Ladies and Gentlemen need advice for first time trans femme date

[zaphod]

I am a married closeted bisexual male.

I live in a small town of 3,300 in Wisconsin. Through Fetlife a local trans femme messaged me wish to meet up for a suck and fuck session. "Her words". To be honest I am leaking precum thinking about this. She wanted to meet today at a local park and do the bathroom or woods thing. I was busy with family projects so a meet up today was difficult. She lives just 1/4 of a mile away. Due to her and my family obligations we agreed to remain discrete.

It appears I can host the next couple of days. Carpe Diem tomorrow? Maybe if schedules mesh.

I really like her profile. She mine. I have had a few bisexual rendezvous episodes but never with beautiful trans femme.

We are almost double the age difference. I am 64 and she 34. I alcohol and 420 friendly. She mentioned Adderall and Vyvanse.

Lacking experience how do I behave? I assume the she her pronouns correct. My first inclination is to offer the respect I would project to any other person. More pointed as I would extend to a woman.

She already, within our digital conversations, has referred to me as sir. I assume that puts me in an expected leadership role. Since sex is 65% physical and the other 75% mental. :salad I would like to refrain from inadvertent insults. Not have walked in the shoes of someone who has 100% transitioned I am beyond "on guard" of my manners.

Sorry for the long post but in small town America I want to be attentive to her sexually and socially attractive to her.

[SanDiegoPervySage]

Just behave the same way you did with your other hook ups. I'm assuming you were respectful with the other encounters and you knew the position they like to play during sex?. As far as pronouns, you could lurk their profile and see if anyone mentions one and see what they respond to and how they respond to it. If push comes to shove, you can ask. As far as the drugs, be careful. I personally don't meet with people who "party", but that's just me. Hopefully she isn't too geeked up and erratic when you meet up. Getting hopped up on drugs and having sex is very common in this community. I'll won't go on about your marriage much since that's not my business, but be careful for your marriage, but also your physical safety, health, etc. Not sure how secluded you both will be but you're twice this person's age. If things seem sketchy, be sure you know you can get out of there if you need to with little trouble.

[Murmdrum]

No advice but just curious does your wife approve of this? or is this a behind her back thing? not judging just curious

[Username13]

You're worried about manners and how to behave while cheating on your wife?

[filghy2]

I'm curious as to how a beautiful trans femme happens to be living in a small town in Wisconsin. Do you actually know who it is? I ask because your post mentions only things she's told you online. Sorry, but it sounds fishy to me. If you don't know of a trans in your town the odds are that it's someone trying to set you up.

[MrFanti]

You're worried about manners and how to behave while cheating on your wife?
The OP also stated that he's had a few bisexual encounters as well.
But the OP has not stated (one way or the other) that the marriage just might be an open one.

But me personally, I'm not going to judge because depending on where one stands, all of us here have been judged for having an attraction to transgender women....

[zaphod]

You're worried about manners and how to behave while cheating on your wife?

I shared your concern. Fetlife is not an ideal format to meet people. I used SanDiegoPrevy advice. Public meeting place made it real. She was desperate to breathe. Married with a 11 year old special needs child and had an clash over finances with her partner. She was looking for a safe oasis and sense of self worth. To be honest we went through the motions of sex without cumming. It was certainly more about discourse and finding our place in the world. WITHOUT DRUGS. For me that was better than sex. That may cum later. EMPATHY!

[zaphod]

I shared your concern. Fetlife is not an ideal format to meet people. I used SanDiegoPrevy advice. Public meeting place made it real. She was desperate to breathe. Married with a 11 year old special needs child and had an clash over finances with her partner. She was looking for a safe oasis and sense of self worth. To be honest we went through the motions of sex without cumming. It was certainly more about discourse and finding our place in the world. WITHOUT DRUGS. For me that was better than sex. That may cum later. EMPATHY!

Sorry. This was reply to flighy2 question about small town trans femme. The username13 post I take as an insult. A egregious typo on my part.

[zaphod]

This is LBGTQ month. If you believe in this forum walk the walk! Judgmental behavior is a daily constant battle the trans community AND their partners encounter. I submit the latent passive aggressive is most damaging. (Let me draw you in, then a gut shot)

BTW my marriage is solid. We have drifted apart sexually. We maintain a "don't ask don't tell policy". Those that take affront to my wife and I personal decision. Cie la vie or Cie la garre. You choose.

Thank you for the sanity MrFanti.

EMPATHY.

[Lovly-red]

I'm curious as to how a beautiful trans femme happens to be living in a small town in Wisconsin. Do you actually know who it is? I ask because your post mentions only things she's told you online. Sorry, but it sounds fishy to me. If you don't know of a trans in your town the odds are that it's someone trying to set you up.

