I AM HIV POSITIVE

[Azanti]

TAKES A DEEP BREATH……..

Well it took me a long time to make this decision but once I have posted it, well there is no turning back….

I know that this is a sensitive issue and I am sure I am not the only person who is directly effected by it on here, but if talking about my experiences makes the debates that sometimes crop up in here about the subject, easier for some people to digest or discuss, that can only be a good thing. I hope that by telling such a personal story it will enlighten some people, perhaps educate others and give a greater understanding to what people can face in my situation. I am not interested in outing anyone else in this situation, it is a personal choice for me to tell you all about how it has affected my life and impacted on those around me.

I have been HIV positive for a few years now. I did not, as a general rule have unprotected sex, and I never took drugs of any kind back then, and I still don’t touch anything intravenous now. I had a negative test not long before I was diagnosed, and another a few months later, so I was able, with relative ease, to realise where and when I had contracted it. As I said, I was not one for taking risks but as I am sure we are all aware it can only take one mistake and I made one. For that I offer no excuses. I am fairly certain that the person that I contracted it from at the time did also not know that they were positive. I never blamed them, I took a risk that I and I alone was responsible for. It takes too two tango as it were.

I have had other relationships since I was diagnosed, two of them in fact were probably the best I have ever had in my life, both with GG. Both of them were positive. I had one relationship with a negative person, but I found this too difficult for me too pursue personally (Again with a GG) as I did not want to risk infecting them, and even using condoms, when your having fairly intense, and long sex, including Anal sense, well the risk factors are constant and I was always worried. She knew about my status and we were always careful but it was just too much for me. Now, I tend to only date positive people.

Dealing with this on a mental level has at times been very very trying. Most of my best friends know, with a couple of exceptions and their support has been invaluable, but the worse times can often be when one is staring at the walls late at night and sometimes it just seeps into your thoughts. You can’t really phone someone at 4am when there isn’t really anything new to tell them. So you deal with it as best you can or log onto Hung Angels and someone like Hotjuku Jelly or Allanah / Vikki will cheer you up with their witty and intelligent postings on a variety of subjects. I also attend and chair a couple of support groups which is very helpful and in the early days was a real life saver. My work in this area also enabled me to explore my sexuality and that’s how I ended up here.

When I first discovered I was positive, I really worked hard to try and improve my career prospects and focus on what was important to me. There was much making of ‘lists’ of things that I wanted to do which I would gradually tick off. The biggest impact has been in two ways, for me personally, one is that your energy levels are simply not consistent, and this can make working regular hours very hard, the second is the stigma and isolation one can feel. Support can sometimes come from very unexpected places, unfortunately so can hate and anger. Although attitudes towards the virus are (thank god) nothing like they were in the late 80s and early 90s for many they still haven’t changed.

I still find some peoples attitudes towards positive people or certain sections of the community grossly offensive. Even though I may not have been a drug abuser, sex worker or simply some kind of sex maniac that does not make anyone who suffers from this affliction a worse person than me. No one deserves it and everyone has a different story to tell. Aids effects one race of people, the human race. There is no distinction.

I sometimes wonder how much I would have changed had I not gone through this journey and if it had never come calling on my door. Would I still be the same person I am today? Would I be so understanding and tolerant? I am not sure. Who can say? But there is no doubt that this journey for me has had some positive (For want of a better word) ramifications, though of course there have been an equal number of negative ones that your forced to deal with.

One thing I often ask myself is, would I have dated a positive girl or TS before I was diagnosed. I would like to think I would have done, but of course I cannot answer that question with any degree of honesty because I was never faced with that situation then, and well, I never will be now. It is always easy to say you would do something for someone you love, when its hypothetical and you haven’t even met that person yet.

I am sure I have one thing in common with many people on here, and that is that I do not want to spend my life alone, that I hope to fall in love again one day, build something with someone for the future and create some great memories together, after all, when all is said and done, and we are laying in our beds, many years from now, about to shuffle off our mortal coils, when you look back, all that you will have in your life will be your memories. The more good ones you have the better.

I know some people use this site to just get their rocks off, and often serious discussions of this nature are not welcome. That’s okay. I like looking at the stunning pictures of all the girls as much as the next poster. I am after all, still human. But I took this decision to reach out, perhaps it will be a mistake? Who knows?

