By REQ: How I "Came Out" to Family and Friends

[DJ_Asia]

I was asked in another thread to share my experiences and methods for "coming out" to my loved ones.

First let me say that I have a very short list of close friends,and they wouldnt be on my friends list if they were close minded idiots,so basically the important friends knew a long time ago.

My family however I had no choice in,so I had to keep them in the dark for a very long time.My ace up my sleeve was my grandmother(rest in peace grandma..miss u and love u)who was a super woman.

One Thanksgiving a few years ago I made a joke that I liked my coffee like my men...strong and black...and somehow,my grandmother heard this wisecrack and turned to me and said "Baby if thats what you like,thats fine just tell us"..I assured her I was JOKING,but right then and there I knew she was my calm in the storm.

Basically I gathered my dads side of the family together,dad,his wife,my uncle,my grandparents and we all had lunch,and they knew I had something to share w/ them,so I was nervous as hell.
I had scanned some G-rated pics of girls I had dated recently,many of whom's pics have graced this forum and some who havent.I showed them all the photos and after they all looked and made comments like...oh shes beautiful...and very lovely etc...I simply looked at them and said:

"They were all born boys"

Simple quick and to the point.

I sat there as they all did a double take at the photos(lol) and answered all the questions as honestly as I could.
Basically they all accepted it,except for my dad who thinks im gay,but is coming around a bit.

Now allow me to say a few things which you may want to consider before trying this out for yourself.

1.im a grown adult,who really doesnt give a shit what anybody thinks,and was totally prepared to be disowned if it came to that.

2. All my TS friends advised me NOT to do it,for reasons varied and/or unknown

3. I date TS almost exclusively and am madly in love w/ my girl and am way past the casual fantasy phase or sport fuck phase.

4. Ive always been the wild one in the bunch,so it wasnt the first time I had caused them to do this :shock:


I have had 2 TS friends call me since then to ask how I did it so that their BF's could do it as well w/ their families and both turned out the same as mine.

Honestly if you are in the closet and truly love a TS girl and find yourself hiding her or lying about why she never comes with you to family gatherings or to your friends house,then perhaps this is something to think about for yourself.

It was one of the best things I have ever done,to be open and honest about who I am and what I like is very liberating and not to mention I know your girl doesnt enjoy being your filthy little secret either.

Hope this helps.

DJ Asia

[yodajazz]

I agree with your points. When I was a young man I did the casual TS dating. Or to be honest it was more of one night stand kinda thing. I was concerned about how my young neices would be affected if they knew about my lifestyle. However, now they have grown up on gone on with their lives. The major effect my life would have had if I had a ltr with a TS is that they probably would be a little more open minded today.
Know yourself and make yourself happy. My brother and sister seem to be critical of me anyway, even a sexual lifestyle is not part of their critique of my faults.

[ARMANIXXX]

Congrats DJ Asia.

Was a nice and successful story and I commend you for your bravery.

While I praise you for your courage and candor, I do feel the need to remind that while this type of "comming out" party did work well for you, it obviously, obviously to me anyways, wouldn't work very well in many other circumstances. Some families and communities are as not open nor forgiving as the one you seem to be blessed with.

Nevertheless, you have provided a type of blueprint others may be able to take and work with.

[YasminLee]

I see how comfortable you are around us dj and it really is a spark of hope.. i never get to thank you for showing me thailand...i had fun..i hope u did as well...we don't talk anymore...i hope everything is great and wish u all the happiness in the world....

[Caleigh]

Asia, That is one of the greatest stories I know because so few guys make that decision. Which is their loss. You now don't have to hide out, lie, and feel ashamed of yourself, your interests or the person that you love. True freedom has a price, risk, but when it pays off it pays off bigtime. An open life.

[shemalejunky]

Thanks for sharing that...it will help others when the time comes. Not sure if I could entirely shock my family either, but for some reason my Mom at points has made inklings as to her being comfortable if anyone is gay in the family, but not much else. People in my family think there is something a bit off if you are single. I like being single!

[dan_drade]

DJ, you are the man. I am somewhat out of the closet, but not totally. Some of my family knows and others don't. The only ones that know are the ones that I knew would be very open minded. However, my co workers have no idea that I love tg ladies.
Lucky for me, my last girlfriend was very passable an no one ever asked me if she was anything but a woman. I don't think she would have wanted me to tell them anyway since she lives and works as a woman.

[AllanahStarrNYC]

I was asked in another thread to share my experiences and methods for "coming out" to my loved ones.

