My world's come crashing down.

[suckseed]

For the last several months, I've been really enjoying life in Portland. It's a great city with a lot to offer. I live with three women, and have an entire floor to myself. For the most part, life has been good. But that has all changed. Two days ago, my tranquil existence was shattered by the arrival, via a relative of one of the roommates, of something so unexpectedly intrusive in every way that I can only consider myself lucky to have avoided it up until this point in my life.
I speak, of course, of a toddler. Male, maybe eighteen months, maybe two years old. He can talk (generally in a piercing high voice, repeating something until his mother acknowledges him, which she rarely does). He can
walk, but prefers to run, on his heels. This house has those charming wood floors, which essentially transfer all sounds and vibrations directly to the basement, like a piano soundboard. THump-thumpthumpthumpthumpthump.
THUMPthumpthumpthumpthumpthumpthump. ThumpthumpthumpthumpthumpthumpthumpthumpCRASHpause WAHHHHHHHHHH!

Goddammit.

Seriously, how do people do it. I went to work yesterday on four hours of sleep. My usual pleasant demeanor was reduced to thinly veiled sarcasm.
I had a german man do the typical European thing and not leave a fucking dime on his credit card slip for a gratuity (['Ach, I kan never remember - vee doo nut teep in Chermany.'] Yeah, whatever you say, Helmut.)
I took the credit card slip from him, looked at him and said, "Oh, boy!"
like I was excited. But I digress (and the dude actually handed me a twenty...hmmm.)

Where was I? Oh yeah. Maybe I'm biased because my family tells me I "never cried when I was a baby." Whether that's true or not, I'm absolutely certain I never ran around like a terrier on crack when I was in a stranger's home. I wouldn't have been allowed to by my dad, but I was a quiet kid anyway.

My job is a 'kid friendly' place - as kid friendly as a place with six bars, most of which offer cigars can be. To get from one area to another with a tray or a cart, with DOZENS of little kids running at top speed towards your knees, and keep a smile on your face while suppressing the urge to do a tiny knee-check or hip-bump here and there....well, usually it's no problem, part of the job, but this week, I find myself thinking W>T>F????
Is EVERYONE in this town having a kid? It's kind of frightening.

And I'm convinced the parents of these children think everyone is charmed by little Damien or Beelzebub's running through the restaurant with an upside down bottle of steak sauce. And who decided it was a good idea to give the little shit a bunch of saltines for god's sake? After they leave there's a twelve foot radius of white crumbs around their table. Thanks, assholes. They shouldn't give the little bastards crackers, they should give them a chew toy or a wooden dowel or something, maybe make them taste like peanut butter so they take to them. Whatever, I distinctly remember my father telling me that if I didn't quit singing in this one restaurant I was going to have to go sit in the car. Nowadays parents either tune little Lucius out or find him adorable as he repeatedly slams a toy truck into the table top and gives the hostess the finger.

I don't understand people, I really don't. I'm going to see if I can find some pron...wait, I might find vomit and drool...think I'll play Age of Empires instead. Seen enough of that shit.

[ducktales]

AHAHAAH

[gaiseric]

If you want a good nights sleep, shoot the brat.

BTW, I detest kids as well

[chefmike]

The children are our future...just ask Michael Jackson...maybe you should try using jesus-juice...

[Perverted Monk]

Yeah that toddler stage can be rough. Sometimes I have a hard time keeping my patience with my own little guy. Sometimes parents just don't know when to pull in the reigns though, like when their kids are really acting up in public, and nothing is done about it. I aways think to myself "Man, glad my boy knows better not to do that".

[Quinn]

I am so with you on this, suckseed. I actually like children quite a bit once they are a little older, but I don't like babies very much. Why? It's simple: the sound of a screaming infant goes right through me.

-Quinn

[peggygee]

Love your German accent. 8)

Didn't you just have a concern with a house-mate who was wired on
caffeine, and was being a 'chatty Cathy'.

But seriously at this age, the child is going through the developmental
stage of the 'terrible twos', he is asserting his autonomy, bear with him
and this too shall pass.

And I guess this is yet another reason to love transwomen, well
those that don't want or don't look into the various options to have
children.

http://i92.photobucket.com/albums/l2/magi43/babycrawl.gif

[suckseed]

...

[Jericho]

Fukkin kids!
I hate the little bastards, but, back to tipping.

As a European, i've never understood this tipping malarky.
You're already getting paid, and then you expect me to pay extra?

[suckseed]

Fukkin kids!
I hate the little bastards, but, back to tipping.

As a European, i've never understood this tipping malarky.
You're already getting paid, and then you expect me to pay extra?

:shock:
First of all, hi Jericho, tip 'o the hat to ya. have we spoken before?
Secondly, they pay servers diddly. In Colorado, it's $3.35 an hour. Here in Oregon, it's $7.50...about $225 a week at the 25 -30 hours a week they schedule me.
Tipping is expected. Maybe in Europe it's not a custom, but then they've gotta be paid adequately so it's not a problem. I've never been able to believe that Europeans coming to America don't damn well know this but just pretend not to because there's a lot of money to be saved stiffing everyone. But the servers didn't invent the system. Hell, I'd love to be paid adequately by the establishment. I think they get away with murder making customers pay the staff. But if they didn't, the food would cost more...catch 22.

