We've All Been There, So How Do You Guys ..?

[Realgirls4me]

How do you guys get over someone and move on? What are your methods to recovery?I've always been curious how reasonable, intelligent, sensible individuals pick up the pieces and get on with their respective lives after a relationship comes to an end. Yes, time is the greatest healer,and distractions and occupying oneself with something constructive can accelerate the recovery process and help take one's mind off the doldrums and melancholic musings, but is there anything else anyone might add? What has your experience taught you about break-ups and such? How did you cope? What would Buddha have to say about this for instance,etc?

... I won't say much other than it wasn't very lengthy or relatively deep, and sure I've experienced this before a few times, but having this, or any relationship, unexpectedly end stings nonetheless.

There are some great creative,intelligent, experienced minds in here, so what do you say?

Knocked down but not out. :)

Hey, I just found some Buddhaisms ...

You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.

Attachment is the source of all suffering.

Decay is inherent in all compounded things. Strive on with diligence.


Yeah, relationships could be considered compounded things I guess. :)

[otherguy]

Get laid. Quickly. Repeat.

No matter what the quality, get 'er done.

[Realgirls4me]

Get laid. Quickly. Repeat.

No matter what the quality, get 'er done.

LOL!

If our relationship had been grounded in sex, I might agree, but that wasn't the case at all. Fact is, we never got that far.

[Kabuki]

How do you guys get over someone and move on? What are your methods to recovery?I've always been curious how reasonable, intelligent, sensible individuals pick up the pieces and get on with their respective lives after a relationship comes to an end. Yes, time is the greatest healer,and distractions and occupying oneself with something constructive can accelerate the recovery process and help take one's mind off the doldrums and melancholic musings, but is there anything else anyone might add? What has your experience taught you about break-ups and such? How did you cope? What would Buddha have to say about this for instance,etc?

... I won't say much other than it wasn't very lengthy or relatively deep, and sure I've experienced this before a few times, but having this, or any relationship, unexpectedly end stings nonetheless.

There are some great creative,intelligent, experienced minds in here, so what do you say?

Knocked down but not out. :)

Hey, I just found some Buddhaisms ...

You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.

Attachment is the source of all suffering.

Decay is inherent in all compounded things. Strive on with diligence.


Yeah, relationships could be considered compounded things I guess. :)

Cutting all ties with the individual seems to help me. Being friends with the individual doesn't help me heal. Atleast with the long-term relationships that have ended. I'll remove any items that remind me of my ex, and I'll just attempt to not think about her. After awhile, I'll start to realize that I think of her less and less. It's a slow process, but it has worked for me.

[Hara_Juku Tgirl]

I have to agree totally with Kabuki.

And If I might add, make a list of things you dont like about your ex and post it all over your place. That was a big help and quite therapeutic to me! :P

;)

~Kisses.

HTG

[apocarm]

All depends on the person your breaking it with. I lost a couple to distance, and that was the easiest. The others I actually felt better after I cried.

Then I occupied my attention elsewhere, doesn't even need to be a girl. Just something different.

[Realgirls4me]

Cutting all ties with the individual seems to help me. Being friends with the individual doesn't help me heal. Atleast with the long-term relationships that have ended. I'll remove any items that remind me of my ex, and I'll just attempt to not think about her. After awhile, I'll start to realize that I think of her less and less. It's a slow process, but it has worked for me.

Good advice. That's certainly one thing I've learned from previous break-ups and situations like this one. I haven't seen or talked to her in a week, but damn it's hard. I'm glad you used the term, "remove, and not "get rid of", by the way. You have been there.

Thank you!

:)

Never had anyone significant leave me, but if I had I guess I'd get right back to work or take a vacation.

Hope that narrows it down for you.

[Realgirls4me]

HJT,

There wasn't much to dislike of her (Okay, so she was a bit forgetful at times), and that's what makes it so hard.

Apocarm,

Well said. Yes distance would help. She lives and works about two miles from me, which will prove quite the test. Yes, I've cried also. :)

T-Fan,

Thanks, but is not always that easy. I wish it were.

T-Fan,

Thanks, but is not always that easy. I wish it were.

What I'm saying is I wouldn't give it too much thought. I'd take a day to cry or whatever, but then I'd do something else I love.

