The Transgendered Scene

[Alison Faraday]

Now the questions are; Why am I here? What is there here? There will probably be more questions than answers by the time I'm done here so we'll just have to see what happens.

I am a transsexual. That being someone who wishes to change from one gender to the other. Throughout this journey and with the studying that comes part and parcel I have learnt that there is more than black and white. Some people are very male, some people are very female, with variations inbetween. Society conditions us that there is only male and female when nature clearly has other ideas. The Bible and certain factions would have me burnt at the stake, yet when taking to heart their belief that God creates us all, then why all of the natural variations?

The more I think I know, the more I realise that I know nothing at all.

So why am I here? For all of us in the world we look for acceptance. In the early days when I transitioned I had very little acceptance. I was subject to a hate campaign by my university friends, something which I try not to think about yet is still part of me and my experiences. Every Sunday after a weekend of drinking we would go out for a Sunday roast. After I came out as transsexual the phonecalls stopped and the campaign begun. I tried to tell myself that it was my imagination so I went for lunch anyway. Very little was said, "Hello," was the plain response to my hello. We all sat down, and either side of me I had an empty chair. No one would sit next to me.

So WHY am I here? Negativity gets us no where. It teaches us experience to protect ourselves from danger. I am now at the point where the final hurdle in my journey would be the final sex change operation. Now I'm not sure I need that to be complete. This is something that throws me a bit when looking at the lives of other transsexuals. If they are unable to find happiness and it is a single focus point that makes them so unhappy, then surely isn't that called unbalanced? Am I unbalanced? Well, do I need the sex change operation to make me happy? The truth would really be that I would have the operation to fit into society. I do not need that operation to make me happy. Who would know unless I tell them?

What is happiness? Am I happy? Well for the most part I think I am. I'm reasonably content. There are things in life that I would like to have. These might be money, status, but what are those really? Status? To be admired by others, my inbox would indicate that I already am. Money? That just makes things easier in a materialistic society which judges and treats people based on what they have, and not who they are.

It's such cliche to say, "We should like people for who they are, not what." But it's true in a way. People are special and society has forgotton that. The elderly have amazing stories to tell yet they are forgotton. The homeless. When I studied in Cambridge I would sit down on the pavement with the homeless. People would look down on me just as they look down on those homeless people. We would talk and share experiences. They were just normal everyday people like you and me who had fallen on hard times. People would throw them 1 pence as in insult. People are so horrible. I have no shame. I'm not horrible. I am proud. Or I should be.

So what is there here? That would be the transgendered scene. There's a number of levels, from what would be considered the very bottom of the average transvestite, to the very top. Now hang on a minute. Top? Bottom? Where is the top or bottom? That would be a matter of perspective based on your personal values.

The top as it always was for me was to be a woman. I have achieved that, and with flying colours. So why am I here? And what is there here for me? As it would apparently seem that for me, anything else is a bonus. Or is it? I am involved in pornography. I effectively sell myself. Why do I do this? I do this for admiration, acceptance, and attention. I also do it for money. Which are those basic human needs. Yet those things in this transgendered are shallow and insincere. They are not achieving anything. They are not giving me what the world has to offer. And it's about at this point where I start to get confused. As really, why am I here? I've achieved what I set out to achieve. So why I am here? Why am I still holding on? What is there here for me? What do I need?

I have a loving partner, what do I need? I have a nice house, what do I need? I have a car. I have a Mother and Father who love me as do I them. What do I need? Friends.

I am here to make friends. Yet I am trying to make those friends in what is a very confused and troublesome environment. The transgendered are incredibly negative in their approach. You cannot give them advice. They often take things the wrong way. They hold grudges. In essence I am trying to find what I want in the wrong place. Or that is how it seems. It is disappointing for me. So disappointing. This place I am in would be somewhere that accepts me, apparently. Yet admiration becomes jealously. Success becomes hate. And achievement, well what is there to achieve here? To become the King Tranny Queen? Is that the achievement of all achievements? Why am I here?

To find what I am looking for it is common sense to realise that I have to expand my horizons beyond this place. I will miss it. It has given me so much. Yet there really isn't much more here for me. I am that woman that I set out to become. I have achieved my goal. And it is time to leave school and get out into the world. I will have trouble letting go. This has been my home.

So why am I here? It has to be friends. Friends to me are people who say hello. They are people that will tell me I am wrong. They are also people who will listen to what I have to say. They are people who are genuine. They are people who are real.

