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View Full Version : Three Days With "Philly's Finest": Conclusion



TJ347
05-21-2007, 06:10 AM
I woke early the next morning, Pam still sound asleep on the couch as I wracked my brain to collect what little culinary knowledge I had to make something resembling breakfast, thinking that would be a pleasant surprise. A half hour later, as Pam sat there silently, staring off into space, I began to realize there was something very wrong, but ignored it, convincing myself she just wasn't fully awake yet, and that I was reading more into things than was there. However, my self-delusion wasn't to last very long. I attempted to engage her in conversation for a few minutes, but Pam didn't respond, continuing to stare at the floor vacantly as I shrugged off her disinterest and proceeded to ramble on. Suddenly, she slapped her hands on the table, bringing my babbling to an immediate stop, followed quickly thereafter by my hope that the situation between us had changed for the better.

"I don't...", Pam began, pausing a moment as her voice cracked and her eyes began to well up with tears. "I don't want... a relationship with you." As her words began to slowly sink into my head, it felt like time came to an abrupt standstilll, and as I experienced any number of conflicting emotions simultaneously, I sat there frozen, unable to speak. She went on, apologizing for my hurt feelings and saying she would never forgive herself, wiping away tears as she simultaneously stroked my hand. As I recall, soon afterward she came around to my side of the table, laying her head on top of mine and hugging me, as she continued to cry. By this time, however, I had concluded that I was indeed furious, and as a sudden wave of anger washed over me, I rose to my feet, tossing the table aside as I did. Pam backed away immediately, begging me to calm down, but as the sound of my own heartbeat pounded increasingly louder and faster in my ears, for the first and only time to date in my entire life, I didn't trust myself, and warned her to get away from me.

Ultimately, I wound up paying over six thousand dollars to repair the damage I did to the apartment and to replace the personal property I destroyed, and while I'm skipping ahead a good bit here, you'll have to excuse me for not wanting to get into this particular experience in my life more deeply. Anyway, when I had concluded my impromptu rampage and realized fully what I had done, I fell to the living room floor physically and emotionally exhausted, and lay there for some time before the police came knocking at the door. Pam answered, explaining that she had been moving furniture or some such, and looking back on things now, I realize just how much worse it could have gone. In any event, as I lay there wishing that I had never met her, Pam came and lay on the floor beside me, wrapping her arms around my neck and pressing her forehead against mine, staring into my eyes silently. And so it was for what seemed like hours, that we lay there quietly, me not knowing what to say and her already having said it all. Later, she explained that she had been attracted to me for some time, but hadn't wanted to do anything about her feelings for fear of ruining our friendship, which had now irreparably destroyed due to our mutual attraction having gotten the better of us. I had told Pam over the course of the previous two days that I loved her, that I wanted to be with her, that I had always loved her and always wanted to be with her... and now it was clear that it had all been for nothing. Despite the fact that we were both attracted to each other, it wasn't meant for us to be anything more than friends, but with that line having been crossed, we couldn't go back to where we were. Taking her head into my hands, I kissed her passionately, and as she moved in closer to me, I rolled onto my back, pulling her on top of me. If I could have, I would have frozen that moment in time so that it never ended, but of course, I couldn't, and inevitably it did. I'll never know why Pam didn't tell the police what had really happened, why she never went off on me over the mess I made of her place, or why she didn't pull away as I once again, for the last time, stepped over the line that friends should never cross and kissed her as if we had something more. At that moment though, none of those things could have been farther from my mind, and convinced there was nothing left to lose, I tried desperately to work Pam into a frenzy, but for the first time since this had all began, she showed restraint, telling me that while she "wanted to", she wouldn't, as she got up and went to her room to make a phone call.

Around 6pm, having said particularly lengthy goodbyes, I threw my stuff in the car as Pam watched from her doorway. She told me that she had called her roommate "Gladys" earlier and explained what happened, but I doubt that what she said was anything close to the truth, as I continue to see "Gladys" to this very day, and she's never once questioned me about what went down (fortunately!). Giving her a kiss on the cheek as I went to the car, I had told Pam to send me a bill for the damages, and a week or so later, she did, including a handwritten note itemizing the cost of replacing or repairing her microwave, coffee maker, television, stereo, and various CDs and vinyl records, among other things. Afterward, there was no further communication between us, just as I had expected.

While I originally intended to finish this story with alot more details on what happened on the last day I spent with "Philly's Finest", what you have here is what I've decided I feel comfortable putting out there, for my own personal reasons. Those of you who have read this far hoping to come across an exciting sexual escapade will be disappointed, as there is none, because there was none (though not for lack of effort on my part, I can assure you). For those of you who simply wanted to know how things ended, now you know... Well, as much as you really need to anyway. I guess I should add that I saw "Pam" once last year, but we didn't speak on that occasion or even acknowledge each other, though I found out a few months later from "Gladys" that she was still living in Philadelphia, rooming with a boyfriend. And so, that is how my relationship with "Philly's Finest" ended, reinforcing the issues I already had regarding investing emotionally in personal relationships. But that isn't what this story is about...