I welcome comments from people, or private messages. If anyone wants to open up to me in total confidence they should feel that they can do so.

My direct email is azanti0029@yahoo.co.uk

While it took some small degree of bravery to pluck up the balls to say all this, it takes much more to do so on public TV and I have several friends who have done that. Maybe one day I will have the courage to follow in their footsteps but they are much more braver than me. One step at a time.

Azanti x

[Ecstatic]

Sorry to hear about your status, but kudos for taking the step to notify people. Best wishes to you.

[lisaparadise]

my heart goes out to you and much respect thank you so much for sharing your life with us and keep your head up hun

[NYCe]

Sorry to hear about your status, but kudos for taking the step to notify people. Best wishes to you.

Ditto.

[Vicki Richter]

You know this is a tough topic and I respect you for bringing your story to light. I am HIV -, but I do take risks. I think most adult sex workers always have a secret inner fear every time they goto get a new test. With AIM, if I were ever to become positive, it would be a media event and it would be all over the Internet (and possibly the news) immediately. It's probably my deepest inner fear.

Then sometimes when I start to worry, I wonder "do I even want to live to be old"? Even more, I find that thinking of old age is very scary to me as a TS. My parents will be gone. My brothers and sisters (except one) have disowned me. I doubt I will have any true friends from today at that age. I always tend to date older guys so my husband or boyfriend would probably be dead. I find myself not worrying if my plane crashes (I've had a terrible fear of flying the past 10 years) when I am flying because I've lived a good life.

I don't want to relate HIV to death in any way. It seems a lot of people can live long healthy lives now. This is just something that I reflect on often since I do fuck up sexually from time to time. I think for people who are negative, the fear of getting it is pretty strong. As you commented, it only takes one fuck up, or one person who decides not to say something (or who doesn't even know). One strong fear I have with getting HIV is proving all the mainstream porn people right somehow about TS. There is still a big stigma that TS women are HIV factories. The fact that there are some of us working steadily, doing the testing thing, and being reliable has always been a nice way of sticking it to the man. If someone like me, Danielle, or Vaniity fucked up and got HIV - outted by AIM to the world, it would be a huge black eye for TS sex workers in the industry.

Anyway, I am just reflecting. I think it is a good topic and it's great that you are willing to discuss it.

V

[whatsupwithat]

Amen.

Thank you so much for your courage and your humility and your honesty.

Beyond that I am at a loss for words, but not compassionate sentiment and a whole bunch of love and support.

much peace.

[Quinn]

Azanti,

I'm not very good with words when it comes to this sort of thing, but let me start by telling you how truly sorry I am to read about your circumstances. I also wanted to thank you for showing the courage it took to share this with us. It couldn't have been easy. Know that our best wishes are with you.

Regards,
-Quinn

[MacShreach]

Big support here, Azanti. That took courage and integrity.

[Felicia Katt]

very brave and very noble. if you were here, I'd give you a big hug.

FK

[Alison Faraday]

Hello Azanti,

Good to hear from you. I won't deny that this has me asking questions, as well as establishing an understanding of where you are and what must be going through your mind. No one can criticise you. And I'm not saying that for the sake of saying it.

Would you be prepared to explain the circumstances under which you believe you were infected? I would be very interested to hear this, particularly so I may protect myself.

I offer no token sorrow or pity, just a genuine offering of wanting to understand and care. I do hope that life treats you well in the most part. I'm not sure television is necessary for recognition. You do sound as if you have it quite together. I think you're doing just fine on your own. Which is what so many things in life are about.

Admittedly this is written to help me understand in all sincere honesty. I hope this finds you well.

Alison

[phxguy]

Azanti, very brave of you to get that out there. Hang tough.

[Jericho]

What can you say?
Respect.

[peggygee]

Azanti, I applaud your bravery in confiding something as intimate
and personal, as you have done today.

I trust that it has been cathartic for you to do so, and I am certain that
there will be others on the forum that can profit from your candor.

It was also gratifying to see the outpouring of support for you.
Though, from some, I get a sense that they they may not full understand
what this means on a practical level. For many HIV and AIDS are
confusing and difficult topics to discuss.

