Disposable people

[Alison Faraday]

Am I dispoable? That's the question I'm asking myself. As an escort you are certainly disposable, which is part of the reason why the client pays so much for your time. That part can be digested.

The part which I find confusing is people, mostly guys, who contact me and have lots to say and sound genuine, then just disappear. It's quite disconcerting really as it makes me wonder if for the hours I've spent chatting if afterall I was just a passing moment.

These are the train of thoughts that I have certainly since openly being a transsexual. Actually, come to think about it, it's never an issue with those people that don't know my background. It is almost always something that eventually crosses my mind with people who do know.

My belief is that as a transsexual we are treated as disposable people, only needed as and when required? And only worth talking to when the time is right, usually in private and with their friends not knowing. This is quite a recent realisation really. Really!! I am that naive. And the truth is, I like being innocent. I like not having a guard. I love still being upfront and genuine, which is something from childhood I never lost. Or maybe, this is how most normal people carry on.

As a female I never ask myself if I have said the right or wrong thing. I am just me. The people around me are predictable in a fashion of what I traditionally know of people. I get to chat with people who I don't know and have normal conversations with them, I can talk to people. People on trains, in taxis, in bars. Just as a normal, no-sexual?, everyday person. I love people just for being people and themselves, on an equal playing field. Joking with them. Jesting with them. Laughing and crying alongside them as people, in a way that we all do everyday.

Now as a trassexual, I am treated differently to when I was male. The same social rules do not apply, which in itself is quite predictable given the territory. Yet as a female, those old male social rules and the level of predictability still apply, when originally didn't think that they would. There really isn't that much difference between how men and women interact. Socialists will argue otherwise except that they haven't spent time on both sides of the fence so have no point of reference. There's subtle differences yes, but essentially women are just as bad as men. Trust me on this guys, your bums are being judged by women all the time!!!

Male/Female: Hello is greeted with hello. A handshake is greeted with a handshake. The playing field is predictable based on social norms, respect is met with respect. Those same social norms which apply in business and between friends.

Yet as a transsexual? I'm just trying to figure out why it is this way? I suspect that it is indeed because we are considered disposable? A passing moment of fantasy in secret? As in someone without pride or feelings, but just someone there to satisfy a passing want. Someone purely there to satisfy the curious wants of others for entertainment?

I don't know about you, but that lot confused the hell out of me!

[JackHammer]

Those that converse with you at length, and just up and disappear probably have made the decision in their minds, that to take "it" to the next level would be asking too much of them. It would mean exposing what is only revealed in the shadows, and even then, only intimately with that Other person (you in this case Alison).

I might be over-simplifying it, but I'm sure it boils down to guys just not wanting to blow their cover. Family friends Job...if they're not all ready out and above board, then making that step seems like a mountain to them (I should probably count myself among "them"...but then, I don't go getting all personal and intimate (emotionally) with t-girls.

Not knowing what's discussed, I can see that someone who says they are as open as you say you are, can feel as though they've been led down the garden path.

End of the day? It's what you think of you, you define you...and you mold yourself to suit your definition. If these guys can't step up to the plate, then that's there business, but you have to recognize why they aren't, and not categorize yourself as "disposable".

Sorry, i rambled a bit, hopefully i got my point across (and I'll stress, it's MY point)

[tsntx]

being treated the way you described ali is what drove me to escort the 1 - 2 times a month that i do.

[Alison Faraday]

Oh you haven't rambled on at all, I did that!! I'm just trying to disect yours at the moment and understand the thought behind the words :)

What I kind of mean is. As a transsexual one is treated differently. The novelty and admiration factor I like from time to time, it's fun. But it's very far from sincere that's for sure.

I'm just trying to figure out that balance between the two. It's tricky to put into the right words to convey the suspicion behind the thought. :o

It's weird, as a transsexual I worry about what I say and how I'm presenting, kind of wanting to be a good person.

As a female I don't worry and am flatly myself. Yet if they were to find out I was a transsexual, then I would worry.

Ramble on :) I'm off to bed now to figure some of this out, it's 1.30am.

