A Woman's 50 Rules for Men

[Hara_Juku Tgirl]

1. Call.
2. Don't lie.
3. Never tape any of her body parts together.
4. If guys' night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.
5. If guys' night out is going to involve strippers, remember the zoo rules: No Petting.
6. The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes."
7. Ditto for "Is she prettier than me?"
8. Victoria's Secret is good. Frederick's of Hollywood is bad.
9. Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad.
10. Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad.
11. "Honey", "Darling", and "Sweetheart" are good. "Nag", "Lardass", and "Bitch" are bad.
12. Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony.
13. A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question.
14. None of your ex-girlfriends were ever nicer, prettier, or better in bed.
15. Her cooking is excellent.
16. That isn't an excuse for you to avoid cooking.
17. Dishsoap is your friend.
18. Hat does not equal shower, aftershave does not equal soap, and warm does not equal clean.
19. Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay.
20. Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is never going to end that conversation.
21. Ditto for "Whose lipstick is this?"
22. Two words: clean socks.
23. Believe it or not, you're probably not more attractive when you're drunk.
24. Burping is not sexy.
25. You're wrong.
26. You're sorry.
27. She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool car than you think she is.
28. Ditto for your discourse on football.
29. Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a single bound.
30. "Will you marry me?" is good. "Let's shack up together" is bad.
31. Don't assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood.
32. Don't assume PMS doesn't exist.
33. No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything she feels like at that particular moment in time, and it could change without notice.
34. "But, we kiss..." is not justification for using her toothbrush. You don't clean plaque with your tongue.
35. Never let her walk anywhere alone after 11pm.
36. Chivalry and feminism are NOT mutually exclusive.
37. Pick her up at the airport. Don't whine about it, just do it.
38. If you want to break up with her, break up with her. Don't act like a complete jerk until she does it for you.
39. Don't tell her you love her if you don't.
40. Tell her you love her if you do. Often.
41. Always, always suck up to her brother.
42. Think boxers.
43. Silk boxers.
44. Remember Valentine's Day, and any cheesy "anniversary" she so-names.
45. Don't try to change the way she dresses.
46. Her haircut is never bad.
47. Don't let your friends pick on her.
48. Call.
49. Don't lie.
50. The rules are never fair. Accept this without question. The fact that she has to go through labor while you sit in the waiting room on your ass smoking cigars isn't fair either, and it balances everything.

LOL :lol: ;)

~Kisses.

HTG

[JohnnyWalkerBlackLabel]

:popcorn

hehehe, let the games begin

[Hara_Juku Tgirl]

:popcorn

hehehe, let the games begin

Hahaha..:lol: Here's a soda JWBL now pass me some popcorn! LOL

http://www.1800gourmet.com/Misc/Articles/images/fizzy_lizzy_soda.jpg

~Kisses.

HTG

[JohnnyWalkerBlackLabel]

<--------------------- passes the popcorn graciously

[iebwnj]

Although, I don't agree with all these or everything Tom Leykis says, I always find his rules (mainly in terms of sex) for men with women (Leykis 101) amusing:


