WHY ARE GUYS SO FREAKING WEIRD?!?!?!?

[Caleigh]

Ok, I'm at work on Friday 4pm, setting up the restaurant, lighting candles for the tables, getting change for the bartender. The usual prep for a busy Friday night. Our restaurant is 90%+ regulars so I know practically everyone that walks in by sight at least. At the bar at the other end from where I am doing most of my prep is some guy, dark brown hair, a little overweight but not fat. I notice him looking at me but I just figure he is a bit surprised to see a Tgirl working at such a regular restaurant. I'm quite passable but I haven't done much work on my voice so I out myself sometimes when I speak. I turn back to my work. At one point I was up by the front of the restaurant and I notice him staring at me. I pretend not to notice. Then as I walk by I hear him mumble something under his breath but totally can't make it out and anyway, I'm beginning to get a bit creeped by the way he is staring. Then I need to go downstairs to the office. This means I have to go outside. On my way back up from the basement he is there standing outside. As I walk by he says very quietly so that I could barely make it out "You are gorgeous". I continue walking as if I didn't hear him because I was already creeped out by him and why couldn't he just be openly friendly and social. Heck, the cop that hit my up a while ago while investigating a theft at our place was more open and straightforward.

Can you guys please just get some social skills and approach us like human beings? You know, become a bit of a regular, join in a conversation at the bar etc. If you are going to compliment me, say it loud enough that I can tell that you aren't ashamed of being caught saying it.

To that guy in particular in case he found me via this website, read this, learn from this post. I'm very friendly, I couldn't do my job well if I wasn't but PLEASE stop being ashamed of your interest in Tgirls and just be a nice open friendly human being in your interactions.

[mikejones]

Well put. I think that we (men) transition as well, from seeing T-girls as porn and sex objects to seeing them as real people who want to live a normal life. Posts like this are very helpful. Thank you.

[peggygee]

My dear you have encountered the
North American variety of homo erectus.
http://i92.photobucket.com/albums/l2/magi43/h_erectus_3775_1.jpg

In the instance that you have outlined
he was engaging in his mating ritual,
employing the D/L strategy.

As the homo erectus has only recently
learned to walk erect and due to the fact
that their brains are not as developed
as that of the homo sapien as evidenced
by tthese comparisions of their skulls, they
are apt to be devoid of many higher
level social skills.


http://i92.photobucket.com/albums/l2/magi43/Neandertal_modern_human_skulls.gif

Interestingly though the brain of the male
homo sapien is the same size as the female
of the species, they are also prone to the
same level of dysfuntion as homo edrectus,
Cro Magnom, and Neanderthal man, which
would indicate a possible recessive gene
theory.

:roll:

[BeardedOne]

It's not even just a T-girl thing, really. Some of us are just...well...shy. :shrug

Gorgeous gurls/girls just knot us up sometimes. Granted, this guy shouldn't have been staring at you in that creepy manor, but I caught myself doing just that at Hooters the other night. A lovely, small, dark-skinned GG with the most sparkly eyes you can imagine was serving us and I couldn't take my eyes off her face (Yah, that's right, her =FACE=). One of the guys I was with had to poke me to let me know she was patiently waiting for me to order and even a couple at the next table brought it to her notice that I was really taken by her.

Don't get me wrong, you need to be aware of your surroundings and who is watching you, but not all of us are scary stalkers.

[Alison Faraday]

Hi Caleigh,

Good post, that read well. :-)

I'm tempted to say that the correct response to this guy would be, "Thank you," with a friendly but distant but busy smile. Actually.. I'm half wondering if he didn't read you at all. :) He was obviously nervous for one. But the staring is a bit weird I'll admit that. I'd have just distantly smiled and carried on my way. If someone continually stared at me in the way you describe I'd go up to them and ask if they wish to be served. In other words, "May I help you? Would you like something?"

Guys will do this. In the early days I didn't know how to play it, but now I just give them an innocent smile. It can work to your advantage to be honest. That's not to say that I'm confident all of the time.