Like go to Las Vegas or go back to work.

[MrsKellyPierce]

I make a voodoo doll and stab it a couple times in the eye....by eye I mean the one- eye snake :lol:

[Realgirls4me]

I've fallen in love with that Buddha quote on attachment. It reminded me of a line I learned in college, He(she) who cares the least, has the most power over you.

Kelly,

I couldn't wish her harm, and she doesn't have a one-eyed snake. :)

[TheGuard]

I must be a sick fuck because everytime I've broken up with someone or been broken up with I've been able to move on because I will it to be so.

we won't count the drunk dials at 3 am, that's just not fair. :lol:

[MrsKellyPierce]

I've fallen in love with that Buddha quote on attachment. It reminded me of a line I learned in college, He(she) who cares the least, has the most power over you.

Kelly,

I couldn't wish her harm, and she doesn't have a one-eyed snake. :) Mine was a joke lol

[Realgirls4me]

we won't count the drunk dials at 3 am, that's just not fair. :lol:

LOL! You bring up a good point -- liquor is out for the short term! Experience does have its perks. :)

[CORVETTEDUDE]

AAAAWWWWW!!!! It's nothing that can't be cured with a bottle of Jack and a case of beer!!!!!! :peanutbutter

[Realgirls4me]

AAAAWWWWW!!!! It's nothing that can't be cured with a bottle of Jack and a case of beer!!!!!! :peanutbutter

On the intake, yes, but it's the coming down part that's the bitch!

:)

[Legend]

If you truly loved or cared deeply for someone you can never get over them maybe you can move on but you will never get over them.

[CORVETTEDUDE]

AAAAWWWWW!!!! It's nothing that can't be cured with a bottle of Jack and a case of beer!!!!!! :peanutbutter

On the intake, yes, but it's the coming down part that's the bitch!

:)

You only come down and end up with a hangover if you stop drinkin'!!! :shrug

[Realgirls4me]

Legend,

Thankfully, this one wasn't that deep or involved, but it nevertheless stings because of all the hopes and expectations that one ties to a budding relationship that sweeps one off their respective feet. Experience has taught me to: stay busy with things that distract, stay away from the other party if possible, not to drink, and remove all reminders of her. Some of the previous posters confirmed those tried and proven methods. I just wanted to see if there was anyone out there with anything else out there to improve my arsenal for les affaires du coeur.

CORVETTEDUDE,

My dad was an alcoholic. We don't need the cycle to continue ... maybe down the road I'll take a good belt. :)

Thanks to everyone for their tips so far. Sometimes one feels as if they are the only ones going through these experiences given their respective uniqueness, but the pain is pretty much the same common denominator in all of them. :)

[Trogdor]

Get laid. Quickly. Repeat.

I'm doomed. :?

[Kriss]

Get laid. Quickly. Repeat.

No matter what the quality, get 'er done.

Word!

[happyjack]

as the old saying goes "the best way to get over someone,is to get under someone"...

[peggygee]

Hey, I just found some Buddhaisms ...

You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.

Attachment is the source of all suffering.

Decay is inherent in all compounded things. Strive on with diligence.


Yeah, relationships could be considered compounded things I guess. :)

I really loved your Buddhaisms, they were very profound and befitting.

I have a Yogism, "It Ain't Over 'til It's Over.", from the late, great
Yogi Berra.

You never know, but there is a possibility that you and your SO may
get back together, if that's something you are open to. For as they
say, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

As to the advice about jumping right back in the saddle with the
first carbon based life form you run across, as some of the guys
have suggested, i don't think that's a good idea.

At the moment you may be emotionally wounded, and need to heal
just as if you had been physically wounded.

If you were to meet another women, you might be mistrustful of
her and bring some of the baggage from your previous realtionship
into the new realtionship.

Try to stay busy, doing things that you enjoy, and that will occupy
your time.

But, allow yourself to grieve, don't bottle it away and pretend as
if it didn't happen, talk it over with those that you feel comfortable
sharing with. However try not dwell on it.

Finally, as has been said, time tends to heal all wounds.