[MrsKellyPierce]

I totally agree with you on a lot of that...and especially this!!

"It's such cliche to say, "We should like people for who they are, not what." But it's true in a way. People are special and society has forgotton that. The elderly have amazing stories to tell yet they are forgotton. The homeless. When I studied in Cambridge I would sit down on the pavement with the homeless. People would look down on me just as they look down on those homeless people. We would talk and share experiences. They were just normal everyday people like you and me who had fallen on hard times. People would throw them 1 pence as in insult. People are so horrible. I have no shame. I'm not horrible. I am proud. Or I should be. "

[Irisheyes]

thats a really honest little piece you wrote there alison..... thanks. shit like that really gets me thinkng about the stuff you girls have to go through in order to be happy.

[Kriss]

Some people are very male, some people are very female, with variations inbetween. Society conditions us that there is only male and female when nature clearly has other ideas.

:rock2


Money? That just makes things easier in a materialistic society which judges and treats people based on what they have, and not who they are.

:rock2


The transgendered are incredibly negative in their approach. You cannot give them advice. They often take things the wrong way. They hold grudges.

INNIT!


So why am I here? It has to be friends. Friends to me are people who say hello. They are people that will tell me I am wrong. They are also people who will listen to what I have to say. They are people who are genuine. They are people who are real.

:grouphug

[BeardedOne]

I have to digest this, but a reply will follow.

[peggygee]

I had been thinking about something very similiar to your post recently.

A person on another board stated that once a person has SRS, or has
the oppurtunity to do so, they leave the transcommunity. On numerous
occasions I have discussed my self imposed exile from 'trannyville' and
why I left.

There was an expression I once heard, ' America eats it's young'. I think
the same could be said for the transcommuntiy, it can be incredibley
destructive to those that dwell within.

It's members tend to be very divisive, there is a lot of back biting, little
to no cohesive thought or actions.

However, when I refer to the transcommuntiy I am not merely referring
to those in the porn industry, or to those at the other end of the spectrum,
those that have assimilated and are living the so-called 'good life'.

Your question as to whether a person should stay or return to the trans-
community is a very challenging, profound and poignant one.

It is one that I find myself oft-times struggling with.

Basically I live in 'hetero-world'. All of my identification and documention
is in the female gender, of which I have lived over thirty years full time. I
work in a regualr occupation, pay taxes. My genitiala is congruent with
my gender, I have a 'innie not an outie'.

As I contemplated my return to 'trannyville' the words of Thomas Wolfe
came to mind "You can't go home again", and perhaps you shouldn't,
thought I.

Why should a person subject themselves to persecution and discrimination
from society in general, and the self loathing, bickering, and dissension
of the transcommunity specifically.

My reason for returning is that I hope that I can in some small way be
part of a positive change.

Yet, I realize that there are elements both within the community and
outside of the community that do not want to see positive change occur.

I often say, that if a person 'isn't part of the solution, then they are part
of the problem'. In a altruistic world, we would be our 'Sister's keeper'.

However, I can fully understand why someone would want to leave, and
never look back.

[scorpion]

Thanks four your thoughts Alison. Very intressting and worth considering reading.

[Alison Faraday]

I'm quite warmed that you've replied Peggy. And I am glad that you are here on HA. As I am all of you.

Each of you I feel happy that you have taken the time to reply. That is my acceptance. And it means something to me, so thank you. :oops:

Someone has mailed me to ask if I'm ok? They say that while thought provoking and interesting, there's something different about what I have written. It has almost a bland feeling to it.

I miss friends. I miss a social life.

Before I came out my phone would be ringing literally every hour. Where was I? We're in here? Come meet us? What are you drinking? A text message to say that Simon had just pulled. Julie saying something stupid. Max putting his foot in it. Mark upsetting Fiona. Martin getting drunk and insulting everone. Steve following through at his desk at work, otherwise known thereafter as PloppyPants. Chad washing his hair. Emma going out with Dan.

And that's all gone now. I miss being the life of the party. This is just a moment of looking back and remembering what it was to be wanted by your friends.

I want friends again. I want to feel safe in a group of people. I'm grieving for what I have left behind. The truth is that I miss my friends.

[Felicia Katt]

You can't reach for the future if you are holding onto the past.

Movement is relative, to go forward means leaving things behind. As soon as you do that, you will recognize your progress, and what the rest of us already have seen, that you are someone we all would feel blessed to count as a friend.