$40.00 Limit - Never spend more then $40 no a date. >>
3 Dates Rule - Stop seeing the girl if you do not get laid after the third date. >>
No Means No - If she says no then, STOP, get your stuff, and leave. >>
Single Mothers - Never date single mothers. >>
Tabasco Sauce - After having sex pour Tabasco sauce into the used condom. >>
Co-worker Relationships - Never date a co-worker. >>
Approaching Women in Groups - Never approach a woman in a club that's surrounded by her girlfriends. >>
Sex To Go - No spooning, cuddling, and or staying over after sex. >>
Relationships - Do not get into a serious relationship before the age of 25. >>
Weekend Dates - Do not go out on weekend dates unless you are guaranteed sex. >>
Cell Phone Dates - If your dates cell phone rings during the date then immediately leave. >>
Women in Bars - Sit at a bar alone and do not talk to any women. >>
After Hours Homely Pickings - The fugly women are the last one's to get picked up. >>
Birth Control - Regardless of what a woman says always use birth control. >>
No Gifts - No gifts are ever given to booty calls and women you are dating. >>
Beverage Consumption - Buy Hard Alcohol over Beer. >>
Types of Dates - Avoid lunch and or coffee dates. >>
Jerks and Assholes - If women think you are a jerk, then your doing something right. >>
Master Filibusters - Do directly from the bar the bedroom. >>
Eating Before Dates - Have a hearty meal before a date. >>
Marriage Contract - Never marry with out a prenuptial agreement. >>
You Choose the date - You choose what to do on the date. >>
Income and Women - The amount of income you have often determines the type of women you get. >>
Male Friends - All her male friends want to have sex with her. >>
No Sex At Your House - Never bring a woman home for sex. >>
No Compliments - Never compliment a woman. >>
Easily Replaceable - Have her know that if she does not put out then you will get it else where. >>
Holidays - Break up with your women during those money sucking holiday seasons. >>
Change is not Inevitable - Do not change who you are just for a woman. >>
Prepare your Identity - Be the doctor she wants or the million she's looking for. >>
Power Before Kids and Marriage - Men have the most power before kids and a family. >>
Paternity Test - Always get a paternity test no matter how sure you are that it is your child. >>
No DNA Donation - Never help a women you have no intention of marring have kids. >>
Women Are Dream Killers - They want to reach their dreams and stop yours. >>
Ultimatum, Run - If a women gives you an ultimatum then run and don't look back. >>
Giving and Getting Phone Numbers - Give your number out to as many women as possible. >>

http://www.tenetsofleykis.com/

[Hara_Juku Tgirl]

Here's the Men's Health version:

http://integral-options.zaadz.com/blog/2007/4/what_women_wish_men_knew

;)

~Kisses.

HTG

[Jericho]

Wimmens rules for men:

1. Yer wrong...Get used to it! :roll:

;-)

[Aragon21]

Men's 50 Rules for Women

1. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.
2. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
3. Don't make us guess.
4. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
expect an answer you don't want to hear.
5. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you.
Live with it.
6. He's never thinking about "The Relationship."
7. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not
different, it's just like every other cat.
8. Dogs are better than cats.
9. Sunday = Sports.
It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
10. Shopping is not everybody's idea of a good time.
11. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
12. You have enough clothes.
13. You have too many shoes.
14. Crying is blackmail.
Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.
15. Your brother is an idiot.
16. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
17. No, he doesn't know what day it is.
He never will.
Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
18. Share the bathroom.
19. Share the closet.
20. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.
22. Nothing says 'I love you' like sex in the morning.
23. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
24. Check your oil.
25. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
26. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
27. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
28. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing
from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
29. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
30. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls,
don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
31. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women,
how can we know how pretty you are?
32. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
33. You can either ask us to do something OR
tell us how you want it done-not both.
34. Women wearing Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their
right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
35. Don't make 50 rules when 35 will do.

[Rory]

3 things I want women to know. Maybe I should laminate it on a little card.


1-The only reasons what you're wearing wouldn't be a-okay with me is if it's too slutty to be seated in a restaurant and I have to wait to eat, or it smells, and we both know you'll never do either.

2-take a little responsibility to modify or apologize if you're not playing nice.

3-It won't hurt as much as you think. Trust me.

[oldto77]

What a hell does that mean ?
:?:
: Tabasco Sauce - After having sex pour Tabasco sauce into the used condom. >>

[Jericho]

What a hell does that mean ?
:?:
: Tabasco Sauce - After having sex pour Tabasco sauce into the used condom. >>

An anti Sly-pregnancy measure? :?

[wendy48088]

* Deleted *

[Jericho]

Tom Leykis
Tenets of Leykis
Leykis 101 Rules
http://www.tenetsofleykis.com/

Tabasco Sauce

I wonder if you can sell that idea on ebay :?: :P

[Hara_Juku Tgirl]

Re: about your 50 rules

Is it ok to lie as long as you're making her feel better? "no, that doesn't make you look fat", etc

what's the deal with women freaking out if you don't call them? I get a lot of girls pissed at me b/c I don't call them enough or often. I try to explain that I just don't like talking on the phone a lot (used to as a kid/teen) but it's like they don't get it and see it assomething personal against them. Any advice about that?