You and I have discussed this somewhat, and there may be those that
see the prognosis as very bleak. They see the glass as half empty.
I on the other hand see you as capable of having a rich anf fulfilling
life just like anyone else.

There are two sides to every coin. http://i92.photobucket.com/albums/l2/magi43/euroneda.gif

On that note you and I have discussed some follow up questions that
may be helpful to others;

1. What prompted you to divulge this information.

2. Why have you done so at this point in time.

3. Hungangel's isn't always the most empathetic of environments,
what made you feel comfortable enough to share something so
personal here.

4. How has your finding out that you are HIV positive changed your
life on a daily basis. How has it changed it in the larger sense of your
goals, and values, your future.

5. Have you experienced much stigma vis a vis your HIV status. When
you tell people about your HIV status, how do they react? How has it
affected your love life?

6. In your opinion, what are the ramifications of HIV to the
transcommunity?

7. Are they are any other thoughts that you would like to share?

[Azanti]

Firstly before I respond to Peggy's questions, which I am happy to do, to the best of my ability I would like to extend my personal thanks to each and every one of you who either responded here or sent me a message or an email.

I am sure anyone who is in my shoes will tell you, these small acts of kindness can really mean a great deal, so again, thank you very much.

I will copy and paste Peggy's post below and answer each section in turn, if that is acceptable. I should say before I do that, that these answers are based purely on my own experiences and feelings - Everyones life is different just as those effected by this virus deal with it or have different impacts on their health, even with the current advances in medication.

Extraperlated from Peggy's Post:

I trust that it has been cathartic for you to do so, and I am certain that
there will be others on the forum that can profit from your candor.

There is a weird truth, for me at least, that whenever you tell someone (And I havent done so in quite a while now) there is some kind of relief, be that a feeling of Cathartism or whatever. Much of the time, how you will feel about it will depend on how others react to what you say and how important those people's reactions are too you. It is much easier on here, because even though there are some people on here that I do care about and seem lovely, most of them are essentially strangers, and I have always learnt to take the internet on a fairly transparent level. You may have noticed I do not respond or get involved in bitchy debates or name calling in here which I see as fairly pointless. If people, especially anyone who can relate to my situation but does not wish to disclose can read my thoughts here and it gives them a reminder in some small way that their life is important and they will be loved, then that would make me very happy to know it has had that effect. At least one person who already told me that is the case. That is good to know.

It was also gratifying to see the outpouring of support for you.
Though, from some, I get a sense that they they may not full understand
what this means on a practical level. For many HIV and AIDS are
confusing and difficult topics to discuss.

I have tried to respond to each person personally to thank them. It is a differcult topic, the issues are many and far reaching. But there can be positives as well as negatives. At least I sure hope so.

You and I have discussed this somewhat, and there may be those that
see the prognosis as very bleak. They see the glass as half empty.
I on the other hand see you as capable of having a rich anf fulfilling
life just like anyone else. There are two sides to every coin.

Indeed Peggy there are. I wonder if I went to one of Allanahs parties (Which I fully intend to do at some stage) how people would react if they knew who I was? It is hard to say. As for my health it is fine at the moment. HIV is mainly a mental battle, so many people fail to realise this. If you feel low, the virus knows it and try's to take advantage. It is not quite as black and white as that, but there is defintely alot of truth to that statement. For anyone reading this who suspects they maybe positive, or knows they are and is not in a good place. It is something that in time you can deal with. Some of my friends have no problems dealing with it at all. I am somewhere in the middle, but I have more good days than bad. As I said before, anyone can contact me in confidence if they want to speak about it.

Aye crumba, this is starting to feel like a radio interview, sorry if I am rambling on.

On that note you and I have discussed some follow up questions that
may be helpful to others;

1. What prompted you to divulge this information.

The death of a friend, whom I wish had knew my status. There were other factors too. I knew some people on here would be able to relate

2. Why have you done so at this point in time.

There is never a good time to do this, now was as good a time as any.

3. Hungangel's isn't always the most empathetic of environments,
what made you feel comfortable enough to share something so
personal here.