FK

[Fox]

Heh, I was kinda hoping for an insightful post to show up today. Thanks.

[specialk]

You can't reach for the future if you are holding onto the past.

Movement is relative, to go forward means leaving things behind. As soon as you do that, you will recognize your progress, and what the rest of us already have seen, that you are someone we all would feel blessed to count as a friend.

FK

As always Felicia puts it all into perspective.....and her advice goes for any of us. Nice post Felicia!!!!!!!!!!!

[whatsupwithat]

I will but mirror everyone's comments. What you wrote is so beautiful. And so true.

I often wonder why the transgender community (the women, the men, and those who love them) can be such a place of self-sabotage filled with such negativity, pain, and hurt. We are up against a larger society filled with prejudices, hate, and preconceived notions, yet when we can all be working together for positive change, we are, instead, caught in a vicious cycle that just spinds and spins and spins unto itself.

I just want to scream out loud...."STOP!" But if I did, I would just be attacked as there's so much mistrust between us all.

[whatsupwithat]

You can't reach for the future if you are holding onto the past.

Movement is relative, to go forward means leaving things behind. As soon as you do that, you will recognize your progress, and what the rest of us already have seen, that you are someone we all would feel blessed to count as a friend.

FK

On a positive note, let's all listen to Felicia! :)

[MrsKellyPierce]

I will but mirror everyone's comments. What you wrote is so beautiful. And so true.

I often wonder why the transgender community (the women, the men, and those who love them) can be such a place of self-sabotage filled with such negativity, pain, and hurt. We are up against a larger society filled with prejudices, hate, and preconceived notions, yet when we can all be working together for positive change, we are, instead, caught in a vicious cycle that just spinds and spins and spins unto itself.

I just want to scream out loud...."STOP!" But if I did, I would just be attacked as there's so much mistrust between us all. :!: :idea:

[Kriss]

I want friends again. I want to feel safe in a group of people. I'm grieving for what I have left behind. The truth is that I miss my friends.

sorry to be repeat myself Alison but basically you need to move to somewhere with a high population of open minded people, (perhaps who appreciate dry , sarcastic humour) BRIGHTON! It's easy to make freinds in brighton, people are so chilled there, and a lot of foreigners, which i like. I miss having friends too, I have a lot of friends here but they are mostly all wankers and I have changed too, less tolerant of wankers. I badly need to move back to Brighton, even the chavs there are more chilled out. Kinda miss Amsterdam too tho, something about the dutch mentality i like.

[peggygee]

Heh, I was kinda hoping for an insightful post to show up today. Thanks.

Ditto, the 'noob's were going through their fetish stage (dick pics - identify
this girl) I anticipate a "Am I gay post? any second.

:roll:

[peggygee]

I'm quite warmed that you've replied Peggy. And I am glad that you are here on HA. As I am all of you.

Each of you I feel happy that you have taken the time to reply. That is my acceptance. And it means something to me, so thank you. :oops:

Someone has mailed me to ask if I'm ok? They say that while thought provoking and interesting, there's something different about what I have written. It has almost a bland feeling to it.

I miss friends. I miss a social life.

Before I came out my phone would be ringing literally every hour. Where was I? We're in here? Come meet us? What are you drinking? A text message to say that Simon had just pulled. Julie saying something stupid. Max putting his foot in it. Mark upsetting Fiona. Martin getting drunk and insulting everone. Steve following through at his desk at work, otherwise known thereafter as PloppyPants. Chad washing his hair. Emma going out with Dan.

And that's all gone now. I miss being the life of the party. This is just a moment of looking back and remembering what it was to be wanted by your friends.

I want friends again. I want to feel safe in a group of people. I'm grieving for what I have left behind. The truth is that I miss my friends.

Aly, I am glad that I have met you as well, sometimes you meet the
nicest of people in the unlikliest of places, as has been the case with you
and a number of others that I have met here.

In life we have acquaintances, associates, work / school friends, casual
friends, close friends, dear friends and sometimes lifelong friends.

The former are much easier to make and to keep than the latter. Looking
for healthy friendships is akin to looking for a emotionally stable
significant other. Where we look will often determine what we find.

As you are a women of letters, you will understand when I say it sounds
as if you are experiencing existentential angst, which is good because it
shows that growth is occurring.