I'd have to say 90% of the time it's because of A

I'm guessing this question was asked because of the Kelly threads that always seem to grow no matter what the subject....

Because of this:

http://www.hungangels.com/board/viewtopic.php?t=17673&postdays=0&postorder=asc&highlight=hara&start=20

I have to ask.. WHY would you "assume" that?!?

:?

I feel that you need to ask Kelly Shore about your "Call" question about women instead. I simple got no time for people who tries to put words into my mouth.

BTW, If I have a problem with anyone, I will not hesitate to let him/her know directly. No need to make suggestive threads such as the above mentioned.

~Kisses.

HTG

[Mylon]

What a hell does that mean ?
:?:
: Tabasco Sauce - After having sex pour Tabasco sauce into the used condom. >>

Haha, that's great. That means if the woman is going to try and get pregnant behind your back, let her know the foolishness of her actions. I wouldn't be kind enough to use tobasco sauce. I have some hot sauces that are far more potent.

[Dkg]

Re: about your 50 rules

Is it ok to lie as long as you're making her feel better? "no, that doesn't make you look fat", etc

what's the deal with women freaking out if you don't call them? I get a lot of girls pissed at me b/c I don't call them enough or often. I try to explain that I just don't like talking on the phone a lot (used to as a kid/teen) but it's like they don't get it and see it assomething personal against them. Any advice about that?



I'd have to say 90% of the time it's because of A

I'm guessing this question was asked because of the Kelly threads that always seem to grow no matter what the subject....

Because of this:

http://www.hungangels.com/board/viewtopic.php?t=17673&postdays=0&postorder=asc&highlight=hara&start=20

I have to ask.. WHY would you "assume" that?!?

:?

I feel that you need to ask Kelly Shore about your "Call" question about women instead. I simple got no time for people who tries to put words into my mouth.

BTW, If I have a problem with anyone, I will not hesitate to let him/her know directly. No need to make suggestive threads such as the above mentioned.

~Kisses.

HTG

Not sure why you felt the need to post that here. I'm sure no one cares about the question I asked you, but if they do, feel free....

I think it's safe to say that most people post in your threads because of A, not B, including myself.

[Hara_Juku Tgirl]

Re: about your 50 rules

Is it ok to lie as long as you're making her feel better? "no, that doesn't make you look fat", etc

what's the deal with women freaking out if you don't call them? I get a lot of girls pissed at me b/c I don't call them enough or often. I try to explain that I just don't like talking on the phone a lot (used to as a kid/teen) but it's like they don't get it and see it assomething personal against them. Any advice about that?


I'd have to say 90% of the time it's because of A

I'm guessing this question was asked because of the Kelly threads that always seem to grow no matter what the subject....

Because of this:

http://www.hungangels.com/board/viewtopic.php?t=17673&postdays=0&postorder=asc&highlight=hara&start=20

I have to ask.. WHY would you "assume" that?!?

:?

I feel that you need to ask Kelly Shore about your "Call" question about women instead. I simple got no time for people who tries to put words into my mouth.

BTW, If I have a problem with anyone, I will not hesitate to let him/her know directly. No need to make suggestive threads such as the above mentioned.

~Kisses.

HTG

Not sure why you felt the need to post that here. I'm sure no one cares about the question I asked you, but if they do, feel free....

I think it's safe to say that most people post in your threads because of A, not B, including myself.

To be quite honest with you, I do try as much to "contribute" and be "pro-active" at the boards that I am a member of (and I am on a few including my own forum) by posting interesting topics/threads and get some forum interaction going.

I am offended that you "assumed" that I made a thread with Kelly Shore in mind (when you said this statement below).


I'm guessing this question was asked because of the Kelly threads that always seem to grow no matter what the subject....

As if there are no other more important and or fun topics to talk about.

:roll:

~Kisses.

HTG