Online Dating: Adjusting my Game for Tgirls

[wildvine]

I’m a paying member on a trans oriented dating site. Just joined. I write a pretty good online game with cis-girls; witty and fun, teasing a little, not getting overtly sexual or requesting digits too soon...

A few messages back and forth with trans women and cross-dressers, I’m suspecting a bit more direct, perhaps a touch smuttier a bit sooner, might be in order. It seems more daring, dirtier than most cis-women are comfortable with early on, is getting a better response in my early efforts.

Thoughts? Advice? I’m a handsome guy with a good heart, and I’m eager to meet somebody fun. Thanks in advance for any tips y’all can offer!

[GroobySteven]

Treat them EXACTLY the same as you would with a cis-girl. If they instigate smutty talk or innuendo then follow their lead. Be funny, be humble, be self-effacing. You have no idea how much utter bullshit these girls have to put up with.

And if you're asking out for a date, ask to meet at coffee shop, bar, take for dinner, etc. ie; IN PUBLIC.

[corbindallas]

I'd say be patient. In actuality you're fishing in a smaller pond on tg dating sites. So if it takes you a day to find a decent woman on tinder, magnify that by 10, at least. (Just based on sheer disparity in numbers of people)

Patience is key as there's no great tg dating site yet and the one I know of would be about a couple days between log ins, whereas tinder is something people can easily check out and about.

[Bobzz]

Just out of curiosity, what dating site are you using? Most of the ones I've encountered are run by the folks who are behind Adult Friend Finder and they all get slammed for being scams.

[Cereal Escapist]

Treat them EXACTLY the same as you would with a cis-girl.....You have no idea how much utter bullshit these girls have to put up with.

And if you're asking out for a date, ask to meet at coffee shop, bar, take for dinner, etc. ie; IN PUBLIC.


I highlighted these parts because one reinforces the other but I disagree with treating transwomen EXACTLY the same.

12-15 years ago, I would 100% agree with you as when I was on the dating scene, you had to just that. If you didn't treat transwomen exactly the same, you were just an asshole but nowadays...most of the transwomen I meet are so into being trans and because of all the bullshit they have to put up with that you accurately pointed out, I find you need to treat them with kid gloves much more now.

You could be at any social event and be one word away from a 20 min lecture on trans-rights or one wrong look away from being labeled a chaser and cock hound. As a whole, I find cis-women and trans-women to be very guarded in completely different ways and because some may assume a guy is only talking to them for their dick, you have to approach them honestly, but quite a bit more delicately than cis-women, from my personal experiences.

My point is, though YMMV, with all trans-empowerment, advocacy and acceptance, there has come along a certain attitude wherein I think it is now much harder to attract a transwoman than it is a cis-girl...if even only because of supply and demand. Some of the game I used to run in my dating years now would still work on tons of cis-girls but probably get me a lecture on why I should hate myself for being a man from quite a few (not most but enough) modern transwomen.

[GroobySteven]

I highlighted these parts because one reinforces the other but I disagree with treating transwomen EXACTLY the same.

12-15 years ago, I would 100% agree with you as when I was on the dating scene, you had to just that. If you didn't treat transwomen exactly the same, you were just an asshole but nowadays...most of the transwomen I meet are so into being trans and because of all the bullshit they have to put up with that you accurately pointed out, I find you need to treat them with kid gloves much more now.

You could be at any social event and be one word away from a 20 min lecture on trans-rights or one wrong look away from being labeled a chaser and cock hound. As a whole, I find cis-women and trans-women to be very guarded in completely different ways and because some may assume a guy is only talking to them for their dick, you have to approach them honestly, but quite a bit more delicately than cis-women, from my personal experiences.

My point is, though YMMV, with all trans-empowerment, advocacy and acceptance, there has come along a certain attitude wherein I think it is now much harder to attract a transwoman than it is a cis-girl...if even only because of supply and demand. Some of the game I used to run in my dating years now would still work on tons of cis-girls but probably get me a lecture on why I should hate myself for being a man from quite a few (not most but enough) modern transwomen.

You make a good point.

[MrFanti]

Also, don't forget to factor in gender dysphoria.
I've found that the amount of gender dysphoria can vary quite extensively from woman to woman.

[Lorca81]

Treat them EXACTLY the same as you would with a cis-girl. If they instigate smutty talk or innuendo then follow their lead. Be funny, be humble, be self-effacing. You have no idea how much utter bullshit these girls have to put up with.

And if you're asking out for a date, ask to meet at coffee shop, bar, take for dinner, etc. ie; IN PUBLIC.


I highlighted these parts because one reinforces the other but I disagree with treating transwomen EXACTLY the same.

12-15 years ago, I would 100% agree with you as when I was on the dating scene, you had to just that. If you didn't treat transwomen exactly the same, you were just an asshole but nowadays...most of the transwomen I meet are so into being trans and because of all the bullshit they have to put up with that you accurately pointed out, I find you need to treat them with kid gloves much more now.

You could be at any social event and be one word away from a 20 min lecture on trans-rights or one wrong look away from being labeled a chaser and cock hound. As a whole, I find cis-women and trans-women to be very guarded in completely different ways and because some may assume a guy is only talking to them for their dick, you have to approach them honestly, but quite a bit more delicately than cis-women, from my personal experiences.

My point is, though YMMV, with all trans-empowerment, advocacy and acceptance, there has come along a certain attitude wherein I think it is now much harder to attract a transwoman than it is a cis-girl...if even only because of supply and demand. Some of the game I used to run in my dating years now would still work on tons of cis-girls but probably get me a lecture on why I should hate myself for being a man from quite a few (not most but enough) modern transwomen.

^^^Excellent advice from both Grooby Steven and Cereal Escapist^^^

Regarding Cereal Escapist's point about the smaller dating pool, I would add that, because the trans community is comparatively small, trans women in any particular geographic area or online platform tend to know and talk with one another. So, if you are (or come across as) a jerk, creepy perv, or fuck boi in your interactions with one trans woman, there's a good chance of others finding out and wanting nothing to do with you.

[mikey_stl]

I’m a paying member on a trans oriented dating site. Just joined. I write a pretty good online game with cis-girls; witty and fun, teasing a little, not getting overtly sexual or requesting digits too soon...

A few messages back and forth with trans women and cross-dressers, I’m suspecting a bit more direct, perhaps a touch smuttier a bit sooner, might be in order. It seems more daring, dirtier than most cis-women are comfortable with early on, is getting a better response in my early efforts.

Thoughts? Advice? I’m a handsome guy with a good heart, and I’m eager to meet somebody fun. Thanks in advance for any tips y’all can offer!


I would also like to know what site you're using. I signed up with a couple of sites. One of them is new, and there wasn't any reviews on line. It's called 121 Transgender Dating. You can sign up for free, and then you start getting a bunch of e-mails from people all over the country who are looking at your ad and sending you messages. Unfortunately, unless you become a paying member, you can't answer anyone. I'm hesitant to give them my credit or debit card number, because they are located in the Isle of Man, and I'm afraid once they get my card number, they'll keep charging my card, and I won't be able to get them to cancel my membership. Also,cancelling membership seems to be a bit cumbersome.

Anyway, I'd like to know what site you've signed up with. I really get a lot of good messages, and have also looked at some of the ads on the site, and it seems like some real people on there. I get a lot of nice messages from t-girls. I'm just not sure how legit the site is.

I was thinking of getting a debit card from Wal-Mart, which I can load up with just enough money to pay for membership for a few months, and see how that works.