Also from your post it is evident where you are on Maslow's hierarchy of
needs, bear in mind there can be over-lapping of levels achieved.

http://i92.photobucket.com/albums/l2/magi43/thepyramid1.gif

[alyss_heart]

Wow, Alison. Your post really spoke out. Usually I avoid threads like this, but it made me think.

Often, when I find myself coming here more often than I should, I ask myself why? I have *waaay* too much to do. But the thing is, over way too many years in my "real world" life, I've eliminated almost all aspects of where I came from. Workmates, friends, etc aren't ever let in on that little aspect of my past. There are a few family members who are, but that's about it.

And all that is well and good and as it should be, but it still means that there's some little part of me that's a little out of phase with everything else - just a nagging thing in the back that won't ever go away - that there's a "difference" there that sometimes makes me feel like a huge gulf is there between me and other people. Not often, but very significant and overwhelming when it occurs.

Your comment about friends made me recall all the ones I've left behind over the years - ones that couldn't deal with the changes in me. Ones that met me later and found out and turned away. Ones who found out and *I* turned away from because I didn't want to be around anyone who knew my past. So many possible futures that never came to be.

So. What do I do? I loathe the very idea of "transcommunity" - no way I'll give up my security for anything like that which has nothing to offer me and everything to take, but the online world gives a little more freedom in such things. It allows you some of the benefit of the good aspects of occasionally interacting with people with a shared experience, but it also allows you to shun all the negative aspects of various subgroups. Naturally the more you're involved with the biz, the more subject you are to the bad aspects of the scene, but it's still just bytes and pixels, really.

So here I am. I've never worked in the sex industry, but I find a lot more in common here than any of the thousands of boards filled with bitter middle-aged "transitioners" who just don't get it - that it's not about being "different" but about being just normal like everyone else.

So this seems to be a place where I can come and chat about comic books and movies and tattoos and generally never say anything very heavy, but still read what others in similar yet different paths think and feel, and I can work that into my own understanding of things and see if it works or not. Friends? No - I'm probably old-fashioned, (or just plain old) but I still think that you need contact to cross that line from acquaintance to friend - but you can still be friendly and enjoy time with folks online and maybe, just maybe, share or receive a little insight that makes the day a little brighter.

This board doesn't seem as nice as it once was, so if I don't like it I'll go elsewhere, and if there isn't anything similar, then I'll just go back to my daily life of going to work, coming home, etc - nothing changes. But it's nice to have a place to get away to once in a while. :)



::Re-assuming shallow and flighty persona::

*squeak*

[MacShreach]

I am here to make friends.

Darling you're a really lovely person, or at least that's how you come across. This place is like the boozer only without the faces and you know about boozer friends. There are some nice people here, no mistake, but friends.......I think that requires physical presence.

[whatsupwithat]

Wow, Alison. Your post really spoke out. Usually I avoid threads like this, but it made me think.

Often, when I find myself coming here more often than I should, I ask myself why? I have *waaay* too much to do. But the thing is, over way too many years in my "real world" life, I've eliminated almost all aspects of where I came from. Workmates, friends, etc aren't ever let in on that little aspect of my past. There are a few family members who are, but that's about it.

And all that is well and good and as it should be, but it still means that there's some little part of me that's a little out of phase with everything else - just a nagging thing in the back that won't ever go away - that there's a "difference" there that sometimes makes me feel like a huge gulf is there between me and other people. Not often, but very significant and overwhelming when it occurs.

Your comment about friends made me recall all the ones I've left behind over the years - ones that couldn't deal with the changes in me. Ones that met me later and found out and turned away. Ones who found out and *I* turned away from because I didn't want to be around anyone who knew my past. So many possible futures that never came to be.

So. What do I do? I loathe the very idea of "transcommunity" - no way I'll give up my security for anything like that which has nothing to offer me and everything to take, but the online world gives a little more freedom in such things. It allows you some of the benefit of the good aspects of occasionally interacting with people with a shared experience, but it also allows you to shun all the negative aspects of various subgroups. Naturally the more you're involved with the biz, the more subject you are to the bad aspects of the scene, but it's still just bytes and pixels, really.

So here I am. I've never worked in the sex industry, but I find a lot more in common here than any of the thousands of boards filled with bitter middle-aged "transitioners" who just don't get it - that it's not about being "different" but about being just normal like everyone else.

