlooking, I say go for it.

[Chuck]

Yeah, but how do I tell her "no" without coming across as a jealous douche bag? She seriously doesn't see anything wrong with it. I'm afraid she's going to get all pissy with me and end up going by herself. In that scenario, I'd rather go, beat the hell out of the dude, and end up in jail for the night than have her there alone, being needled into a threesome by both him and his wife.

Fukk it. Be a jealous douche bag BUT stand your ground. She will forgive you for being a jealous douche bag BUT she will take advantage of you if she senses that she can make you do things you don't want to do.

[GrimFusion]

First of all if you can't get over the fact that there is a possibilty of all of you getting together and having a little sexual fun, then don't go.

If however you are open to the possiblity of having sex, then you should go.

I think the only thing that would piss me off is if he wanted her to come over and only have a threesome with her and his wife. But if he and his wife really want a foursome and his wife is goodlooking, I say go for it.

I'm really not like that at all. I could care less how attractive his wife is. I'm a one-woman man. Problem is, if I don't go, that's going to create some real fucking trust issues between her and I, because if I'm not about to jump at the idea of a threesome, I don't want her doing it.

[dan_drade]

First of all if you can't get over the fact that there is a possibilty of all of you getting together and having a little sexual fun, then don't go.

If however you are open to the possiblity of having sex, then you should go.

I think the only thing that would piss me off is if he wanted her to come over and only have a threesome with her and his wife. But if he and his wife really want a foursome and his wife is goodlooking, I say go for it.

I'm really not like that at all. I could care less how attractive his wife is. I'm a one-woman man. Problem is, if I don't go, that's going to create some real fucking trust issues between her and I, because if I'm not about to jump at the idea of a threesome, I don't want her doing it.

Then it sounds like you have already made your decision. At this point you can just tell her that you are a jealous douche bag, and that you don't go over there becasue of that. If your GF is cool she will understand. And who knows, she might even respect you more for being honest with her. Most girls have a thing for an honest man you know.

[mbf]

go and ass-rape the guy, that will teach him a lesson


on a serious note: dont go.

[GrimFusion]

I'm really not like that at all. I could care less how attractive his wife is. I'm a one-woman man. Problem is, if I don't go, that's going to create some real fucking trust issues between her and I, because if I'm not about to jump at the idea of a threesome, I don't want her doing it.

Then it sounds like you have already made your decision. At this point you can just tell her that you are a jealous douche bag, and that you don't go over there becasue of that. If your GF is cool she will understand. And who knows, she might even respect you more for being honest with her. Most girls have a thing for an honest man you know.[/quote]

That's not really the issue, though. I don't mind her having guy friends and going out to chill with them. Not an issue to me at all, but that's because I know her dude friends aren't the type to make passes at her. They all respect the fact that she and I are in a relationship and that she's off limits.

This guy, though... I really don't know about him. It'd be different if they'd been friends and kept in touch the past 7 months, too. Problem is, they haven't. They never really had a friendship. Their whole "relationship" was sex, so as far as I'm concerned, he has absolutely no reason getting back in touch with her if not for sex... and she doesn't see it like that. Either that, or she wants me to pull a foursome with them. If that's the case, I'd be fucking flabbergasted because it'd be apparent at that point that she really doesn't know me very well.

[Jericho]

I'm really not like that at all. I could care less how attractive his wife is. I'm a one-woman man.

Tell her that.
If she blows up at it, the relationship's dead in the water anyway.
Now, or sometime in the future, it'll end ugly.

[tsmandy]

Maybe she's really turned on by the idea of playing with you and another couple, and she's secretly hoping to fulfill this fantasy. It's a perfectly normal fantasy that millions of people have, and its also perfectly normal to not be interested.

So sit down and have a conversation with her. Tell her that the idea makes you feel uncomfortable and explain your reasons why without attacking her. Honesty and respect are always the best policy in situations like these, everything else only creates worlds of trouble.

my two cents, as someone that is often trying to rope my lover into group sex.

[GrimFusion]

Maybe she's really turned on by the idea of playing with you and another couple, and she's secretly hoping to fulfill this fantasy. It's a perfectly normal fantasy that millions of people have, and its also perfectly normal to not be interested.

So sit down and have a conversation with her. Tell her that the idea makes you feel uncomfortable and explain your reasons why without attacking her. Honesty and respect are always the best policy in situations like these, everything else only creates worlds of trouble.

my two cents, as someone that is often trying to rope my lover into group sex.

Well, I had "the talk" with her and after about an hour of verbally stepping all over each other's toes, I think things are worked out. She agrees to keeping her friendships with these dudes "phone-only".

Mandy, I thought about what you said, and that could very well be the case. Our sex life recently has really gone down hill. I don't want to get too far into explaining, but she's been trying to "renew" things for a while, despite that being a bit of an impossibility due to "female complications" (she can't orgasm). I really feel sorry for her, and while I know the only kind of excitement and release she gets is from high-profile sex acts, if she wants to remain with me, she's going to either have to give that up or find something that's a bit more one-on-one and personal.

If I didn't love her so damn much, I'd probably jump at the chance of a threesome or ménage à trois, but I think love is a thing best kept between two people. Guess I'm just boring and old-fashioned. lol.

[tsmandy]

Well, I had "the talk" with her and after about an hour of verbally stepping all over each other's toes, I think things are worked out. She agrees to keeping her friendships with these dudes "phone-only".

Mandy, I thought about what you said, and that could very well be the case. Our sex life recently has really gone down hill. I don't want to get too far into explaining, but she's been trying to "renew" things for a while, despite that being a bit of an impossibility due to "female complications" (she can't orgasm). I really feel sorry for her, and while I know the only kind of excitement and release she gets is from high-profile sex acts, if she wants to remain with me, she's going to either have to give that up or find something that's a bit more one-on-one and personal.

If I didn't love her so damn much, I'd probably jump at the chance of a threesome or ménage à trois, but I think love is a thing best kept between two people. Guess I'm just boring and old-fashioned. lol.

Well, regardless of whether it is boring or old fashioned, it seems like you have a serious problem when it comes to sex. Seems like you have one of two options, you explore ways to make it better or you kiss your relationship goodbye. If being monogamous is more important than having a good sex life, one that is fulfilling for you and her then you might need to step outside of your comfort zone and try something new. I'm not saying you have to go and have a foursome, though I would jump at the chance in a flash if the people seemed fun, I am saying that you might need to take a step back and try to work with her fantasies rather than shut them down. Fantasy and roleplay are a good way to explore this, but you could also just go on a date together to the Ace of hearts (or whatever the fuck that swingers club in Southeast is) and maybe watching other people mess around or playing in front of others would do the trick. Sex is really complicated, and we all have our turnons, strange as they may be, a good relationship seeks to meet both partners needs, and I strongly encourage you to work with her.

My advice, write dan savage.[/b]

[ironx]

Tell her what your view is... If she pulls the card.. I'd say.. time to look for a new family in law.. simple

[CORVETTEDUDE]

Listen, Grim, you need to express that regardless of his intentions, you feel this would potentially have a negative impact on the growth of your relationship, at this point. Suggest the two of you consider visiting them at a later date (avoiding the "Fousome" issue), when things are more 'at ease'. Just try to put it off, for now. Don't get into the "I'm not gonna consider it, and I'm not flexible on the issue" thing right now.

That being said, if she continues to push the issue, you have to ask yourself, how solid the relationship really is. It's not a one way street, each of you must consider the other's feelings.

Good Luck!