How many guys here are 'out'?

[thehumanbehan]

I was just wondering how many of the guys here who like T girls have actually told their friends and families.
I'm considering telling my own at the moment and would appreciate any feedback.
It's certainly a massive step but I figure I'll be happy with myself when I admit my attraction to TS's. Personally I think hiding it away is understandable but wrong. I'm not ashamed of who I find attractive and see no reason why I should be. I have a TS girlfriend who has met my friends and she's worried about their reaction when I tell them that she is transgendered. I've told her that hopefully they'll be happy for me that I've met someone that I love. On the other hand I also told her that if they're childish and make silly remarks behind our backs and can't deal with it, well then they weren't proper friends to begin with.

[gaiseric]

I have recently told all my close friends about my interest in TS's and they couldn't care less. I have not been bad-mouthed by any of them and I haven't received any snidey comments or put downs from them either. I suppose they think that I'm still the same guy and if I like TS's and it doesn't affect them, why should they worry about it. I shall tell other friends as and when. I haven't told anyone that I work with because I work on an army camp and I don't need the aggravation that would be created.

I suppose that the secret is that if you have friends that really care about you and accept you for who you are, you should have no problems in telling them. If they don't like it, they never merited being called a friend in the first place.

If your friends are like mine, you will not have a problem in telling them

[FinnBoy]

I have not said anything about it to anyone. I wish I had balls to say but I don't.

[Ecstatic]

My wife knows--has known since my first encounter 2 1/2 years ago--and that's all that matters to me. Some of my friends and family know that I'm bi, but even that is a tough matter for some people to come to grips with (though it seems the most natural thing in the world to me). I've talked about my transgendered friends with various friends, but in the context of people who happen to be transgendered, not as lovers (for example, in discussing the same sex marriage issue in Mass). Since I'm married (to a lovely, loving woman), I'm not about to be dating any girls (t or g for that matter), so for me not being "out" really is about keeping my bimonthly or whatever encounters private; I wouldn't want to discuss those with anyone regardless of whether I was seeing a T, a G, or an M (man, lol) because doing so might raise questions about my marriage which do not affect my wife and me.

[djbj_2_2_69]

i never told anyone, but it was discovered by my fiance when she found my stash of porn. she split right after that. i figure one bad experiance is enough and will continue to hide it.

[canihavu]

I have not said anything about it to anyone. I wish I had balls to say but I don't.

Same here. I'm not ready to take that step yet.

[Reddman]

I don't think I have huge cirlce of friends but the ones I do know my steelo So my guy friends be they straight, gay or bi know my deal---ok aboput 90%. I would say about 25% of my female With Coworkers that I've developed friendships with I've told or introduced them to my girl about 40% of the time. Honestly the area i'm most secretive from has been my family. Now my mother knows and has meet GGs and my current TG she's pretty detached about it but that's her take on most of my relationships (she's a Scorpio Mom if that helps :) :) ) since we had a major blowup over one years ago. If i'm on the phone around the holidays momdukes and my girl are on speaking terms. My blindspot is that i've never taken her to the family get togethers, i've done her fam but not mine. It's the bridge that i've not travelled yet. Well actually every day is one.

[Reddman]

I don't think I have huge cirlce of friends but the ones I do generally know my steelo So my guy friends be they straight, gay or bi know my deal---ok aboput 90%. I would say about 25% of my female friends on clued in. With Coworkers that I've developed friendships with I've told or introduced them to my girl about 40% of the time. I've been upfront about 9/10 times with any sexual dealings with GGs since i've included TGs on the libido menu. Honestly the area i'm most secretive from has been my family. Now my mother knows and has meet GGs and my current TG she's pretty detached about it but that's her take on most of my relationships (she's a Scorpio Mom if that helps :) :) ) since we had a major blowup over one years ago. If i'm on the phone around the holidays momdukes and my girl are on speaking terms. My blindspot is that i've never taken her to the family get togethers, i've done her fam but not mine. It's the bridge that i've not travelled yet. Well actually every day is one.