Yep Jen. Have cut down totally on escorting here too, I understand why (or I think I might do :) ). x

[tsntx]

i know you know. ;)

[downblow]

Hi Alison,

I am appalled by the way our society treats the transgender community in general. I live in Toronto and i have noticed the attitude towards t-girls is becoming less hostile.
Mandy Goodhandy and other popular t-girl screen actresses have been the driving force in this change of attitude.
Though unfortunately most of society is still old world in terms of gender roles/sexuality.

Yes there are a lot of men out there who would love to have a t-girl as a girlfriend/wife but can't because of their family/friends/job. That in itself is a sickening comment on our society. Personally i think people place too much concern on what others think and say. We should just enjoy the company of those who make us happy and not give a damn about what others say. Unfortunately every society since the creation of human social gathering groups has had its weak minded and i don't see that changing soon.

As for people you meet off the net or wherever, if they don't have the respect or balls to stand up for who they want, then you are better off without them and i wouldn't place too much stock into what they said because obviously they have issues with telling the truth.

I know you have feelings and a very kind heart.
I know this may be confusing to you and that it is hard to trust guys because of those issues.
I know you feel used and that you might be disposable.

Rest assured Alison not all guys are like that. You need to not reflect on these terrible people and their ignorant attitudes. I'm sorry that you had those experiences and i know you don't deserve them nor does any t-girl.
You are not a disposable person. You are just as human as anyone else and i hope you never ever feel like a disposable person ever again.

This is societies messed up rules that are outdated and need changing.
Unfortunately most of our society are like lemmings and the majority always follow the few idiots who like to generalize things for the masses.
Generalizing things makes life easier for the masses so they can feel more comfortable and less stressed.
A true sign of the lack of intelligence most of our society has.

As for myself, i want to marry a t-girl and would never care about the ignorant replies or attitudes from people at work or wherever.
I love who i love.
There has been times where i stopped talking with certain t-girls simply because i think we have not much in common but i always explained that to them. Sometimes you can get along with a girl so well and then they'll say or do something that really makes you think that they are not telling the truth. No matter what you say to them they'll always think something else, that i don't like.

Fortunately personality and looks wise i seem to be alright to many t-girls in Toronto, unfortunately i don't have the financial background these women want. So how can a simple blue collar worker compete with the fast and very profitable life of escorting?
Sometimes i wonder if those girls i mentioned will ever give up escorting?
They'll tell you they want the regular life.
Husband, house, kids, long life together.
To get that you have to give up escorting and unfortunately i don't know many that will.

So as you can see guys are also confused with what t-girls want which may also add to those situations you mentioned.

To everyone sorry about the long post and to those who read it all my thanks. I'll try to keep it light and simpler in the future. :D

[yodajazz]

Thank you Alison for sharing your thoughts. But I would not say disposable. More like they are choosing to explore other paths. I do not condone ending a friendship with no explanation. But like Downblow said, each man may have a particular thing that turns them off. Mine is dishonesty also. For example, a person could believe in God or be an Atheist, this could be a deal breaker but they don't actually say it.

You might not believe this, but in some cases the end of the friendship might not be voluntary. They might not be proud of the friendship and hide your contact info somewhere and then lose it (even on the computer). I would bet that this has happened to you in more than one case. I met a beautiful woman at a party and lost the phone number. I still think about it, occaisionally (like now) and it has been over thirty years ago! I have long ago forgotten her name.

I agree with the positive things which have been said about you. So I know that the 'perfect' person is there for you. You will one day understand that the wait to find them, has helped you to appreciate and love them even more. All things can work for the good. It just takes time to see the good side of bad things that happen to us.

[whatsupwithat]

Great points brought up in this thread.

First off, where and when do sexuality and novelty split and can a girl trust that a guy is attracted to her t-ness, but that his feelings for her go beyond what makes him sexually excited?

Two, what was raised in the last comment...can a normal, average, nice, blue collar guy compete with escorting?

[ToyBoy6669]

People can only have self worth, no one can put value on you but YOU, and never let any one try either!