No it is not, but I like the people I chat to regulary and don't get involved in much else. I havent of course used my real name. I am not sure I did feel totally comfortable, in fact I was bracing myself for some abuse, maybe it will still come. The support has meant a huge amount to me though. Every apple tree bears some bad fruit, but there are some really nice people on here.

4. How has your finding out that you are HIV positive changed your
life on a daily basis. How has it changed it in the larger sense of your
goals, and values, your future.

On a daily basis, somethings I find differcult, such as certain dating and social situations. Dating someone negative now is a big NO NO (Unless sexually they were a total top and always safe, and of course beyond the sex we would have to have all the other things in common too, and even thats not ideal because I am versatile) I have had no problem with Medication. I do get tired sometimes and at first I went through a really bad peroid of not sleeping well at all, and I still don't sleep well.

5. Have you experienced much stigma vis a vis your HIV status. When
you tell people about your HIV status, how do they react? How has it
affected your love life?

Plenty - among friends, among work and relationships and dating, BUT anyone reading this, DONT think that it has always been like that - I have had several acts of small kindness shown to me, as well as several larger ones. (No not those kind, lol) I have always tried to keep my sense of humour too, as you can probably tell. There have been some people I have told whom I never spoke to again and some who have been amazing. The most common reaction is 'I don't know what to say...' but then prehaps I use to say that too, I can't remember now.

My love life is a tough one. I am bi, but simply don't find men attractive in a relationship sense, so its either a TS or GG for me and there is a huge difference between love and sex, and I am definitely wanting the former with the latter and not the other way round. I have actually met some wonderful people whom I would not have met had I not been positive, as I said before two of them were great relationships and I am still good friends with both of them now. It does mean that your fishing in a very small pond though - I mean, and I am sure EVERYONE can relate to this. How hard is it to find someone where you know they're the one you could absolutely spend the rest of your life with? I think it is very hard for anyone to find that person, even in a big cities such as London and NYC and as we get older we know what we want with more certainty and probably do not want to repeat mistakes of the past, so one can suffer from the waiting for something better syndrome, which I do myself sometimes, while still never the less feeling the pressure to find a partner asap. I think I am very much in those two frames of mind at the moment, and HIV puts huge pressures on that process - making the first part harder and second part easier to fall into.

6. In your opinion, what are the ramifications of HIV to the
transcommunity?

I think the ramifications are very prevalent. A TS whom I have the greatest respect for once said to me that 'Most TS's generally are forced to work in the sex or related industry' (Please bare in mind the term is most and not all, I know plenty do not) but that will obviously expose many of them to the possibility of infection. I think sexual freedom as it was in the gay community before them is something that is an inherent part of many an individual in the TS community (Again, please, I know this is not always the case, and I will freely admit I am generalising) but we are all going to face situations where we could be at risk. Now I think many TS live in an isolated and differcult world. They are not accepted by mainstream society (whoever that maybe...) and are facing an uphill battle from the get go. I think that the isolation you can feel with HIV is similar in nature, but communities like this one, remind people that they're not alone. I make no apologies for my sexual preferences, they're are what they are. I love girls and I love girls with dicks, I love sex, but I like it better with someone I love and who loves me, because then the sex is better. I am sure that this is something many of us seek. A loving relationship. And anyone who is different, be it because of transgender or being HIV or having a massive nose or whatever, must sometimes doubt if this is ever going to happen. Such isolationist thoughts can be very scary and depressing. I think it must be more hard for a TS who prehaps supports her life as an escort to reveal that she is HIV positive, extremely difficult. They would be far braver than me.

7. Are they are any other thoughts that you would like to share?[/b]

ERM, I think everyone is probably asleep by now. Sorry if I went on a bit. Thanks for listening. I hope some people have found this helpful.

[MrsKellyPierce]

Azanti was thist the post you were telling me about? I am so sorry but know you always have a friend to talk to. You can call me anytime :)

[Azanti]

Yes, I think one dramatic post a year is enough for me.

Thank you so much for that.

[scorpion]

Very strong of you to take this up to discussion.
You have a big support from mee to.

[flabbybody]

It's amazing that you shared your thoughts and expierences with us. I hope you stay healthy and please post more than once a year.

