serial monogamy, bigamy, poligamy, or celibacy???

[mbf]

ok, I am biased. since I dont really believe in the concept of "real love" anyways, and what comes with it usually.

many, if not most, people consider a monogamous rtl as an ideal.

so I ask you, do you think is it possible to "love" more than one person at the same time? if so, do you think you can be fair to your lovers/people you like to spend time with?

is "jealousy" nothing more than extreme selfishness in disguise? jealousy beeing the dark side of a monogamous ltr.

have you ever been in the dilemma of beeing torn between two (or more) possible lovers?

[Hara_Juku Tgirl]

ok, I am biased. since I dont really believe in the concept of "real love" anyways, and what comes with it usually.

many, if not most, people consider a monogamous rtl as an ideal.

so I ask you, do you think is it possible to "love" more than one person at the same time? if so, do you think you can be fair to your lovers/people you like to spend time with?

is "jealousy" nothing more than extreme selfishness in disguise? jealousy beeing the dark side of a monogamous ltr.

have you ever been in the dilemma of beeing torn between two (or more) possible lovers?

I personally prefer one on one monogamous relationship. It's just how I was raised. While I believe It's quite possible to love more than one person at a time. I know you wont love both with the same intensity IMO (just like parents with their kids. They always love one more and the other less [favoritism]).

I do not think that jealousy is selfishness in disguise as long as it doesn't get out of hand. But being polyamorous is being selfish in my book because the dynamics of an ltr relationship changes when there are too many people involved in an intimate level. I mean, if you cannot commit to just one person then don't have an ltr type of relationship. Just remain single and avoid all the drama. ;)

~Kisses.

HTG

[BeardedOne]

At one point in my life I was in at least five concurrent relationships. All knew about the others and in some cases were even friends/neighbors/housemates. In the cultural circles in which I ran, poly relationships were more common than monogamous ones. Conversations often included little asides like "I saw John and Jane today. Did you know they are monogamous?" not unlike how one might occasionally hear "I saw Joe and Tom today. Did you know they're gay?". I even encountered a couple of triad 'marriages'.

Just because one is polyamorous doesn't give them a pass from the green-eyed monster, either. It's hard to explain how one can be jealous of one's partner(s) yet still be of a poly mindset. I've had the conversation often (And should probably just write it down and keep it on file to save time). You also have to seperate the definitions of jealousy and that of being possessive. Jealousy is a natural emotion, being possessive is a personal issue that varies by degree between individuals. It's the difference between enjoying a walk in the grass and wanting to actually own the lawn. :)


have you ever been in the dilemma of beeing torn between two (or more) possible lovers?

Always. Anyone who's ever been in a threesome knows that there is always some feeling that one person is getting too much or not enough attention. It is similar in nature to 'best friend', 'favorite uncle/niece/nephew', and to put it in a way many at this venue would understand: 'best escort'. :wink:

You just know that any poly relationship is subject to variations of "Mom always did like =you= BEST!".

:shrug

[Caleigh]

I think there is always going to be a hierarchy of sorts to our relationships with others. We have our BEST friend(s) and then we have good friends and then we have friends and it's the same with lovers.

I've been in an open but committed relationship for over 8 years now and although she is my primary and I am hers there have definitely been times when each of us felt a bit of jealousy towards one of our partners other lovers. I think what we both realized was that as soon as it was known there was this feeling of jealousy (which is insecurity) the most important thing to both of us was to reassure each other that WE were primary and this friend/lover was NO competition.

This might have slighted these side lovers, but we always made clear from the kind of situation they were getting involved in.

[tsmandy]

I've been in a non-monogamous committed relationship for the last 3 years with my partner and its been smooth sailing. Some people distinguish between non-monogamy and polyamory (I don't, but some do) and feel good about fucking as many people as they like, but loving only one. Me personally, I think loving multiple people is fine as long as honesty and forthright communication are part of it.

Kind of like Bearded one says, the vast majority of my people are poly, and its usually big drama when one of us goes monogamous.

I don't really deal with jealousy all that much, I figure, my sweetie and i have something good until we don't and then it will be time to part ways with a smile.

[mbf]

thank you people for your honest and thoughtful replies.

this thread was inspired by a real-life-situation which is probably upon me soon. it was really helpful to your read opinions on the topic

:)

[BeardedOne]

Kind of like Bearded one says, the vast majority of my people are poly, and its usually big drama when one of us goes monogamous.

Heh @ "...my people...". :lol:

Your people and my people should get together sometime...Oh, wait...They probably already have. :wink:

[whatsupwithat]

i'm a committer.

*hangs head in shame*

as in, i can really only commit to one person. is it selfish of me to want that? i don't think so. in fact, i feel like it's the opposite. i want the other person to feel good, to feel secure, to know that i am fully there for them. if i am dividing my attentions, it's really not fair to them.

the way i look at it...and this is NOT directed at anyone in this thread...some people are so afraid of love, of getting hurt, of feeling pain, they run from any type of commitment. they try to find some way to protect themselves. fear, baby, fear. love is beautiful, but it hurts sometimes. and a lot of people can't deal with that. so they run, they protect, they close down. they do whatever it takes to make themselves feel safe.

i say fuck it. risk it all on one person. put it all out there for them. give them everything you have. otherwise, your tiptoeing through life, playing it safe, and that is not living.

disclaimer - again, this is not directed at those in this thread. :)