I suspect that he didn't think he read you at all. While we may have "is that a man/woman?" running through our heads. For most people they don't consider it.

It's something stuck in our heads I'll admit that. And it's taken me years to get over it. But I know just how you're feeling.

(((((hugs)))))

I'm sure he's totally harmless and you'll never see him again. If you do see him again, talk to him. Be up front and friendly forward. He might be a millionaire. :-)

Aly xx

[apocarm]

Oh Damn that was You!!!!!!!!

Sorry I have a Staring Problem and a really quiet voice.

[fueljunky0]

I know exactly what how that guy feels being a very nervous guy myself. I have never stared for a long time or creepy stuff like that.

[peggygee]

Hi Caleigh,

Good post, that read well. :-)

I'm tempted to say that the correct response to this guy would be, "Thank you," with a friendly but distant but busy smile. Actually.. I'm half wondering if he didn't read you at all. :) He was obviously nervous for one. But the staring is a bit weird I'll admit that. I'd have just distantly smiled and carried on my way. If someone continually stared at me in the way you describe I'd go up to them and ask if they wish to be served. In other words, "May I help you? Would you like something?"

Guys will do this. In the early days I didn't know how to play it, but now I just give them an innocent smile. It can work to your advantage to be honest. That's not to say that I'm confident all of the time.

I suspect that he didn't think he read you at all. While we may have "is that a man/woman?" running through our heads. For most people they don't consider it.

It's something stuck in our heads I'll admit that. And it's taken me years to get over it. But I know just how you're feeling.

(((((hugs)))))

I'm sure he's totally harmless and you'll never see him again. If you do see him again, talk to him. Be up front and friendly forward. He might be a millionaire. :-)

Aly xx

Seriously, as Alison and B1 have said, guys will do goofy things
when they are figuring out how to approach you. They may stare,
or be otherwise ackward.

As transwomen we may take that to mean that we have been read.
In actuality it is most likely the opposite, the guy is looking at you
as an attractive women that he is interested in.

With him approaching you outside, he was most likely trying to cut
down on the embarrasment factor if you were to reject him.

As Alison stated if a man is staring at me for a prolonged period of
time, I will give him a non-commital type smile, and then I am babk
into my world. If he continues to stare, I will either just ignore him, or
give him kind of a snide, dismissive look, and then I really tune him out.

Aly is spot on in that most people aren't usually thinking transwoman.

As to the millionaire part, well....... :shrug

[Caleigh]

Alison: If he had said "Hi" to me in a normal voice like he was talking to another person I would have said "Hi" right back and smiled. It was the sotto voce thing that was the icing on the creep cake. I'm the hostess/manager of a restaurant. I know how to be social. But it's this creepy DL/insecure vibe that bugged me out.

[Quinn]

Ok, I'm at work on Friday 4pm, setting up the restaurant, lighting candles for the tables, getting change for the bartender. The usual prep for a busy Friday night. Our restaurant is 90%+ regulars so I know practically everyone that walks in by sight at least. At the bar at the other end from where I am doing most of my prep is some guy, dark brown hair, a little overweight but not fat. I notice him looking at me but I just figure he is a bit surprised to see a Tgirl working at such a regular restaurant. I'm quite passable but I haven't done much work on my voice so I out myself sometimes when I speak. I turn back to my work. At one point I was up by the front of the restaurant and I notice him staring at me. I pretend not to notice. Then as I walk by I hear him mumble something under his breath but totally can't make it out and anyway, I'm beginning to get a bit creeped by the way he is staring. Then I need to go downstairs to the office. This means I have to go outside. On my way back up from the basement he is there standing outside. As I walk by he says very quietly so that I could barely make it out "You are gorgeous". I continue walking as if I didn't hear him because I was already creeped out by him and why couldn't he just be openly friendly and social. Heck, the cop that hit my up a while ago while investigating a theft at our place was more open and straightforward.

Can you guys please just get some social skills and approach us like human beings? You know, become a bit of a regular, join in a conversation at the bar etc. If you are going to compliment me, say it loud enough that I can tell that you aren't ashamed of being caught saying it.