[Azanti]

Thanks Flabby, I will respond to any questions or comments as best I can. (About this topic at least and not the war between various other posters)

[xschwingx2]

You are commended for your post-
Keep a Positive attitude as the mind
is the key to the body!
I hope this is not too personal but given all the misinforamtion regarding HIV transmission I
would like to ask how you acquired HIV-
Unsafe sex or needles-
Sorry to be specific but many schools of thought give sexual transmission a very low regard!
Thanks and best to you always!
Dano

[a994]

my heart goes out to you and much respect thank you so much for sharing your life with us and keep your head up hun




I wholeheartedly agree. May you come to the Lord Jesus and may He help you.

[dan_drade]

Hey Azanti,
I am really sorry to hear the bad news. However it looks like you are dealing very well with this and I have a lot of respect for someone that is willing to put everything out there and be honest about it rather than not telling anyone and running the risk of infecting others.

The good news is that with the tratments that are available today, you will probably live a long and happy life.

I also know a TS lady that is in the same position as you. She was also very brave and came out and told everyone. There are not many poeple that are as brave as you and her when it comes to things like this. There was even a time in my life a few years ago when I thought that I had hiv. Luckily for me my tests came out negative and my illness turned out to be something entirely different that was neither contageous of sexually transmitted. Best of luck to you.

Much love and respect,
Dan

[wendy48088]

...Then sometimes when I start to worry, I wonder "do I even want to live to be old"? Even more, I find that thinking of old age is very scary to me as a TS. My parents will be gone. My brothers and sisters (except one) have disowned me. I doubt I will have any true friends from today at that age. I always tend to date older guys so my husband or boyfriend would probably be dead. I find myself not worrying if my plane crashes (I've had a terrible fear of flying the past 10 years) when I am flying because I've lived a good life...


Getting old shouldn't be scary.

There are challenges (your body slows down, your eyesight (especially near vision) gets worse, and some health problems can crop up). But it's survivable.

Well, Barbi Satin ( http://www.fetishshemale.com/ ) has been around a while, and seems to be doing ok. Maybe you can send her an e-mail and ask her about being an older TS?

Aside from that, I would warn anyone about Depression. If you gradually over time feel that you are trapped in a dark pit, you seem to be in a cloud or feel like you are seeing things in a tunnel, that's clinical Depression taking hold. I can see why people with it kill themselves. Prozac worked for me and bvrought me up and out of it. Just another damn think to have to be dependant on as I got older...

When you get older you just re-invent yourself at some point.

I know some TSs who got involved in working with the GLBT community and helping others.

Two organizations local to me are Affirmations, which just completed a large brand-new building on a main street in Ferndale, Michigan:

http://www.goaffirmations.org/site/PageServer

http://www.goaffirmations.org/images/affirmationslogo.gif

and Triangle Foundation:

http://www.tri.org/

http://www.tri.org/images/topbar.gif
http://www.tri.org/images/rotate-1.jpg

Some TSs also get involved with an accepting religious community / church, such as this one:
http://www.redeemermcc.com/photos.html

Your family becomes those who you are with.

[wendy48088]

...I have been HIV positive for a few years now. I did not, as a general rule have unprotected sex, and I never took drugs of any kind back then, and I still don’t touch anything intravenous now. I had a negative test not long before I was diagnosed, and another a few months later, so I was able, with relative ease, to realise where and when I had contracted it. As I said, I was not one for taking risks but as I am sure we are all aware it can only take one mistake and I made one. For that I offer no excuses. I am fairly certain that the person that I contracted it from at the time did also not know that they were positive. I never blamed them, I took a risk that I and I alone was responsible for. It takes too two tango as it were.

...Dealing with this on a mental level has at times been very very trying. Most of my best friends know, with a couple of exceptions and their support has been invaluable, but the worse times can often be when one is staring at the walls late at night and sometimes it just seeps into your thoughts. You can’t really phone someone at 4am when there isn’t really anything new to tell them. So you deal with it as best you can or log onto Hung Angels and someone like Hotjuku Jelly or Allanah / Vikki will cheer you up with their witty and intelligent postings on a variety of subjects. I also attend and chair a couple of support groups which is very helpful and in the early days was a real life saver. My work in this area also enabled me to explore my sexuality and that’s how I ended up here.