First let me say that I have a very short list of close friends,and they wouldnt be on my friends list if they were close minded idiots,so basically the important friends knew a long time ago.

My family however I had no choice in,so I had to keep them in the dark for a very long time.My ace up my sleeve was my grandmother(rest in peace grandma..miss u and love u)who was a super woman.

One Thanksgiving a few years ago I made a joke that I liked my coffee like my men...strong and black...and somehow,my grandmother heard this wisecrack and turned to me and said "Baby if thats what you like,thats fine just tell us"..I assured her I was JOKING,but right then and there I knew she was my calm in the storm.

Basically I gathered my dads side of the family together,dad,his wife,my uncle,my grandparents and we all had lunch,and they knew I had something to share w/ them,so I was nervous as hell.
I had scanned some G-rated pics of girls I had dated recently,many of whom's pics have graced this forum and some who havent.I showed them all the photos and after they all looked and made comments like...oh shes beautiful...and very lovely etc...I simply looked at them and said:

"They were all born boys"

Simple quick and to the point.

I sat there as they all did a double take at the photos(lol) and answered all the questions as honestly as I could.
Basically they all accepted it,except for my dad who thinks im gay,but is coming around a bit.

Now allow me to say a few things which you may want to consider before trying this out for yourself.

1.im a grown adult,who really doesnt give a shit what anybody thinks,and was totally prepared to be disowned if it came to that.

2. All my TS friends advised me NOT to do it,for reasons varied and/or unknown

3. I date TS almost exclusively and am madly in love w/ my girl and am way past the casual fantasy phase or sport fuck phase.

4. Ive always been the wild one in the bunch,so it wasnt the first time I had caused them to do this :shock:


I have had 2 TS friends call me since then to ask how I did it so that their BF's could do it as well w/ their families and both turned out the same as mine.

Honestly if you are in the closet and truly love a TS girl and find yourself hiding her or lying about why she never comes with you to family gatherings or to your friends house,then perhaps this is something to think about for yourself.

It was one of the best things I have ever done,to be open and honest about who I am and what I like is very liberating and not to mention I know your girl doesnt enjoy being your filthy little secret either.

Hope this helps.

DJ Asia

Aren't I a lucky girl!! No. 3 is my fave :)

[peggygee]

A closet is a very small world for either a transwoman or her significant other to live in

Coming out, is never an easy thing. It is one fraught with fear and dread. It is this fear, that sometimes paralyzes us, and we become almost like a deer in the headlights.

We can be caught between the love, respect, financial ties, and other pressures, from people we have known all of our lives.

Then, there is the equally compelling pressure from someome you are deeply in love with, perhaps for a relatively short time, or a gender identiy situation not of your chosing, and, being true to yourself.

Continued hiding or denial, of the situation may at a minimum leads to stress, guilt, shame, and other negative effects on you or your SO.

These stressors may lead to substance abuse, suicide, and a poor quality of life in general.

What then can you do?

Well, I would suggest that you educate yourself, about gender dysphoria. Is it a 'phase' you are going through, are you truly just experimenting.

Perhaps, you may want to talk a GID specialist. Try not to go this alone.

Then, if you are truly sure, this is who you are in life, then perhaps you may consider confiding in an open minded family member.

Again, try to have as much information as you can, for they will have questions.

Be forewarned, that this may be as confusing to them as it is to you.

Initially they may be shocked, angry, disappointed. It truly may impact your relationship with your family in a negative way forever.

They may worry what their friends, neighbors, etc, will think. They may worry that society, will be cruel to the child they love.

Some family members may react differently than others. And sometimes, time has a way of changing less than positive reactions.

Since they love you, ultimately they want for you to be happy and safe.

[Quinn]

Good for you, DJ. Though less dramatic in nature, I’ve had similar discussions with different groups of close friends. With the exception of one group at the Jersey Shore – who didn’t respond particularly well at all – everyone else was fine.

-Quinn

[TonyStarx]

...

[RangeHova]

I have not completely come out to my family. I've told my brother and prepped my mother. My father has meet a few of my exes but we never sat down and talked about the TS aspect before his passing.

I had a girl in high school that would call the house that made my mother question what was different about her and she showed her displeasure at the thought of some boy calling me.

In my prepping her I asked her about that incident and she was less concerned about that now since i am a grown man. She said she was more afraid that I was messing up my future and closing doors. I kind of got where she was coming from. I got her fear, especially when i look at where a lot of the people that I knew are now. I could understand her fear of me going down that road.

I'm not one to take a girl home to meet mother unless it is very serious. The two girls that I dated most seriosly were too afraid to meet my mother.