[Jericho]

First of all, hi Jericho, tip 'o the hat to ya. have we spoken before?

Heh, "tip 'o the hat " :lol:


Tipping is expected. Maybe in Europe it's not a custom, but then they've gotta be paid adequately so it's not a problem.

Not hardly, but it's still not expected.
Except cab drivers [and don't even start me on those fukkers - That's heading for Leo Getz territory!]


I've never been able to believe that Europeans coming to America don't damn well know this but just pretend not to because there's a lot of money to be saved stiffing everyone.

That's the thing. It's not the custom over here.
And who do you tip?
Do you tip in MacDonalds or Burger King? The bus driver?







[/i]

[suckseed]

I'm sure that folks who travel bone up (heh) on what to know about their destination. If I was going to europe I'd find out at some point that tipping isn't expected and be glad I did my homework. I'd know to expect really expensive hotels in England or that the cheap ones may have mold on the ceiling, and that the 'loo' may be a communal one down the hall. When Vladmir Krstnplkfyr tells his neighbor Herr Gerflutenmeister he's going to America, Herr G will naturally enough say if he's been there, "They expect you to tip in the restaurants," so V.K. will say to himself either "Hmm, I better check out a tourist guide so i know what to expect," or, apparently more likely will say "well that's too damn bad," and blithely make his way through the States fucking over the working class who have to bring him his coffee in a pint glass and his vodka in a pewter sugar bowl or whatever it is he's used to - for free. It's not uncommon for hostesses to seat Europeans in the section of the server they least like for this very reason. And the experienced server will make nice with the hostess to avoid being the guy who takes one for the team.

[Jericho]

I'm sure that folks who travel bone up (heh) on what to know about their destination. If I was going to europe I'd find out at some point that tipping isn't expected and be glad I did my homework. I'd know to expect really expensive hotels in England or that the cheap ones may have mold on the ceiling, and that the 'loo' may be a communal one down the hall. When Vladmir Krstnplkfyr tells his neighbor Herr Gerflutenmeister he's going to America, Herr G will naturally enough say if he's been there, "They expect you to tip in the restaurants," so V.K. will say to himself either "Hmm, I better check out a tourist guide so i know what to expect," or, apparently more likely will say "well that's too damn bad," and blithely make his way through the States fucking over the working class who have to bring him his coffee in a pint glass and his vodka in a pewter sugar bowl or whatever it is he's used to - for free. It's not uncommon for hostesses to seat Europeans in the section of the server they least like for this very reason. And the experienced server will make nice with the hostess to avoid being the guy who takes one for the team.


Yah, it's the European blithley making his way thru the states fucking over the working class.
Agree to disagree on that one :D


Still, those noisy kids, eh?
Little bastards! ;-)

[eviltwin585]

:/

whats this have to do with transsexuals?

[suckseed]

shoosh rookie!

Jericho, obviously that was an exaggeration.
And of course a generalization - many 'furriners' are lovely people who tip as well as anyone. BUT! there's a reason the cliche exists.

Here - an American for you to enjoy!

[Jericho]

Here - an American for you to enjoy!


Yikes! :shock: :lol:

[BeardedOne]

On children:

Have one (Thank gawd, he turned 21 this year!) and as his mom and I didn't see eye to eye (Usually she was giving me the eye), I've only spent brief periods of time with him over the years. Part of that time was in the growing years before he was three.

Though I had already guessed that such a thing was bad form, I =never= thought to take him to any kind of restaurant trendier than Quag's (McDonald's) and then usually only to placate =him=, and not as a family outting. Also, no movies, ever. That's why VCRs were invented: To keep angry audiences from lynching desperate parents.

If you're in a high-end restaurant (Even a chain like Olive Garden, Outback, or Pizza Hut) and some child-of-the-devil-himself hurls a Matchbox car into your spaghetti, smile politely at the child as you slap the shit out of the little fucker's parents for not having the sense to either leave the child home with a responsible individual (More responsible than they) or to at least have their family experience at Chuck E Cheese where such antics are expected, tollerated, and too often encouraged.

Aside: To their credit, some of our local theatres have started an early showing before regular hours of family flix with the expected result being that one or more toddlers in the audience might flip out during the show. As the entire audience is made up of psycho kids and stressed out moms, no one complains and the stressed out moms have back-up in their peers.

To the tipping:

I don't know what the pay scale is in Europe, Asia, etc., but it is pure crap in the US for restaurant employees. Always has been. I don't know who engineered the payscale for these over-worked and often under-rewarded souls, but they certainly weren't at the working class level of the spectrum.

