View Full Version : hey Ezed! What were the two gay irishmen named?
suckseed
02-02-2007, 06:28 AM
Let's start a joke thread!
Answer:
Gerald Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzgerald!
Let's start a joke thread!
Answer:
Gerald Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzgerald!
Oh that's an old one. Did you know Gerald and Patrick went on to become priests? :D
Here's a story I received from Sean Fitzmorris the other day:
A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in The bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already. The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$150"
Man - "Sold."
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.
Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a Wilson infielder's glove."
Man - "How much?"
Boy - "$350"
Man - "Highway robbery. Sold"
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your gloves, let's go outside and have a game of catch." The boy says, "I can't, I sold my ball and my glove."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
The boy says, "$500"
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that ... that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your greed." They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again, you're in MY closet now."
wombat33
02-02-2007, 07:35 AM
Let's start a joke thread!
Answer:
Gerald Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzgerald!
A horse walks into a bar.............
The bartender says " Hey, why the long face?"
Mordwyn
02-02-2007, 07:43 AM
Let's start a joke thread...
A rabbi a priest and a duck walk into a bar.....
bartender walks up to take their order and after seeing the three exclaims
"what...is this a Joke?"
wombat33
02-02-2007, 07:47 AM
A traveling salesman goes door to door on farms selling farm supplies.
He knocks on the door of a farm and while he is waiting he notices a one legged pig in the front yard....hobbling around terribly. He is taken a back by this.
The farmer answers the door and lets him know he don't need anything (imagine the farmer in your best country farmer's accent)
The salesman says ok, but wants to know about the one legged pig.
The farmer tells him about a time when he and his wife Ethel were makin' woopie in the barn and they knocked over a lantern....it started a fire and they passed out from the smoke....the pig ran in and pulled them to safety..........
"Oh, so poor thing burned his little legs huh"? Says the salesman
"The farmer replies "Nope, he was fine!
The salesman says but how did he lose his legs"?
The farmer tells him about a time when his tractor was hooked up to a big rotating chopper blade to cut the corn feilds down and he went under it to fix something and it rolled back at him and the blades were coming right for him and the pig came and knocked him out of the way.
"Oh, so he got his little legs cut off....how terrible" Says the salesman
The farmer replies...."Nope, he was fine"
Impaitently the salesman asks how did he lose his legs?
THe farmer tells him about a time where he and Ethel were at home watching thier color T.V and a man came in with a gun to rob them. Before he knew it the pig came into the house, knocked the man down and brought the gun to the farmer to hold him until the police came.
"Oh, so the gun went off and shot his poor little legs....how terrible" Says the salesman.
The farmer replies "Nope, he was fine!"
The salesman finally says, "look pal how the hell did he wind up with only one leg!!!!"
The farmer then replies......."Well buddy, I don't know where you are from, but around here, when you got a pig that special........you don't eat him all at once"!!!!!!!!!!
LOL.............best joke EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!
wombat33
02-02-2007, 04:09 PM
A traveling salesman goes door to door on farms selling farm supplies.
He knocks on the door of a farm and while he is waiting he notices a one legged pig in the front yard....hobbling around terribly. He is taken a back by this.
The farmer answers the door and lets him know he don't need anything (imagine the farmer in your best country farmer's accent)
The salesman says ok, but wants to know about the one legged pig.
The farmer tells him about a time when he and his wife Ethel were makin' woopie in the barn and they knocked over a lantern....it started a fire and they passed out from the smoke....the pig ran in and pulled them to safety..........
"Oh, so poor thing burned his little legs huh"? Says the salesman
"The farmer replies "Nope, he was fine!
The salesman says but how did he lose his legs"?
The farmer tells him about a time when his tractor was hooked up to a big rotating chopper blade to cut the corn feilds down and he went under it to fix something and it rolled back at him and the blades were coming right for him and the pig came and knocked him out of the way.