To that guy in particular in case he found me via this website, read this, learn from this post. I'm very friendly, I couldn't do my job well if I wasn't but PLEASE stop being ashamed of your interest in Tgirls and just be a nice open friendly human being in your interactions.

LMAO @ this story. Sorry, Caleigh, but the weirdo you described reminds me of a friend I have at the Jersey Shore. When we go out, if he sees a woman he likes, he just stares at her contstantly. Though he's harmless as a pussycat, the stare definitely comes across as creepy. Eventually, the woman will notice his unremitting stare and start to look over in his direction, wondering if he is still staring and just what his deal is exactly. Since my friend will continue to stare, the woman will continue to look over, which eventually prompts this response from my friend: "Hey, Quinn, that girl over there is totally checking me out."

My thought: "No she isn't, you fucking weirdo. How many times have we talked to you about this? She's probably scared to death because you are staring at her like Private Pile in Full Metal Jacket just before he shoots himself."

My actual verbal response: "You're right; she is. Go talk to her before someone else does."

It always goes bad because he's very intimidating and about as smooth as gravel when it comes to actually talking to a woman. Fortunately, it's also always hysterical.

-Quinn

[suckseed]

Okay - this posts interests me as well. For me, the problem of approaching a woman that I'm smitten with is when she's so beautiful that it's literally altering my brain chemistry. Endorphins are flowing. She seems like a goddess, from that luscious ridge on the top of her upper lip to her lovely ankles. I know that putting a woman on a pedestal is the wrong approach - but telling myself that inside she's an ordinary person with more or less the same flaws as everyone seems ridiculous in light of all outward signs being to the contrary. Without knowing anything about her, I want to touch and kiss her everywhere. I would make a cup of tea out of her panties. She's got me.
The Doubts start talking. This woman HAS to have a boyfriend. Or probably gets hit on several times a day. Or is used to guys that can offer her way more than me. Oh, and let's not forget the times I've screwed up my courage and actually complimented the gorgeous hostess at my favorite restaurant that I loved from afar for a year before finally approaching her, only to have my words received as if I sprayed her with shit mist.
I know - keep the compliments on her appearance to a minimum at first - don't want to seem shallow - maybe compliment something out of the ordinary like her shoes or her hairstyle or blouse. Engage her in a little small talk at first, and make a mental note to return soon and talk to her again. Yeah, yeah....it's worked in the past and will work again. But my greatest luck with the dimes has been when I was in MY element, doing what I do best, and she's visiting my world - then the tables are turned.
They want to know more about me - and I welcome their attentions, and never make them feel insecure about whether I'm also feeling them, because I'm naturally friendly, and especially so to beautiful women.
Then if they've dated me, they remark on how loved I made them feel, and how much I seemed interested in the whole person, and not just the beautiful package.
But without that world in place - like now, for instance - it's hard not to feel like just another guy with dreams of what he'd rather be doing, moving in rather small circles and with little to offer but his good intentions.
So....yeah. Easier said than done to do the whole Cary Grant routine with a beautiful stranger.

[XPBMX]

Dude is just weak and scared to admit you're fucking hot. Next time you are at work and he says something ask him aloud "How long have you found transexuals attractive." --hehehehehehehe

[Jericho]

only to have my words received as if I sprayed her with shit mist.

LMFAO :lol:
Have we met the same girls?

[Kriss]

I Hooters the other night.

I have lost all respect for you beardy. What were you doing in a hooters?

[TrueBeauty TS]

I'm sorry, but if you're a guy and over 35, for God's sake, you should at least have enough social skills to be able to say hello to another human being without looking like you just took a dump in your pants. :what

If you don't have those skills, WORK ON THEM. Don't just say "That's the way I am". It means you're too lazy to work on improving yourself.





.

[BeardedOne]

I Hooters the other night.

I have lost all respect for you beardy. What were you doing in a hooters?

