SaharaX
09-07-2007, 02:50 PM
Hello, I am new here, but have been reading for a while now, i like reading posts by other girls, i think it helps and i used it to find out information about my idol and role model "Miriam". Ill tell a bit about myself...sorry if it seems a bit mixed, but i cat really express in words how i truly feel.....and i did have some hesitation about joining without having any pics first......i did have some nice pics of me but my evil sister deleted them all ( shes just jelous coz she over-wight, she really is and she is so homophobic....she truly is the a discuting and hateful human being)....but Ill get pics soon.....when i leave this home....
I am 17 years old now, and i will be turning 18 in October 5th, I have been on hormones since I was 17, when i discovered that it was possible for me to buy hormones online without a prescription and a credit card. This isnt new though, from a very young age I knew I was differen and at age 7 i remeber always wishing that one day i would just wake up as a girl. Up until i was about 13 i didnt know anything about trangender and then this show started to play on tv called "Theres Something About Miriam". When i was watching from the very first episode when i was listening to miriam talk about herself I knew i was like her and it was like i saw myself in someone else. I told my mu that i was like this but she is really against it and calles me "Fucked in the head" whenever i say thats hwat i want to do.....i really cant describe how bad it is at home in words, the hatred that i get from them, i am still living as a boy and they dont know im on hormones. I just cant describe in words how bad my situation is, my mum has already told me i will loose all my family if i do that and she wont care what hapens to me and she qwould never want to see me again...and this isnt new shes been telling me this sine i was 13 and she took me to numerous doctors....and they tld me that she just took me to them so hopefully they would tell me not to.....but it didnt work....anyway i think you can sort of understand what im trying to say......i dont know how to write this without it seeming like a big ramble......at home they dont trust me, they block basically ever website on the computer (accept this handy bypasser i am using now) they block all tv channles like fashion tv, coz for some strange reason they think that is influencing me....even normale channels they block....basically they are all realy really really homophobic and think its discuting, think i am discuting........and dont try to tell me they just care about you and are worried about you coa there not, they only care about the boy part of me, which i never was anyway.......and they already expressed to be that they think i am fucked in the head and wont care what happens to me and they wont care if im living under a bridge......i dont even get anything from my mum anymore coz i refuse to cut my hair...so that means no money no clothes (boy clothes anyway, i dont care, i dont want that anyway) and i dont have a job so at time i cant afford to buy my hormones each month....
so anyway, if you got that....now i am still going to school, it was supposed to be my last year in high school but i decided to do part time, as i ws failing everything.....i just cant go to school as a boy, i alwasy get confused as a girl by bus drivers alwasy calling me "love" and "dear" and thats why i think i am getting poor grades.....i probably wont finish......sometime i get a look at myself in a miror window and i see me wiht my long hair, and the boy clothes and im like i cant go to school im going home and then i catch the bus back home coz i cant handle people looking at me like im a boy.......and its been on my mind every single day for years now.......anyway, im probably not going to finish school....when i turn 18, im planning to have some clothes adn essentials sorted out and just leave one day and work as an escort to fund my transition.....its not ideal or very safe....but im going to use it as a way to fund my transition........Miriam did it.......and she is my idol and role model....does anynoe know anything else about miriam or know her personally? that i could know about her.......
well i dont know if all of the above is exactly what i wanted to write but its the best i could do in my situation.....i have no privacy......
Love Sahara X
I am 17 years old now, and i will be turning 18 in October 5th, I have been on hormones since I was 17, when i discovered that it was possible for me to buy hormones online without a prescription and a credit card. This isnt new though, from a very young age I knew I was differen and at age 7 i remeber always wishing that one day i would just wake up as a girl. Up until i was about 13 i didnt know anything about trangender and then this show started to play on tv called "Theres Something About Miriam". When i was watching from the very first episode when i was listening to miriam talk about herself I knew i was like her and it was like i saw myself in someone else. I told my mu that i was like this but she is really against it and calles me "Fucked in the head" whenever i say thats hwat i want to do.....i really cant describe how bad it is at home in words, the hatred that i get from them, i am still living as a boy and they dont know im on hormones. I just cant describe in words how bad my situation is, my mum has already told me i will loose all my family if i do that and she wont care what hapens to me and she qwould never want to see me again...and this isnt new shes been telling me this sine i was 13 and she took me to numerous doctors....and they tld me that she just took me to them so hopefully they would tell me not to.....but it didnt work....anyway i think you can sort of understand what im trying to say......i dont know how to write this without it seeming like a big ramble......at home they dont trust me, they block basically ever website on the computer (accept this handy bypasser i am using now) they block all tv channles like fashion tv, coz for some strange reason they think that is influencing me....even normale channels they block....basically they are all realy really really homophobic and think its discuting, think i am discuting........and dont try to tell me they just care about you and are worried about you coa there not, they only care about the boy part of me, which i never was anyway.......and they already expressed to be that they think i am fucked in the head and wont care what happens to me and they wont care if im living under a bridge......i dont even get anything from my mum anymore coz i refuse to cut my hair...so that means no money no clothes (boy clothes anyway, i dont care, i dont want that anyway) and i dont have a job so at time i cant afford to buy my hormones each month....
so anyway, if you got that....now i am still going to school, it was supposed to be my last year in high school but i decided to do part time, as i ws failing everything.....i just cant go to school as a boy, i alwasy get confused as a girl by bus drivers alwasy calling me "love" and "dear" and thats why i think i am getting poor grades.....i probably wont finish......sometime i get a look at myself in a miror window and i see me wiht my long hair, and the boy clothes and im like i cant go to school im going home and then i catch the bus back home coz i cant handle people looking at me like im a boy.......and its been on my mind every single day for years now.......anyway, im probably not going to finish school....when i turn 18, im planning to have some clothes adn essentials sorted out and just leave one day and work as an escort to fund my transition.....its not ideal or very safe....but im going to use it as a way to fund my transition........Miriam did it.......and she is my idol and role model....does anynoe know anything else about miriam or know her personally? that i could know about her.......
well i dont know if all of the above is exactly what i wanted to write but its the best i could do in my situation.....i have no privacy......
Love Sahara X