[RangeHova]

I really haven't "TOLD" anyone. But people have seen me out with one of my exes and as fine as she is, her voice gave her away. People have also seen me out in clubs and just word of mouth has gotten around. Seeing as to how I never tried to 'hide' it that is understandable.

I know some folks talk behind my back but hell it has never held me back from anything. The last few GGs that I dated had heard the rumors, they still got with me and stayed once I confirmed the 'rumors' to be true.

The few people in my family that know aren't really that close to me except for my brother and he has a FUCK IT attitude about it. I think he and others wouldn't be as accepting were it not for the fact that the girls they have seen me with have been 'stunning'.

[LG]

thehumanbehan wrote:

It's certainly a massive step but I figure I'll be happy with myself when I admit my attraction to TS's. Personally I think hiding it away is understandable but wrong


I agree with you. I wish I could tell one or two people in particular, but apart from perhaps some members of my family, I'm not sure anyone would understand. It certainly wouldn't help me make any new friends.

If I meet the right t-girl though, one that I can truly love rather than just fantasise over, I am sure I will not care as much. My only problem is that if I decide to spend my life with a t-girl, I can never have my own children, which would really hurt as I've always dreamed of having kids and watching them grow up (a son who plays football -soccer to you- and a little daughter).

Then again if I marry a genetic girl, I have to make sure she understands me first. I don't want to spend my married life hiding my passion and secretly looking at newspapers and websites to find working girls- that wouldn't be good for either of us.

I'm afraid of encountering homophobia and prejudice. I have never been attracted to men and yet most men I know would find girls with that bit of extra plumbing repugnant and an attraction to them as homosexuality, which unfortunately in my society is still frowned upon (either that or they're secretly obsessing about them too!)

I reallly haven't worked out a plan to this one...you have to remember that everyone has different kinds of friends and family and comes from different backgrounds.

How many of us are there, though? Has anyone made a guesstimate (eg. such and such % of all men)?

[RangeHova]

I would say not to even worry about what anyone else thinks and just live life as it comes. Personally, I have had some serious relationships with some t-girls but still never did the whole 'take her home to mom' think just because it really was no reason to. I don't do that w/ most of the genetic women that I have dated.

Sometimes it is better if your family isn't in your relationship anyway. That can be a problem all the way around.

Just take steps. Find that Miss Right (be it a TS or GG) don't let the plumbing (dick vs pussy) be your guide. A relationship can't be based on that. But find that right woman and if she is a TS take the time to know her one on one. If the love is strong enough the rest will fall in place.

Some family members will get it some won't, the same with friends. In the long run it won;t really matter all that much.

But w/o the girl, why even go out of your way to confess your attraction to folks who have nothing to do with it? What difference does it make if you casually date a TS girl? What difference does it make that who or what you are attracted to really?

Worry about that when the time comes that it matters, when you have meet someone that you have strong feelings for. Until then leave it be.

[Ecstatic]

Then again if I marry a genetic girl, I have to make sure she understands me first. I don't want to spend my married life hiding my passion and secretly looking at newspapers and websites to find working girls- that wouldn't be good for either of us.
How many of us are there, though? Has anyone made a guesstimate (eg. such and such % of all men)?
You got that right, LG. That's the wonderful relationship that I have with my wife: she's quite comfortable with my "hobby" as some call it, and she knew I was bi from vitually day one (well, it might've been day nine--can't remember all that well from 30 years ago). I was actually in the only gay relationship I've ever had, but I wasn't in love with the guy, just very good friends with benefits, as the kids today put it. She swept me away from him, but she had no problem with it. So yes, if you're married I think you need to be open and mutually supportive with your spouse; hiding is not the way to go. (Not that I tell my wife all--I probably tell her more than she actually wants to hear, as it is--but keeping "it" secret would hurt the relationship.)

As for your question, I don't know...I think a helluva lot more men are fascinated than would ever admit it, even to themselves. Just look at the popularity of TS porn (yes, a fraction of the whole scene, but judging from the number of movies and websites out there and the TS sections on Eros, the TS scene is perhaps the biggest of the "fetish" scenes). Or the popularity of Maury Povich's TS segments. Or how so many tv shows have worked TS characters into the shows (Ally McBeal, Nip/Tuck, CSI--granted, usually as a novelty and for shock value, but it's there). But as to how many guys are active in the scene, seeing girls (whether as occasional clients or in real relationships)...that's an interesting question. How many of the members of this site are merely voyeurs (never actually seeing a girl for real--not that there's anything wrong with that) and how many are active?