So this seems to be a place where I can come and chat about comic books and movies and tattoos and generally never say anything very heavy, but still read what others in similar yet different paths think and feel, and I can work that into my own understanding of things and see if it works or not. Friends? No - I'm probably old-fashioned, (or just plain old) but I still think that you need contact to cross that line from acquaintance to friend - but you can still be friendly and enjoy time with folks online and maybe, just maybe, share or receive a little insight that makes the day a little brighter.

This board doesn't seem as nice as it once was, so if I don't like it I'll go elsewhere, and if there isn't anything similar, then I'll just go back to my daily life of going to work, coming home, etc - nothing changes. But it's nice to have a place to get away to once in a while. :)



::Re-assuming shallow and flighty persona::

*squeak*

Off topic, but I have a bird named Squeaker. Matter of fact, he's squeaking right now.

I loved what you had to say. Fly, be shallow, but stay around and stay positive...it's very welcome. :)

[peggygee]

Often, when I find myself coming here more often than I should, I ask myself why? I have *waaay* too much to do. But the thing is, over way too many years in my "real world" life, I've eliminated almost all aspects of where I came from. Workmates, friends, etc aren't ever let in on that little aspect of my past. There are a few family members who are, but that's about it.

And all that is well and good and as it should be, but it still means that there's some little part of me that's a little out of phase with everything else - just a nagging thing in the back that won't ever go away - that there's a "difference" there that sometimes makes me feel like a huge gulf is there between me and other people. Not often, but very significant and overwhelming when it occurs.



I must admit that I tend to identify and relate more to natal females, we
tend to have the same goals, ideals and aspirations.

Unlike the 'young' girls, I don't have transition issues. I'm not particularly
concerned about who's pumping, or when my'mones' will kick in. I'm not
thinking about how will I get my first breast augmentation, orchiectomy,
or if I will ever have SRS.

And I damn sure, ain't thinking about 'tricks or trade'.

And I'm not the older girl, who has lived the majority of their live's as
males and now in the 8th inning is attempting to transition, and is
wondering how that will work out. Will they be able to find a job, etc.

No rather, I'm just like any other 'broad out there in a sea of broads'.
I go to work, come home, piddle around the house, and lead a relatively
normal life.


.

So. What do I do? I loathe the very idea of "transcommunity" - no way I'll give up my security for anything like that which has nothing to offer me and everything to take,

It allows you some of the benefit of the good aspects of occasionally interacting with people with a shared experience, but it also allows you to shun all the negative aspects of various subgroups.



And though I may feel I have more in common with the natal female,
I still have the common origin or same starting point as my trans-sisters.
And though I am post op, there are those in society that will attempt
to lump me in the same basket.

.


So this seems to be a place where I can .... still read what others in similar yet different paths think and feel, and I can work that into my own understanding of things and see if it works or not.

Friends? No - I'm probably old-fashioned, (or just plain old) but I still think that you need contact to cross that line from acquaintance to friend - but you can still be friendly and enjoy time with folks online and maybe, just maybe, share or receive a little insight that makes the day a little brighter.

This board doesn't seem as nice as it once was, so if I don't like it I'll go elsewhere, and if there isn't anything similar, then I'll just go back to my daily life of going to work, coming home, etc - nothing changes. But it's nice to have a place to get away to once in a while. :)






::Re-assuming shallow and flighty persona::

*squeak*

And sweety, if you are a mouse, you are a mouse that just roared.
Thanks for that post, you've helped me a lot, actually you've given me
a lot to think about.

Darned, those two Aly's for makinfg me think. :wink:

[Alison Faraday]

Wow, Alison. Your post really spoke out. Usually I avoid threads like this, but it made me think.

Often, when I find..
<SNIP>

I love this post. :)


You can't reach for the future if you are holding onto the past.

Movement is relative, to go forward means leaving things behind. As soon as you do that, you will recognize your progress, and what the rest of us already have seen, that you are someone we all would feel blessed to count as a friend.

FK
Felicia contacted me a while back commenting on how I write, and it's little things like that which encourage me to continue. So yes, you have made a difference Felicia. ((((((((hugs))))))). :oops:


So what you saying Alison? You're gonna stop posting?
Not just yet. But I'm thinking about it.