And in time, this too shall pass. :wink:

[Felicia Katt]

you could empty your Paypal on vintage Scwhinn parts? :)

FK

[Realgirls4me]

Kriss, Happyjack:

If my goal was originally to get her in bed, I would agree, but it went a lot deeper than sex. Sex can be obtained anywhere,anytime. I don't always think with my cock ... Really!

Um, how old are youse guys? :)

PeggyGee,

I found those Buddhaisms as I was typing my original post. Yeah, they are good ones. I need to read all of them. :)

As far as getting together once again, all options are on the table on this one. I don't know what will happen, but one thing I have learned is that the worst kind of hope is false hope. I don't want to go there. And, I agree with you:going to bed with someone right now is the farthest thing on my mind. Thank you very much for your genuine concern and sound pointers. They make sense and are much appreciated. :)

Silvester,

I like how you get straight to the point. Thanks! By avoiding her I am moving on with the recovery process. :)

Felicia,

LOL! Wow, what a memory. I still like the old boogers, but every now and then whenever I'm on Ebay, I'm perusing old '60's American luxury and muscle cars instead of old Schwinn muscle bikes. I've upgraded.

I have.

And I don't use PayPal; Hate it! :)

[scorpion]

How do you guys get over someone and move on?

I dont get over them entirely. In one way or another they are always in my mind.

[lincspoacher]

I was in a LTR (2 yrs) which ended in Nov last year .. my partner & I mutually agreed that ending the relationship was probably for the best.

Distance played its part .. she lives/works in London & didn't want to move up here to Lincolnshire (she'd have been earning less) and not been able to see her friends in London quite so easily.

I wanted someone in my life on a full-time,regular basis .. not just at weekends .. so really,we wanted different things.

Breaking up was hard & although I've removed her photos from open display in my house,I can't bring myself to actually throw them away .. we had some good times together & I look back fondly on those .. but I have moved on because to do anything else would have been self-defeating.

I don't hate her & I hope she doesn't hate me .. after all we're both grown-ups and if she wants to remain friends,that's OK with me .. though I doubt we'd ever get back together.

Bye for now,


Poacher.

[Azanti]

Dam,

20 Million Dollar question. When it comes to love and heartbreak, the busier you can keep youself the better. To quote a great film: 'Every day the pain hurts a little bit less, then one day you wake up and it doesn't hurt at all - the funny thing is, you miss that pain, because you lived with it for so long...'

I have alot more trouble now with grief than I do with break-ups, especially when you don't get the chance to say goodbye. If a split up is acromonious, you go through a kind of bereavement, except you know there still out there somewhere, but you still have let them go.

[Realgirls4me]

Scorpion: I guess I should have rephrased that. What I meant was how does one move on in light of recent wounds. What are the proven steps posters in here have taken that have worked for them? Everyone gets knocked down from time to time, be it a relationship or losing a job unexpectedly,etc, and some just have a knack of,(1) not taking these things so hard, and (2), having the ability to rebound and get back on their feet better than others in similar situations. That's what I wanted to tap into.
Like you, I still think of girlfriends from 27 years ago when I was in my late teens and early 20s. I've always wondered if they think of me also.

lincspoacher: Don't throw her pictures away. The poignancy and melancholic feelings you have currently will subside eventually given way to glee.

Azanti: Unless the person you were with turned out to be the most unscrupulous, dishonorable, sleazy person living, I think bereavement is par for the course in just about every type of break-up. How can one not feel something?

What movie is that quote from? It's really spot on.

[Azanti]

Real - I am afraid I have dated both the best and the worst times of people.

[Realgirls4me]

Real - I am afraid I have dated both the best and the worst times of people.

You must learn to distinguish twixt the good and the bad, which ones to quickly cut loose, and which break-ups are worthy of grieving for.

[redtiger]

Personally, I can only get over someone if I swim in it for awhile (i.e. cry my eyes out). Then I start to ask myself why I'm letting this situation make me feel so bad. Chances are she is not feeling as bad as I am. Then I start hating the feelings of sadness and longing I still have. And eventually I get over it. Sometimes it takes a long time, sometimes it takes a very short time. It just depends on how deep I was in it to begin with.

An ex of mine once said something to me that, looking back at it is somewhat true: Finding the new one is half the fun of getting over the old one. So, my advice would be to get right back out there and find someone else. Date a bunch of different ppl until you find one you wanna stay with.

Just my $0.2