But w/o the girl, why even go out of your way to confess your attraction to folks who have nothing to do with it? What difference does it make if you casually date a TS girl? What difference does it make that who or what you are attracted to really?
Heard. If I went about telling people I ocassionally pay for sex with ts escorts, I think the ts part of the equation would pale beside the other factors: paying for it (prostitution) and extramarital sex (cheating on my wife). But I don't consider prostitution a crime if both parties are willing and not coerced, and it's not cheating on my wife as she's totally on board with it, but why try to explain that to others? It's not their biz. OK, so the homophobic factor (for those for whom that's an issue) would also lurk, but why bring any of that up? If I were in a relationship with a TS and not married, yes, I would not hide it. But I still wouldn't go about telling people--why would it be their business? If it came up, I would tell them, but just as I don't go around telling people my wife's Jewish, why would I just blurt out that she's transgendered? But that's all hypothetical anyway; as you say, w/o the girl why come out with the big confession?

[thehumanbehan]

Thanks for your responses guys. Very helpfull and interesting.
LG, I've asked the same questions myself. I'm 25 and my TS girlfriend is 26 and I definitely want children in the future. At first it seems a major drawback in commiting to a long term realtionship with a TS but if you think about it there are still lots of ways for you to father children. You can adopt or even use your or your partners sperm to impregnate an egg.
I also echo your sentiments about the alternative of marrying a G girl only for the TS flame inside you to carry on burning.

[Caleigh]

maybe since i'm TS and not an admirer it's not my place to post in this thread, but since at the same time the issue of being
"out" is very relevant to me maybe i should, so i will. :)

Posted: Thu Dec 30, 2004 10:43 pm Post subject:
------------------------------------------------------------------------
i never told anyone, but it was discovered by my fiance when she found my stash of porn. she split right after that. i figure one bad experiance is enough and will continue to hide it.
_________________
DJBJ_2_2_69

i had a very similar experience in my life, my partner (gg) found me dressed in some of her clothes and she was totally freaked. we were together for a few years after but she said "i don't care what you do but i don't want to see it or know anything about it" that put sort of a pall on the rest of our time together.

when we did break up (amicably) i took that opportunity to be out. from then on as soon as i felt like a relationship was getting at all serious i would tell the person that i was TG and that i was heading towards transition in the future. this meant at least that anyone i was with was not being decieved in any way and those that stayed with me couldn't say that i had sprung anything on them, they knew what they were getting into.

DJ, you might want to take the same opportunity

blessings to all and a happy new year

[LAtoNY]

Are you guys NUTTTTTSSSS?

:o

[LAtoNY]

Are you guys NUTTTTTSSSS?

:o

[djbj_2_2_69]

thanks for the advise Caleigh. i think that's a very good idea. but i think im too much of a puss to actually come forward with it. i've decided to put off seroius relationships for a little while so i suppose i have time to make up my mind.

[Reddman]

TTT

[blckhaze]

my girl knows. she wasnt completely happy, but she understood. not ready to tell anyone else

[Baron Of Hell]

I don't really think one should hide that they like twomen, but don't think one needs to announce the fact to the world either. I'm big ass nerd that still buys comics but I'm not going go up to everyone I know and announce I read comics and I'm proud of it. That won't stop me from breaking out the latest issue of Walking Dead or Invincible during lunch or on the bus.

life is to short to worry about what other people think about things that have nothing to do with them.

[UckedFup]

My girls knows but as long as I keep it on a porn only basis (which I am) and don't cheat on her with a TGirl or another women she'll deal with it.

Family is another story. All neo-conservatives.

[ghostofbillhicks]

I haven't told anyone I know yet. I'd be lying if I said this wasn't a little bit cowardly but I guess there's also the justification - it's none of their fucking business anyway!