Last I was involved in the food service industry the minimum was only $2.00 an hour (While the national minimum wage was something like $6.25). I saw a post above where it is now $3.35. Yah, royt! Buy a car and rent an apartment =AND= eat on that! Not bloodyfuckinglikely. :x

And so, we have the American system of expected (Though not required, unless you are in a party of more than eight people, when it is automatically calcualted into your bill) gratuity. Yet, what is lost on many people is that gratuity, by nature, is a reward for exemplary service. Above and beyond, stellar, etc.

Do you tip at a McDonald's? No, because McDonald's, Burger King, etc. are not truly restaurants or service industries as much as they are a store where you purchase a product to consume on premise or at home. Think about it: Beyond "Would you like fries with that?", how much do you interact with your 'server' at a fast food establishment?

Do you tip at a pizza parlor? If it's take-out, no, as beyond handing you the box off the top of the oven, they have provided no true service. Was it delivered? Definitely tip. Thes people use their own cars and often do their best to get to you before the pie has gone stone cold. I drove pizza delivery (It's how I met that Dan Wesson .44), so I tend to over-tip (While the average is just $1, I might give $2-3.

In restaurants I average 10-20%, depending on level of service and how much I like the attitude of the server. If someone truly works hard to make my dining experience pleasant, then I reward same. On the occasions where my party may linger after dinner, I adjust the gratuity to reflect "rent". Let's face it, if the average diner spends an hour and I occupy the table for two or three hours, I tend to adjust the gratuity to compensate for lost revenues. The restaurant can make that up via another table or two, the server has no such luxury.

If you are a regular to particular bars, clubs, restaurants, this can often give you a nice edge. There are bars around the Philly area where I can walk in, sit down, and find a cold brew of my liking on the bar before I have even settled. Though they may see hundreds of people in a day, thousands in a month, professional wait staff will remember the best of their customers and will always see that they are happy.

And they'll be more than happy to seat you away from the screaming toddlers. :)

[TrueBeauty TS]

Tipping is expected. Maybe in Europe it's not a custom, but then they've gotta be paid adequately so it's not a problem. I've never been able to believe that Europeans coming to America don't damn well know this but just pretend not to because there's a lot of money to be saved stiffing everyone.


Well, as with most everything in life, it's a two way street. I've been lucky enough to travel to Europe several times and I've seen just the same come from americans. I am embarrassed by the "ugly american" stereotype that I've seen. Loud, demanding, rude and stupid. They don't bother to learn even 4 words (hello, goodbye, please & thank you) of the language in the country they are visiting. And you should see them go wild when they see a "cover charge" on the bill, which is explained in every tour travel guide that they didn't bother to read.

When I travel, I read about the places I am going to, try to learn some of the language, learn some of the customs and try to be a good ambassador of my country of which I am representing. I have always been treated with kindness and warmth. They even appriciate my horrible attemps to speak their language. LOL

In truth, there are ugly americans, ugly italians, ugly french, ugly germans and ugly people from anywhere in the world. There are also wonderful, kind, caring, friendly people all over the world as well.



.

[mbf]

When I travel, I read about the places I am going to, try to learn some of the language, learn some of the customs and try to be a good ambassador of my country of which I am representing. I have always been treated with kindness and warmth. They even appriciate my horrible attemps to speak their language. LOL

In truth, there are ugly americans, ugly italians, ugly french, ugly germans and ugly people from anywhere in the world. There are also wonderful, kind, caring, friendly people all over the world as well.

.

:claps :claps :claps

oh and the baby part...... i actually kinda would like to be a father...but then i am afraid the kid could turn out to be very much like me.....

[thombergeron]

I felt exactly the way you did until I (accidentally) had my own kids. Now I feel exactly the opposite.

I now actively avoid adult company. Grown-ups are terrible people, constantly on the lookout for ways to fuck each other over.

Kids are a blast. All they do is have fun, snack, and sleep. How's that for a lifestyle? (Fortunately, I do have my wife for the fourth best thing in life.)

And whoever coined "terrible twos" was hopelessly stuck in a dull, life-crushing adult-oriented mindset. Two is the best age. It's when you first realize you are a unique individual in an endlessly fascinating world.

I thank God every day that I knocked up my wife. My kids saved my life. I hated everything until they came along.

[thombergeron]

You should also be aware that within the current parent subculture, Portland has a reputation as an especially kid-friendly city. We're flocking there in droves with our snot-nosed brats.

You might try San Francisco. Parents hate San Francisco.

[suckseed]

Well, for the record, usually I find kids adorable...in small numbers, and when they're not depriving me of my sleep. I tried to escape into the theatre where I work yesterday when i had some downtime...but they were playing the new Shrek flick and there were maybe 50 kids, six of whom were crying.
Now why would they cry at a movie?

I talked with a few of my friends at ork yesterday that have kids and they said the same thing as you, it's totally different when they're yours.
I hope so!

[crayons]

hi suckseed. good to see you back (if you were ever gone). nice post btw. kids suck. not sure why anyone would want them. but they reach a stage where they are cute- then get to a stage where they are nothing but trouble. my recommendation: get an ipod and crack up the volume before sleep.

http://i17.tinypic.com/4xzgk6x.jpg