Another thing about you all who have posted here. You know what it's like... when you respond to someone and it seems like they haven't noticed, and you feel a bit left out? Every post here I've read and I can't thank you enough. Really. I could respond to each one, one by one, but we end up with a screen of predictable responses just for the sake of acknowledgement. But I acknowledge ALL of you. No one is forgotton. :)

Silvester, whatsupwithat, MacShreach (I always notice), alyss_heart, Peggy, Kriss (Sorry I've been quiet), Kelly, specialk, Fox (MIT), Felicia, scorpion (always nice), BeardedOne (IM), and Irisheyes.

That always makes me feel guilty when people are forgotton for what they have said in response to something I've written. I never mean to miss people although I know I do. All I'm doing here is drawing on how it makes me feel when I post and no one answers. It's disappointing and I don't want anyone to feel that.

(((((((((hugs))))))))

Aly xx

ps. keep this going amongst each other please. The feelings of losing friends is rarely discussed. All I've ever heard in the past is the negative deeds that people have done, and it is very rare to read about how someone feels, leading through that process of recovery and onto positive thoughts. I dunno, how can one be positive about it but I know I don't like negative.

pps. The comments made about older transwomen sharpening their axes is too true, which is partly why I participate here and not elsewhere. I've been elsewhere and they're scary, they start hunting you down and stuff. That freaks the hell out of me.

But all smiles xx

[yodajazz]

Thanks Allison for sharing and starting this post. I thank everyone for thier thoughtful repsonses. And I agree wholeheartedly with Felicia's repsonse.

Friends are a precious few. We all lose some as we go through the turns of life. Luckily, we can find new ones as we pursue the special interests of our daily lives.

[ausbeachstyle]

Beautifully written.

[BeardedOne]

Random thoughts and ramblings to follow. You have been warned. :)

I've been reading and reflecting on these posts and can sympathize, to some small degree, with Alison's sadness over missing friends. In my case it was I who fled them, and not the other way 'round. Hermitism is not created by the world at large so much as by the individual hermit (Though the world is quick to lend a hand).

There are days when the mewling of the cats just doesn't fill the void of human conversation and that's what brings me online so much, particularly (In this day) to the TS/TG forums. It's difficult to say if I've formed true friendships here (As many have defined such as requiring contact/interaction beyond the transmitted word), but it's as close as I come these days and there have been a small few that I have met in person and, as yet, have not fled screaming into the night.

<Thinking> I know that I should be saying more deep and thoughtful things here, but my fingers are driven across the keys by cheap beer right now (Which I consume far too much of lately, not just the cheap stuff, but the brew as a whole).

I certainly hope that this sharing of thoughts does not lead you away from us, Alison. While it is true that the titty/bum/dick pix are what makes this particular neighborhood especially attractive to me, it is not without its intellectual and social charms and your posts would be sorely missed. I'd never have 'met' you had you not popped in with your tuppence and 'meat pies'. :wink: Few here have been so tollerant of my silly cat stories as you. :D

I know that HA has a special "Vacation" package available. Maybe you just need a break from us? But do come back, and bring pictures of all the places you've been. :)

As for Brighton...Lived there (Brighton, Massachusetts, USA 02135). Pass on it. :lol:

[peggygee]

. And from the age of 15, I encountered just about every type of "M2F" you could imagine. I also learned that for each one of them, there was an experience which was so intensely personal, that it was not necessarily anything that could or should be shared; that being born "male", and simply daring to be a "girl" on ANY level, was not quite enough to significantly unify us.



Things that you and I have in common;

1. We both knew and used to hang out with Lee Brewster

2. We both have had HRT at Callen-Lourdes.

3. We both have a very low tolerance for bullshitters and liars.

Are there other things that we have in common, perhaps time will
tell.

But, one thing that is undeniably true. And that is the ignorance, bigotry,
and lack of tolerance, many in society may have for us, when our true
genders are known.

Perhaps, that is what unites us all.




And in my lifetime I went through plenty of phases of that phenomenon myself. Now, if I see one inevitable outcome to that phenomenon, its my own SRS.

But I just know that, much like being a little boy who thought they should've been a little girl, there are no guarantees regarding who will be there with me on the other side.

At the risk of sounding like a bad episode of Oprah or Dr. Phil, the only
person that is guarantted to be there at the end of your SRS, or I dare-
say the end of our lives, is us.

We come in this world alone, and we go out alone.

My getting SRS was never about doing it in the hopes of being more
attractive as a mate. I did it totally for me, not in the hopes that now
men or women would be more attracted to me.

Quiet as it's kept, if you can't love me for me, no matter what my genitilia
is, 'fuck you', you aren't worthy of me.