As a trans woman who cis passes, works in public, and lives in a small town in WI. Most of use don't walk around saying we are trans, or even really meet other trans woman, but you are correct its probably a scam. I get people that try to scam me all the time on real dating sites. Im sure fetlife is worst.

[zaphod]

This was not a scam. We met publicly to get comfortable. As we started in, I initiated some conversation. She was looking for an oasis. And a confirmation of self wellbeing. She has a 11 y.o special needs child AND had just gotten into an argument over finances with her spouse. In anger the "faggot" term was hurled.

After the heart to heart sex was not as important to me. We now are friends. I offered and still offer a refuge of sanity for her. Actually this was better than the sex. It opened my eyes to the active and passive aggressive behavior a transgender is exposed to daily. She commented it took her 3 years post transition to let the anger to the prejudice go. She still feels the "other" stare. At 6'1" and athletic, but yet feminine, the general public's glances linger too long.

thank you for your impute Lovly-red. How is you life in rural Wisconsin?

I am bi so it is quite a bit easier for me to blend in. I still get internally pissed when a person expresses language, jokes etc., that are anti LBGTQ. Most here would refrain from "people of color" racist behavior. Yet strangely, sexual orientation is on the table!

And this above reply post. "You're worried about manners and how to behave while cheating on your wife?" How is this different from racism? Judgement without the the facts. Imposing one's own morals upon others. The Puritans (yes the Pilgrims) landed on Plymouth Rock. I wish the reverse was true. Sorry for the rant. I need to vent too.

Fetlife correspondence requires a degree of caution. It does offer a service to the like minded. As does this site. Neither would be so robust after a lengthy existence on the web.

Again thanks for the well thought out replies. Empathy is a skill learned. And needs continual revitalizing.

[Lovly-red]

This was not a scam. We met publicly to get comfortable. As we started in, I initiated some conversation. She was looking for an oasis. And a confirmation of self wellbeing. She has a 11 y.o special needs child AND had just gotten into an argument over finances with her spouse. In anger the "faggot" term was hurled.

After the heart to heart sex was not as important to me. We now are friends. I offered and still offer a refuge of sanity for her. Actually this was better than the sex. It opened my eyes to the active and passive aggressive behavior a transgender is exposed to daily. She commented it took her 3 years post transition to let the anger to the prejudice go. She still feels the "other" stare. At 6'1" and athletic, but yet feminine, the general public's glances linger too long.

thank you for your impute Lovly-red. How is you life in rural Wisconsin?

I am bi so it is quite a bit easier for me to blend in. I still get internally pissed when a person expresses language, jokes etc., that are anti LBGTQ. Most here would refrain from "people of color" racist behavior. Yet strangely, sexual orientation is on the table!

And this above reply post. "You're worried about manners and how to behave while cheating on your wife?" How is this different from racism? Judgement without the the facts. Imposing one's own morals upon others. The Puritans (yes the Pilgrims) landed on Plymouth Rock. I wish the reverse was true. Sorry for the rant. I need to vent too.

Fetlife correspondence requires a degree of caution. It does offer a service to the like minded. As does this site. Neither would be so robust after a lengthy existence on the web.

Again thanks for the well thought out replies. Empathy is a skill learned. And needs continual revitalizing.

Its ok. I lived in smaller cities and towns my whole life. I prefer that over larger cities. Even with being trans. I can hunt and fish as a please. I don't get roped in to politics, and even though I just started my transition last year at 35. I haven't had any issues. All my male friends are still in the picture. I have made new female friends. I have never really felt in danger. Compared to when I vest big cities.

[zaphod]

That is truly awesome. I am living in a rural setting for exactly the same reasons. I can more easily control my own experiences! Rural people are engaging if you treat each other with respect! It it the anonymous who might get out of control.

My immediate neighbor is a Trumper. We get along, just making sure to avoid "touch button" topics. Respect each others opinions and realize where the boundary of personal space is located.

I do know of rural neighbors I completely avoid. Their commonality is they feel they have the "right" to control your thoughts and actions. "They know "the eye of God" and therefore have "received" the right to act. Both liberal and conservative. Religious related or not. There is an active "posse comitatus" group locally. (Like The Proud Boys). Scary people but avoidable.

My biggest concern is the meth and opiate trade. A town of 3,000 and we have opiate addition clinic. And not uncommon to have overdose deaths. The local police carry Narcan. Being a short drive from the interstate makes us a lucrative trade area! And near America's Water Park and Vacation playground, Wisconsin Dells. I do like the Dells. It also brings urban entertainment closer to me. Dual edged sword.