A Friendly Mistake Oct. 3, 2005
Outside a store on South Street, by a pizza shop
I met a girl sucking a sour apple lollipop.
While we were friends, she stole my heart
Yet things went oh so fine
Until at last, just like an ass, I tried to make her mine...


:banghead

TJ347
05-21-2007, 06:50 AM
Apologies to all who were expecting so much more from this conclusion than I've given you, but as I was writing it I realized that there were a number of things that I would rather not have the world know, and so while the actual events of the day, and indeed the entire three days could fill at least fifty pages, I'm unable to put them out there just now. I want everybody to know that originally, I didn't think it would be a problem, but as I read over what I'd written, I felt differently about it and decided to delete major sections of the story, ultimately trimming it down to the brief story you have here. While I know it is a letdown after the build up of the first three parts, I hope you can understand where I'm coming from. It is a very difficult thing for me to even have strangers know as much about me as I've included here, and to be honest, I dare not go any further than I have with this story. There are two other stories I am still thinking about telling here, but I will have to give them much greater thought, given the issues I've had with this one. If I cannot include enough in those stories to make them worth reading, then this will be the last story I post, as I do not want to get started once again, only to decide that I'm not comfortable finishing and disappoint you all.

Thanks to Johnnyshemalelover for all the help you've given me, and to everybody who took the time out to read this story. I would like to also encourage those of you who have actual experiences with tgirls that you can share to do so, provided, of course, doing so wouldn't make you too uncomfortable, though seeing as how true stories seem to be few and far between, I guess there aren't too many of you chomping at the bit to open up to the world and let people into your personal life in that way. Our loss...

a994
05-21-2007, 07:54 AM
Powerful story, TJ347. That's why it's best for friends to stay friends and not mess around.

TJ347
05-21-2007, 05:24 PM
Quite right, a994. Of course, in this particular case, it would have also been of great help to if she had been resolute about not getting involved physically from the start, though in all fairness, I too was going against what I knew to be the right thing. A lose-lose situation all around.

yodajazz
05-22-2007, 10:26 AM
Thanks so much for being honest. People always say things like, "things didn't work out", but give no clue as to why. Sorry that it had to have such a negative ending. But what about the positive side? Did the sexual experience open you up to new experience, or could you say that it was never as good as that exciting 'first' time?

From your behavior at the time, I would say that you were twenty two, but that's not important. Just my educated guess about emotional maturity.

Lastly, I am considering writing about an experience which was mostly negative. Maybe these stories need to be told too.

TJ347
05-22-2007, 09:47 PM
Well, I turned 31 in April, so I suppose my emotional maturation has gone a bit slower than it should, huh? :wink:
Anyway, as to the "positives" I've taken from this experience, I honestly can't say that there are any I'm yet aware of, if there are in fact any at all there. I would say that with this situation ending as it did, I'm even more apprehensive about all personal relationships, and haven't managed in the years since to have what I would call a serious relationship even once. While I remain open to that possibility, it is more difficult than it has ever been to open myself up to anyone else in the ways necessary to make a relationship work, and I can't see that changing anytime soon, unfortunately.
I think it is quite telling that the stories I have put out there, as well as the story you are considering writing, ended badly. It makes me wonder where the true stories are that ended on a positive note... Surely there has to be one, doesn't there? Or does the lack of a single one being told here indicate that ultimately, they all end more or less like mine have? While I would hope not, again, there are no "fairy tale" endings here, and there has to be a reason why that is...

yodajazz
05-24-2007, 01:38 AM
I think some people on this forum have spoken about long term relationships. Anyway, when I said 22, I was guessing hold old you were at the time of the story. To me as people mature, they go into relationships with more honest expectations. This includes being sensitive enough to the other persons needs, you can easier accept not getting exactly what you want.

I think that if you just go out and meet girls face to face, you can just let it develop naturally. But having been in a relationship for a long time I think that both friendship and sexual passion are important. I can say the friendship is the most important over the long, long term. I knew a couple who were divorced that were closer than a lot of married couples.