When I first discovered I was positive, I really worked hard to try and improve my career prospects and focus on what was important to me. There was much making of ‘lists’ of things that I wanted to do which I would gradually tick off. The biggest impact has been in two ways, for me personally, one is that your energy levels are simply not consistent, and this can make working regular hours very hard, the second is the stigma and isolation one can feel. Support can sometimes come from very unexpected places, unfortunately so can hate and anger. Although attitudes towards the virus are (thank god) nothing like they were in the late 80s and early 90s for many they still haven’t changed.

I still find some peoples attitudes towards positive people or certain sections of the community grossly offensive. Even though I may not have been a drug abuser, sex worker or simply some kind of sex maniac that does not make anyone who suffers from this affliction a worse person than me. No one deserves it and everyone has a different story to tell. Aids effects one race of people, the human race. There is no distinction.

I sometimes wonder how much I would have changed had I not gone through this journey and if it had never come calling on my door. Would I still be the same person I am today? Would I be so understanding and tolerant? I am not sure. Who can say? But there is no doubt that this journey for me has had some positive (For want of a better word) ramifications, though of course there have been an equal number of negative ones that your forced to deal with.

One thing I often ask myself is, would I have dated a positive girl or TS before I was diagnosed. I would like to think I would have done, but of course I cannot answer that question with any degree of honesty because I was never faced with that situation then, and well, I never will be now. It is always easy to say you would do something for someone you love, when its hypothetical and you haven’t even met that person yet.

I am sure I have one thing in common with many people on here, and that is that I do not want to spend my life alone, that I hope to fall in love again one day, build something with someone for the future and create some great memories together, after all, when all is said and done, and we are laying in our beds, many years from now, about to shuffle off our mortal coils, when you look back, all that you will have in your life will be your memories. The more good ones you have the better.

I know some people use this site to just get their rocks off, and often serious discussions of this nature are not welcome. That’s okay. I like looking at the stunning pictures of all the girls as much as the next poster. I am after all, still human. But I took this decision to reach out, perhaps it will be a mistake? Who knows?

I welcome comments from people, or private messages. If anyone wants to open up to me in total confidence they should feel that they can do so.

My direct email is azanti0029@yahoo.co.uk

While it took some small degree of bravery to pluck up the balls to say all this, it takes much more to do so on public TV and I have several friends who have done that. Maybe one day I will have the courage to follow in their footsteps but they are much more braver than me. One step at a time.

Azanti x

I am sorry you got HIV+. Really, it could have happened to me - I was sexually active back in '81-'83 before they identified HIV (back then they called it GRID - Gay Related Immune Deficiency) and it seemed no one wore a condom (too much trouble to put on, took away from the feeling, etc.)

Just try to stay focused on what you want to do with your life. Also what spiritual beliefs you have or may want to look into.

No one lives forever. People die unexpectedly in car crashes oor being in the wrong place at the wrong time, so just like anyone else, just try to make the most of your life here.

[LG]

Dear Azanti,

So sorry to hear that you are HIV+. I doubt there is anything I can say to make things better. All I can say that I admire your bravery in telling us and in facing life a step at a time. I admire, too, the fact that you have acted so responsibly, that you have not blamed others, that you have taken care to protect others from this disease.

Truth be told, we are all at risk every time we have sex. It's almost like a roll of the dice. In the end, everything that life can throw your way can be used in a good way. Perhaps having HIV has made you stronger and a better person. You say it has made you more tolerant, and I can understand that.

I pray that you can live a full life- life, after all, is measured not in units of time but in experiences, feelings and moments of wonder that can take one's breath away. I pray that a cure can one day be found. I hope...

I know you don't want our sympathy or pity. But, rest assured, you have our admiration and respect. Certainly, you have mine.

All the best

LG

[Azanti]

Again I reiterate my thanks for the support shown. I always have safe sex anyway, so I would never put anyone at risk. I am sure you all use condoms for essentially the same reason.

schwing asked me this

You are commended for your post-
Keep a Positive attitude as the mind
is the key to the body!
I hope this is not too personal but given all the misinforamtion regarding HIV transmission I
would like to ask how you acquired HIV-
Unsafe sex or needles-
Sorry to be specific but many schools of thought give sexual transmission a very low regard!
Thanks and best to you always!
Dano

I already stated quite clearly how I got it and that I have never used needles in my first post. Sorry if you missed that, just have a re-read.