[Ironhead]

Great thread with some amazingly honest confessions and observations here, so having it thrust in my face, I guess I have to realize that the quote in my sig makes me a bit of a hypocrate. My wife knows and isn't just cool with it, she's turned on by the thought. But, no one else in my circle of friends/family has any idea. I've said it before, but I'm an ex-jock and I guess I'm still trying to hold onto that image and know that people in the area I live in wouldn't understand. I'm not afraid of any face to face problems over it, but there would be a stigma that I don't want my kids having to face everyday. And, again, it's not like I'm still in my 20s and going home with a different partner every night anymore. Like I said, this is a very interesting thread, I'm definitely coming away from it more thoughtful.

[gaiseric]

I first replied to this thread when it appeared last October. Since then I have read all the responses and I have to say my first reaction has often been 'what a bunch of wimps'. Before you all reach for your keyboards I am not saying that because I realise that each of us has their own set of circumstances to deal with.

I am lucky in that everyone that I have told about me and T-girls has accepted it and has no problem with it. That now includes some members of my family.

My reason for writing this is a comment about the Baron of Hell's last sentence - 'Life is too short to worry about what other people think about things that have nothing to do with them'. I totally agree with this statement because when I initially told my friends the only reaction was annoyance and that came from me. They didn't care and I realised I had wasted so much time worrying about a situation that did not exist.

In my opinion it's better to tell people and have it out in the open as opposed to keeping everything bottled up and hidden. To me , that's the ideal, but I realise it is not always possible for everyone.

[Freak_on_A_Leash]

I was outed but not by choice. Lost a great job and a great marriage because of it. If I had to do it all over again I would never get involved in this.

[Lafuerza]

Sorry to hear that Freak_on_a_Leash.

Anyway, my gf knows and as far as I'm concerned she's the only one who has to know. She found out when she saw some DVD covers, but was more surprised than frightened. She just considers it as an 'odd' hobby and trusts me enough that I won't cheat on her (we've known eachoher for a long time).

[Tadmirer]

gone

[gaiseric]

A couple of comments on Tadmirer's post. I agree that that we would all be happier if we could live our lives without worrying about what people think. However it's a very difficult thing to do and you need a very strong personality to be able to do it successfully. I doubt that many of us could do it. :?
Secondly, how do I feel being seen with a TG girl. I am currently working on a relationship with a T-girl in London and I have walked down the street with her on numerous occasions. I don't have a problem with it and I never conciously think 'you're walking with a TS'. A lot of the time it turns into a mega ego trip. :) She is a very attractive lady and I've seen the jealous looks on guys faces when she kisses me on the street. I've also seen car drivers almost drive onto the path as they try to watch her walk by. :shock: The one emotion I've never felt in her presence is embarrassment, in fact I always feel really good when walking with her. :D

[Tadmirer]

gaiseric -

I agree that it takes a strong personality to "not care" what others think.

Wish I could say that I'm always successful, but, of course, I'm not.

Noticing your signature line, I wonder if you would agree that this becomes easier with age.
For me, that is the case. Wish that I could have been so bold as a young man.

Your description of the feeling that you experience while walking with your friend was beautiful.
You are, indeed, a fortunate man to have such a relationship.

[magic9inch]

Are you guys NUTTTTTSSSS?

:o

you took the words out my mouth, besides i got too much to lose.

[Quinn]

At this point, I can say that my wife and a number of my closer friends are aware that I occasionally date women of the TS variety. With the exception of one friend who has demonstrated "issues" with my occasional preferences, everyone is fine with it. My business associates, however, are another matter and would not take well to it like they have some of my other arguably eccentric interests.

-Quinn

[Ecstatic]

Ah Quinn, so you're also a member of the my-wife-knows-and-understands club, ehh? Cool.

[Quinn]

Ecstatic,

Yes, indeed, I am definitely a member of the seemingly small “my wife knows and understands” club. How such an angelic creature ever found her way into my thoroughly naughty existence is beyond me, but it works and we are both really happy. Congrats to you on your similar good fortune.

-Quinn

[Ecstatic]

Thanks, Quinn. My wife even met my best girl socially one evening! And they got along beautifully. We are very lucky.