TJ347
05-24-2007, 03:28 AM
As you've said, I've picked up here and there browsing different threads that there are indeed people who have had long term relationships, or at least what they consider to be long term relationships anyway. However, it seems to me that this is always mentioned in passing, where what I was talking about was why there are no positive endings to any stories based in reality here if there are so many people who've had such great, long term relationships. Surely there are people who could write about their positive experiences, just as readily as there are others who can write about their negative ones. Or perhaps my old English teacher was right when she said that "the future has no real writers". There seems to me to be something in that more and more the older I get.
I understood what you meant regarding my age at the time this occurred, but was just clarifying that I was actually 25 when this happened, hence my comment about delayed emotional maturation... just wanted to clear that up real quick. Anyway, you're right about the importance of friendship if a relationship is going to have any chance at success, but I have to be honest with you. Maintaining a friendship with a tgirl has been impossible for me for a number of reasons, ranging from them developing a taste for drugs, to having emotional issues and increasingly erratic behavior, to trying to hit me up for money (and I'm talking again about tgirls as friends here, nothing more). I can't imagine, based on my experiences, that this wouldn't be even worse were I in a relationship with a girl, rather than just keeping it to interacting now and again with escorts. I mean, I know there's a girl out there without all the baggage, but where the hell is she? Hell if I know.

yodajazz
05-24-2007, 08:11 PM
Maintaining a friendship with a tgirl has been impossible for me for a number of reasons, ....., to trying to hit me up for money (and I'm talking again about tgirls as friends here, nothing more). I can't imagine, based on my experiences, that this wouldn't be even worse were I in a relationship with a girl,.....

I think that if a woman her own steady income, ie a legitimate job and you two are cool, the combined income is a great benefit. That is the way that people get ahead here in America, two incomes. Of course, the way money is handled is the number one source of conflict in relationships. But if you invest money freely in the relationship, she will also. Or else you just have to communicate what is fair.

A major issue with GG’s is if you have children, all your financial plans have to change. Were talking pregnancy, staying home with the kids, and a myriad of issues, such as health. But babies, you can’t help but love them, until they get half grown and knuckleheaded. And then you still love them.

I’m thinking that in the case of those ‘friends’ who wanted to borrow money. In some cases it may have been a test. Don’t think of it terms of being a sucker. I think it may have been more like to see what kind of person you were i.e. generous and caring.

Before I was married, my then girlfriend broke up and I found another girlfriend. We eventually got back together and got married. Years later she said she was thankful that I had spent time with the other woman, because that woman taught me to be more generous with money. I had to laugh at that one.

peggygee
05-25-2007, 04:57 PM
I've just read your post.

First let me say that I must earnestly commend you on your writing
style. It was evocative and immediately compelled me to read further.
I don't know if you do so for a living or as an avocation, but I would
encourage you to do more of it, and to consider submitting it to be
published.

As to the the topic of your writing, I found that equally poignant. You
have spoken of an issue that all can relate to, and that many may
have experienced as well.

Then too, your willingness to allow us in to the inner sanctums of your
emotions is laudable, there are not many that would be willing to do so.

I don't know if I have missed any of your other writings on this, if so
please let me know, and if you would be so kind as to provide the link
to it. I would be most appreciative.

Finally, you make mention to your pursuit of Ms. Right. In my humble
opinion your willingness and ability to be open with your emotions, will
put you in good stead for finding her.

One of the cheif complaints that many women have about men is their
emotional unavalibleness.

This seems to be an area that you are making great strides in.

My kudos to you.

Peg....

Edit: I've just now seen where you have posted the other chapters.
I must admit I don't often get over to this section, due to the prurient
nauture of most of the postings.

In your case, I am eager to make an exception. :wink:

TJ347
05-26-2007, 05:37 AM
Thanks alot, Peggy. There are, of course, a number of things you bring up that I would comment on, but at the moment, I kind of feel that this story alone has exposed a bit more than I would have liked, so I'll just leave it at "thank you" and keep my mouth shut on that.
As far as your comment about some of the stories in this section... I have to admit that I gave a good bit of thought as to how to express certain things, but ultimately took in mind the general audience when choosing how to word my sexual experiences in this particular case. So, while I believe overall the story will appeal more to people looking to read about graphic sexual encounters, I hope at least some people will recognize that my focus in recounting this was about far more than that, and given the comments thus far it's apparent that there are people to whom that is clear. Hopefully most won't find the previous chapters to be too much because of the descriptive language I've used, but I would most certainly understand if they did, and I would have definitely chosen to use different wording if the audience at large was of a different sort than it is.

trapmasta
05-31-2007, 06:48 AM
its well written but endings like this is why i enjoy fiction, lol.

TJ347
05-31-2007, 06:51 AM
its well written but endings like this is why i enjoy fiction, lol.

Me too! :lol:

zumone47@yahoo
08-19-2007, 04:50 PM
Dear TJ347,

Been there done that, and I still have a lot of regrets.

My gurl was struggling to get her life going and I was trying to help her fiscally and physically. I would help her do her laundry and basic living necessities, but I did not have a lot of extra money.

I think of her a lot (it has been 7 years since our breakup). She was like no other "gurl" I had ever been with; just being with her would make me dizzy. Our lives are so complicated sometimes, because societal pressures us to act a certain way. I wish I could to see her again and tell her how I feel.