So, girlfriend I first worked on loving me, and then worried about the
possible love of others.

That was the only guaranteed love.

[Alison Faraday]

Estrogen, jeez, talk about those mood swings...
Tell me about it. I was thinking about hanging myself with the vacuum cleaner cord today from the balcony.


FWIW, can I be your friend Alison?
Of course. Can we meet up for lunch? I love being taken out. No sex on your mind though. I hate that when apparently friendly guys want to take me out for lunch, then try and get me into a dark corner. Take me out.

I'd like a big greasy fry up. Eggs, bacon, fried bread, toast, tomatoes, mushrooms, sausages. Yummy yummy for my tummy. Oh, and a pot of tea.

[BeardedOne]

And she likes unhealthy fried foods! I like this gurl more and more with every post. :)

[LG]

I've just read through the thread and Alison's original post.

Beautifully put Alison. Posts like yours make these forums worthwhile and girls like you can say the right things to make me think or brighten up my day. Thank you for posting this. I hope that we can be your friends and give you support when you need it. I hope that if you can take one thing away from this forum when you log off every night that it will be this: here you are appreciated and respected for who you are- a kind, gentle and honest girl trying her hardest to make her life better.

I've come to realise recently, after being a member for so long, what you girls go through and to admire you all the more for it. And I realise that you need a shoulder to lean on as much as we all do.

So I wish you the best in life- health, real happiness and everything you dreamt of. You deserve it all.

I hope you'll still post here, that we can still be considered your friends, even if you decide to move on. Wherever you are, whatever you are doing, whatever the distance between us, I- like many her- would love to be your friend. No sex involved, of course, just a nice fry-up, a walk in the park, some lunch, maybe cocktails one night or a movie. And wait till you try my cooking, too.

So even if you let go, we would love to have you back, anytime.

And you know what? I intend to stick around here for a while. I like it here in our little world away from the prying scornful eyes of those who are quick to judge us.

Thank you Alison, for brightening this little world with your light.

[peggygee]

....especially when at least half of the M2F's I've encountered in my life were treacherous cunts and not be trusted.



Wow, talk about closing the six degrees of seperation. I think I know the
other half of the M2F treacherous cunts. :wink:

Yeah, we can definetely agree that there is alot of negativity in our
community, such as it is..






But, one thing that is undeniably true. And that is the ignorance, bigotry,
and lack of tolerance, many in society may have for us, when our true
genders are known.

Perhaps, that is what unites us all.





Thats exactly right imho. But, like our original maleness, its something that we will all hopefully get beyond in our lifetimes, much like gay people have gotten past being persecuted over their sexuality. It actually sucks to be united over something so negative, but that's where we're at.


Yet when I hear about the Gwens and the Miriams of the world, I really don't give a fuck about whether or not they were 'asking for it', as some people would like to speculate.

I just think that it sucks they could even be a position to possibly make such poor "choices" concerning who they'd keep company with. Then again, diagnosing and giving yourself the 'remedy' for gender dysphoria is usually chancy at best, and there are far too many people who never even get that far.



My question at this point, to you, or to any one who care's to answer;

Can this situation be changed? Or are the odds so stacked up against us
that it is a hopeless situation?

Does it come down to every woman for herself, and try and make it the
best way you can?

[Irisheyes]

possibly the best thread iv seen here, gives me hope and a reason to stick around.

[wendy48088]

...

I miss friends. I miss a social life....

And that's all gone now. I miss being the life of the party. This is just a moment of looking back and remembering what it was to be wanted by your friends.

I want friends again. I want to feel safe in a group of people. I'm grieving for what I have left behind. The truth is that I miss my friends.

My experience is that friends come and go throughout your life.

High School friends move and otherwise disappear. The friends I had in the military I didn't see anymore (they either lived in different parts of the country or moved away). The friends from when I went to school and the first jobs I had after the military I never kept up with and are now long forgotten. My friends from when I used to be involved in grassroots politics have all gone in different directions - they would be quite surprised to meet Wendy (as would all my previous friends). The people who know me the longest really don't accept me as Wendy.

As for my co-workers, some have moved on to diffent jobs or retired, and the others all either have families or are busy with their own lives (single, divorced, etc.). I am out at work and corporate policy protects me, but people now seem very cautious in what they say to me...

Not to mention that some people die suddenly (car accident, heart attack).