"Oh, so he got his little legs cut off....how terrible" Says the salesman
The farmer replies...."Nope, he was fine"
Impaitently the salesman asks how did he lose his legs?
THe farmer tells him about a time where he and Ethel were at home watching thier color T.V and a man came in with a gun to rob them. Before he knew it the pig came into the house, knocked the man down and brought the gun to the farmer to hold him until the police came.
"Oh, so the gun went off and shot his poor little legs....how terrible" Says the salesman.
The farmer replies "Nope, he was fine!"
The salesman finally says, "look pal how the hell did he wind up with only one leg!!!!"
The farmer then replies......."Well buddy, I don't know where you are from, but around here, when you got a pig that special........you don't eat him all at once"!!!!!!!!!!
LOL.............best joke EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!
ah c'mon!!! I thought that was a winner. Keep 'em coming gang
Smog Boy
02-02-2007, 08:58 PM
A great scene from the film, Serial Mom
Dottie Hinkle: Hello?
Beverly Sutphin: Is this the Cocksucker residence?
Dottie Hinkle: God damn you! Stop calling here!
Beverly Sutphin: Is this 4215 Pussy Way?
Dottie Hinkle: You bitch!
Beverly Sutphin: Now let me check the zip code. Two-one-two-fuck-you?
Dottie Hinkle: The police are tracing this call this very minute.
Beverly Sutphin: Well, Dottie Hinkle, then why aren't they here, huh, fuckface?
Dottie Hinkle: FUCK YOU!
[hangs up]
Beverly Sutphin: Bwaahahahaha!
[immediately calls her back]
Dottie Hinkle: DIDN'T I JUST SAY FUCK YOU?
Beverly Sutphin: [in a different voice] I beg your pardon?
Dottie Hinkle: Who is this?
Beverly Sutphin: Mrs. Wilson from the telephone company. We understand you're having some trouble with an obscene phone caller?
Dottie Hinkle: Oh Mrs. Wilson, I'm so sorry. These calls are driving me crazy! I've had my number changed twice already. I'm a divorced woman, please help me.
Beverly Sutphin: Well what exactly does this sick individual say to you?
Dottie Hinkle: I can't say the words out loud, I don't use bad language.
Beverly Sutphin: Oh yes I know it's difficult but we need to know the exact words.
Dottie Hinkle: I'll try. COCKSUCKER, that's what she calls me.
Beverly Sutphin: [reverting to the original voice] LISTEN TO YOUR FILTHY MOUTH, YA FUCKIN WHORE!
Dottie Hinkle: GODDAMN YOU!
Beverly Sutphin: MOTHERFUCKER!
Dottie Hinkle: COCKSUCKER!
stillies77
02-02-2007, 09:09 PM
What do you call an Amish guy with his arm up a horses ass?
A Mechanic
BeardedOne
02-02-2007, 09:44 PM
Hey! These are the same jokes the guys at work have been telling this week.
Wait a minnit....
*SHREIK!*
I work with you guys?!?!?!? :shock:
An old Indian chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a ceremonial pipe and eyeing two U.S government officials sent to interview him. "Chief Two Eagles" asked one official, "You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done."
The Chief nodded in agreement. The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"
The Chief stared at the government officials for over a minute and then calmly replied; "When white man found the land, Indians were running it. No taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, women did all the work, Medicine Man free, Indian man spent all day hunting and fishing, all night having sex."
Then the chief leaned back and smiled ..... "Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that."
3 men walk into a bar.
You would think that atleast one of them would have ducked.
3 men walk into a bar.
You would think that atleast one of them would have ducked.
It's "2 men walk into a bar, you'd think the second would have ducked."
Cyclops
02-03-2007, 09:00 AM
Let's start a joke thread!
Answer:
Gerald Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzgerald!
A horse walks into a bar.............
The bartender says " Hey, why the long face?"
that's only half of the joke!
John Kerry walks into a bar
The bartender says " Hey, why the long face?"
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.3 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions, Inc. All rights reserved.