[Tanuki]

Yes, nice thread. I agree. this topic seems to adress directly themes that are sort of hinted at in all the other threads..
If it helps I will admit, I was with one escort and she told me to call just to talk and I never did.. Probably for a lot of different reasons. but not because I was not interested.. I really would like to have had conversation.. perhaps thats why I am here lately.

to answer the why did I sort of vanish..
I guess I was ashamed I paid for a sex act. and was not ready to face that..

Also ,, its part of a larger picture.. One must have a touch of the rebel to admit they attracted to T's in the culture we live in.. I am still too shy to deal with that.. Dont hate me for it.

Its easier not to have to deal with it if I dont have too.
And finally,
shit,
girls treat me like crap all the time.. haha.. Girls I have really loved have let me down..
it's the way it goes I guess.
til the time is right. you just have to keep on truckin.

peace out

[whatsupwithat]

I dunno why you guys are wiring so much into this, just go with the flow...

Because it's a serious issue. Are you aware that more men would rather commit suicide than admit homosexuality, bisexuality, or a gay affair? Are you aware that transwomen are objectified in one breath and cast aside in the next?

Come on, man, haven't you been here or out there long enough to know that going with the flow just doesn't cut it?

have you even been in a relationship with a transwoman - walked down the street hand in hand, gone on vacation together, lived together, introduced her to family and friends?

[whatsupwithat]

People can only have self worth, no one can put value on you but YOU, and never let any one try either!

With that I agree. But can love really conquer the dollar?

[ToyBoy6669]

People can only have self worth, no one can put value on you but YOU, and never let any one try either!

With that I agree. But can love really conquer the dollar?

Love, of your self can conquer anything, if you have faith in your self, you can do what ever you want, no one can hold you back unless you let them.

I know this to be the truth, confidence that your friends instill in you can help, but in the end it must be you who hold you up. and if you are strong enough, no one can push you down.

I was...am...a huge nerd lol I've had experience in this sorta thing

[Hara_Juku Tgirl]

Been in a relationship with a CD, yes. All my friends/family know I'm into TS/CD.

OMFG! :lol:


Guys? What worries you about TS's? But my limited experience of TS's is a fucked up one, the ones I met are crazy, and in the worst case are really crossdressers pretending to be transsexuals.

And you got the nerve to be too "critical", "suspicious" and "questioning" which girls are "real transexuals"? Get the fuck out of here!

You're a HYPOCRITE! :evil:

~Kisses.

HTG

[ToyBoy6669]

I do recall a large amount of smack being talked by silk in other threads

[Quinn]

. . . you define you. The best part of a good post.

-Quinn

[ToyBoy6669]

. . . you define you. The best part of a good post.

-Quinnagreed

[ToyBoy6669]

thats....a really bad come back

[whatislove]

Back at the topic at hand... I think in many cases people don't want to make the effort to really connect, and past that making time in their lives... without bringing transgender issues. into it. It's a world where you don't need other people*... Dissassociation.... Movies/TV replace relationships, Escorts/porn for sex, Glam clothes, video games, money for fufillment...

But you can create a nice space for yourself and your friends, and it's usually after you do that that things start clicking a little better, you know?

[ToyBoy6669]

*rolls eyes* anyhow I agree Whatslove, most people are like hi! how are you? wanna fuck?

[Hara_Juku Tgirl]

LOL. BTW, have you got a big juicy cock, I love sucking a bitches cock :wink:

http://www.backstreetmerch.com/images/products/bands/clothing/cs/cs02_thumb.gif

Yeah I hear you Sil. I'm sure your CD "gurl" friend can attest to that! Lmao :lol:

~Kisses.

HTG

[fugaziosbourne]

being treated the way you described ali is what drove me to escort the 1 - 2 times a month that i do.
Wow...I hate that...You KNOW there is a guy out there that would never disappear on you......who wants nothing but to be there for you and be your man....and has the balls to actually do it...

[fugaziosbourne]

You are SO fucking far from disposable it's not even funny...I know the real you honey.....could rattle off about 8,000 reasons why thats not the case...Gonna kick your butt....