Staring. :shock:

:lol:

It's an after-work thing. The guys feel that I need 'a life' because I never leave the house and the only pussy I see is...well...pussy (As in the "Meow" variety).

[suckseed]

I'm sorry, but if you're a guy and over 35, for God's sake, you should at least have enough social skills to be able to say hello to another human being without looking like you just took a dump in your pants. :what

If you don't have those skills, WORK ON THEM. Don't just say "That's the way I am". It means you're too lazy to work on improving yourself.
.

Put another way - what looks large from a distance, close up ain't never that big.

I know, I know. Some guy somewhere is glad she's off his hands. And I do alright, True. But I do happen to like the grad school types, and they don't usually lack for partners. Virtually every woman where I work has a man.
And the majority of people advertising...well let's post the first 3 chicks on CL looking for a man in my town.

[TrueBeauty TS]

First of all, I don't know if that's cool to post people's (private citizens that have nothing to do with this board) pics on this site without their permission.

That being said, they don't look bad. I think what you are looking for is the single, grad-type supermodel. They probably don't need to advertise on CL.




.

[suckseed]

I've not said I expect a supermodel. But in decent shape and as attractive as my exes, sure. They're out there, for sure.
Pic complaint fixed.

[TrueBeauty TS]

I've not said I expect a supermodel. But in decent shape and as attractive as my exes, sure. They're out there, for sure.
Pic complaint fixed.

First off, I wasn't complaining about the pics, I was questioning them.


Not knowing what your ex's look like it's hard for me to know what the beauty standard is for you.

[suckseed]

You forgot already? I thought you cared. I like athletic women who smile easily and like to converse. The rest is totally variable. Hair, skin, eyes, boobs...they're beautiful in all their forms.

But who cares...I have no problem talking to beautiful women. It's just the question of turning a conversation into a proposition that makes me hesitate.

[JohnnyWalkerBlackLabel]

I feel the need to add to this brilliant thread............

[Ladies]
if you are in a bar and some dude walks in and gets his drink and stands or sits at the bar minding his business not looking at you, giving you no signs of interest.......................... DO NOT walk up to him and say "Hi, can you buy me a drink?" or "Hi, can you tell me what time it is?" etc................

He's not interested, he might be interested in your friend, he might be interested in the hefty chick checking coats at the door, hell he might be interested in that waitress you didn't tip when she brought you that last Corona™, but he isn't interested in you. Don't make a fool of yourself and end up walking away pissed when you knew in your head way before you took your 1st step towards the guy that it wasn't going to happen, no he isn't a trick, no he doesn't want you, just no...................

JWBL

[Cat]

We're not all like that.

I'm actually afraid to approach women. I wouldn't say that I'm shy, but I often times need a push. When a girl talks to me, I gladly talk back.

[Caleigh]

Johnny: Ok, you're pissed about being acosted by escorts when you are at a CLUB FULL OF ESCORTS. Geez! What do you expect when you go to Vapor or another one of those places?! If girls are doing that to you at regular bars either you are Brad Pitt or .... you are Brad Pitt.

the situation i was talking about was at a regular "straight" bar.

[mpcc2004]

I guess I have never really understood what the big deal is. Why do so many men seem to fear approaching a woman more than death? If you find someone attractive and you notice that they are looking your way occasionally then walk up to her and introduce yourself. No line needed. It is as simple as that. What is the worst that could happen?

[gottchoo]

Fear of rejection.
Simple as that.

I agree though...if you catch eyes with someone, and they want you to come over to them, they will give subtle hints through body language.

[mpcc2004]

Agreed that it is fear of rejection. But why do so many guys fear it so much. Get out there and you'll (not you specifically) will realize that it isn't a big deal.

No guts no glory

[BBaggins06]

Well, women aren't the only ones with insecurities. And when you get rejected, it just reinforces all ones you have. Maybe even creates a few new ones ... Mahalo

Matt

[hwbs]

i dont like looking at bars for women.... Stop & Shop and Costco is a different story :lol: ...reg bars or ts bars aside , im just there to have fun...