I think if you are constantly growing you at times have to re-invent yourself somewhat throughout your life. And your friends from each phase of your life will be less relavant to your current situation.

A few will stick with you, but for that kind of friendship to survive in the face of changes, the relationship has to be one where they are not heavily invested on you staying exactly the same over time.

[MacShreach]

I'd like a big greasy fry up. Eggs, bacon, fried bread, toast, tomatoes, mushrooms, sausages. Yummy yummy for my tummy. Oh, and a pot of tea.

:shock: :shock: How in the name of Christ do you keep that lovely figure with an appetite like that? :lol: :lol:

One of those is like, 3lb on the scales the next morning, with me at least.

[ausbeachstyle]

"OMG, missy! You'd better see a doctor about that big ol' cock you've got where your vagina should be!"

lol

funny but so so true

[Bluejay]

Alison,

You know that you have had an open invitation from Farrah and myself, to go out to Dinner and Clubbing if you ever come down to London. This has stood for at least a year now( eventually your take it up!).

As a couple we are extremely cautious as to who we hang around with,as from past experiences we have found that some have had ulterior motives.

Real friends are very difficult to find and usually evole over time.

Yours would be a better life if you were not so geograpically isolated,that is the issue that you need to address.

take care

[tsmandy]

I miss friends. I miss a social life.

Before I came out my phone would be ringing literally every hour. Where was I? We're in here? Come meet us? What are you drinking?....

And that's all gone now. I miss being the life of the party. This is just a moment of looking back and remembering what it was to be wanted by your friends.

I want friends again. I want to feel safe in a group of people. I'm grieving for what I have left behind. The truth is that I miss my friends.

Hi Allison,

This post really struck a chord with me. I haven't had breakfast yet so my brain is a little scrambled, please forgive me if this makes little sense.

I have always been an outgoing person, never shy. I have always had close friendships and many of them. None of my pre-transistion friendships have survived. I could easily blame this on peoples insecurities but I think there is a hell of a lot more to it (at least on my end) than that. For a while I was really upset and heartbroken about it all, but over time I've come to appreciate my end of that deal. See, when it comes down to it, I don't want to be friends with people who knew me from before.

Then there were the friends I met once I started to transistion. Lovely people whom I love dearly. Only problem is they are spread out around a continent and I can hope to see most of them a couple of times a year. Here in Portland (where I live) I've never really developed a community of friends. I think that is mostly because when I started escorting I stopped being able to relate to alot of my friends day to day worries and concerns and felt more and more isolated. My closest friends here are all other sex workers, they seem to be the people I trust in most respects. The isolation of it all has been really tough, I miss my pals around the country, and I miss my old pals from before I transitioned. But for me, I think it has been really good to step back and figure out why so many friendships have fallen by the wayside, and why others have been nurtured.

I guess this is a bit of a ramble, I just wanted to say that I sympathize. The answer for me largely has meant coming to terms with no longer having 50 friends available whenever I felt like it, and learning to value alone time. Hell I'm even moving to the woods. I like to think that there is a group of people out there that is just waiting for you to complete it, or something like that.

xoxo
m

[a994]

I'm quite warmed that you've replied Peggy. And I am glad that you are here on HA. As I am all of you.

Each of you I feel happy that you have taken the time to reply. That is my acceptance. And it means something to me, so thank you. :oops:

Someone has mailed me to ask if I'm ok? They say that while thought provoking and interesting, there's something different about what I have written. It has almost a bland feeling to it.

I miss friends. I miss a social life.

Before I came out my phone would be ringing literally every hour. Where was I? We're in here? Come meet us? What are you drinking? A text message to say that Simon had just pulled. Julie saying something stupid. Max putting his foot in it. Mark upsetting Fiona. Martin getting drunk and insulting everone. Steve following through at his desk at work, otherwise known thereafter as PloppyPants. Chad washing his hair. Emma going out with Dan.

And that's all gone now. I miss being the life of the party. This is just a moment of looking back and remembering what it was to be wanted by your friends.

I want friends again. I want to feel safe in a group of people. I'm grieving for what I have left behind. The truth is that I miss my friends.


I honestly don't know how I can respond to what you have said, Alison. It somehow feels like an empty cliche to point out that, thanks to your life changes, you do have a new set of friends. I understand how it feels to be seperated by time, space, and life moving onward from old friends.

Please forgive me for my inadequacy in helping or comforting you, but this is all I can offer: :grouphug:

This, and my prayers for you.