att. all good people

[olm8y]

Hey all,

These posts are great therapy for people to deal with problems and i really need some help
I grew up a happy childhood in a loving family and was a happy kid.I had the usual crushes on girls and afew girlfriends but when i was around 14 i noticed afew little hard bumps on the underside of my penis. They scared me and after a long while i went to see the doc who told me they were not an std and were nothing to worry about but probably wouldnt go away.As i got older the spots became a little more prominent and when sex became an issue i felt i had to leave it out.I didnt have have groce warts or anything but little bumps that under light were quite off putting.Years later i would find out they were "sebacious prominenece" which is a build up of oil in the hair follicles on ur shaft and balls and were very common in men.
So as i grew and my friends were dating girls i had to be content to be the single guy, it took me a long time to lose my virginity and sex was in the dark and usually a one time afair as the more adventurous sex became the scarier it got for me.
I lived in a very social scene and over the years i got intimate and close with a few girls who i really fell for, but when they told me they felt the same way i would lie and say i wasnt interested . This realy hurt :cry: I wanted them but was scared to be in a proper sexual relationship. I colud hardly look at my dick the thought of showing it to anyone else was not an option.I learnt after a while that it hurt to get close to girls as it i would always have to cut it short. My friends and family could not understand why i was single and eventually stopped asking.

So i had no real sexual outlet, i was to scared to go to hookers as they might think i had an std.I looked at porn alot and stumbled over shemales on the net at around 23 years of age ,after a while i would masturbate to them as well as other porn, I dint think much of it.So as the years past i lived the life i had to , i would tell people i didnt get lonely and tried not to think too hard, but i had other problems and was often very depressed and felt totally alone.I also noticed in periods where i dint have a computer that i would crave porn and especially shemale porn.Over time ive come to realize i couldnt go cold turkey on it and its part of me. Also whenever i had sex i was so scared of my dick being looked at i couldnt relax during sex, i would have trouble climaxing alot, i thought maybe gg's werent getting me off so i got the courage to see a ts but had the same problem and couldnt cum.

Now im 28 and alot of my friends are married,i often dream of having a beautiful gf , i get jaded alot of the time and shut people out of my life, socializing with my friends these days can be very depressing as there conversations with me are littered with gay innuendo or comments about me being a loner, i wish i could tell em why but i cant.

So i got fed up and tried to fix my life, i had issues with shyness and being withdrawn that ive been adressing and the appearence of my penis is a little better and afew treatments may be available.Ive also grown to accept it a bit.Now i want to give dating a chance but this issue with shemales has become more prominent now im not focusing on other things, Im scared! ................I scared of feeling guilty looking at shemales while im seeing a lady.I long for female companionship. I understand that some guys are happy to date a ts but for me they are not like that , they are a fantasy, I dont think i would see one again.All those years of limited enjoyment with gg/s also has me scared of true sexual release being looking at a pc with my hand on my dick.Im scared of not being able to cum and there reaction, hell, i'm still scared to show em my dick!

A couple weeks ago after years of living in silence the knot in my chest came to the surface and i called my mother and cried uncontrolably, i told her id been unhappy for so long and she said she saw me withdraw into myself along time ago but when ever she confronted me i would block her out. I couldnt tell her why i just said i was trying to sort my life out and id be ok but im not so sure.

Im not the person i was when i was growing up, i changed when sex became an issue, seeing pretty girls walking down th street became painful when u know you cant get to close.I want to get back to the person i used to be.With my inability to stay with a woman and my curiosity with shemales i spent alot of time wondering if i was gay but like u all know its femininty we are attracted to.My family are really worried about me.What i have just written i have never told anyone.good to get it off my chest.

PLEASE............if anyone can help dont hesitate, i will listen intently, i feel so alone and trapped and i cant see a way out.............
Thanks for listening

[andyuk]

1)your not gay because you like transsexuals
2)i think a lot of people lack confidence in themselves.
you have to learn to love yourself more.
also it depends what your looking for.
if your looking for a relationship best thing is to be honest how you feel and the problem you have.if the girl stays with you after that then you know it"s worth pursuing they dont,then they are not worth knowing.
i think we all have fears ,just some are more extreame.also the problem might not be as bad as you think.
so my advice.try to love you,and be honest with whoever you want to be with.i"m sure someone will come along.
take care.

[olm8y]

thanks, good advice! eases the pain a little.

[chefmike]

Braveman, is that you?

[yodajazz]

First of all that was hard to read. I had to learn when I first posted here that you have to skip lines to make a new paragraph.

As for your content, it is ok have fantasies but not act upon them. It can actuallly enhance a sexual relationship with a woman over time, becuase you will eventually talk about fantasies to make some variety with the same partner.

As for your physical problem, there is still someone who will love you as you are. In order to do that you have to get the point in a relationship that you can tell. Think of it this way; if you meet someone tell them and get rejected you won't be worse off than you are now. In fact you will be better off because you will have experience in dealing with the subject within a relationship. You would then do a better job the next time. So the reality is have nothing to lose, and everything to gain.

I was watching the show Dr 90210, the show about the plastic surgeons, the other day. One of the segments was about a man who could not perform sexual intercourse at all because his penis was buried around some skin. The doctors performed the surgery and he was able to perform with it sexually afterwards. But guess what? He was already married to a woman before his operation. So my point is that he reached out to someone that accepted him as he was, and got married without being able to perform sexual intercourse at all.

Think about all that you have to offer a woman in a relationship. If you have a job, that is all some women want from a man. That is someone who can help them have the better life that we all dream of. You probably have decent looks and there are women attracted to all types. I didn't realize how good looking I was as young man, until now that I am old and look back on old photos. If you have a full head of hair, you're ahead of lot of us, in the looks dept.

Best of luck to you. By the way you can edit your original post by just skipping some spaces between lines to make paragraphs. You will get much better responses if you do this.

Lastly, I must say that I have been in a relationship for a long, long time. In a long term relationship you will do a lot more talking than anything else, besides sleeping. A relationship can exist without any sex at all, but when you stop talking, the relationshhip is in trouble.

[olm8y]

Thanks,

I get told alot "whats the problem , your a good looking guy", this fact seems to make everyone more intent on giving me a hard time.
As for my physical problem im sure most girls would accept it , its not that bad but for me i just hate looking at it, it depresses me so itry not to look at it. Even when im alone if there is full light in a room i wont look down if im nude.

thanks for your advice