I won't get into debates about religion on here, but I am not religious (Though I am spiritual) and religion or beliefs of anything similar have never got me through my darkest hours. That has been down to friendship, support and other factors. I am not saying people shouldn't use that, (Of course you should) but its not part of my life.

[chefmike]

Sorry to hear about your status, but kudos for taking the step to notify people. Best wishes to you.

co-sign on that.

[Azanti]

Thanks Chefmike.

Wow 2500 views, now that's almost as many as some of the folders as pics with big cocks in.

I know it's a hard topic for some people to comment on, but I would still welcome more thoughts.

[novaboi]

wow..... i um..... i only recently started posting here and at first glance i thought this was just a porn forum, but it's so much more. I'm sorry to hear about this, it's awful.... but you are so brave and i know it's already been said, but i wanted to repeat that. I hope you're still living life to the fullest, this post has i'm sure has been quite inspiring to many others on this board. You've gotten off the bench and stepped right onto the court... congrats!

[ghostofbillhicks]

Azanti,

I'm hardly what you'd call a regular poster on here. But I did want to reaffirm what many others have said, and say that your bravery and honesty is genuinely remarkable.

[yodajazz]

I too want to commend you for your honesty and bravery. I want to say something as a veteran of life. Try to have a positive outlook as possible. View each day as a gift; today was not a guarantee for any of us. Appreciate what you have rather than complain about what you don’t have. Anything that you have today could be gone tomorrow.

When I was young, I pictured myself going out in a blaze of glory like my artistic heroes. Now that I am much older than my heroes, I would rather have my time than any of their accomplishments. Though you will have pain and disappoints in life, you will have unexpected pleasures also.

Your honesty shows that you are willing to appreciate the life that you have been given. I think that many good things will happen to you in the future. Life will bless you as you have blessed us with your presence.

[Azanti]

Life is not a puzzled to be solved it is a mystery to be lived...

Don't worry Yoda, I am one with the force too.

[trannybanger]

azanti-
this post is what made me actually register instead after a few months of browsing.

you are an incredible inspiration to me. i hope others have learned as much as i have just from your spirit. best of luck to you and continue to enjoy this wonderful thing called life.

[tsntx]

azanti-
this post is what made me actually register instead after a few months of browsing.

you are an incredible inspiration to me. i hope others have learned as much as i have just from your spirit. best of luck to you and continue to enjoy this wonderful thing called life.

*edited*

ok continue the normal postings

[trannybanger]

i am what i am and i be what i be....
i think it is kind of a funny name. there are quite a few on here.

[Azanti]

TsnTx - Just so you know, I am a 'He' and not a 'She' sorry if there was some confusion on this issue, or if indeed I misunderstood your previous post.

On your comment - I take your point, but the site also has a certain fun factor to it, and penty of people have silly names on here, prehaps Trannybanger is a little more vulgar than most, but hey, that's his choice.

TB - On your comment, if that truly is the reason you joined, well then I am flattered and humbled by your choice for doing so. I am sure you will like the site, especially with a name like that. But thank you for commenting on a serious issue also and for your kind words.

Az x

[tsntx]

TsnTx - Just so you know, I am a 'He' and not a 'She' sorry if there was some confusion on this issue, or if indeed I misunderstood your previous post.

On your comment - I take your point, but the site also has a certain fun factor to it, and penty of people have silly names on here, prehaps Trannybanger is a little more vulgar than most, but hey, that's his choice.

TB - On your comment, if that truly is the reason you joined, well then I am flattered and humbled by your choice for doing so. I am sure you will like the sight, especially with a name like that. But thank you for commenting on a serious issue also and for your kind words.

Az xhey sorry about the assumption...

[Azanti]

That's fine - I was probably not clear enough on the orginal post. No worries.

[cheekydan]

I dont know you but was touched to hear about it.

Good luck and be as a happy as you can x